0:01 You think being helpful makes people
0:03 respect you. You think being available
0:06 makes people value you. You think being
0:09 generous makes people appreciate you.
0:10 Here's the brutal truth that's going to
0:13 shatter your worldview. The more you do
0:15 for people, the less they think of you.
0:17 And every single day, you're training
0:19 people to treat you like their personal
0:22 servant without even realizing it.
0:24 There are five specific things you're
0:26 probably doing right now that are
0:28 destroying your self-respect, killing
0:30 your boundaries, and turning you into
0:32 everyone's favorite doormat.
0:35 These aren't just bad habits. These are
0:37 psychological patterns that signal to
0:38 everyone around you that your time,
0:41 energy, and dignity are worthless.
0:43 But here's what's going to blow your
0:45 mind. The ancient stoics figured this
0:48 out 2,000 years ago. Marcus Aurelius,
0:50 Senica, Epictitus.
0:52 These weren't just philosophers. They
0:54 were men who commanded respect without
0:56 begging for it. They understood
0:57 something that modern people have
1:00 completely forgotten. Respect isn't
1:02 earned through service. It's commanded
1:04 through boundaries. Today, I'm going to
1:06 show you the five things you need to
1:08 stop doing immediately if you want
1:09 people to start treating you like
1:11 someone who matters instead of someone
1:14 who exists to make their lives easier.
1:17 And I'm warning you, when you stop doing
1:18 these things, some people are going to
1:22 hate you for it. Good. That means you're
1:25 finally growing a backbone.
1:26 The first thing you need to stop doing
1:28 is explaining yourself to people who
1:30 didn't ask for an explanation. Every
1:32 time you justify your decisions, defend
1:34 your choices, or provide a dissertation
1:36 about why you can't do something, you're
1:38 basically announcing to the world that
1:39 you don't believe you have the right to
1:41 make your own decisions. Listen to
1:43 yourself next time someone asks you for
1:45 something you don't want to do. Instead
1:47 of just saying no, you probably launch
1:49 into a detailed explanation.
1:52 Well, I would love to help, but I have
1:53 this thing and then there's this other
1:55 situation and I'm really sorry, but
1:58 maybe next time.
2:01 Stop. Just stop. You sound like you're
2:04 asking permission to have your own life.
2:06 Here's what happens when you overexlain.
2:08 You give people ammunition to argue with
2:10 your decision. Every reason you provide
2:12 becomes a problem they can solve, an
2:14 obstacle they can remove, or a weakness
2:16 they can exploit.
2:18 Oh, you're busy with work. This will
2:21 only take five minutes. You're tired.
2:24 Come on, don't be lazy. You have plans.
2:27 Cancel them. This is important.
2:30 Marcus Aurelius wrote, "You have power
2:33 over your mind, not outside events. But
2:34 every time you explain yourself to
2:36 people who don't respect your autonomy,
2:38 you're giving them power over your decisions.
2:39 decisions.
2:41 You're teaching them that your no is
2:43 actually a maybe if they can just find
2:46 the right argument. Strong people don't
2:47 explain their boundaries, they enforce
2:49 them. When you stop justifying your
2:52 decisions, people stop questioning them.
2:54 Your no becomes final instead of the
2:56 opening statement in a negotiation you
2:58 never wanted to have. The second thing
3:00 you need to stop doing is being
3:02 everyone's free therapist.
3:04 You know what I'm talking about. You're
3:06 the person everyone calls when they need
3:08 to vent, complain, or dump their
3:10 emotional baggage, and you sit there
3:12 listening to the same problems over and
3:15 over again, offering advice that they
3:17 never take, becoming a human trash can
3:20 for other people's negativity.
3:22 Here's the brutal truth. Most people
3:24 don't want solutions to their problems.
3:26 They want an audience for their drama.
3:27 They don't call you because you give
3:29 great advice. They call you because
3:31 you're reliable, available, and you
3:32 won't tell them what they don't want to
3:34 hear. You've become their emotional
3:37 support animal, not their friend. But
3:38 here's what's really happening to your
3:40 mental health. Every time you absorb
3:42 someone else's negativity, you're
3:45 contaminating your own mindset. You
3:47 start your day feeling good. Then after
3:48 three phone calls from people
3:50 complaining about their lives, you feel
3:53 drained, frustrated, and pessimistic.
3:55 Their problems become your problems.
3:57 Their stress becomes your stress. Their
3:59 chaos becomes your chaos.
4:02 Senica understood this perfectly. He
4:04 wrote, "Every new beginning comes from
4:07 some other beginning's end." But you
4:08 can't begin to build your own mental
4:10 strength if you're constantly carrying
4:13 other people's emotional weight. You
4:15 can't focus on your own growth if you're
4:16 always managing other people's breakdowns.
4:18 breakdowns.
4:20 The solution is simple but brutal. Stop
4:22 being available for every emotional
4:24 crisis. When someone starts dumping
4:27 their problems on you, redirect them.
4:29 That sounds tough. What are you going to
4:31 do about it?
4:32 Don't offer solutions. Don't absorb
4:34 their emotions. Don't become their
4:36 unpaid therapist.
4:37 The third thing you need to stop doing
4:39 is lending money and doing favors for
4:42 people who never return the gesture.
4:44 You know these people. They're always
4:46 broke when the bill comes, always need
4:48 help moving, always have emergencies
4:50 that require your time or money. But
4:52 when you need something, they're
4:54 suddenly busy, broke, or have convenient
4:56 amnesia about all the times you help
4:59 them. Here's what you're actually doing
5:00 when you keep helping people who don't
5:02 help you back. You're training them to
5:05 see you as a resource, not a person.
5:06 You're teaching them that your time has
5:09 no value, your money has no worth, and
5:11 your generosity has no limits. You've
5:14 become their personal ATM and unpaid assistant.
5:15 assistant.
5:17 But here's the psychology behind why
5:20 this destroys your relationships. When
5:22 you give without receiving, you create
5:24 an imbalanced dynamic where they feel
5:26 entitled to your help and you feel
5:28 resentful about their selfishness.
5:30 They start expecting your generosity
5:33 instead of appreciating it. You start
5:35 feeling used instead of valued. The
5:37 relationship becomes transactional but
5:40 only in one direction.
5:42 Epictitus, who was literally a slave
5:44 before becoming a philosopher,
5:46 understood this better than anyone. He
5:48 taught that you can't control other
5:50 people's actions, but you can control
5:52 your responses. When you keep giving to
5:54 people who only take, you're choosing to
5:57 be enslaved by their selfishness.
5:59 The Stoic approach is reciprocity based
6:02 generosity. Help people who help others.
6:04 Lend money to people who pay it back. Do
6:07 favors for people who return them. Your
6:09 generosity should be a reward for good
6:11 character, not a subsidy for selfishness.
6:13 selfishness.
6:14 The fourth thing you need to stop doing
6:16 is apologizing for taking up space in
6:18 the world. You apologize for your
6:20 opinions, your needs, your presence,
6:23 your very existence.
6:26 Sorry to bother you. Sorry for asking.
6:29 Sorry I'm here. Stop apologizing for
6:32 being human. You have just as much right
6:34 to exist as anyone else. Every
6:36 unnecessary apology is a small act of
6:39 self- betrayal. You're telling the world
6:41 that your presence is an inconvenience.
6:43 Your needs are burdens and your thoughts
6:45 are probably wrong. You're training
6:46 people to see you as someone who doesn't
6:48 deserve respect because you clearly
6:51 don't respect yourself.
6:52 The fifth thing you need to stop doing
6:54 is seeking validation from people who
6:57 don't even like you. You're constantly
6:58 trying to prove your worth to people who
7:00 have already decided you're not worth
7:02 their time. You change your opinions
7:05 based on who's in the room. You laugh at
7:07 jokes that aren't funny. You agree with
7:09 things you don't believe. You're
7:11 performing a version of yourself that
7:13 you think others will approve of.
7:15 But here's what Marcus Aurelius knew
7:17 that you're still learning. External
7:19 validation is a drug that never
7:21 satisfies. The more you seek approval
7:23 from others, the less you approve of
7:25 yourself. The more you try to be liked
7:27 by everyone, the less you like who
7:29 you're becoming. You become addicted to
7:31 other people's opinions while losing
7:33 touch with your own values.
7:36 Stoics don't apologize for existing, and
7:37 they don't need permission to have
7:39 opinions. They know their worth isn't
7:42 determined by popular vote. When you
7:44 stop seeking external validation, you
7:46 start developing internal strength. When
7:48 you stop apologizing for being yourself,
7:50 people start respecting who you actually
7:52 are. Here's what's going to happen when
7:55 you stop doing these five things. At
7:57 first, people are going to be confused
7:59 and probably angry. They're used to you
8:01 explaining yourself, absorbing their
8:03 problems, giving without receiving, and
8:06 apologizing for existing.
8:07 When you suddenly start acting like
8:09 someone who values themselves, they're
8:11 going to push back hard. Some people
8:13 will call you selfish for having
8:14 boundaries. Others will say you've
8:16 changed, that you're not the same
8:18 person. They're right. You're not the
8:20 same person. You're no longer their
8:21 emotional support system, their free
8:23 bank, their unpaid therapist, or their
8:26 validation dispenser.
8:27 You're finally becoming someone who
8:29 respects themselves enough to demand
8:32 respect from others. But here's the
8:33 beautiful part. The people who truly
8:35 care about you will respect your
8:37 boundaries. They'll appreciate that
8:39 you're no longer a pushover. They'll
8:41 value your time more because it's no
8:43 longer unlimited. They'll treasure your
8:45 help because it's no longer guaranteed.
8:47 Um, your relationships will become
8:48 healthier because they'll finally be balanced.
8:50 balanced.
8:52 The Stoics understood that self-respect
8:55 isn't selfish. It's essential. You can't
8:57 give what you don't have. If you don't
8:59 respect yourself, you can't teach others
9:02 to respect you. If you don't value your
9:04 time, no one else will. If you don't
9:06 protect your energy, everyone will drain
9:09 it. Marcus Aurelius wrote, "How much
9:11 trouble he avoids who does not look to
9:13 see what his neighbor says or does."
9:15 Stop worrying about what others think of
9:17 your boundaries. Stop explaining your
9:18 decisions to people who don't respect
9:21 them anyway. Stop being everyone's
9:22 solution and start being your own
9:25 priority. If you're ready to stop being
9:26 everyone's doormat and start commanding
9:29 the respect you deserve, subscribe to
9:30 this channel.
9:32 Next week, I'm revealing the three
9:33 phrases that instantly shut down
9:35 boundary violations. And the week after
9:37 that, how to spot people who will never
9:39 respect your boundaries no matter what
9:41 you do. Drop a comment and tell me which
9:42 of these five things you struggle with
9:45 most. The most honest responses will
9:47 help me create content that actually
9:49 changes lives instead of just getting views.
