0:03 You chose this. And yes, I mean it. And
0:05 before you click off or get defensive,
0:07 let me be clear. I'm not attacking you
0:10 here. I'm calling a spade a spade. If
0:13 you feel stuck, unmotivated, or like
0:15 you're capable of more, but not taking
0:18 action, you're not broken, and you're
0:20 not lazy. What I've learned both in my
0:23 personal life and through studying
0:25 psychology over the past decade is that
0:27 most people aren't confused or
0:29 undisiplined. they're protecting
0:31 something or running away from
0:33 something. In this video, I'm going to
0:35 break down why behaviors like
0:38 procrastination, overthinking, burnout,
0:42 or even laziness are often strategies,
0:44 not flaws, and what they're actually
0:46 protecting you from. I'm also going to
0:48 share how this showed up in my own life
0:51 and even still does to this day. how
0:53 insecurity, overintellectualizing,
0:56 or the fear of failure disguised
0:59 themselves as thinking instead of action
1:01 and what exactly actually helped me
1:04 break that pattern. If you've ever felt
1:06 like you have a good grasp on things and
1:08 you understand everything, but you still
1:10 can't move forward, stay with me. This
1:12 will probably explain more than you'd
1:15 expect. So, now let me go in and share a
1:17 little bit more about my life
1:20 experience. So throughout my even middle
1:23 school, high school, college experience,
1:26 I kind of had difficulty forming
1:28 friendships. I grew up in the same
1:32 friendship group my entire life. And as
1:35 people began to mature or immature, I
1:38 felt more and more overlooked or not
1:41 fully seen, not fully accepted, began to
1:43 be excluded from my friendship group due
1:45 to not wanting to drink or smoke or
1:49 party or have very contrarian values to
1:52 the people around me. And through that
1:56 exclusion, that also led to me not
1:57 really being able to cultivate deep
1:59 connections with personal friends, but
2:03 also women or girls at the time, feeling
2:05 confident that I can be myself because
2:07 no one else was really accepting me. How
2:10 could they? And that led to a bit of a
2:13 quiet inferiority around social
2:16 confidence, belonging. And at the time,
2:19 I was very rocked by this. I told myself
2:21 it was bit of a level of trauma or
2:23 insecurity or something that I needed to
2:27 heal before I moved forward or even to
2:30 have closure on to understand why this
2:33 was happening. And that spilled over all
2:35 the way through college and even into
2:38 parts of my adult life. But looking
2:42 back, that storyline kept me stuck. It
2:44 gave me a reason not to act. I began to
2:47 become so fearful of the potential
2:49 judgment from someone or the potential
2:53 fear of rejection that I found ways to
2:56 convince myself that taking action to
2:59 work through that wasn't worth it. And I
3:01 use that insecurity as a shield from
3:03 having to face that potential
3:05 discomfort. And in a lot of ways, I
3:07 still do it today, whether it's a little
3:09 bit of hesitation on if I should make
3:12 this video or what I should put out into
3:15 the world. and let people know about me
3:17 because what if they don't like me? What
3:19 if I'm not accepted? And so what a lot
3:22 of people would pinpoint as being trauma
3:24 really ended up being protection for me.
3:26 Protection from rejection, protection
3:29 from failure, protection from being
3:32 exposed and something that I used to
3:34 make myself feel okay with the
3:37 stagnation that I was allowing to
3:39 happen. And by the way, in a big way,
3:42 what this channel is about, it's about
3:45 breaking down behavior and performance.
3:47 You know, this is all basically about
3:49 understanding your internal operating
3:51 systems. And if you feel like you can
3:55 relate to my experience even this far,
3:57 then go ahead and hit that subscribe
3:59 button. I hope a lot of my other content
4:01 will continue to be valuable to you. So
4:03 now I'm at a place in my life where I
4:06 felt insecure about who I am. Maybe a
4:08 little bit of inferiority around the
4:10 fact that girls weren't as interested in
4:12 me. I even had some insecurities about
4:16 my body. And being 6'6, I felt like I
4:18 was always highlighted and exposed, but
4:20 not necessarily always in the best way.
4:22 It's like, oh, look at this really tall
4:24 guy. Oh, look how awkward he is. He
4:26 sticks out like a sore thumb. That's the
4:28 way that I felt. And so I would try to
4:30 melt my way into a corner. Now, where
4:32 did that leave me? Well, with that
4:36 feeling of being less than, I spent a
4:38 lot of time in my own head, very introspective,
4:39 introspective,
4:41 always analyzing every single thing
4:44 around me, and became a self-identified
4:47 overthinker. I I knew that I was
4:49 intelligent or at least intellectual,
4:52 maybe not the most books smart or in any
4:56 AP classes, but I understood things and
4:59 I lived so much in my own head and
5:02 continued to convince myself of this
5:05 intellectual superiority that I spent
5:08 all my time thinking about the best way
5:11 to do something, the best way to maybe
5:13 approach someone or have a conversation
5:15 and what if they say this, then I'll say
5:16 this, then they'll say this and I say
5:18 this, but what if they say this? Then I
5:20 could do this, this, or this. And all of
5:22 that, overanalyzing. Well, where did
5:25 that leave me? Moving nowhere, stuck in
5:28 my own head, rationalizing all the ways
5:30 why I was actually not inferior and
5:32 actually really, really smart because I
5:33 could think about all these different
5:36 aspects of things. And I used that
5:40 analysis as a substitute for action.
5:43 finding ways to subtly feel superior as
5:46 I watched everyone around me take
5:48 imperfect action action. I was really
5:50 good at pinpointing, well, they did this
5:51 wrong and this wrong and this wrong and
5:52 this wrong and I could do it better by
5:54 doing this, this, this, or this. But all
5:58 I did was constantly evaluate the better
6:01 path rather than moving down a path. I
6:04 used my intelligence as a shield. I
6:05 stayed in my head because if I just
6:07 stayed in my head and could feel good
6:09 about being so right about everything
6:12 that I was evaluating, then I would
6:14 never have to risk actually taking
6:17 action and potentially being wrong. And
6:19 the truth is that superiority wasn't
6:21 confidence. It was compensation. And so
6:23 looking back, I can finally understand I
6:25 wasn't lazy. I was just protecting my
6:28 self-image, which led to inaction. So,
6:31 if you've ever used overthinking or
6:34 intelligence as a reason not to act, I
6:37 want you to comment IQ down below. I
6:38 want to see who else has been in the
6:40 same boat as me. So, as a student of
6:42 psychology, now I want to introduce to
6:45 you the hidden godfather of modern-day
6:47 psychology that a lot of people over
6:49 overlook. You might have heard of Sigman
6:51 Freud. You might have heard of Frederick
6:53 Nichze. But have you heard of Alfred
6:56 Adler? Adler's framework of psychology
6:58 is known as Adleran psychology or maybe
7:01 you've heard of individual psychology. I
7:02 want you to understand this so you can
7:04 understand yourself. Individual
7:07 psychology dictates that humans are not
7:10 driven by past trauma. They're driven by
7:13 purpose and even avoidance of something
7:16 serves as a goal to something else. So
7:19 for me, if my purpose was to constantly
7:22 feel intelligent and not want to face
7:24 rejection or judgment or anything else
7:27 like that, well then my actions would
7:30 serve that purpose. Or should I say my
7:31 lack of action would serve that purpose.
7:33 I will stay in my head. I will continue
7:36 to find reasons why I'm right about why
7:38 someone else is wrong to make myself
7:40 feel just a little bit more superior so
7:43 that I can stay where I'm at and not
7:47 risk making a leap or taking an action
7:50 that might expose me as being wrong or
7:53 lead to someone being rubbed the wrong
7:56 way by me and not being accepted. It has
7:58 nothing to do with me embodying some
8:01 sense of trauma from my past. And this
8:04 is part of the pitfall of traditional
8:08 therapy is that some people can get too
8:12 caught up in reflecting on the past and
8:15 trauma dumping and trying to really
8:17 create this narrative for themselves as
8:19 to why they're stuck in the position
8:20 that they are. And they forget to
8:22 actually look at the present or even the
8:26 future to understand what construct am I
8:28 reinforcing through the actions that I
8:31 take? What purpose do I have that my
8:33 current actions are reinforcing? And you
8:36 need to re-evaluate if that purpose
8:38 serves the idealized version of yourself
8:40 or if it's serving a version of yourself
8:43 that keeps you safe and unencumbered.
8:45 Your behavior isn't random. It's
8:48 loyalty. Loyalty to a version of
8:50 yourself that you're holding on to that
8:52 maybe you need to let go of. So the
8:55 question isn't what is wrong with me?
8:58 The question is, what does this behavior
9:00 help me avoid? Because whatever it is
9:02 that you're avoiding, that is exactly
9:06 what you need to be tackling headon to
9:08 progress towards your potential. And so,
9:10 some examples of what that might be in
9:13 your life. Well, am I a procrastinator?
9:15 Well, that means that you're avoiding
9:18 failure or imperfection. Am I feeling
9:20 burnt out? Well, maybe you're avoiding
9:22 misalignment. Maybe you're taking
9:24 actions down a path that really isn't
9:27 meant for you. Maybe it's coming from
9:30 comparison to someone else and you feel
9:32 like you're burnt out because you're not
9:34 getting to where someone else is. Well,
9:36 they're on a different path than you. Am
9:39 I an overinker or always stuck in
9:41 analysis paralysis? Well, that means
9:44 you're avoiding commitment. That means
9:46 you're looking for all the reasons why
9:48 your decision should be delayed and why
9:50 you need to think a little bit harder
9:52 and harder or seek out more information
9:55 to feel certain, to feel committed to
9:57 whatever it is the decision that you're
9:59 going to make. Do you maybe identify as
10:02 feeling laziness sometimes or being a
10:05 lazy person? First off, eliminate that
10:08 identifier. Second, what you're avoiding
10:10 is the threat to your ego, your ego
10:12 being diluted. Because if you were to
10:15 take action and maybe not achieve the
10:18 same result as you would hope to
10:20 achieve, well, what does that say about
10:22 who you are or how good you are at
10:26 something? So, you'd rather drag it out
10:28 and be lazy rather than face the fact
10:30 that you might not be as good at
10:32 something as you would have hoped or
10:33 maybe it's not the thing that you should
10:36 be doing. That comes back to alignment.
10:38 So, at this point, you're probably
10:39 feeling, "Holy that is literally
10:41 my life." If that's the case, then how
10:44 is anyone out there taking action? How
10:46 is anyone doing these things or not
10:48 feeling the way that I'm feeling? Well,
10:51 people who act decisively aren't smarter
10:53 than you. They aren't braver. They
10:56 aren't more disciplined. They simply
10:59 have a purpose. A purpose towards
11:01 something greater than themselves. And
11:04 that purpose dissolves all hesitation.
11:06 Because when your purpose is to protect
11:08 a part of yourself or reinforce some
11:11 level of superiority or you comparing
11:13 yourself to someone else, then you're
11:15 always going to be stuck inside of
11:18 yourself. But when you draw that purpose
11:20 out and put it out in front of you and
11:22 know exactly why you're attacking
11:23 something, why you're progressing
11:25 towards something, and why you're meant
11:27 to be doing that, it's no longer about
11:29 you. that removes the internal
11:32 negotiation of the actions that you take
11:33 and makes it about the outcome that
11:36 you're pursuing and the process more
11:38 importantly that is required to achieve
11:40 that outcome. And through aligning that
11:43 process well action becomes quite
11:46 obvious. You're no longer protecting
11:48 yourself to reinforce this internal
11:51 dialogue. You're taking action to
11:53 achieve the process that you've set
11:56 forth that you know confidently will
11:58 help you get to the place in life that
12:00 you want or become the version of
12:01 yourself that you know you're capable of
12:04 being. This is why even a lot of really
12:05 successful sales professionals or
12:09 entrepreneurs move so fast because
12:12 they're not protecting their identity.
12:14 Maybe all they care about is this
12:15 product or service that they want to put
12:17 out in the world to make money and
12:18 whatever it is that it is. They're
12:21 executing a direction that has nothing
12:23 to do with who they are because maybe
12:25 they don't even have the intellectual
12:27 capacity to second guessess who they are
12:29 to compare themselves to other people
12:30 and analyze all the things that people
12:32 are doing wrong and why their way is
12:34 better and so therefore they just act
12:36 based on what they know to do in the
12:38 moment and they don't think any further
12:41 than that. So where do you go from here?
12:43 Well, the first step is to figure out
12:45 what is it that you want to take action
12:48 on and stop moralizing your behavior as
12:51 if it means something. No one else cares
12:54 about what you do as much as you do. The
12:56 spotlight effect rings true all the
12:58 time. So, whereas you're trying to take
13:02 a maybe moral superiority or some level
13:04 of justification as to why you shouldn't
13:06 take a certain action, you're just
13:08 devaluing yourself. You're shaming
13:10 yourself. So, stop doing it. Set the
13:12 goal, set the action plan and take the
13:15 action. And through that you can start
13:17 decoding the behavior that reinforces
13:19 your goals, your alignment, your vision,
13:21 your values, your roles in your life.
13:24 Once I stopped asking what is wrong with
13:27 me and started asking what am I what I
13:30 was protecting, what I was avoiding,
13:33 everything changed. So you need to let
13:34 go of the narrative that you're holding
13:37 on to. You're not broken, but you are
13:39 responsible. responsible for taking
13:41 action and embodying the version of
13:42 yourself you're meant to be. Otherwise,
13:44 you're depriving yourself and the people
13:47 around you of your potential and your
13:50 capability to help them and yourself and
13:52 rewiring this internal operating system,
13:54 the way that you act in a day-to-day
13:56 basis. That's exactly what I work with
13:58 clients to help them do, helping them
14:01 understand that iOS, that internal
14:03 system, so that behavior stops working
14:06 against them and starts working for
14:08 them. So, if this video really resonated
14:10 with you and you can relate to my
14:12 experience as well and you want help
14:15 applying this to your life, to your
14:17 business, to your relationships, that's
14:19 what the clarity code is built for. I
14:21 hope that you consider checking that
14:23 out. And again, if this really helped
14:25 you, go ahead and hit that subscribe
14:27 button. Keep following along. I have a
14:30 lot more coming on clarity, performance,
14:33 identity, and taking action towards your
14:35 potential. So, I hope to see you in the
