0:02 Your partner looks you in the eyes and
0:04 says, "I want a divorce. I haven't been
0:07 happy for a long time and there's really
0:09 nothing left to do, nothing left to say.
0:11 I'm leaving and I'm not changing my
0:12 mind." And for most men, they hear those
0:14 words and they assume that the story is
0:16 already written, that it is actually
0:19 over. And they don't realize though how
0:21 much power they still actually have. Or
0:23 they react in ways that often seem
0:26 right, seem logical at the surface that
0:27 actually makes the whole situation 10
0:30 times worse. So, here's my goal for you
0:32 for the next 20 minutes. I'm going to
0:34 show you a whole new way of looking at
0:36 this event in a way that no one in the
0:39 industry has probably taught you. And I
0:41 want to show you the key secrets as to
0:43 why our clients have gotten so much more
0:46 success than any others in the industry.
0:48 Over the past 10 years, I've used the
0:49 same thought process and the same
0:52 paradigm shift to help men and women in
0:53 this exact [music] situation and
0:55 actually use this precise moments where
0:58 most people and most professionals would
1:00 write off as a guaranteed loss and
1:03 actually find the opportunity to show up
1:06 and begin rebuilding emotional safety
1:07 and connection. So, we're going to cover
1:10 three very crucial points here. First,
1:12 your partner wanting a divorce is
1:15 terrifying. I get it. But here,
1:17 suppressing or avoiding that fear and
1:20 all the other emotions that come with
1:23 this event will only make things worse.
1:26 Second, I'll show you how your mindset
1:28 and your responses to the same event can
1:30 have drastically different outcomes.
1:32 Third, I'm going to show you what real
1:34 power looks like when your partner
1:36 already decided that the relationship is
1:38 dead and how to respond in this I want a
1:40 divorce moment in a way that builds
1:42 massive emotional safety instead of
1:43 totally destroying it. So now let's
1:46 first imagine a volcano and for this
1:49 volcano the past five years there is
1:51 pressure that's been slowly building
1:53 beneath that surface pressure of lava
1:56 and it's bu building in a way that seems
1:57 unnoticed like you can't see it from the
1:59 surface and you can imagine that lava
2:01 building pressure is wanting to be
2:04 released then one day the ground begins
2:07 to rumble here and all the signs are
2:09 there that this cataclysmic explosion
2:12 Krakatawa style is going to happen is
2:14 happening right now in fact and then the
2:17 volcano erupts. Hot lava lights up the
2:19 sky, threatens everything around it. Now
2:22 what do most people do at this point?
2:24 Most people panic. They see this
2:27 explosion as something they need to fear
2:30 to avoid to run away from. So right now,
2:33 right, looking at that exploding volcano
2:35 is like your partner throwing that dcut
2:37 around. And don't think they're dirty
2:38 here. The dcut around I'm talking about
2:41 is divorce. Okay? And so your partner
2:42 throwing the divorce card around can be
2:45 really scary. And that fear can be
2:48 paralyzing and it stops your mind from
2:50 looking for solutions, from taking
2:52 action early, from doing the hard work
2:55 to reduce or eliminate the risk of
2:57 explosion. But what if I told you here
3:02 that your fear, your avoidance, and you
3:05 running away from this lava right now is
3:07 what actually caused the volcano to
3:08 erupt in the first place. I know it
3:10 sounds weird, but think about it for a
3:11 sec with me. In your relationship, for
3:14 example, how many times in the past five
3:18 years has your partner said things like,
3:20 "I just wish you just listened to me for
3:21 once." And whenever she says something
3:23 like that, how many times have you tried
3:26 to pretend that it's not there, that
3:28 it's not important, to suppress it, to
3:31 avoid it, to remove it, to change it, to
3:32 tell her that, "Hey, it's not a big
3:34 deal." Or maybe you said things like,
3:36 "Why are you even overreacting right
3:38 now?" or you know it's not such a big
3:40 deal. Can you make not make such a big
3:41 deal out of it? You got so much. You
3:43 have so much. I give you so much in the
3:44 relationship. Why are you so unhappy
3:46 for? You're being too emotional. You're
3:48 being too dramatic. You don't understand
3:50 how hard this is for me too. And so when
3:52 you respond like that, that right there,
3:54 what you may not realize is that that is
3:57 you plugging the hole. That is exactly
3:58 what caused that pressure to continue to
4:00 build in the first place. And if you're
4:02 thinking right now, wow, like Jeff, are
4:04 you seriously trying to say that this is
4:06 my fault? I mean, she's the one being
4:08 emotional. She's the one exploding right
4:10 now, and I'm the one trying to keep
4:12 everything held together, and I'm the
4:14 one trying to save this relationship. If
4:15 you're saying that, if you're thinking
4:17 that, you're kind of making my point for
4:19 me. Aren't these the same thoughts you
4:22 use to justify why you are allowed and
4:24 have the right to keep plugging those
4:27 holes, to keep, you know, um,
4:28 suppressing those emotion, to suppress
4:31 whatever expressions your partner has.
4:32 And I want you to see here just how
4:35 insidious these thoughts and mindsets
4:38 can be. It's a paradox. You think you're
4:40 making things better, but you actually
4:41 have been the one setting up the
4:44 pressure to build until all hell finally
4:47 breaks loose and the volcano explodes.
4:49 So the key point from this first section
4:52 is quite simple really. Right now, I get
4:54 that you seeing this massive eruption
4:56 from your partner and getting the
4:58 divorce card is scary and that fear will
5:00 want to make you pretend that it's not
5:03 there to suppress it, to avoid it, to
5:05 remove it or change it. But just don't
5:06 follow what those feelings are trying to
5:09 get you to do. And crucial point here
5:12 again, I never want anyone watching my
5:14 videos to think I'm telling you to
5:15 reject your feelings or that your
5:17 feelings are wrong. What we teach is
5:19 radical acceptance of those feelings.
5:21 figuring out what bad programming is
5:24 causing them and attack that instead. So
5:26 now that we understand here that you
5:28 know that fear that you feel when your
5:30 partner gives you the divorce card is
5:33 actually the same thing is bred from the
5:34 same thing that actually caused the
5:36 divorce card to come up in the first
5:38 place because you've been using that to
5:40 basically plug the holes and let the
5:42 pressure build over time instead of
5:44 letting it out in gentle streams. Let us
5:47 try to reprogram now how we see lava,
5:49 how we interpret lava. And I want you to
5:51 be able to see it like I do. Because
5:53 honestly, like in our program, we have
5:55 the term post-traumatic growth because
5:57 trauma aka the lava in this example. Me
5:59 and my clients and my coaches, we would
6:01 bathe in it if we could. That's our
6:04 mindset. We love trauma. We don't get
6:05 scared of trauma because trauma equals
6:07 opportunity. So now imagine this, okay?
6:10 You come home from a long day. On your
6:12 way in, you walk past the trash can,
6:13 right? It's full, but you're not really
6:16 paying attention because you're tired.
6:18 You're preoccupied, just like most men
6:20 are, right? Me, too. After a long
6:22 workday. So, you drop your stuff and you
6:24 sit on the couch. You veg out. And your
6:26 partner comes out of the kitchen here
6:29 stressed and says to you, "Really, Jeff?
6:31 You didn't even take out the [ __ ]
6:33 trash. I've been here maintaining the
6:34 house all day, and you can't even be
6:36 bothered to do one small thing that I
6:38 ask you. You don't think I want to sit
6:39 around and relax all day either?" So,
6:42 let's pause here. This right here, what
6:44 just happened is what we call a lava
6:46 moment. This is a trauma moment. So, I'm
6:48 going to show you right now exactly how
6:50 your response can massively build or
6:53 systematically break safety depending on
6:55 your mindsets. So, let's look at three
6:57 different clients here in the exact same
7:00 moment. So, client one responds to this
7:01 by saying, "Well, why why didn't you
7:03 just take it out earlier then? If it
7:05 bothers you so much, then just take it
7:07 out yourself. I worked all day too, you
7:11 know." So this guy right by responding
7:13 this way he's doing a good job of
7:15 explaining and defending himself. This
7:18 is basically him in his mind trying to
7:20 change her feelings and basically here
7:23 in the example suppressing the lava
7:25 plugging the holes by trying to win the
7:28 argument or win the moment. But what do
7:31 you think is the long-term outcome of an
7:32 environment like this when you respond
7:34 like this? Does this create more safety
7:36 in a relationship or does this make
7:38 things worse over time? Again, pause the
7:40 video if you have to and let this just
7:42 sink in for a bit. Now, the second
7:45 client here says, "Yeah, I'm sorry. I
7:48 forgot." He gets up, takes the trash
7:50 out, comes back to the couch without
7:52 another word. No harm, no follow, right?
7:53 I mean, you did take out the trash in
7:55 the first place. Now, let's look at the
7:56 second scenario. What do you think is
7:59 the long-term outcome of an environment
8:01 like this? Does this create more safety
8:03 in the relationship or does this make
8:05 things worse over time? Now, let's talk
8:06 about the magic of the program that I've
8:08 created and that no one else is teaching
8:10 and the kind of environment the
8:11 thousands of clients I've worked with
8:13 have been able to provide for their
8:14 partners over the years. So, client
8:17 three here sees this as an opportunity,
8:19 not an attack. And client three here
8:22 loves Lava. He says, for example, hey,
8:24 um, thanks for reminding me. You're
8:26 right. I clearly missed taking out the
8:28 trash this time um, and a few other
8:30 times. So, let me take it out right now.
8:33 He handles the trash, comes back in,
8:34 turns off the TV, and says, "You know
8:37 what, wife? I can see you're frustrated,
8:39 [music] and honestly, I understand why
8:41 you would be so frustrated right now.
8:44 Uh, I want you to know that I understand
8:45 that your frustration here is not just
8:47 about the trash, but that you often feel
8:50 like you have to nag at me before I do
8:52 something simple." Right? I want you to
8:55 know that I hear you loud and clear, and
8:56 I'm actually trying to work on this
8:58 issue with myself. I don't know why my
9:00 my brain just defaults to forgetting all
9:02 these things. And I want you to know too
9:03 that I don't take offense to you getting
9:05 frustrated or showing your frustration
9:07 right now because it helps me become
9:10 aware of where I'm going wrong faster
9:13 and it honestly hones me and myself
9:16 better in a better way as well. So I
9:17 don't want you to feel guilty or like
9:19 feel bad for expressing your true
9:21 feelings here. So for client three here,
9:24 it's not just about the trash, but he
9:27 sees the thing behind the thing. It's a
9:29 moment that he can use to
9:31 post-traumatically grow and strengthen
9:34 emotional safety. So, client three here
9:36 uses this to understand how she's
9:38 actually experiencing the relationship
9:40 and to also practice responding in a way
9:42 that naturally reduces the pressure
9:44 instead of plugging holes and causing it
9:46 to build into a volcanic eruption down
9:48 the road. So, let's look at the three
9:51 responses here to the same trauma event
9:53 and let's look at the three outcomes
9:55 here. So, with the first guy, most
9:57 likely when he responds that way, that
9:59 guy is going to be arguing with his wife
10:01 for the next three hours or she's going
10:03 to shut down and just walks away. With
10:04 the second client, the one that's just
10:06 takes out the trash and says nothing.
10:08 Most likely, she might still say, "Thank
10:10 you." But inside, she'll still be
10:13 wondering, right? Like, why why the heck
10:15 do I keep having to nag at this guy
10:17 before he does anything? Like, I hate
10:20 nagging, but I have to do it because it
10:22 makes me feel like he doesn't care. And
10:24 a third guy, most likely based on
10:26 observing thousands of my clients try
10:28 this approach. This usually opens up a
10:30 lot of safety. It plants a lot of seeds
10:32 here. It makes your partner feel very
10:35 understood, feel very valued, feel
10:37 validated because here, not only are you
10:38 just taking out the trash, but you're
10:41 also acknowledging the thing behind the
10:43 thing, the thing behind the trash in
10:45 this case. And you're acknowledging the
10:47 deeper issues and you're showing a lot
10:48 of humility. And with that you're
10:51 showing a lot of trajectory and you know
10:52 path to changes and things getting
10:54 better in the future. Here what's
10:56 interesting is that we have the exact
10:59 same traumatic event, the exact same
11:02 circumstance for all three clients. But
11:04 the only thing that changes, the only
11:05 thing that is different in this three
11:08 scenarios is how you interpret how the
11:11 three clients interpret trauma. And how
11:13 they interpret trauma will then
11:15 determine their actions. and their
11:17 actions will then determine the three
11:19 very different outcomes
11:21 that those three clients have. And this
11:22 is the key takeaway I want you to get
11:24 from this section. Right? Stop seeing
11:26 lava spewing out. So your partner
11:29 expressing her true feelings, even the
11:31 negative ones, the difficult to hear
11:33 ones, as a bad thing. But I want you to
11:35 start seeing it as a good thing, as a
11:37 good opportunity to get you closer
11:38 together. So basically here what we're
11:41 saying is whatever resistance you get,
11:43 whatever lava you get, including I want
11:46 a divorce is a neutral. It doesn't mean
11:48 that is your relationship is good, bad,
11:50 whatever it is, it's it doesn't mean
11:52 it's a good thing or bad thing. It's a
11:54 neutral. How your beliefs and how you
11:56 see that, interpret that and how you
11:58 respond to that will then turn this
12:01 neutral into either a negative or a
12:03 positive. Just like with the three
12:04 examples that I gave you. And this
12:07 approach of seeing lava or trauma as an
12:08 opportunity like this is what makes our
12:11 program so special and why we have been
12:13 able to create massive success and a
12:15 much higher success rate than any others
12:17 in this industry. From thousands of
12:19 cases of partners saying I want a
12:20 divorce. You know other programs they
12:21 teach you very surface level
12:24 conversational tactics. We teach the
12:27 change in a deep internal way.
12:29 Responding like client three is a
12:31 default pattern that is genuinely
12:34 aligned with how you feel. And I really
12:37 want you to see how powerful that is to
12:40 be able to show up that way without even
12:42 having to think about it. So what now?
12:44 Right? Uh you're in a position right now
12:46 where your partner said, "I want a
12:48 divorce. You have made me miserable and
12:51 I am done and I cannot and will not do
12:53 this with you anymore. I am out." So
12:55 this right here in the example that we
12:58 gave is the massive volcanic eruption
13:00 that basically will affect right now is
13:03 affecting your whole nervous system.
13:05 This is the visible breaking point after
13:08 years of pressure quietly building due
13:11 to the smaller lava leaks, the gentle
13:13 leaks and cracks that you did not treat
13:16 as important that you have been
13:17 unknowingly plugging all these years.
13:19 Now the thing is again you are here and
13:22 you are where you are. You cannot undo
13:23 those years where you've been plugging
13:26 those holes and and just ignoring the
13:29 lava cracks. So you cannot rewind your
13:31 moment right now. What you can decide
13:33 right now is whether this moment becomes
13:35 pure collapse or the point where you
13:38 finally respond differently. So again,
13:41 most men either collapse here and say
13:43 it's over. I give up. There's no hope
13:45 for me anymore. Or they fight. But their
13:48 fighting is using a lot of panic, a lot
13:52 of begging, bargaining, or maybe through
13:54 a lot of anger, indifference,
13:55 withdrawal, whatever it is. However, you
13:57 have to understand this here. If this is
14:00 how you respond to trauma, you will
14:03 deepen that damage and confirm to her
14:07 that being with you and sharing her true
14:09 feelings with you is not emotionally
14:10 safe. So, similar to that trash can
14:13 scenario, again, just on a much bigger
14:16 scale. So what does it look like then to
14:18 respond from real power? So one key
14:20 question that I first tell my clients to
14:22 ask themselves first is I want you to
14:25 get to a mind state of asking yourself
14:28 what would get me to feel do or say
14:30 exactly like my wife did. So in this
14:32 case it would be what would get me to
14:35 want to get out of this marriage as
14:37 badly as she does right now. So when you
14:39 keep this question in mind there's two
14:40 very important rules when you answer
14:43 this question. One, we cannot just have
14:46 one context answers, but instead we have
14:48 to build a set of context here. We have
14:50 to remember that human beings are
14:53 three-dimensional beings. We don't do
14:55 things because of one thing, one reason,
14:57 one cause, effect. Same for yourself,
15:00 right? The reason why you do anything is
15:03 because of an ecosystem of context. So
15:05 what are some examples of these contexts
15:07 here? It could be, for example, past
15:09 experiences. So for example, what
15:11 happened the last time I shared my
15:13 emotions? What happened the last time I
15:16 tried to express the true feelings of my
15:18 uncomfortable truth of what I feel? It
15:20 could be societal influences. So for
15:22 example, your partner could be watching
15:25 how her partner resolve conflicts or
15:27 seeing how people in social media,
15:30 television or the media in general
15:32 handle trauma in a relationship. It
15:34 could be because of some future context.
15:37 For example, she might be fearing how
15:38 the children maybe are going to be
15:40 impacted or how miserable one of her
15:42 friends are by staying in their
15:44 unhealthy relationship. Don't limit
15:46 yourself here is the point. Everything
15:48 in the human experience makes up this
15:51 context. Okay. The second rule is that
15:53 the answers here cannot be
15:55 characterdriven, but they must be
15:57 environmental or system driven. So when
15:58 you're asking, for example, what would
16:02 get me to do, think, or say exactly the
16:03 same thing that my partner is saying
16:04 right now? And if you're saying right
16:07 now, for example, well, I would have to
16:09 be this nagging [ __ ] And that's how
16:12 you answer the question, that answer is
16:15 a very character-driven one. But saying,
16:17 well, for example, if I experienced an
16:19 environment where, let's say, the
16:21 relationship where I have to nag and nag
16:25 and nag before anything gets done, then
16:27 I would have also learned that's what I
16:29 have to do to make this happen.
16:31 That is also an answer to that question,
16:33 but that is an environmental or
16:35 systemdriven one that is much more
16:37 productive and starts to reveal the
16:40 things you can change about yourself,
16:42 the culture to start providing this
16:44 emotionally safe and healthy environment
16:46 for the relationship. And this right
16:47 here, this question might seem like a
16:50 small deal to you right now, but this is
16:52 really a cheat code. And I'm going to
16:54 show you why it's really a cheat code to
16:57 life that all our clients learn in the
16:58 program. So maybe you're starting to see
17:00 in the client three example here with
17:03 the trash before and how he was able to
17:04 come up with that response to that
17:06 moment. Now let's try to apply this to
17:08 the I want a divorce scenario. So let's
17:10 say your partner comes to you and says I
17:12 want a divorce and you ask yourself in
17:16 your mind. Well, what would get me me
17:18 right now to feel do or say exactly like
17:22 my wife did? And if you follow the two
17:23 rules when you're answering that
17:26 question, you might find these contexts.
17:27 For one, for example, is you know what?
17:30 For me to get to that position, I would
17:32 have to feel very unhappy. I would have
17:35 to feel very unheard, like I'm playing
17:37 maybe second fiddle to my husband, to my
17:40 spouse, like this feeling of like my
17:42 whole existence is just to make my
17:44 husband happy. Like I feel like I'm
17:45 servant. And maybe the second one would
17:47 be, you know, my mom had the same type
17:48 of relationship. And look at how
17:51 miserable she is because she chose to
17:52 stay with a guy like that. because she
17:55 chose to stay in a relationship that
17:58 made the woman feel like a servant for
18:00 the guy who's like the high and mighty.
18:03 And maybe the third context here, you
18:05 might think, you know what, I can't even
18:07 talk about how I feel with my husband
18:09 because every time I try, he labels me
18:11 as someone ungrateful, someone dramatic,
18:13 that I have no right to complain because
18:15 my husband gives me so much. You have
18:17 three contexts here. It's just an
18:19 example. You could find more. But once
18:22 you have this, then you may be able to
18:25 finally start to understand and be able
18:27 to come up with a response that is more
18:29 filled with compassion. Then maybe you
18:31 can say something like, "You know what?
18:32 Hearing that you want to leave, it does
18:34 hurt. I'm not going to lie. I'm not
18:36 going to pretend it does not hurt." At
18:38 the same time, you know, I if I'm
18:41 honest, I I'm not surprised. I'm not
18:43 offended that you said that. In fact,
18:45 right now, I just want to commend you a
18:48 bit for showing and expressing how you
18:51 truly feel. And I know it can be scary
18:52 because of how I reacted to you in the
18:53 past when [music] you express these
18:55 things. So, I can see that this is your
18:57 reality right now. And you know what?
19:00 I'm going to just right now respect you
19:01 enough to not argue with that. You know,
19:03 if I put myself in your shoes, I can
19:06 really see how you think that the only
19:08 way out now is divorce. For example, one
19:11 of the big issues you told me both
19:12 directly and indirectly that I haven't
19:17 been listening to is how badly your dad
19:19 made home life feel for you growing up
19:21 and how you know looking back I realized
19:24 I never take the time to actually deeply
19:27 understand this feeling to deeply create
19:29 that culture for you in an environment
19:31 that's safety for you where you know
19:35 you're craving and worse you know I
19:37 think if I look back whenever you do
19:40 express in the many ways indirectly and
19:42 the many hints you give me that you
19:43 don't you haven't been feeling that
19:45 safety for the past 5 years. I wouldn't
19:47 say this right but I would do a lot of
19:49 things and respond in a lot of ways that
19:50 would brush it off. I would try to
19:52 gaslight myself out of the real problem
19:54 here. I would call you ungrateful. I
19:56 would call you like you're being
19:58 dramatic and I would kind of say to you
20:00 what you want to hear at that point but
20:01 then nothing would happen. And if I was
20:03 in that spot right I would feel like
20:05 divorce was the only way out too. So
20:07 here right now like I cannot change the
20:10 past but what I want to do is you know I
20:11 don't want you to feel guilty for saying
20:13 that but I want to use this as a sign
20:15 for me to take responsibility for myself
20:17 for my part in this. I want to change
20:19 how I show up from this point forward to
20:20 become a place where emotions are safe
20:22 to express. And to do that I'm going to
20:25 start right now by again not judging you
20:26 for expressing that you want to get out
20:27 of here. I'm not going to place labels
20:29 on you. I'm not going to you know gossip
20:31 about you to my friends. Instead, I kind
20:33 of just want to to open up this space, I
20:35 guess, maybe for you to express more of
20:37 what you want to express, more of how
20:39 you feel, what you're thinking, and so
20:40 on. Because I'm sure there's a lot more
20:43 to this I want a divorce thing, then
20:44 maybe what you're letting on right now.
20:46 Or maybe not. I don't know. And again,
20:48 if that's too much, if me asking you to
20:50 just open up more is too much right now,
20:51 that's okay. If you don't want to,
20:53 right? That's perfectly fine, too. Now,
20:55 this could be one example of a response
20:57 that you give. But notice how this
21:00 response was bred from the thinking that
21:03 I did by asking that first question. If
21:06 I were her, what would get me to do,
21:08 feel, and think exactly how she's
21:10 thinking right now? And when you say
21:12 something like this, your partner might
21:14 respond well to it and might not respond
21:16 well to it. For example, she might say
21:18 something like, you know, I don't
21:19 believe you here. I've heard this
21:23 before. You say this charming things to
21:24 make me think like you understand what I
21:27 feel. you change for a week and you go
21:29 back to the same thing again and I'm
21:31 completely just freaking over it. I
21:34 don't care anymore. So again, when you
21:36 get that response, so here initial
21:38 response, initial trauma comes, you
21:39 respond to that trauma in a
21:42 post-traumatically growing way. You get
21:45 the second response to that. Well,
21:47 again, you have the choice here. You
21:48 could come either from that weak place
21:51 again where you begin defending yourself
21:54 or you could realize that the exact same
21:57 process here needs to continue to play.
21:59 So again here your partner tells you I
22:00 don't believe your changes. Ask yourself
22:04 again well what context past, present,
22:07 future would have to be true for me to
22:10 feel and do and think like my partner is
22:12 saying right now. And this is the game
22:14 that my clients learn to play is that
22:16 when you get trauma, you respond to it
22:19 with the PTG, post-traumatically growth response,
22:20 response,
22:23 if that gets taken, well, keep doubling
22:25 down on that. If that doesn't cause more
22:28 trauma, good. That's fine. Let's PTG
22:30 that because the second trauma when that
22:33 comes out is revealing again more of the
22:35 same confirmation biases, the same
22:36 issues that's been plaguing the
22:38 relationship no matter whether you're
22:40 aware of it or not. So the fact that
22:42 it's out right now is a good thing. The
22:44 fact that it's out right now gives you
22:46 power to actually deal with it to to to
22:49 respond to it. But if it keeps stays
22:51 hidden, you can never respond to it. So
22:54 if you hide it, if you suppress it, it
22:56 gives you this illusion that things are
22:58 okay, things are good, but things are
23:00 not good. And once you do this enough
23:02 times, you realize that a matter of
23:04 reconciliation becomes when and no
23:06 longer if. Because when you're given no
23:08 trauma, when you're given good
23:10 responses, good, you double down. But
23:12 when you're given resistance, you use
23:14 that as a bigger even bigger opportunity
23:15 for you to catapult even higher. And
23:17 this is just one of the key [music]
23:20 processes that I teach in my program.
23:21 And one of the ways that my clients are
23:24 able to take any trauma, whether that's
23:26 I want a divorce, I had an affair, or
23:29 whatever, and turn every moment into a
23:32 post-traumatic growth conversation where
23:36 you can deepen bonds, plant seeds, and
23:38 actually make this a positive moment
23:40 rather than a negative one. The same
23:43 moment that a lot of professionals and
23:45 other people would write off, we turn
23:47 that into a growth moment. And that's
23:50 why again once you understand the skills
23:52 to post-traumatically grow PTG you
23:54 realize that and [music] my clients
23:56 realize this too you cannot lose guys.
23:58 It's like you try to cut off one head
23:59 you grow two heads. How do you kill
24:01 something like that? And it's also why
24:02 we have such a high success rate because
24:04 again if the lava tries to cut off a
24:07 head your mind is programmed to find a
24:11 way to grow two heads. How do you defeat
24:13 someone like that? So let's tie this
24:15 back to the volcano again. The big
24:16 catastrophic eruption has happened. Are
24:19 you going to let this turn into a barren
24:21 wasteland where everything dies? Or do
24:23 you want to learn the tools to take this
24:25 volcano and turn it into a Hawaiian
24:28 paradise? Hawaii can never be Hawaii
24:30 [music] without those volcanoes. So, if
24:32 you want to learn how to actually turn
24:34 traumatic events into post-t trauma
24:36 growth by learning to recognize that
24:38 even the small eye rolls your partner
24:41 gives, the small complaints or maybe
24:44 even the sharp comments, all those are
24:46 extremely important moments to shape
24:49 that emotional safety. So instead of
24:51 using those as things you want to brush
24:54 off, if you want to learn how to see
24:56 every trauma event, big or small, as a
24:58 massive opportunity [music] to reduce
24:59 that pressure in the relationship, to
25:01 create safety and become the kind of man
25:04 who even when she says she's done, can
25:05 see the opportunity to stay grounded,
25:07 [music] understand her emotional
25:09 reality, and respond in a way that
25:11 builds safety instead of adding more
25:12 nails to the coffin. Then [music] I
25:15 invite you to apply to join our program
25:17 using the link below. We'll walk you
25:19 step by step through this journey, not
25:21 with generic advice you [music] get out
25:24 there, but with a comprehensive program
25:26 that teaches you down to the identity
25:29 level with world-class coaching with a
25:31 private community filled with men and
25:32 women who are either exactly where you
25:34 are right now or already where you want
25:35 to be. and watch this video next where
25:37 you'll meet one of the clients I'm
25:39 talking about here where there was a
25:41 member who did not even see any hope who
25:43 thought it was not worth trying who
25:45 nearly gave up but after doing this work
25:47 [music] he's engaged to the woman he's
25:50 now engaged to the woman that he thought
25:53 he had lost forever and now they're
25:54 actually starting a family together
25:55 they're going to have a baby together
25:57 but for now guys hope that was helpful
26:00 and made you some made some light bulbs
26:02 um you know go off in your heads I'll
