0:03 Hey, psychicgoers. Our videos that focus
0:05 on taboo subjects like sex are meant to
0:07 highlight issues that people might
0:09 struggle to speak about with friends or
0:11 a therapist. While we always recommend
0:13 that people discuss the things that are
0:16 weighing on them with a professional, we
0:18 also understand that sometimes before
0:19 seeing a therapist, you need to realize
0:21 that your feelings and concerns are
0:24 valid. Our videos are meant to help
0:26 people realize that they aren't alone in
0:28 their struggles. With that in mind,
0:31 today's video is a little more serious.
0:34 The goal of this video is to hopefully
0:36 provide some answers as to why you or
0:38 your partner may behave a certain way
0:40 with regards to sex. We will be
0:42 discussing different types of sexual
0:45 trauma. So, consider this a content warning.
0:46 warning.
0:50 Your value does not change. People who
0:52 have been sexually abused by their
0:54 partners or family members may have been
0:56 taught through their abuse that their
0:59 value is tied to their sexuality. Often
1:01 abusive partners will be emotionally
1:03 manipulative to make you feel obliged to
1:05 offer sex even when it makes you
1:08 uncomfortable. This can happen when
1:10 there is a power imbalance in the
1:11 relationship where the victim is
1:13 dependent on the abuser or the victim is
1:17 a teen and the abuser is an adult. It's
1:18 important to know that despite what
1:20 anyone tells you, your value towards
1:23 society, the people in your life, and
1:25 most importantly yourself, is not tied
1:28 to your sexuality.
1:30 Whether you have lots of sex or none at
1:33 all, that is up to you. This is an
1:35 important idea for abuse survivors to
1:37 internalize because researchers have
1:39 found that abuse victims, especially
1:42 those abused in childhood, tend to be
1:45 abused again later in life. Sexual abuse
1:46 can cause victims to have lower
1:48 self-esteem and poorer sexual
1:51 adjustment, which leads them to more
1:53 high-risk sexual scenarios.
1:56 When control becomes craving, hypersexuality.
1:58 hypersexuality.
2:00 If a person went through childhood
2:03 sexual abuse, otherwise known as CSA,
2:05 the traumatic feelings that can linger
2:08 into adulthood are those of helplessness
2:11 and a lack of control. To gain some of
2:13 that control back, some survivors of
2:16 childhood sexual abuse try to reclaim
2:18 their sexuality by becoming overly
2:21 focused on sex. Childhood consists of
2:24 many phases. So, the age of a person at
2:26 the time of their abuse plays a big role
2:28 in how they develop into adulthood and
2:30 how they handle their trauma. We
2:32 mentioned that abuse victims often
2:34 engage in high-risk sexual behavior,
2:36 which can include casual sex and hookups
2:39 with strangers. A 2021 study confirms
2:42 the link between nyomomania or sex
2:44 addiction. Other factors that can
2:46 influence victims are their gender and
2:49 their relationship to the perpetrator.
2:51 Depending on your experience and the way
2:53 you process trauma, the opposite can
2:57 happen when sex feels unsafe. Sexual
3:00 aversion. For CSA victims who were
3:03 abused by blood relatives, particularly
3:05 the biological father, sex
3:08 understandably loses its appeal. But
3:11 sexual aversion doesn't just occur in
3:13 CSA victims. It's an underobserved
3:16 phenomenon that sexual abuse can be
3:19 perpetrated by lovers or partners rather
3:21 than just strangers or vague
3:24 acquaintances. No means no. And that
3:26 goes for everyone. Being in a
3:28 relationship doesn't guarantee sex
3:31 whenever or wherever. Sometimes a
3:32 relationship can leave you feeling
3:34 really weird and uncomfortable about
3:37 sex. Perhaps your boundaries weren't
3:39 respected or your feelings on the matter
3:41 weren't always considered. Maybe when
3:44 you said no, your partner made you feel
3:47 guilty or as though you owed it to them
3:49 and so you went along because it's
3:51 easier than the alternative, which could
3:55 be them leaving or worse, violence. It's
3:57 understandable that moving forward you
3:59 feel a lot more reserved and a lot less
4:02 enthusiastic about sex. Aside from
4:04 aversion, sexual abuse, whether in
4:06 childhood or adulthood, can lead to
4:08 other conditions that can negatively
4:10 affect your sexual satisfaction, like
4:14 vaginismas and sexual non-communication.
4:16 They don't see what you've been through.
4:18 Sexual trauma is a difficult thing to
4:20 deal with. It doesn't change the fact
4:23 that you still need love, you still need
4:25 to be looked after, and you still need
4:27 intimacy. So, when you enter new
4:29 relationships, it may be difficult to
4:31 communicate all of these complicated
4:34 feelings around sex. It's a lot for
4:37 anyone to handle. When your partner
4:38 reaches out for you and you nervously
4:40 turn away, they may worry that you
4:42 aren't interested in them. They may not
4:44 understand all of the nuanced ways your
4:46 previous relationships or your childhood
4:49 have affected you. Unfortunately,
4:51 victims of sexual abuse are likely to
4:52 end up with people who share
4:55 characteristics of their abusers like
4:57 aggression or alcoholism.
4:59 In general, long-term intimate
5:01 relationships can be difficult for
5:03 victims. To help with trauma, improve
5:05 your self-esteem, and gain a better
5:08 understanding of your sexual self,
5:09 seeing a mental health professional
5:12 could be vital. And this can be
5:14 challenging, not just because therapy
5:16 can be expensive, but talking about this
5:18 kind of trauma can feel impossibly
5:22 difficult. Social psychologist Willie
5:24 Vanberlo and psychologist Bernardine
5:27 Ensync suggest one more thing that could
5:31 help. A loving and understanding
5:34 partner. In a world full of so much
5:35 hurt, it may feel like a far-fetched
5:38 solution, but everyone is worthy of
5:41 love, including you. and there are still
5:44 wonderful people out there. We hope this
5:46 video is the start towards an
5:47 understanding that it's okay to want
5:50 better for yourself and it's okay to
5:53 expect better from the people you love.
5:56 Sex is a type of communication. Just
5:57 like we use our words to express love
6:00 and tenderness, we can do the same with
6:03 sex. But sadly, sex can also be used to
6:06 express selfishness and hate, the
6:09 effects of which can hurt for a long
6:12 time. But there is always hope. Thank
6:15 you so much for engaging with our videos
6:17 and for your bravery to show up in
6:19 sharing your thoughts and feelings with
6:21 us in the comments. It's because of you
6:23 that we're able to approach these more
6:26 sensitive topics. And if you have any
6:27 wisdom to share with the rest of the
6:29 community, please join the conversation
6:31 in the comments. If you enjoyed this
6:33 video, don't forget to leave a like and
6:35 subscribe for more videos like this. See
