0:13 When people think about trauma, they
0:16 often think of memories, of painful
0:18 images or haunting recollections that
0:21 linger in the mind. But trauma is not
0:23 simply what happened to you. Trauma is
0:26 what happens inside you as a result of
0:28 what happened to you. It is not the
0:30 event itself, but the imprint it leaves
0:32 on your body, your brain, and your
0:35 nervous system. Trauma changes how you
0:38 live, how you breathe, how you relate to
0:40 others, and how safe you feel in your
0:43 own skin. In my decades of work with
0:46 trauma survivors, from war veterans to
0:48 abused children to victims of chronic
0:51 neglect, one truth has emerged
0:53 consistently. Trauma is not just
0:56 remembered, it is relived. Over and
0:59 over, the body reactivates. The nervous
1:02 system floods and the world once again
1:05 feels unsafe even when danger is long
1:08 gone. This is the essence of survival
1:11 mode. When your body keeps reacting as
1:13 if the trauma is still happening, even
1:16 years after it has passed. Healing from
1:19 trauma then is not about forgetting the
1:22 past or simply processing a painful
1:25 memory. Healing requires creating a
1:28 sense of safety in the present. It
1:31 requires helping the body learn that it
1:33 is no longer in danger. And that process
1:35 begins not with words but with
1:38 regulation, with restoring a sense of
1:41 calm, grounding, and connection. Because
1:43 you cannot reason your way out of
1:46 survival mode. You can't simply tell
1:48 yourself you're safe. Not when every
1:51 cell in your body believes otherwise. We
1:53 live in a culture that often tells us to
1:56 just move on, to stop dwelling on the
1:59 past. But for trauma survivors, the past
2:02 is not past. It's present. It's in the
2:05 flinch when someone raises their voice.
2:07 It's in the panic that arises for no
2:10 apparent reason. It's in the inability
2:13 to trust, to relax, to feel at home in
2:16 one's body. Trauma survivors don't need
2:19 to be told to move on. They need to be
2:21 helped back into their bodies. They need
2:24 to feel safe again, perhaps for the very
2:27 first time. When we're in survival mode,
2:29 everything changes. Our priorities shift
2:32 from growth, curiosity, and exploration
2:34 to vigilance, control, and avoidance. We
2:37 stop learning. We stop playing. We stop
2:39 dreaming. Because the body's only
2:42 mission is to keep us alive. And while
2:44 that is essential in the midst of real
2:47 danger, it becomes a prison when the
2:50 danger is no longer real. But our
2:53 biology hasn't gotten the message. I've
2:55 called this phenomenon the body keeps
2:57 the score. Because no matter how much we
3:00 try to suppress, ignore or rationalize
3:03 our pain, our bodies remember. They
3:06 store it in tension, in tightness, in
3:08 shallow breaths, in racing hearts, in
3:11 digestive problems, in insomnia, and in
3:13 the inability to feel present. The body
3:16 does not lie. It tells the truth about
3:18 what we have endured, whether we
3:20 consciously remember it or not. This is
3:23 why traditional talk therapy, while
3:26 often helpful, is not enough on its own
3:28 for many trauma survivors. Because
3:31 trauma is stored not just in language
3:34 and memory, but in sensation and neurobiology.
3:35 neurobiology.
3:37 You can't talk your way out of a body
3:39 that feels unsafe. You can't think your
3:42 way into calm. Safety must be
3:45 experienced, felt, and embodied. The
3:48 work of healing begins then with helping
3:50 the nervous system shift from defense to
3:53 connection, from survival to presence,
3:56 from hypervigilance to regulation. And
3:57 that means helping people find
3:59 practices, experiences, and
4:01 relationships that make their bodies
4:04 feel safe enough to let go. Because
4:07 until the body feels safe, the mind will
4:10 remain trapped in fear. Over the course
4:12 of this video, we'll explore why safety
4:14 is not a luxury, but a biological
4:17 prerequisite for healing. We'll look at
4:19 the neuroscience of trauma, the survival
4:21 responses of the nervous system, the
4:23 connection between trauma and the body,
4:26 and most importantly, how healing
4:28 happens, not just intellectually, but
4:31 somatically through movement, breath,
4:34 rhythm, connection, and attunement.
4:36 We'll explore the tools that help trauma
4:38 survivors come back into their bodies,
4:41 build resilience, and reclaim their
4:43 lives. This message is not just for
4:45 those who have been through extreme
4:48 abuse or war. Trauma comes in many
4:50 forms. It can be the result of emotional
4:54 neglect, chronic stress, racism,
4:57 poverty, or a thousand small violations
4:59 of safety and connection. If you feel
5:02 like your body is always bracing for
5:06 impact. If you struggle to relax, trust,
5:09 or feel joy. If you find yourself numb,
5:12 anxious, or disconnected from the world
5:15 around you, this message is for you.
5:17 Healing is possible, but not through
5:21 willpower alone. Not by trying harder.
5:23 The first step is not toughness, but
5:26 safety. The kind of safety that allows
5:28 your body to stop fighting, to stop
5:32 fleeing, to stop freezing. Only then can
5:34 you begin to heal. Let's begin this
5:36 journey by understanding what survival
5:39 mode really is and how it shows up in
5:41 your body and brain. Because before we
5:44 can exit it, we have to know we're in it.
5:46 it.
5:49 When the human brain perceives danger,
5:51 it doesn't ask for your permission. It
5:53 reacts instantly, automatically, and
5:56 powerfully. This reaction is what we
5:58 call survival mode, and it governs much
6:01 of what we do when we're under threat.
6:04 For many trauma survivors, this state
6:06 becomes a permanent operating system,
6:10 not just a temporary emergency response.
6:13 Survival mode is not just one thing. It
6:15 comes in several forms, each rooted in
6:19 evolution and designed to protect us.
6:20 You've likely heard of the fight
6:23 orflight response, but there's more.
6:25 There's freeze, where your body shuts
6:28 down and goes numb. And there's fawn,
6:30 where you appease others in order to
6:35 stay safe. These four responses, fight,
6:38 flight, freeze, and fawn, are all part
6:41 of the body's effort to survive
6:44 overwhelming experiences. Let's start
6:47 with fight. This is when your body
6:50 mobilizes to confront the danger. It's
6:53 the pounding heart, the clenched fists,
6:56 the surge of adrenaline that says, "I
6:58 have to protect myself." It can show up
7:02 in trauma survivors as irritability,
7:05 rage, and a tendency to overreact to
7:08 small provocations. These individuals
7:11 aren't being irrational. They're stuck
7:14 in a loop where their body believes it's
7:16 still fighting for survival. Flight is
7:19 the need to escape. The heart races,
7:22 muscles tense, eyes scan for exits. It
7:25 can show up later in life as anxiety,
7:27 restlessness, or a chronic need to stay
7:29 busy. People who are stuck in flight
7:32 mode may seem hyperproductive or can't
7:35 relax because stillness feels dangerous.
7:37 When you're always running, you don't
7:39 have to feel the fear that's chasing
7:42 you. Freeze is the body's last resort.
7:44 When neither fighting nor fleeing will
7:47 work, the brain shuts everything down.
7:50 This is not weakness. It's biology. The
7:52 freeze response is the brain's way of
7:55 numbing pain, physical or emotional, and
7:59 dissociating from the unthinkable.
8:01 People stuck in freeze often feel
8:04 disconnected, emotionally flat, or
8:07 chronically fatigued. They may struggle
8:10 to recall details or feel outside of
8:13 their body. It's not laziness. It's a
8:15 nervous system overwhelmed by trauma.
8:18 Then there's fawn. A response many
8:20 people don't even recognize as survival.
8:23 Fawning is when you learn to please, to
8:26 appease, to abandon your own needs in
8:30 order to keep others calm. This often
8:32 develops in childhood trauma, especially
8:34 in environments with unpredictable
8:37 caregivers. If love or safety was
8:39 conditional, you learned to shapeshift,
8:42 to silence your own discomfort, to put
8:45 others first no matter the cost. In
8:47 adulthood, this can manifest as people
8:50 pleasing, lack of boundaries, or
8:53 difficulty asserting your needs. All of
8:55 these responses serve the same function,
8:58 survival. But when the trauma ends and
9:01 your nervous system doesn't reset, these
9:04 responses become maladaptive. You may
9:06 find yourself lashing out, running away,
9:09 shutting down, or overaccommodating.
9:11 Not because you want to, but because
9:14 your body has never stopped bracing for
9:17 impact. The tragedy is that most trauma
9:20 survivors are not aware that they're in
9:23 survival mode. They blame themselves for
9:26 being too sensitive, too angry, too
9:29 needy, too numb. They think something is
9:30 wrong with them. But what's really
9:33 happening is that their body is still
9:35 protecting them long after the danger
9:37 has passed. The problem isn't that
9:39 they're broken. The problem is that
9:41 their system hasn't felt safe enough to
9:44 let go. And this brings us to something
9:47 profoundly important. You can't heal if
9:51 your body is still bracing for danger.
9:54 Healing requires presence, curiosity,
9:56 and self-compassion, none of which are
9:58 accessible when your nervous system is
10:01 in a constant state of alarm. Before we
10:04 can process the trauma cognitively, we
10:06 have to help the body come out of
10:09 defense. We must create the conditions
10:11 for safety. This is why trauma treatment
10:14 that ignores the body is incomplete.
10:17 Talk therapy alone often isn't enough.
10:19 It can help you understand your
10:21 patterns, but it can't always shift
10:23 them. That's because the trauma isn't
10:25 only in your thoughts. It's in your
10:28 reflexes, in your breath, in the way
10:30 your shoulders hunch when someone raises
10:32 their voice. It's in your startled
10:34 response, your hypervigilance, your
10:37 inability to rest. So when I work with
10:40 trauma survivors, my first priority is
10:43 not asking them to recount the story.
10:45 It's helping their nervous system find a
10:47 sense of safety, often for the first
10:49 time in their life. That might involve
10:51 grounding techniques, body-based
10:54 practices, or simply learning how to
10:56 notice sensations without being
10:58 overwhelmed by them. We are not rushing
11:00 into the past. We are building the
11:03 resources to tolerate the present. It's
11:06 important to remember that survival mode
11:08 is not a choice. It's not a sign of
11:11 weakness. It's not a moral failure. It's
11:15 a deeply intelligent response to danger.
11:17 One that worked at the time and maybe
11:20 saved your life. But what saved you then
11:22 is now costing you dearly. Your
11:25 relationships, your peace, your capacity
11:28 for joy, all can be compromised when
11:30 your body is locked in survival. But
11:33 there is hope. The brain is plastic. The
11:35 nervous system can be rewired. You can
11:39 teach your body slowly, gently that it's
11:42 safe to let go. And once safety is
11:45 restored, real healing becomes possible.
11:49 You move from surviving to living.
11:52 The body keeps the score. How trauma
11:55 becomes physical.
11:57 I titled one of my books, The Body Keeps
12:00 the Score, because that single phrase
12:02 captures the essence of how trauma
12:04 operates. It's not just a clever
12:07 metaphor. It is a physiological reality.
12:10 When something deeply frightening or
12:12 overwhelming happens to us, and we're
12:14 unable to process it at the time, either
12:16 because we were too young, too helpless,
12:19 or too shocked, that experience doesn't
12:22 disappear. It gets embedded. It leaves a
12:24 record not in your conscious mind, but
12:27 in your body's tissues, in your muscles,
12:30 in your nervous system. Trauma shows up
12:33 as tight shoulders you can never seem to
12:37 relax. A gut that twists at the smallest
12:40 sign of stress or a pounding heart that
12:43 seems to react before you even
12:46 understand why. It appears in your
12:48 posture, in the way you walk into a
12:51 room, in how close you allow someone to
12:54 stand next to you. It affects your
12:56 sleep, your digestion, your immune
13:00 system, your hormones. This is why so
13:03 many trauma survivors have chronic
13:05 physical symptoms that doctors can't
13:07 explain. They are not imagining it.
13:10 Their body is reliving something it
13:13 never got to resolve. When we experience
13:16 trauma, especially early in life, our
13:19 brain makes a decision. Survival first,
13:22 everything else later. Logical thought,
13:24 language, and memory are turned down.
13:27 Instead, the body gears up for fight,
13:30 flight, freeze, or fawn. The amygdala,
13:32 our brain's alarm system, goes on high
13:35 alert. Cortisol floods the system.
13:37 Muscles brace. Breathing becomes
13:39 shallow. And if the trauma is repeated
13:41 or prolonged, this becomes the new
13:44 baseline. Your body doesn't return to
13:47 safety. It adapts to danger. One of the
13:48 most heartbreaking things I see in
13:51 survivors is how deeply they've
13:53 internalized their symptoms. They think
13:56 they're weak for being anxious. They
13:58 feel ashamed of their hypervigilance.
14:00 They blame themselves for their
14:03 inability to relax or trust others. But
14:06 what they need to hear, what you need to
14:09 hear if this is your story, is that your
14:11 body is not betraying you. It's
14:13 protecting you. It adapted to danger
14:16 because it had to. And those
14:18 adaptations, while once helpful, are now
14:20 getting in the way of your ability to
14:23 live a full connected life. But let me
14:26 be clear, you are not broken. You are
14:29 injured. And just as physical wounds
14:31 need care, time, and the right
14:35 conditions to heal, so does trauma, that
14:37 healing does not start in the thinking
14:40 brain. It starts in the body. That's why
14:43 body-based approaches, yoga, breath
14:46 work, EMDR, sensory and motor
14:49 psychotherapy, somatic experiencing are
14:52 not alternative. They're essential.
14:54 They're based on the understanding that
14:57 safety, movement, and presence must come
15:00 before insight. In my work, I've
15:03 witnessed how powerful these methods can
15:05 be. I've seen people who couldn't
15:08 tolerate being touched finally lie down
15:12 in a yoga class and feel safe in their
15:15 own skin. I've seen combat veterans
15:18 reclaim their ability to feel calm. I've
15:21 seen survivors of childhood abuse take a
15:25 full deep breath for the first time in
15:28 decades. And that is where healing
15:31 begins. When the body learns that it is
15:33 no longer in danger, that it doesn't
15:35 have to brace anymore, that it can
15:38 return to a state of calm and curiosity.
15:40 You don't have to relive every detail of
15:43 your trauma to heal. You don't have to
15:47 retell the story again and again. What
15:50 you need is to feel safe, not just in
15:53 your mind, but in your body. You need to
15:56 gently guide your nervous system out of
15:58 survival mode and into a space where
16:01 connection, play, rest, and growth are
16:04 possible again. The body is not the
16:06 enemy. It's the doorway. The pain you
16:09 carry is not proof that something is
16:11 wrong with you. It's evidence that
16:12 something happened to you, something
16:15 that overwhelmed your ability to cope,
16:17 to make sense of it, to integrate it.
16:19 But you are not that moment. You are not
16:22 that pain. You are the one who survived
16:24 it. And your body with time and
16:26 compassion can learn to feel safe again.
16:30 So when your heart races for no reason,
16:32 when you startle at loud noises, when
16:34 you can't sleep or focus or feel
16:37 connected to others, don't ask, "What's
16:40 wrong with me?" ask what happened to me
16:42 and how did my body learn to protect me
16:45 from it? That question opens the door
16:47 not just to understanding but to
16:49 healing. And that's what we'll explore
16:52 next. How safety is not just a feeling.
16:55 It is a requirement for recovery.
16:57 Because no one can heal while their body
17:00 still believes it's in a war zone.
17:03 Healing begins the moment your body
17:07 feels it has finally come home.
17:11 safety first. Why talking alone isn't enough.
17:13 enough.
17:16 If I could offer just one truth to every
17:18 trauma survivor, it would be this. You
17:20 cannot heal if your body still believes
17:23 it's unsafe. We live in a culture that
17:26 overvalues words. We believe that if we
17:28 can talk about something enough, we can
17:30 think our way out of it. We assume that
17:32 healing happens in the head, in
17:35 conversation, in cognition, in
17:37 understanding. But trauma isn't stored
17:40 in the thinking brain. It's stored in
17:42 the emotional brain, the survival brain,
17:46 and most importantly, in the body. And
17:48 if the body doesn't feel safe, the mind
17:51 can't truly relax. Many of my patients
17:54 have already told their story in therapy
17:56 to friends, sometimes over and over
17:59 again, and yet they still don't feel
18:02 better. Why? Because no amount of
18:05 talking can override a nervous system
18:08 that's stuck in fight, flight, or
18:10 freeze. You can understand your trauma
18:13 intellectually and still be triggered by
18:15 a sound, a smell, or a facial
18:19 expression. You can know rationally that
18:21 you're not in danger, but your body will
18:23 respond as if you are because that's
18:26 where the trauma lives. So healing
18:28 doesn't begin with words. It begins with
18:31 safety. Not just external safety, but
18:33 felt safety. That means your body needs
18:36 to experience moment by moment that it
18:38 is no longer in danger. That the war is
18:40 over. That you don't need to brace,
18:43 hide, or shut down anymore. This is why
18:46 trauma recovery is fundamentally a
18:49 process of retraining the nervous
18:51 system. When people are traumatized,
18:53 they often become disconnected from
18:55 their own internal cues. They stop
18:58 feeling hunger or fatigue. They lose the
19:00 ability to tell whether someone is safe
19:02 or not. Their body becomes a
19:04 battlefield. They avoid. The first step
19:07 in healing is gently reconnecting,
19:10 learning to feel again, to notice again,
19:12 to sense again. This doesn't happen
19:14 through logic. It happens through
19:17 experience, through practices that
19:19 invite the body back into the present
19:22 moment. Breathing exercises that calm
19:24 the vagus nerve, gentle movement that
19:27 helps discharge stored tension, rhythmic
19:30 activities like drumming, walking,
19:32 dancing, all of which regulate the
19:35 nervous system. Even something as simple
19:38 as placing your hand over your heart and
19:41 breathing deeply can be profound. These
19:43 practices don't just feel good, they
19:46 rewire the brain. Therapies like EMDR
19:48 and sematic experiencing work because
19:51 they go beyond talk. They help people
19:54 access the sensations and memories held
19:56 in the body and process them in a way
19:58 that allows the nervous system to
20:00 complete what was once interrupted.
20:03 Trauma freezes us in time. These methods
20:05 help unfreeze us. It's also why
20:07 relationship is so essential. Safe
20:09 connection with another human being is
20:12 one of the most powerful tools we have
20:14 for healing trauma. In fact, trauma
20:17 often happens in relationships through
20:19 betrayal, abuse, neglect. So, it makes
20:22 sense that healing must also happen in
20:24 relationships, but not just any
20:26 relationship. It has to feel safe,
20:30 predictable, attuned, consistent. In my
20:32 practice, I've seen people slowly begin
20:34 to trust again. Not because I gave them
20:37 advice or solutions, but because I
20:40 showed up consistently with presence and
20:43 care. I created a space where they could
20:46 finally feel seen without being judged.
20:47 That's what a safe therapeutic
20:49 relationship is, a new experience of
20:52 being held, regulated, and respected.
20:53 Something many trauma survivors never
20:57 had. Now I know that safety can sound
21:00 abstract. So let me make it concrete.
21:04 Safety in this context looks like this.
21:06 Being able to breathe fully without
21:09 bracing. Feeling the ground beneath your
21:11 feet and knowing you're not about to
21:14 fall. Being in the presence of another
21:16 person without scanning for threat.
21:18 Being able to say no without fear.
21:21 Having space between a trigger and a
21:23 reaction. Feeling like your body belongs
21:26 to you. If those things sound foreign to
21:28 you, I want you to know that's not your
21:30 fault. Your body adapted. It protected
21:33 you. And it can learn a new way. The
21:36 truth is trauma healing is not about
21:38 going back to who you were before. It's
21:41 about becoming who you were always meant
21:44 to be before the fear, before the
21:47 hypervigilance, before the shutdown. But
21:50 that process begins always with safety.
21:52 And you don't have to rush it. The body
21:56 heals in the present, slowly, gently, in
21:59 layers. There is no one-sizefits-all
22:01 path. Some people begin with movement,
22:04 others begin with breath. Some start
22:06 with therapy, others with art or animals
22:09 or nature. But the common thread in all
22:11 effective healing is this. The nervous
22:14 system begins to feel safe again. When
22:17 that happens, everything changes. Your
22:19 body starts to relax. Your thoughts
22:21 become clearer. Your emotions feel less
22:24 overwhelming. You start to notice joy,
22:28 real joy, not just the absence of fear.
22:30 You can sleep, you can eat, you can
22:33 love, you can laugh. These aren't
22:36 luxuries. They're signs that your system
22:38 is coming out of survival. So, if you've
22:40 been stuck, if talk therapy hasn't
22:42 worked for you, it doesn't mean you
22:45 failed. It means your body is asking for
22:46 something deeper, something more
22:49 fundamental, something it never got.
22:52 Safety, presence, regulation. Your body
22:55 needs to learn that it's okay to exist,
22:57 that the danger is gone, that you can
23:00 rest, and you can. Healing is not
23:03 linear. Some days will be hard. Some
23:05 memories will rise when you least expect
23:08 them. But every moment of safety, every
23:11 breath you take with ease, every moment
23:14 of connection, they all count. They all
23:16 matter. They are the building blocks of
23:19 a new life. In the next part, we'll
23:21 explore why childhood trauma is so
23:23 devastating and how it shapes your
23:25 brain, beliefs, and relationships long
23:27 into adulthood.
23:31 The power of safe relationships, how
23:37 When people ask me what is the most
23:40 important factor in healing trauma, they
23:42 often expect a technical answer. Perhaps
23:44 a type of therapy, a specific
23:47 medication, or a novel brain scan. But
23:49 my answer is always the same. Safe
23:52 connection. The single most important
23:54 ingredient in healing from trauma is a
23:56 feeling of safety in relationship.
24:00 Trauma by its very nature is isolating.
24:03 It separates you from others. Even if
24:05 you're surrounded by people, you feel
24:08 alone in your pain. And if your trauma
24:10 involved betrayal, if those who were
24:12 supposed to protect you were the source
24:14 of harm, that isolation becomes even
24:17 deeper. The world feels unsafe. People
24:20 feel dangerous. Vulnerability becomes
24:22 something to avoid at all costs. And
24:25 yet, it is precisely that vulnerability
24:28 in the presence of safety that opens the
24:31 door to healing. This isn't just a
24:33 poetic idea. It's how the human nervous
24:36 system works. Our brains are wired for
24:39 connection. We are social creatures and
24:42 our biology evolved to regulate itself
24:46 through relationships. A calm voice, a
24:49 compassionate gaze, a warm touch. These
24:52 are not just emotional comforts. They
24:54 are neurological regulators. They tell
24:58 our bodies, "You are safe." Now when a
25:00 child is scared, the first thing they do
25:02 is look for a caregiver, not just for
25:05 protection, but for regulation. The
25:08 caregivers's calmness becomes the
25:12 child's calmness. That's co-regulation.
25:14 Our ability to use the nervous systems
25:17 of others to regulate our own. And it
25:20 doesn't end in childhood. As adults, we
25:23 still need safe, attuned relationships
25:26 to bring our systems back into balance.
25:28 This is why trauma that occurs in the
25:31 context of relationships like abuse or
25:34 neglect must be healed in the context of
25:36 relationships. You cannot heal
25:39 relational wounds in isolation. You may
25:42 find insight alone. You may practice
25:44 techniques alone. But deep emotional
25:49 healing requires being seen, heard, and
25:52 felt by another human being who is safe,
25:55 present, and non-judgmental.
25:57 For many trauma survivors, this is the
25:59 most difficult part of the healing
26:01 journey. Trusting another person,
26:04 letting someone in, risking connection.
26:07 But it is also the most transformative.
26:09 When a survivor experiences a safe
26:11 relationship, whether in therapy,
26:13 friendship, community, or love, their
26:14 nervous system learns something
26:17 profound. Not all people are dangerous.
26:20 Not all closeness leads to pain. I can
26:22 be connected and still be safe. In
26:24 therapy, this is called the therapeutic
26:27 alliance, the relationship between
26:29 therapist and client. And while many
26:32 models of therapy exist, the healing
26:35 power of that relationship is consistent
26:37 across the board. When the therapist is
26:40 attuned, accepting, and reliable, the
26:43 client begins to internalize safety.
26:45 Their nervous system, once stuck in
26:48 fight or flight, begins to rest. The
26:50 body learns it doesn't have to brace for
26:52 danger all the time. It's important to
26:53 say that safe connection doesn't mean
26:55 perfect or flawless. It means
26:57 consistent, caring, and responsive
27:00 enough to allow for repair when ruptures
27:02 happen. Because no relationship is
27:05 without mistakes, even in therapy. But
27:07 the key is repair. When a rupture
27:10 happens and the other person responds
27:12 with honesty, care, and accountability,
27:14 it sends a powerful message to the
27:17 trauma survivor. You're not too much.
27:19 You're not broken. We can move through
27:21 this together. If you've been
27:23 traumatized, you may have developed what
27:26 we call relational adaptations.
27:29 You might keep people at arms length.
27:31 You might people please to stay safe.
27:33 You might become hypervigilant to others
27:35 moods or withdraw completely. These are
27:37 not flaws. These are survival
27:39 strategies. But over time, if we want to
27:42 move from surviving to living, we have
27:44 to replace these adaptations with
27:46 something new, something that allows for
27:48 connection without fear. This is why
27:51 group therapy, peer support, and somatic
27:54 communities can be so powerful. They
27:57 offer repeated lived experiences of
28:00 safety in the presence of others. They
28:02 recondition the nervous system through
28:04 realtime interaction. They give the body
28:07 what it never got, the experience of
28:09 being in relationship without having to
28:13 disappear, perform, or protect. If you
28:15 are healing from trauma, I want you to
28:18 hear this. You are not meant to do it
28:21 alone. You were hurt in relationship and
28:24 you must be healed in relationship. Not
28:27 because you're weak, but because you're
28:30 human. Because your body, your brain,
28:32 your heart, all of them are wired to
28:34 thrive through connection. And the more
28:37 you experience safe, attuned connection,
28:38 the more your nervous system will
28:42 believe, I am safe now. I can rest. I
28:44 can heal.
28:46 The body keeps score and it's always honest.
28:48 honest.
28:50 You may forget what happened. You may
28:52 block it, rationalize it, or silence it.
28:55 But your body doesn't forget. Your body
28:58 is the most honest witness to your life.
29:00 It carries everything. The fear, the
29:02 shutdown, the flinching, the bracing,
29:04 the breath you didn't take, the tension
29:05 in your shoulders when someone raises
29:08 their voice, the way you dissociate when
29:10 you feel cornered, the ache in your
29:13 chest you can't explain. These are not
29:15 random. They are memories. They are the
29:18 language of the body speaking what the
29:21 mind cannot yet say. In trauma work, I
29:23 often say the body keeps the score. And
29:26 it does so with remarkable precision.
29:29 Not to punish you, not to sabotage you,
29:31 but because the body is always trying to
29:34 protect you, always adapting, always
29:36 preparing for the worst based on what it
29:38 has survived in the past. It is trying
29:40 to keep you alive, even if that means
29:43 never letting you fully relax again.
29:45 Here's the truth most people miss.
29:47 Trauma isn't just something that
29:49 happened to you in the past. It's
29:51 something that continues to live inside
29:54 you in the present, in the body, in the
29:56 way you breathe, the way you react, the
29:58 way you hold yourself. That's why
30:01 healing trauma is not just about
30:03 talking. It's about listening. listening
30:06 to your body because the body holds
30:08 everything the conscious mind tries to
30:10 avoid. You may not remember what
30:12 happened when you were sick, but your
30:14 body does. You may not remember why your
30:16 stomach tightens in crowds, but your
30:19 body does. You may not know why you
30:21 panic when someone raises their voice,
30:24 but your nervous system remembers, and
30:27 it responds instantly, often without
30:29 your permission, long before your
30:32 rational brain has time to catch up. The
30:34 problem is most people try to outthink
30:36 their trauma. They try to heal from the
30:40 neck up. But trauma is not stored in the
30:42 thinking brain. It's stored in the
30:45 survival brain and the body. That's why
30:48 insight alone is not enough. That's why
30:52 talking alone is not enough. That's why
30:54 you can go to therapy for years,
30:57 understand everything logically, and
31:00 still feel like nothing has changed.
31:03 Healing requires more than insight. It
31:05 requires integration. It requires
31:06 experiences that help your body feel
31:09 what your mind knows. That's what safety
31:11 provides. Not just the absence of
31:13 danger, but the presence of regulation,
31:15 the ability to feel without becoming
31:17 overwhelmed, to remember without
31:20 reliving, to move without freezing.
31:23 That's where somatic therapy comes in.
31:26 body-based healing that doesn't just ask
31:28 what happened, but what does your body
31:31 need to feel safe now? It might look
31:33 like breath work, movement, grounding,
31:36 or touch. It might mean learning how to
31:38 notice sensations without judgment, how
31:40 to stay present with discomfort instead
31:42 of fleeing from it, how to feel your
31:44 feet on the ground when your mind wants
31:46 to run. These are not small steps. They
31:49 are revolutionary acts of reclaiming
31:51 your body from the grip of trauma.
31:53 Because for many survivors, the body has
31:56 not felt like a safe place for a very
31:58 long time. It was the scene of the
32:01 crime. It carries the pain, the shame,
32:03 the helplessness. And so,
32:06 understandably, many people disconnect
32:08 from their bodies. They numb. They
32:11 dissociate. They live from the neck up
32:14 trying not to feel too much. But healing
32:16 asks us to come home to the body. Not
32:20 all at once, not forcefully, but gently,
32:23 gradually, with curiosity and compassion
32:26 to feel the ground again, to breathe
32:29 fully, to notice without judgment what
32:32 is happening inside. This is not easy.
32:34 In fact, for many, it's the hardest
32:38 part. Feeling is hard when feeling has
32:41 meant danger. But it is also where
32:43 freedom lies. Because the only way out
32:46 of trauma is through the body. When we
32:48 work with trauma, we must remember that
32:50 we are not just working with the past.
32:52 We are working with the present-day
32:54 survival responses that were once
32:58 adaptive. The flinch, the freeze, the
33:01 rage, the shutdown. These are not signs
33:03 of a broken person. They are signs of a
33:05 person who adapted to overwhelming
33:08 conditions. But those adaptations once
33:11 life-saving can become prisons. They can
33:13 keep you stuck even when the danger is
33:15 long gone. That's why we need to give
33:19 the body new experiences. Not just new
33:21 thoughts. Experiences of safety, of
33:24 agency, of connection. Experiences where
33:27 the body learns, I don't have to brace
33:29 anymore. I can relax. I can feel. I can
33:32 move. I can exist without fear.
33:34 One of the most powerful interventions
33:38 we can offer is not a technique. It's
33:40 presence. To sit with someone, to
33:42 breathe with them, to attune to their
33:45 body, to co-regulate with them until
33:47 their body begins to believe it is safe
33:50 again. Because trauma is about terror in
33:53 isolation. But healing is about safety
33:56 in connection. And that begins in the body.
33:58 body.
34:01 Why talking isn't enough. the limits of
34:04 cognitive insight.
34:06 There is a well-meaning but misguided
34:09 belief in modern mental health treatment
34:11 that if you can just talk about it,
34:13 you'll heal. That if you can put your
34:16 pain into words, explain it, analyze it,
34:18 understand it, then you'll finally be
34:21 free of it. But trauma doesn't work like
34:24 that. Not fully. Talking can help.
34:26 Understanding can help. Language is
34:28 powerful. It gives shape to what was
34:31 once unspoken. It gives you a sense of
34:34 control, meaning coherence. But insight
34:38 alone doesn't heal trauma. Why? Because
34:40 trauma lives in parts of the brain that
34:42 language doesn't reach. When we
34:45 experience trauma, the brain shifts the
34:48 prefrontal cortex, the part responsible
34:50 for reasoning, reflection, and verbal
34:53 expression shuts down. Meanwhile, the
34:56 amygdala, the fear center, becomes
34:58 hyperactive. The body floods with stress
35:01 hormones. The rational mind goes
35:04 offline. The emotional and sensory brain
35:06 takes over. In that moment, you are no
35:08 longer forming a narrative. You are
35:10 surviving. Your brain is encoding
35:13 sensations, images, smells, body
35:16 movements. Your trauma is stored in the
35:19 implicit memory system, not as a story,
35:22 but as fragments, triggers, bodily
35:25 responses, flashes of emotion. And these
35:28 implicit memories are not easily
35:31 accessed through talk alone. That's why
35:34 someone can say, "I know it wasn't my
35:36 fault." And still feel deep shame in
35:38 their body. That's why a veteran can
35:40 describe a battlefield in perfect
35:42 detail, but still wake up shaking from
35:45 nightmares. That's why survivors of
35:48 abuse can explain everything that
35:50 happened and still freeze when they hear
35:53 a certain voice or smell a certain
35:55 cologne. Because trauma is not just a
35:59 story you tell. It's a state your body remembers.
36:01 remembers.
36:03 So what does this mean for healing? It
36:04 means we need more than cognitive
36:07 therapy. We need therapies that work
36:09 with the body, the senses and the
36:11 subconscious. We need methods that can
36:14 access the nonverbal parts of the brain,
36:17 the right hemisphere, the lyic system,
36:19 the brain stem. This is why techniques
36:23 like EMDR, eye movement, desensitization
36:26 and reprocessing, yoga, neuro feedback,
36:29 sematic experiencing, art therapy and
36:32 rhythmic movement are so powerful. They
36:34 reach the places that words cannot. They
36:36 speak the language of the body, the
36:39 language of sensation, rhythm and
36:42 movement, the language trauma speaks.
36:44 I've seen people spend years in talk
36:47 therapy, gaining insight after insight,
36:50 and still remain stuck, still triggered,
36:53 still numb, still unable to relax or
36:55 connect. Not because they're doing
36:57 something wrong, but because their
37:01 therapy is only speaking to the thinking
37:03 brain, not the survival brain, not the
37:06 body. This is not a criticism of talk
37:09 therapy. It's a call for expansion.
37:10 Because when it comes to trauma, the
37:12 goal isn't just to understand what
37:14 happened. It's to experience yourself
37:17 differently in the present. It's one
37:19 thing to say, "I know I'm safe." It's
37:21 another to feel it in your chest, your
37:24 breath, your muscles. It's one thing to
37:26 say, "I'm allowed to set boundaries."
37:28 It's another to feel empowered in your
37:31 body when you say no. It's one thing to
37:33 say, "I deserve love." It's another to
37:36 stay present and regulated when someone
37:38 offers it. This is what real healing
37:41 looks like. Not just new thoughts, but
37:44 new experiences. Not just information,
37:47 but integration. This is why safety
37:49 matters so much. Not just physical
37:52 safety, but emotional, relational,
37:55 nervous system safety. Because only in
37:57 that state can the brain begin to
38:00 rewire, can the body begin to release,
38:02 can the trauma begin to be processed
38:04 instead of reenacted. Safety is not the
38:07 end goal. It is the beginning. the
38:09 foundation, the soil in which healing
38:12 grows. Without it, therapy can become
38:14 another performance, another mask,
38:16 another place where you say all the
38:18 right things while your body still lives
38:21 in a war zone. But with it, with real
38:24 embodied safety, something miraculous
38:27 happens. The body begins to feel. The
38:29 brain begins to integrate. You begin to
38:31 shift, not because you're forcing
38:33 yourself, but because something deep
38:35 inside is finally letting go. That's
38:38 when you realize you're not broken. You
38:40 were protecting yourself and now finally
38:43 you're allowed to stop.
38:46 Safety first because you deserve to feel alive.
38:49 alive.
38:51 Let me leave you with this. You cannot
38:54 heal in survival mode because healing
38:56 requires slowness, gentleness, and
38:59 choice. Your body is not your enemy.
39:03 Your symptoms are not signs of weakness.
39:05 They are the imprints of what you had to
39:08 do to survive. And now survival is no
39:10 longer the only option. Now you get to
39:14 heal slowly, tenderly, without pressure,
39:17 without performance, not to prove
39:19 something, not to get over it, but
39:22 because you deserve peace. You deserve
39:26 wholeness. You deserve to feel alive.
39:28 Safety isn't a luxury. It's the soil
39:31 from which all healing grows. So if
39:33 you're struggling, don't ask, "What's
39:35 wrong with me?" Ask instead, "What
39:38 safety has been missing?
39:40 What compassion has never been given to
39:44 me? What part of me is still waiting for
39:47 permission to come out of hiding?" That
39:49 is where the healing begins. And if no
39:51 one ever told you before, and let me say
39:55 it now, you are not broken. You are not
39:58 weak. You are not too much. You are a
40:00 survivor carrying a story your body had
40:02 no words for. And now maybe for the
40:05 first time, you're allowed to rest.
40:08 You're allowed to feel safe. You're
40:10 allowed to come home to yourself because
40:13 you can't heal in survival mode. But you
40:16 can heal when you finally feel safe. And
