0:04 hello friend I love a friend that's lame
0:07 maybe I should give you a name but
0:08 that's a slippery slope
0:10 you're only in my head we have to
0:14 remember that [ __ ] it's actually
0:15 happening I'm talking to an imaginary
0:19 person what I'm about to tell you is top secret
0:20 secret
0:24 a conspiracy bigger than all of us as a
0:26 powerful group of people out there that
0:30 are secretly running the world I'm
0:31 talking about the guys no one knows
0:35 about the guys that are invisible the
0:37 top 1% of the top 1% the guys that play
0:39 God without permission [Applause]
0:41 [Applause]
0:55 this is about last night I should have
0:58 gone to Angela's birthday party instead
1:58 but
2:00 your real name is Rohit Mehta you
2:02 changed it to Ron when you buy your
2:04 first Ron's coffee shop six years ago
2:07 now you got seventeen of them today more
2:13 coming next quarter yeah good something
2:17 I like coming here cuz your Wi-Fi was
2:18 fast I mean you're one of the few spots
2:20 that has a fiber connection with gigabit
2:24 speed it's good it's so good it
2:27 scratched that part of my mind part that
2:29 doesn't allow good to exist without condition
2:30 condition
2:32 so I started intercepting all the
2:35 traffic on your network that's what I
2:38 noticed something strange that's when I
2:42 decided to hack you I know you run a
2:44 website called Plato's boys
2:47 pardon me you're using tor networking to
2:49 keep the server's anonymous you made it
2:51 really hard for anyone to see it but I
2:54 saw it The Onion Routing protocol it's
2:56 not as anonymous as you think it is
2:58 whoever's in control of the exit nodes
3:00 is also in control of the traffic which
3:07 makes me the one in control I must ask
3:10 you to kindly leave ion everything all
3:13 your emails all your files all your picks
3:20 get out of here right now call the
3:22 police you want them to find out about
3:24 the hundred terabytes of child
3:28 pornography served to your 400,000 users
3:31 personally man I was hoping it was just
3:35 gonna be some BDSM stuff you realize how
3:42 much simpler that would have been I did
4:01 personally I understand what it's like
4:10 to be different I'm very different too I
4:13 mean I don't jerk off to little kids but
4:18 I don't know how to talk to people my
4:24 dad was the only one I could talk to but
4:40 how did he boss me ask leukemia yeah I
4:43 definitely got it from radiation at the
4:44 company worked out though I couldn't
4:49 prove it now he's dead
5:03 it's okay Rohit you don't have to worry
5:09 anymore I don't understand are you
5:13 blackmailing me so that's what this is about
5:14 about
5:24 money that's what you care about no I'll
5:28 pay you now you want more and more no
5:32 matter how much I give you will inform
5:43 you know me you also broke the law make
5:44 sure you're right partly
5:47 partly
5:49 see I usually do this kind of thing from
5:51 my computer but this time I wanted to do
5:56 it afk in person I'm trying to work on
5:59 my social anxiety but there's always the
6:00 threat if you fleeing after I call you
6:03 out you know you tell your assistant men
6:05 that take your servers down wipe all the
6:08 data so I made sure to include the
6:11 current time and location on my
6:14 anonymous tip wait hold on I'll give you
6:16 the money I'll pay you how much to go
6:19 don't pay you a super you're wrong about
6:21 our heads
6:24 I don't give a [ __ ] about money [Music]
6:27 [Music] [Applause]
6:29 [Applause] [Music]
6:36 [Music]
6:46 higher-ups don't like someone with my
6:48 powers in three short minutes I
6:49 destroyed a man's business life
6:54 existence I deleted him hey thank you
7:08 exciting time in the world right now
