This content outlines communication strategies employed by the top 1% to command respect and influence, focusing on projecting both warmth and competence through decisive language, strategic non-verbal cues, and compelling storytelling.
Mind Map
Clicca per espandere
Clicca per esplorare la mappa mentale interattiva completa
Hi and welcome back to the Big Deal
Podcast. I'm Cody Sanchez. If you want
to be respected, for your words to carry
weight, then this episode is for you.
I'm breaking down the communication
techniques the top 1% use to get people
leaning in, not tuning out. By the end,
you'll know how to stop sounding like
everyone else, and start speaking like
the leader people want to follow. So,
today, I want you to seal my confidence
and respect. [Music]
[Music]
First, speak in headlines. Start with
the point, not the preamble. I obsess on
my first sentence. Why? Executives don't
waste time on throat clearing or setting
up a big runway before they get to the
takeoff. By giving the headline first,
you frame the conversation and make
people lean in instead of tune out. This
is also how you never have somebody
repeat your idea to a group of people
and be able to take credit for it again.
Right? When you speak decisively and you
say something in front of a group, it
would be ridiculous for somebody else to
reframe your ideas and take them as your
own. This is called decisive speech.
Here's what that means. Clear, direct
statements, limited hedging, and using
few qualifiers or apologies. That's
really signaling, I am competent. Let's
say you want to talk to someone for a
few minutes. You're trying to get a few
seconds with them, a boss, a co-orker. I
brought this up last week, and what I
think we should do instead is probably
talk about this a little bit more, or we
could table it and talk about it later.
Can I steal a few minutes? Is now a good
time? Hey, hey, can we talk about that?
A good time for what? Why? Why do you
need to steal my minutes? Where are they
going? What you don't realize? Most
people sound like that. You instead will
sound something like this. I have a
problem that is leading to miss revenue.
Can we discuss no longer than 5 minutes
or I found a problem. I have a solution.
I need 30 seconds to get an okay for it.
The formula is what? What's wrong? Why
does the other person care? How long
will you bother them? The real issue
here is marketing. It's not moving fast
enough. We need to replace these two
hires. The budget is too low. If we do
these three things, work in 24-hour
cycles, spend 1 hour a day recruiting,
increase the budget, we will win. That
is how you get people to listen to you.
Warmth and competence. It's not how
smart, rich, or pretty you are. Respect
is about how fast you can signal I'm a
friend, which is trust and warmth. And
you can rely on me. Competence. The
faster you can signal those two things,
the more people like you and respect
you. I learned this from the number one
behavioral psychologist I know, Vanessa
Van Edwards. There are warmth cues that
means like smiling, nodding, for
instance. A fun one is the slow triple
nod, which is like this.
The other person speaks 67% longer.
That's because it is a nonverbal way to
say, "I hear you. I see you. Tell me
more." If instead you go, "Uh-huh."
Three fast shakes like that. What is
that signaling? Okay, moving along. I'm
ready to go. You're, you know, let's
keep talking to hear about something
else. You do three little nods, a pause,
and that signals, hey, I'm warm. I want
you to keep listening. Another warmth
cue is a head tilt. So, you could say, I
have some news. Straight shoulders, no
movement. I have some news. That is a
competent way to do it, but not warmth.
A warmth cue would be like, I have some
news. What are the two things that
change? Head tilt and a lift of the
shoulders. Now, more competence cues for
those of you who are listening, which is
probably the most important thing you
can do is confident posture. So, that's
standing tall, shoulders back, occupying
space shows certainty, credibility, not
hands below the table, hands in lap,
hands hidden. Instead, hands on the
table or in the microphone showing
straight up and shoulders back. Another
way to show competence, steepling of the fingers.
fingers.
Hm. I'm listening. I'm thinking about
that. What do we think we could do
there? It's not like this, though. That
looks creepy. This is a classic gesture.
What it basically means is, hey, I'm I'm
self assured. Next. Cut words, add
weight. You want to use fewer words, but
make them sharper. We'll double revenue
in 12 months. Okay, that is better than
we have a plan to increase revenue
significantly over the next year. Like,
what's significantly? win next year. We
want numbers, data, and credentials. So
when we mention certifications, awards,
supporting ideas with numbers, it
reinforces our expertise. So we don't
have to be better or smarter. The
numbers do that for us. Data plus
brevity signals confidence and it makes
every word carry weight, which commands
attention to us. So if I was a boss and
I said, "Tell me what you're going to do
about this problem." A bad example would
be something like, "Well, I think maybe
what we should do next is uh try, you
know, new hiring processes or maybe we
could talk to, you know, so- and so
about that person that they knew last
week." Um, you know, I'm not really
sure. Can I get back to you? Bad answer.
A good answer is pause.
My gut reaction, which allows you to
back out of it later if you find a
better reaction. My gut reaction is
first step, we go and we talk to this
person. Second step, we write down the
findings. Third step, we come back
together in 24 hours for an assessment
because I don't want to make too quick
of a decision. What do you think? Great.
You've basically non-committed just as
much as the other person has. But you
sound like you have authority even while
you're saying, "I don't know. I got to
talk to a couple of people. will
probably take me a day or two, right?
Instead, we're pausing, we're framing,
and we're saying we're going to regroup
at a date, time, and checking for
understanding. Speak like you want to be
heard. This falls into three categories.
I call it the get. Gestures, eyes, tone,
so you get heard. So, let's talk about
gestures first. Gestures need to be
precise. Using clear, purposeful hand
gestures like finger steepling indicates
deep thinking and self asssurance. So we
want to really use our hands in an
intelligent way. Authoritative vocal
tone, speaking with a lower pitch,
projecting the voice, avoiding filter
words like uh like signals competence
and competence. Narrowing your eyes
briefly signals I'm thinking about this.
I'm really focusing on what you're
saying. I've got active engagement and
analysis. A bad example of a tone,
especially for women, sounds like this.
Hi, my name is Cody. I'm really excited
to work here today. I have worked in
marketing for the past 10 years. What am
I doing there? Well, I'm getting an
uptick at the end of each sentence. Very
normal for women to do. Instead, what I
want to what would I want to do? Hi, my
name is Cody. I've been working in
marketing for the past 10 years. I'm
really excited about what we're going to
do here next. I can still smile. I can
still nod, but my tone is flat and a
little bit lower than normal. If you
hear me talk every single day, it
probably sounds like, "Hey, what's going
on? Hey guys, how are you?" Like, "God,
I'm so excited to see you. This podcast
is going to be so great." That's what I
normally sound like. When I'm trying to
be competent, I'm not going to be that.
I'm going to be one octave lower and I'm
going to be a little bit flatter. When
I'm talking to somebody I'm not trying
to be competent, my eyes are big.
They're like, "I'm curious. I want to
know more about that." This face does
not make you feel like I'm competent.
This face does. So, I am going to really
focus in. I'm almost going to picture a
pin prick of my attention going to that
other person. It's signaling I'm
listening, but you're going to have to
prove to me what you're talking about.
Next, master the pause. What to do after
delivering a key point? Stop talking.
This is where we let the silence work.
Why? Pauses, they create gravity. They
make your words echo longer and show
you're comfortable owning the room
without filling space.
Let's try. Let's say you have something
really hard to say to a group and you
need to say something like, "We're not
talking about the right things." I might
say something like, "I think we all know
we're not talking about what we need to
pause. Look around the room. get in
people's eyes. At this point, most
people keep talking because they're
worried that somebody is going to jump
in. You don't have enough competence or
authority for people to wait for you to
pause dramatically. So, how do you fake
that authority if you don't have it? You
go like this. I think we all know we are
not talking about the right thing. Put
up a finger. This is basically telling
them non-verbally to wait. And if you
see somebody jump in, you just push the
finger out a little bit more intensely.
This allows you to hold the frame. If
somebody starts to speak, you shake it a
little bit more formally. I when I do
this in my head, I like the count to
five as an example. So I think we all
know that we're not talking about what
we need to one two. Look around the
room. Three, four, five. Uncomfortable.
Then I give an example. Then I release
the finger and I keep going. Try this in
your next meeting. It will blow you away
by how much more people will actually
listen to what you have to say. Next.
Tell stories, not stats. Use a
narrative. We almost lost that company
because of one bad hire is much better
than well turnover rose by 12% last
year. Why? Humans follow stories, not
spreadsheets. Stories are sticky.
Numbers slide off. CEOs weave both. But
stories always lead. Historically, we
call this passing through parable. At my
companies, I have a saying which is show
me don't tell me. Which means that I
want to hear the story. I want to see
the data and I want it backed by
numbers. When you have those three, we
can get to solutions. But I don't just
want you to talk about it. I want you to
show me. Let's say you're trying to get
a friend to listen to you. You've talked
to this person a million times about
something that they should do
differently in their life and they have
never listened to you to date. I would
put a few in these into effect. Let me
tell you what a bad example sounds like.
Well, you've like dated this guy a few
times. Do you really think it's going to
go well if you keep dating him? Like
don't you think we've kind of like
learned our lesson here? Do we want to
really date him again? Like what what
are we doing? Right? That's like
questions. You're not very you're not
holding the frame. You're not pausing.
What would a good example look like?
Mary, I remember about six months ago
you called me in the middle of the night
crying. You were despondent. I could
barely understand what you were saying.
You really couldn't speak because you
were crying so hard. I thought maybe
somebody had died. But that was the
night that you called and told me that
he cheated on you and that you would
never speak to that man again. And now
here we are 6 months later when the
tears are dried and you're going back to
him. Do you feel the difference between
the two? One is like, "Yeah, well,
you've already done this again. Are we
going back?" Whatever. The second, you
will remember. So, take a moment and
become a storyteller. Over the past 90
days, we've grown by over 60,000
subscribers. Yay. Which is crazy. And
still, less than half of our viewers are
subscribed. So, if you could double
check your subscribe below, that would
be incredibly helpful for the show. You
truly are a big deal to me. Let's jump
back in. Next, use the three-point rule.
So, what to do? Frame everything in
threes. This one's super easy and super
powerful, so use it wisely. If I wanted
to get somebody to follow my framework
on something, I might say, "Here's the
opportunity, the risk, and the next
step." I don't even have to say 1 2 3. I
could just show it with my fingers. But
I know that it will frame my brain a
specific sequence that other people can
remember. Why? The brain loves patterns.
And we like patterns of three. You know,
the father, son, the holy ghost. Uh, it
feels complete, memorable, and
persuasive without overwhelming people.
Really easy to remember three, hard to
remember four, very difficult to
remember five. And if you probably
haven't noticed, I've been doing that a
lot in this video. Anytime you can
insert rules of three and what I call
named and framed segments, your speech
will be better. So, let's say, for
instance, somebody is doing something
really stupid and you want to tell them,
"Wow, that's so stupid." And there are
all these underlying reasons why that's
so stupid and we should never do that.
Instead, you might say, let's get to
first principles on this. Let's get to
foundational principles on what we're
talking about here. You're basically
saying, can we can we take a step back
to really see what's going on? Let's get
to second and third order effects, which
is a fancy way of saying, what are the
repercussions of the actions? If we do
that, what's going to happen next? I
believe that what's happening right now
is a lack of urgency bias. What you're
really saying is, I think you guys are
slow, like really slow. But because we
frame it in this fancier way, it's
harder to push back on. Next, command
the frame. Define the lens others see
the conversation through. Example,
somebody says something to you and
they're like, "We shouldn't spend that
money. I don't want to." Instead of
saying, "No, we should spend that money.
No, I disagree with you." You say, "This
isn't about money. It's about survival.
This isn't about cost. It's about
happiness. This isn't about money. It's
about our family. What are you doing?"
Well, whoever controls the frame
controls the debate. In communication,
this means not letting somebody else
take your frame. You never want to
respond with that. Not right. No, no,
we're not going to do it that way. I
didn't say that. Instead, you would say,
"That's a separate issue, Matt. Let's
focus on the core problem." What you're
basically saying is, "I don't want to
talk about that. Uh, I want to focus on
this other issue." H, but you're doing
it without ever having to debate and get
into the, "No, no, I disagree with you."
Which is really a childish way to try to
communicate. The last part of this
that's really important is the way you
communicate when we are framebreaking.
How people will not allow you to steal
their frame is when you fake it. So be
really careful about saying,
"Let's focus on the core problem, Matt.
It's not really that. This little side
smirk here, this is an immediate signal
of condescension. I don't like you. I
think you're dumb." Or, "Matt, that's
not really the core issue here. You know
what we're trying to do is something
else. This is a fake smile and it's
visceral. Like, do you guys feel it?
Like, I'm so happy that we're hanging
out." You're like, "No, you're not. You
hate me." Like you don't even have to
say anything. Instead, you need to
either turn it off or turn it on. Fake.
I'm so happy to be here. No, you're not.
I can tell. I'm so happy to be here. I
actually have no emotional difference
right now between the two. I'm just
committed to the bit, right? I'm so
happy to be here. And if you can't be
happy in the moment, then think about
something that makes you happy and
plaster that on your face instead. But
be really careful with the feelings of
condescension coming out on your face.
Next, project calm certainty. People
trust leaders who seem unshakable. I
find certainty to be contagious. Even if
you're still figuring things out behind
the scenes, be the duck gliding above
the water, even though underneath you
are paddling like a crazy
Now, this is very unpopular for the
internet, but I'm just going to tell you
the truth. There is no crying in
business. Do not cry in meetings when
things are going sideways. Do not
believe the influencers that tell you
that that's okay. Do not show weakness.
From an emotional deregulation
standpoint, it is not okay to cry. Now,
if somebody dies, if you hurt yourself,
perfectly fine. You know, if you if you
have something else in your life that
just hurts in that moment, okay, of
course. But you do not cry because you
are frustrated like a small child at
your inability to communicate properly
in work settings. You allow somebody
else to cry. You pass them the tissue.
You may you say, "Hey, no problem. Take
your time." But that's not you. Because
that is not a 1% move ever. Every single
leader that I have seen cry in business
is not a leader for very long. Business
does not allow for crying. You can hate
me on the internet for this, but your
bank account will love me. Next, name
the elephant. Call out the obvious thing
when no one wants to. So, if you're
sitting in a meeting like I often am,
and everybody's sort of talking around
the issue, right? There's this big hairy
elephant in the middle of your meeting
room. I want you to try out saying it, guys.
guys.
Are we not hitting our sales numbers
because our product isn't good enough
yet? That's phase one. We're saying it
as a question. We also use the word guys
as an opener. It's like, I'm not saying
it. It's a question. Guys means it's a
question we all have, isn't it? If you
have a stronger frame and more
authority, you can say, "We're not
hitting our numbers because our product
isn't good enough yet." Now, I did a
couple really subtle cues there. I look
to the side. I put up my shoulders. I
kind of I do a little, you know, all of
that is a stage two. And if you want the
highest frame, you would say, "We are
not hitting our numbers because our
product is not good enough yet."
Straight to frame, serious, no side.
Anytime you like lift up, side side
smirk, all of that warmth cue as opposed
to competence cue. Now leaders earn
respect by voicing uncomfortable truths.
It breaks tension and actually makes
people believe in you more than anyone
else in the room. You should really try
it in a room where everybody else is
doing the PC thing. If you can find that
there is a truth that nobody is talking
about. And especially if the truth maybe
is on you, that's the ultimate. Like,
you know what I think the real problem
is, guys? I think I made the wrong call
on this. We should have done this. We
did this instead. So, I'm going to have
this outcome. I'm going to take my
burden of this. What else should we have
done differently? If you are going to do
this one, you better be right. And two,
you need to find your ally who already
wants you to say the quiet part out
loud, but maybe is scared to do it or
really needs somebody else to do it.
This is also where power dynamics come
in. So, you're going to need to
understand who your allies are ahead of
time. Often in meetings, this means that
you talk about the meeting before the
meeting to game plan. Never feel bad at
thinking that top 1% communicators are
born with it. That's not true. We prep.
The way that you get to the top 1% is
you prep more than the other 99% do. And
finally, end with a command. Always
finish with a clear action. Here's what
happens next. By Friday, I want us to
decide this. Why? Influence without
direction, just noise. CEOs do not leave
conversations open-ended. They move
people to act. A little extra add-on for
you guys. Ask dangerous questions. Lots
of people ask safe questions. How's
everyone feeling about this? How was
your weekend? Instead, get a little
sharper. What's the one risk that could
kill this deal? Because real leaders
don't just talk, they provoke thought.
Questions like this make people take you
seriously because they can tell you want
the truths, not just to dodge. Sometimes
the most authoritative thing you can do
is say, "I don't know." But I think we
can find the answer to this question.
And if we do, we will find the answer to
everything. That is a hard question.
Also, if you don't know if you are
competent or warm-leaning, let me give
you a little piece of homework. Let's
say you can't tell if you're going to
become a top 1enter because you don't
know what you need to lean into more. Go
to your email. I learned this from
Vanessa. See how many warm verse cold
indicators you have. What does that
mean? In an email, look at the words.
Warm words are words that trigger
oxytocin, the happiness drug. So that's
like cheers, collaborate, learn, emojis,
thank yous, exclamation points, smiley
faces. Competent words are words like
achieve, mastery, results, outcomes,
data, charts, graphs. The truth is that
best leaders have both. They use warmth
and competence, and they use them like a
scalpel, not a sledgehammer. But almost
every person I've ever met has one side
more dialed than the other. If you guys
haven't noticed, I am high on
competence. I actually am pretty low on
warmth. I get serious, and when I'm
serious about things, I have a very
serious face. And so I I kind of am
thinking about things. I'm not smiling
so much. Um I need to work on my warmth
cues because people could be intimidated
by me or scared of me, which I've heard.
And so every single one of us is going
to be somewhere on this spectrum. The
top 1% is both aware and then they prepare.
Clicca su qualsiasi testo o timestamp per andare direttamente a quel momento del video
Condividi:
La maggior parte delle trascrizioni è pronta in meno di 5 secondi
Copia in un clicOltre 125 lingueCerca nel contenutoVai ai timestamp
Incolla l'URL di YouTube
Inserisci il link di qualsiasi video YouTube per ottenere la trascrizione completa
Modulo di estrazione trascrizione
La maggior parte delle trascrizioni è pronta in meno di 5 secondi
Installa la nostra estensione per Chrome
Ottieni le trascrizioni all'istante senza uscire da YouTube. Installa la nostra estensione per Chrome e accedi con un clic alla trascrizione di qualsiasi video direttamente dalla pagina di riproduzione.
