0:01 let's talk about emotional intelligence
0:04 so emotional intelligence is repeatedly
0:07 discussed in terms of coating work or
0:09 training or development work and a lot
0:10 of leadership development and coaching
0:12 is focused on the development of
0:15 emotional intelligence because emotional
0:18 intelligence allows us to relate better
0:20 to others to understand the emotions and
0:23 experiences of others but also to have a
0:25 better read on interpersonal dynamics
0:27 then if we we have lower emotional
0:30 intelligence so that's all the positives
0:32 there is lots of components to emotional
0:33 intelligence and there's lots available
0:36 on the internet to read into it but one
0:37 of the things that comes up again and
0:41 again is this notion of training people
0:42 to be more emotionally intelligent or
0:45 coaching them to be and I often step
0:48 back and from an OD background I would
0:50 think why do we need to train people to
0:51 be emotionally intelligent in this
0:55 organization and the reality is that we
0:58 learn how to shake hands by observing it
1:01 being role modeled we learn what's
1:02 appropriate saying what isn't
1:05 appropriate to say by observing other
1:07 people so if we're in an organization
1:09 and the emotional intelligence of the
1:14 employees seems low or is in be or is
1:16 being engaged at a low rate then it's
1:18 often a sign that emotional intelligence
1:21 isn't being role modeled or maybe isn't
1:24 being appreciated being valued or
1:27 rewarded so organizational cultures
1:30 reward what they value and it's not
1:32 necessarily an official rewarding system
1:35 but there is an unconscious reward and
1:37 appreciation for things that we value so
1:39 people who demonstrate skills that we
1:42 value we tend to give them positive
1:44 responses to that those skills or or
1:48 those and attributes with emotional
1:50 intelligence we often have to Train it
1:52 because in an organization where there
1:55 may be a commitment to you know
1:57 diversity and inclusion or there may be
2:00 a commitment to being people centric and
2:02 if we're training emotional intelligence
2:04 it means that there isn't strong enough
2:08 role modeling valuing validating and
2:12 appreciating of emotional intelligence
2:14 it to become the social norm and be
2:17 embedded in the culture so we aren't
2:19 bringing an expectation of emotional
2:21 intelligence to the interactions and so
2:24 it's not occurring but also nobody's
2:26 elevating to that level of interaction
2:30 and it might sound counterintuitive but
2:31 there are really good reasons why that
2:33 doesn't happen and I'm getting given a
2:34 reason that I see in a boardroom quite
2:37 frequently so a lot of think about a
2:38 particular organization that talks about
2:41 emotional intelligence and psychological
2:43 safety but when I enter the boardroom
2:45 for really important discussions and
2:47 each stakeholder at that table has to
2:51 fight to be heard and so if somebody was
2:53 using their emotional intelligence they
2:56 would be listening very carefully they
2:59 would be observing and that won't work
3:01 for their agenda if in that room the
3:03 only way you get heard is by pushing
3:06 your point because nobody else is
3:09 listening so in a room full of people if
3:11 one person is demonstrating emotional
3:13 intelligence but doesn't actually have a
3:16 seat of power then it's very hard for
3:17 emotional intelligence to be adopted
3:20 because it would risk other people's
3:22 needs and agendas not being met by the
3:24 culture that's happening in that moment
3:27 so a really good reason why
3:30 organizations don't integrate or adopt
3:32 emotional intelligence in their practice
3:35 as well is because there's an underlying
3:39 cultural context that actually prevents
3:41 emotional intelligence and psychological
3:44 safety and how we change that is really
3:47 simple we ensure that people in
3:50 positions of power to start with are
3:52 expected to perform at an emotional
3:55 intelligence level so they naturally
3:58 raise the bar by engaging with people in
4:00 a more emotionally intelligent way by
4:02 raising the bar then when they interact
4:04 with others they start to naturally role
4:06 model what they expect but they also
4:08 start to call it out
4:09 so because you're in a position of power
4:11 you can say I'm looking for everyone in
4:14 this meeting to really use they really
4:16 understand what the other person's point
4:18 of view is before expressing their own
4:21 so you can set a standard of engagement
4:22 when you're in a position of power which
4:24 can't always be done if you're coming in
4:25 with your peers
4:28 and there isn't a natural agreement of
4:30 emotionally intelligent interactions and
4:33 and so what can happen is somebody with
4:34 emotional intelligence can actually
4:36 become quite lost at the table it can
4:38 become quite invisible in the
4:40 interaction simply because the way that
4:43 we are heard and the ways of
4:45 communicating that we respect and the
4:47 things that we validate actually might
4:50 be other behaviors so it's really
4:51 important to think about that when we're
4:53 thinking about emotional intelligence
4:57 actually if we're training it why do we
4:59 need to train it what isn't being held
5:01 in the culture that supports it and the
5:03 simple ways of shifting that is always
5:05 the people in the seats of power to
5:07 shift it with the people that report in
5:10 to them or that require their leadership
5:14 skills it is really ineffective and I've
5:15 seen it again and again that's why a lot
5:17 of change models don't work is to come
5:19 into middle management and expect them
5:21 to develop emotional intelligence when
5:23 actually the people they report in to
5:25 have to use different skills to be heard
5:27 within the organisation
5:30 another example that I've seen is often
5:31 middle managers being sent into a
5:35 meeting to role model something or to
5:37 emphasize something or to come out with
5:41 a particular agenda being met for their
5:43 role to be considered successful in that
5:47 meeting but if that agenda is being
5:49 placed on them by the person they report
5:51 in to and then they go into that meeting
5:53 it may not be effective to be
5:55 emotionally intelligent in that meeting
5:57 and to use influencing skills because
6:00 that meetings culture might be doggy dog
6:02 or it might require and certain
6:05 qualities that are counterproductive to
6:07 emotional intelligence and so you might
6:08 be asking someone to be emotionally
6:10 intelligent but then giving them a task
6:13 that requires them not to be in this
6:15 interaction for them to have the outcome
6:17 you're looking for and so what we've got
6:19 to think about is what are the qualities
6:22 that we use when we're looking for a
6:24 particular outcomes and what is the way
6:27 that we do it because that way needs to
6:29 be emotionally intelligent from the top
6:31 down and the bottom up but it isn't
6:34 effective to come in to people and ask
6:35 them to perform in a way that is not
6:37 valued by the company because it just
6:38 won't stick
6:41 and that's where we see a big split in
6:42 what we say we do and what we actually
6:45 do and it's not intentional and it's not
6:48 even often conscious but when I come
6:49 into an organization it becomes evident
6:52 to me why some of the really good change
6:54 efforts aren't successful and they're
6:57 often not successful because then their
7:00 value system hasn't in great integrated
7:03 respecting it appreciating it valuing it
7:05 and rewarding it and those things need
7:07 to be integrated throughout the process
7:11 for any change to occur but definitely
7:13 for emotional intelligence to be adopted
7:15 it actually needs to be integrated
7:17 throughout our processes not just in our
7:19 mission statement not just in our you
7:22 know performance management but actually
7:24 in how we have difficult conversations
7:27 and in how we conduct ourselves in
7:29 meetings and even the simple structure
7:31 of has a meeting set up it can have a
7:33 big impact so I just want to say that
7:34 while emotional intelligence is
7:37 fundamental in a really psychologically
7:39 safe environment and in effective
7:43 working and in people centered processes
7:45 there are really good reasons they're
7:48 not happening and forcing training
7:49 doesn't necessarily result in
7:53 emotionally intelligent interactions so
7:54 we need both it's not one or the other
7:56 we need to think about it from a
7:59 strategic integrated point of view about
8:02 what do we really value how do we really
8:04 reward people and then on the other side
8:08 which is how do we help people know what
8:10 those skills are and how do we make it
8:12 safe for them to use those skills so
8:14 that those skills result in results
8:17 they're expected to provide in their
8:19 position some food for thought if you
8:21 have any thoughts or questions on it or
8:24 if you're struggling with some of these
8:26 in these pieces in your organization you
8:28 can always cut me an email to info at
8:30 Sheila Walsh comm and we can discuss how
