0:02 William Yuri and Roger fiser are the
0:04 founders of the Harvard negotiation
0:06 project they've written a book together
0:09 titled getting to yes I recently read
0:11 the book and want to share with you the
0:13 key lessons according to the book
0:16 negotiation isn't about splitting things
0:20 50/50 or insisting on your way or my way
0:22 it is definitely not about winning or
0:24 losing if you're asking who is winning
0:27 you've already lost so what is a
0:30 negotiation about then let me give you a
0:32 few examples and you'll see two men
0:34 argue in a library one wants the window
0:36 open for fresh air the other wants it
0:38 closed to avoid the wind blowing his
0:41 papers so what do you do do you leave it
0:44 half open a bit open or closed the
0:46 librarian listens to both and then goes
0:49 and opens the window in another room
0:52 bringing in fresh air without disturbing
0:55 the papers this leaves both sides happy
0:58 another example two people want to share
1:00 a cake but can't agree on how to divide
1:02 it fairly regardless of how you cut it
1:04 they will both complain that the other
1:06 side got a bigger piece so what do you
1:08 do well you ask one person to Cut the
1:11 Cake and the other chooses first since
1:13 the person cutting knows that the other
1:16 side picks first he will split it evenly
1:19 to avoid getting a smaller piece one
1:21 last example two kids argue over an
1:24 orange the parent takes the knife cuts
1:27 the orange 50/50 and gives each kid half
1:29 one kid eats the fruit and throws away
1:30 the peel while while the other uses the
1:33 peel to bake a cake and throws the fruit
1:35 into the trash if the parent had asked
1:37 why they wanted the orange both kids
1:39 could have gotten 100% of what they
1:41 wanted but they only got
1:43 50% as you can see from these examples
1:45 negotiation is about finding a solution
1:49 that leaves both sides happy without
1:51 hurting the relationship so how do you
1:54 do it how do you find those wise and
1:56 practical Solutions like the ones we
1:58 just saw here's a four-step framework
2:01 that will make you a M negotiator step
2:05 number one focus on interests not
2:07 positions remember the story about the
2:09 two men arguing over a window in the
2:11 library it illustrates a common problem
2:14 in negotiations where people focus too
2:16 much on their positions instead of
2:19 arguing about positions shift your focus
2:22 to interests the benefits of focusing on
2:24 interests are obvious but doing it can
2:27 be hard positions are clear and specific
2:30 interests might be hidden or vague so
2:31 how do you find the interests of the
2:35 other side simply ask why why do they
2:37 want what they want try to see things
2:39 from their point of view once you
2:42 discover their underlying interests talk
2:44 about them openly people listen better
2:46 if they feel understood they think those
2:49 who understand them are smart and kind
2:50 if you want them to listen to your
2:53 interests start by showing you care and
2:56 understand theirs of course you need to
2:59 communicate your interests as well the
3:01 other side might might not know them to
3:04 turn your interests into real options
3:06 ask yourself if they agree with me
3:09 tomorrow what do I want them to do step
3:13 number two use Fair standards no matter
3:14 how well you understand what the other
3:18 side wants conflicts will always pop up
3:20 you want lower rent but your landlord
3:22 wants it higher instead of arguing back
3:25 and forth use objective criteria to
3:28 decide recall the cake example when two
3:30 men couldn't share a cake having one man
3:32 divide it and the other choose first is
3:35 based on a fair standard objective
3:37 criteria are unbiased rules that don't
3:40 depend on personal opinions examples of
3:43 this can be market prices legal
3:45 requirements expert opinion or Fair
3:48 standards that you both agree on in
3:51 negotiation often people resist agreeing
3:52 because they feel like you're demanding
3:55 it but if you say let's check the rules
3:58 or regulations it shifts Focus from what
4:01 you want to what the rules say suddenly
4:04 it's not you demanding it but the rules
4:06 for example if your house Construction
4:08 contract doesn't specify How deep the
4:11 foundations should be and the contractor
4:14 suggests 2 feet while you think 5T is
4:16 the standard don't just compromise
4:20 instead say look Maybe I'm Wrong maybe 2
4:22 ft is enough does the government have
4:24 standard specifications for these soil
4:27 conditions what is the earthquake risk
4:29 here where do you suggest we look for
4:31 standard to resolve this
4:33 question here is how you can apply this
4:36 principle effectively before you start
4:38 figure out some Fair standards together
4:41 with the other side for example say you
4:44 want a high price and I want a low one
4:46 let's figure out what a fair price would
4:49 be what standards should we use by
4:51 focusing on Fair standards you can turn
4:54 a clash of interests into a shared goal
4:56 step number three invent options for
4:59 Mutual gain recall the example of the
5:01 kids fighting over an orange instead of
5:03 splitting at 50/50 they could have found
5:05 a way for both to get 100% of what they
5:08 wanted this scenario highlights the
5:09 importance of inventing options for
5:11 Mutual gain in
5:13 negotiations so how do you invent
5:16 Creative Solutions then here's how
5:18 simply get together with your side or
5:20 with the other side and brainstorm about
5:22 all the possible solutions let the ideas
5:25 flow freely don't judge or pick any of
5:28 the ideas in the first stage separate
5:30 the brainstorming from the collection
5:32 session for brainstorming choose a few
5:35 participants change the environment
5:38 design an informal atmosphere Define the
5:41 purpose after brainstorming start with
5:44 the most promising ideas then discuss
5:47 ways to improve them people often assume
5:49 differences in negotiation create
5:51 problems yet these differences can lead
5:55 to Solutions remember the orange example
5:57 A wise solution was possible because
5:59 each side wanted different parts of the
6:02 Orange it's absurd to think your
6:04 differences lead to the problem it's
6:06 actually the differences that lead to
6:09 Creative Solutions step number four
6:12 separate the people from the problem
6:14 before starting a negotiation visualize
6:16 a vertical line splitting a person down
6:19 the middle on one side is the person and
6:22 on the other side is the problem always
6:24 put the person first and the problem
6:28 second negotiators are people first your
6:30 goal in negotiation is to soft on the
6:33 person but hard on the problem often we
6:36 are soft on the person so we end up
6:38 being soft on the problem as well and we
6:40 don't get what we want or we're hard on
6:42 the problem but also end up being hard
6:45 on the person damaging the relationship
6:48 be soft on the person compliment
6:50 whenever you can and appreciate the
6:53 effort at every negotiation stage ask
6:55 yourself am I paying enough attention to
6:58 the people problem people have different
7:00 viewpoints they're egos are easily
7:02 threatened they see the world from their
7:04 perspective often confusing their
7:07 perceptions with reality they frequently
7:09 misinterpret your words and fail to
7:11 communicate their true intentions
7:13 remember you must deal not only with
7:16 their problems but also with your own
7:18 your anger and frustration can block
7:20 agreement as well your perceptions may
7:23 be one-sided and you might not be
7:25 listening or communicating effectively
7:27 one of the best ways to prevent people
7:29 problems is by building a relationship
7:32 with the other side before the
7:34 negotiation starts negotiating with
7:37 someone you know is easier than with a
7:39 stranger so arrive early to chat and
7:41 stay a bit afterward get to know their
7:44 likes and dislikes these informal
7:46 interactions make future negotiations a
7:49 lot easier multiple studies show that
7:51 simply getting to know the other side
7:55 increases the success rate by 25 to
7:58 30% okay now you might say all these
8:01 four steps sound fair and nice but what
8:04 if the other side isn't playing by Fair
8:07 rules what if they use dirty tactics
8:09 what if they are more powerful or what
8:12 if they attack me personally here's how
8:14 to deal with each of these situations
8:17 let's start with dirty tactics people
8:20 lie and use various pressure tactics
8:22 recognizing these tricks often
8:26 neutralizes them mention it directly Joe
8:28 it seems like you and Ted are playing
8:30 good cop and bad cop if you need a break
8:33 to get on the same page just ask
8:35 mentioning the tactic makes it less
8:37 effective and may make the other side
8:39 worry about losing you just raising a
8:42 question can be enough to end it however
8:46 be careful avoid personal attacks focus
8:49 on the problem not the person instead of
8:51 saying you put me facing the sun
8:54 deliberately say the sun of my eyes is
8:56 distracting can we adjust the schedule
8:58 and meet later I can't concentrate like this
9:00 this
9:02 what if they are more powerful if the
9:04 other side has big guns don't turn the
9:06 negotiation into a gunfight the best
9:08 thing you can do is to develop your
9:12 batna best alternative to a negotiated
9:14 agreement think how you would feel
9:16 walking into a job interview with no
9:18 other offers think how difficult the
9:21 salary negotiation would go now contrast
9:23 that with how you would feel walking
9:24 into an interview with two other job
9:27 offers the difference is power the more
9:29 easily you can walk away from
9:32 negotiation the greater your power
9:34 developing your batna not only enables
9:36 you to determine what a minimally
9:39 acceptable agreement is it will probably
9:41 raise that minimum always develop your
9:44 Batum before negotiating don't say let's
9:47 negotiate first and see what happens
9:49 without batna you're negotiating
9:52 blindly what if they attack you
9:54 personally when they attack you instead
9:57 of the problem things get tough you want
9:59 a fair solution but they tear down your
10:02 ideas it's natural to defend yourself
10:05 but that leads nowhere you push they
10:08 push back and soon you're stuck so what
10:11 do you do use negotiation
10:15 Jujitsu sidestep their attacks here's
10:19 how one look behind their position when
10:21 they say what they want don't just say
10:24 yes or no ask why they want it
10:26 understand what is really important to
10:29 them two if they keep rejecting anything
10:32 you say then ask for their advice if you
10:34 were me what would you do they will put
10:36 themselves in your shoes and give you the
10:36 the
10:40 solutions three invite criticism instead
10:43 of Defending Your Ideas ask them what's
10:45 wrong with them this will help you learn
10:47 about their interests I would like to
10:49 conclude this video with a great story
10:53 that explains what negotiation truly is
10:55 in 1964 an American father and his
10:57 12-year-old son were playing frisbee in
11:00 Hy Park London few people in England had
11:02 seen a frisbee before so a small crowd
11:04 gathered after a while a man approached
11:07 and asked sorry to bother you I've been
11:10 watching you for 15 minutes who's
11:13 winning in negotiations asking who's
11:15 winning is like asking that in a
11:18 marriage if you're focused on winning
11:21 you've missed the point the real goal is
11:23 working together and finding a solution
11:27 that satisfies both sides interests I
11:28 hope this was a useful video thanks for
