0:03 i hope this will never happen to you
0:08 but if it does it's best to be prepared
0:11 what do you do if the relationship
0:15 with the counterparty breaks down
0:17 this video i'm going to talk you through
0:18 my breakdown routine
0:30 if a breakdown happens the first step is
0:33 to declare the breakdown
0:36 at our last meeting something went wrong
0:38 and i feel our relationship has
0:46 see how they respond they might say no
0:49 everything's fine i'm fine with you how
0:50 do you feel about us
0:52 and you might not actually have the
0:53 breakdown that you fear
0:56 but if you do have a breakdown the next step
0:57 step
1:00 is to state your outcome what you want
1:02 to happen
1:05 what i'd like to achieve is
1:08 unusually it's going to be something
1:10 like what i'd like to achieve
1:12 is to rebuild the relationship so that
1:13 we can again
1:15 start to trust one another and pick up
1:17 this negotiation
1:20 with confidence and move forward and
1:23 slowly rebuild that trust that we had
1:28 third invite them to state their outcome
1:30 what would you like us to achieve what
1:33 do you want
1:35 now i hope they're going to feel very
1:36 much the same way as you
1:38 that they want to rebuild the
1:39 relationship that they want to get on
1:41 with the negotiation
1:43 they might say you know what we really
1:44 don't trust you and we don't have
1:46 anything more to do with you
1:49 and you have to respect that you cannot
1:52 win back their respect and their trust by
1:53 by
1:58 however if they do want to rebuild the
2:00 relationship it's time to move to step four
2:01 four
2:04 of the breakdown routine this
2:07 is where you share the facts the
2:09 understanding of what happened
2:12 you can start by saying this is what i
2:13 think happened at our last meeting this
2:14 is how i
2:17 interpreted it what you need to do in this
2:17 this
2:21 dialogue is to separate facts from
2:24 opinions and perceptions
2:27 agree on the facts and share the
2:29 different opinions different perceptions
2:29 that you have
2:31 so that you can each understand the
2:33 other's position
2:37 because the way that you feel is a fact
2:39 it's a fact that you feel that way it's
2:41 a fact that i feel this way
2:43 we both need to acknowledge that those
2:45 may be based on perception
2:49 that isn't reality but the reality is
2:53 once you both have a common
2:55 understanding of the situation
2:57 you each know how the other person feels
2:59 you have a shared assessment of what
3:01 the facts the the reality of the situation
3:02 situation
3:05 is it's time to share your commitment
3:06 understanding all that
3:08 what i commit to do is and usually
3:09 that's going to be something
3:11 around putting right the mistakes that
3:13 you made
3:16 being able to move forward in a
3:17 different way
3:20 having made your commitment step six is
3:22 to invite them to make their commitment
3:28 when you've made your commitments you
3:30 need to work together to find out what's missing
3:31 missing
3:35 and how to fix it is it
3:38 poor behaviors is it missing information
3:42 is it a process that's not working
3:44 again each of you should be saying
3:48 something like what's missing for me is
3:50 for example what's missing for me is i
3:52 didn't feel like i had all the
3:54 information and feedback that i needed
4:01 suggested based on what's missing step 8
4:03 is to look for options
4:07 to fix it what can you do practically
4:09 to fill in the gaps and to make things right
4:10 right
4:13 and to start to rebuild a process that
4:15 will lead to a growth in trust
4:18 and development of the relationship you
4:20 might be saying something like
4:22 here are some possible ways forward what
4:25 else do you suggest
4:27 and from that step nine is to work
4:29 together to build a plan
4:32 and make the plan as detailed as you
4:34 both can
4:37 and as you both feel comfortable with
4:40 allocate responsibilities clearly and
4:42 with time scales if appropriate
4:44 i will do this you will do that i'll get
4:46 this done by certain state
4:49 you'll get that done by another date
4:51 this is what i propose to do this is
4:54 what i need from you
4:57 once you have a plan reiterate your commitment
4:58 commitment
5:00 we've got a plan i believe in the plan
5:02 and i am committed
5:04 to working for that plan and to be open
5:05 and honest
5:08 about how it's going so that we can work together
5:09 together
5:16 if the process has worked they will repeat
5:16 repeat
5:24 this is not a magic fix but it does work
5:25 i have used the breakdown routine for
5:27 real in two
5:30 situations in the first one i kind of
5:31 evolved it
5:34 to meet the situation and then after it
5:36 worked spectacularly well i documented
5:37 it and used it
5:40 later in another situation
5:42 and i've since written it up in a couple
5:44 of the books that i've written
5:48 it does work but what if it doesn't
5:51 well it's outside of the scope of this
5:52 simple video and indeed
5:55 of this course to look at it in detail
5:57 but there are effectively
6:00 three levels of escalation if a
6:02 relationship has truly broken down
6:05 but you want to fix it and the first is
6:07 to get a third party to conciliate
6:10 so conciliation is the first step and
6:11 the second step is
6:14 mediation where the third party will
6:15 help you
6:17 both to come to an agreement and the
6:20 final step is arbitration where you call
6:23 upon a third party to arbitrate on
6:25 basically who is right and who is wrong
6:28 and what a fair result is
6:30 i hope you will not need to move to
6:34 conciliation mediation or arbitration
6:37 and i am confident that the best chance
6:38 you've got is to follow
6:41 my simple 10-step breakdown
6:45 routine please give us a thumbs up if
6:47 you like this video
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6:58 next video and in the meantime
