e although I don't care for his taste in paintings
paintings
I don't even know how that happened well
I guess I have no choice I'm going to
in okay everybody don't panic the host has
returned I can take losing the topic
cards and the phone and the punch bowl
but I was supposed to lead the Bunny Hop
this is a bunch of articles I breaking
in well well well what do we have here a
burglar bunny why they do it oh mie I
don't know it's probably how he gets his
kicks you criminals make me sick I'm no
criminal I live here I'm just throwing a
party I got locked out I
swear well why didn't you say so what a
terrible misunderstanding you have a
nice party now sir like for a second
there I thought I was going to be
arrested for breaking into my own house
what an ironic twist that would have
been remember Patrick flatter the
customer make him feel
good hello I love
you I think you laid it on a Teensy bit
thick there oal let me
try please go away
um how how you doing how am I doing want
to buy some chocolate we got him now
sorry chocolate has sugar and sugar
turns to bubbling fat isn't that right
lover boy it tickles as you can see me
and chocolate no longer
hang you can keep that for five bucks
I'll take 10 we haven't sold one
chocolate bar I have a feeling we're too
easily distracted huh let's make a pack
right now that we will stay focused on
selling at the next house what let's
shake on it did you say something
remember Patrick
Focus yes good afternoon sir we're
selling chocolate bars [Music]
[Music]
focusing back up [Music]
[Music]
Jack nice place you got
here I can't understand what we're doing
wrong I can't understand anything there
must be something to this selling game
that we're just not getting other people
do it I mean look at that eat Barnacle
chips they're delicious they are most
certainly not delicious not the way I
use them yet they sell millions of bags
a day well maybe if they didn't stretch
the truth they wouldn't sell as many
that's it Patrick we've got to stretch
chocolate we'll work as a team let me
get this customer warmed up and then you
coming for the kill the kill
kill
yes hello young
lady we're selling choc
it's your mother home
home
mom what what what's all that
yelling you just can't wait for me to
die can you they're selling chocolate
chocolate yeah what what are they selling
selling
chocolates what chocolates I can't hear
you they're selling chocolates they're
selling chocolate chocolate I remember
when they first invented chocolate
chocolate sweet sweet
chocolate I always hated it oh but this
chocolate's not for eating it's for you
rub it on your skin and it makes you
live forever no no live forever you say
I'll take
one come on you lazy Mary start rubbing
me with that chocolate I hate you if we
keep exaggerating the truth we'll be
fancy living in no time hooray for
lying it'll make your hair grow great my
wife's trying to grow a beard they'll
make you sound smart I'll take 20 it'll
keep your face from getting any uglier
just in time they make you fly you'll
fall in love they'll bring World Peace
you'll walk through walls you'll rule the
the [Music]
[Music]
world this will be the best life yet
yeah this guy will feel so sorry for us
he'll have to buy all of our chocolate
what can I do for you boys hello sir
would you like to buy a chocolate bar we
need an operation really small world
what's the matter with you guys uh we've
got some head trauma and Eternal
Bleeding H some guys have all the luck I
was born with glass bones and paper skin
every morning I break my legs and every
afternoon I break my arms at night I lie
awake in agony until my heart attacks
[Music]
no ow quick Patrick Let's help him
careful put him down gently
gently
oh poor poor man if there's anything
anything we can do to help you there is
one thing as you can well imagine my
medical bills are extremely high but
luckily I'm able to keep myself Alive by
selling chocolate [Music]
[Music]
bars such nice boys it does my heart
good to con a couple of Class A Sucker
roonies like those [Music]
[Music]
to don't give me wrong Patrick it's
great that we helped that guy out but
there's no one left in town to sell
who let's face it Patrick We're failures
I can live with
that let's change our names to why and bother
pleas finally I've been trying to catch
you boys all day now that I've got you
right where I want you you I'd like to
chocolate thank you for your
patronage and here's the chalkboard it's
the ladle that helps us drink from the
Fountain of
Knowledge and those drinks are recorded
here on the good noodle
board oh
sorry attendance penmanship basic desk
Sanitation advaned desk sanitation I'll
add your name so you can start
collecting good noodle Stars
too there you are look at all the stars
you have I'll never be that good don't
not Patrick I'm just like everyone else
no matter how many stars I have
have
74 who said that was it him I doubt it
that's Roger our class science project
what does he teach us the greatest
lesson of all the precious value of life
you see Patrick Roger shell represents
the fragile line between life and death
when behind the wheel of a boat this
like bulb represents knowledge and
without its energy and warmth within
minutes Roger would die Life Death Life
Death Life Death Life Death Life Death
catrick sorry the best part of being
early is you get to sit close to the
teacher think you can handle the second
chair I'm
learning this is going to be great [Music]
[Music]
hello class my name is Mrs Puff and the
only reason I say that is because I see
we have a new student young man why
don't you stand up and introduce
yourself who's the fat kid talking to
you Patrick she's the teacher oh come on
now tell the class your name don't don't be
nervous we just want to know your [Music]
[Music] name
name [Applause]
[Applause]
24 oh great another [Music]
genius why are they laughing I guess
it's just in the time [Music]
oh today's first lesson will be on turning
24 hey Patrick what I thought of
25 that's
enough young man this is your first day
so I'll let you off with a warning as
for you SpongeBob I expect more from a
good noodle pay attention yes Mrs Puff
now then turning what every driver
should know when you are turning it is
important to signal at least 4 ft from
the big fat me Patrick you can't do that
she's the teacher what about the teacher
what as if I really look like
this SpongeBob I believe you know the
punishment for two classroom
disruptions no I'm sorry SpongeBob but
if one wishes to be a good noodle one
must behave like a good noodle I'm a
good noodle I'm a good noodle you'll get
this star back when you earn it [Music]
no no no no no no no no no [Music]
[Music]
no Mrs Puff is it nap time SpongeBob
I've had enough of your nonsense now
collect your things and move to the
available desk in the back of the room
but me but why because the big fat
meanie said so now go
go thanks a lot Patrick sure thing
buddy well I guess I could be a good
noodle from back
here now as I was saying when turning
left you must so hard to hear what kind
of student sits back here
anyway school is for
Chumps where am I
I
SpongeBob just ignore him SpongeBob
SpongeBob over here whatever you do
don't look at him [Music]
[Music]
SpongeBob [Music]
SpongeBob
SpongeBob over here I'm trying to tell you
you
something something important
important what
what hi
hi perhaps this would be a good time for recess
h [Music]
Tatar Spong I got no puka squag
[Music] [Applause]
[Applause] [Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
H uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh [Music]
[Applause] [Music]
noow no no [Music]
no m [Music]
tayor Fu Spong guard tayor Fu Spong
guard n Dumbo [Music]
Wonder P
[Music]
spongy good afternoon ladies and
gentlemen and Welcome to our live
coverage of this year's annual spring
classic the2 running of the snail and
what a beautiful day for the sport of
kings of which I am a huge fan seriously
I'm just a fan I was on my way to my
seat the door was open hey what are you
doing sorry about that folks let's go
down to the field to join the mayor for
the pregame ceremony and now for the
lighting of the torch of good
sportsmanship please join me in
welcoming snail Racing's first ever
Luciano what you look at at that folks
lightning Larry Luciano a living legend
slowly making his way center
stage and what a proud moment for this
sport the crowd is going absolutely
nuts per Larry he's almost
there ah yes
sir any minute now 2 hours later he's
[Music]
begin well SpongeBob I must admit I
didn't think that mongr mut of yours
congratulations save it for the loser
Circle Squidward Gary happens to be in
the best shape of his life [Music]
[Music]
I'll alert the
paramedics good one Squidward you guys
ready a b no Patrick that's the official
we're uh ready to start here folks okay
SN let's show these common Garden
variety snails what Superior breeding is all
all
about all right Gary listen up the
competition is going to be fierce you're
the UN snail everybody's already
counting you out now get out there and
win so we can rub Squidwards big fat
nosing it no this is what you've been
training for Rocky this is why we're
here on your mark get set Slither and
they're off number six Snelly Rockets
out of the starting blocks leaving the
other two competitors in the dust go
Snelly you got it baby what are you
doing Gary the race is started you let
Snelly Take the
Lead let's go Gary start moving your
blowing everything we train for Lo it
it's okay Rocky you go when you feel
like it Gary are you listening to me get
the anchors out of your bants right now
don't give me that look I said now
mister get going Gary go go go go go and
there goes number seven out of the
Starting Gate oh hang on folks he
doesn't look so
good not good enough Gary not good
faster I do not like the look of this
come on Gary it's a r a right you heard of
of
them that coach is pushing that snail
scary plus a blown head gasket oh and
the poor creature's still going for it
um scary you can stop now and he's losing
losing [Applause]
control you can take a break now if you
want to Gary He's spitting out of
control he's heading straight for the [Applause]
wall hold on Gary I'm coming woh one of
the coaches seems to have raced onto the
track that is an automatic
disqualification looks like number six
has this race all wrapped up ladies and
gentlemen come on Snelly it's all your
to B oh Gary I'm sorry what did you just
say I was pushing it too
hard you did oh Gary why didn't you tell
me I wasn't
listening you did no Gary
my oh my folks I have never seen
anything quite like this it seems Snelly
the leader just went back to comfort
Gary looks like you and I are in-laws a
Squidward but that's impossible if
Snelly didn't win then and the winner is Rocky
oh oh I got dead again this game [Applause]
[Applause]
stinks see that's why you must always
pay attention to the mountain I'm
listening to you
Mountain don't eat the yellow sand
Patrick oh yeah I
forgot hey Sandy watch me do The Grouchy
Squidward stop naming moves after me
everybody's an idiot except for me well it's
it's [Music]
true look out for that
train don't worry guys everything's
in h that's funny someone turned the
Fun Bob land on your bottom it'll push
in the impact of the
fall like this no your other bottom
don't you have to be stupid somewhere
4 oh that's going to hurt do it again I wasn't
wasn't
looking well it looks like your gluteus
maximus has made a full recovery my what
has a what now your butts all better
it's really quite amazing it took 20
hours to put it all back together we
actually ran out of Staples and had to
use a glue stick yep you're a lucky
lucky lucky lucky lucky luck boy but
from now on I'd like you to be more
careful one more injury like that and
you could wind up like that poor
creature there in the Iron Butt oh man idiot
idiot
CH you heard the doctor SpongeBob one
more injury like that and it's the Iron
Butt I've been too careless back there
from now on I am on Round the Clock butt
Patrol he step away from the backside
I'm warning you what's your
problem that was close hey SpongeBob why
don't you join us we need an extra
player nice catch
Percy hey SpongeBob you got to try this
dude we finally got enough people for a
seven M spanking machine ouch ouch ouch ouch
next is this where the line starts my
butt is not safe out here no part of me is
is
SpongeBob that was fun
hey SpongeBob you ready to go
sandboarding again SpongeBob Hello
friends enjoying the outside world what
y'all doing sitting in the middle of the
floor like that oh living out the
remainder of my life in safety if you
guys were smart you would join me that
accident made me realize that it's
dangerous out there I was one of the
lucky ones I'm a Survivor and so I've
simply decided I am never leaving my
house again that's crazy talk that's not
talk sorry no Patrick's right Sandy you
saw what happened to me and next time it
won't just be my butt it'll be my armpit
or my forehead or your other armpit I
was wrong to go against nature I'm a
sponge what was I thinking walking my
people are sedentary just sitting in
your house ain't you going to get
Lonesome I won't be Lon I've got all the
friends I need right here this is
Penny and Chip and say hello to you
napkin well how are you going to keep
problem a really long
spatula what about eating I'm a sponge
I'll just filter feed [Music]
[Laughter] [Music]
SpongeBob sooner or later you're going
to have to go outside listen I told you
that I'm never leaving my house again
never ever never ever ever never never
ever ever for never ever never ever
never never ever ever never never ever
ever ever ever ever ever ever never ever
never ever ever never ever never never
ever ever never all right Patrick that
is enough chip would you mind showing
these two to the [Music]
chip customization
voila but what could compare to just
stars well I've worked up an appetite as
big as all Outdoors time for a little
grub I suppose you two are going to Stew
up some twigs and rocks right uh nope we
got something even better marshmallows [Music]
just like the astronaut
eat Patrick the SpongeBob Patrick the
SpongeBob do you read me over SpongeBob
to Patrick I read you over Patrick to
SpongeBob I like going over SpongeBob to
Patrick me [Music]
too SpongeBob to Patrick help yourself over
yummy Patrick the SpongeBob the
deliciousness has
landed well you two astronauts can eat
marshmallows I'm going to have a can of
Swedish Barnacle balls just as soon as I
can get my can of but Squidward didn't
you take a can opener when you hiked out
here why would I bother we're 10 ft from
my house but this is the Wilderness it
just doesn't seem to fit the camping
Spirit pretty weeny how right all right
give me a [Music]
marshmallow okay besides spitting molten
food stuffs at me what else do you do
for fun well after a long day of camping
it's nice to unwind with a nice relaxing
campfire song I call this one the
Campfire Song Song let's gather around
the campfire and sing our campfire song
r c a m p f i r e s l n g song and if
you don't think that we can sing it
faster then you're wrong but it'll help
if you just sing [Music]
along c s
c and if don't think we can sing it f you're
you're it
c good it'll
alone oh
relaxing oh
no I'll save you [Music]
Squidward Squidward are you all right
that's it Chew Chew and
swallow there better better I was just
fine until you launched that ballistic
junk food into my windpipe but I had to
it's too dangerous to play the clarinet
badly out here in the wilderness it might
might
attract a seab bear a seab bear you mean
like the ones that don't exist what are
you saying there's no such thing they're
just a myth oh no squid word seab bearss
are all too real it says so in the
Bikini Bottom Inquirer I married a seab
bear yeah and fake science monthly seab
bears and fairy tales are real that's
the stupidest thing I've ever heard well
maybe it is stupid but it's also dumb
Patrick's right Squidward seab bears are
no laughing matter why once I met this
guy who knew this guy who knew this guy
who knew this guy who knew this guy who
knew this guy who knew this guy who knew
this guy who knew this guy who knew this
guy who knew this guy who knew this guy
who knew this guy who knew this guy who
knew this guy who knew this guy who knew
this guy's cousin you're right I should
be more careful in fact why don't you
tell me all of the things I shouldn't do
if I want to keep the seab bears away
okay that's easy first off don't play
the clarinet okay then what never wave
your flashlight back and forth really
fast flashlights are their natural prey
you're kidding don't stop around they
take that as a challenge yeah go on
don't ever eat cheese sliced or
cubed cubed sliced is fine yeah yeah and
never wear a sombrero in a goofy fashion
or clown shoes or a hoop skirt and never ever
ever
ever like a
chimpan one crabby patty grilled with
the fiery warmth of my Beating Heart
enjoy thanks
uh oh is there a problem well you really
should be wearing a name t so I can
thank you properly while it is against
My Philosophy to disagree with the
customer I must point out that I am in
huh SpongBob oh Squidward it's terrible
it's the most terrible thing that's ever
happened to me I lost my name tag [Music]
[Music]
for SpongeBob take it easy I'm sure you
can get a new one but I don't want a new
one Squidward my name tag is out there
somewhere lost hungry who will help it
what if someone's using
it all right nobody move this is a bank
wow Squidward what happened oh you
fainted because you lost your name tag or
[Music]
something SpongeBob will you get a hold
of yourself since when is losing your
name tag the end of the world attention
all employees just a quick heads up boys
there's going to be a surprise uniform
inspection in 1 hour anyone who doesn't
pass gets the boot [Music]
[Music]
this poot to be exact it's very stinky
and you'll have to wear it all day see
hour SpongeBob if you really want to
find your name tag just retrace your
steps retrace my steps Squidward you're a
a
genius a genius well I don't know about
that but cover me till I get back okay
oh sure sure a genius well
hey let's see if I'm going to retrace my
steps I got to remember everything I did
this morning hi SpongeBob oh hi Patrick
you said hi to me this morning right as
I do every morning well I need you to do
it again that was a part of the deal
square pants Patrick what are you
talking about my hellos aren't just some
tape recording that you can rewind and
play over and over they're special
Patrick this is an emergency I lost my
name tag this morning and I need to
tag okay Patrick you know the plan right
I got it I got it you're going to
retrace your steps and when you walk by
me I say hi just like this morning
perfect I guess I should start with when
works good morning world and all who inhabit
good I don't see my name tag up
here now that my horrific incident of
Terror is over how about some breakfast
the most important meal of the day
way okay next I just have to walk
Patrick Patrick what you were supposed
hi oh all right let's take it from the
top hi spongebob don't forget your line
this time I won't good morning world and
it the most important meal of the day Gary's
Gary's [Music]
[Music]
way Patrick why didn't you say hi to me
what's my motivation forget the
hi hi Patrick no wait I'm Patrick I'm
SpongeBob who's
SpongeBob I said sponge boob again again sorry
people the most important meal of the
day Gary's
way I got the
giggles oh what's the use I'll never
find my name tag in time for inspection
well what did you do after I said hi to
you this morning H let's see I skipped
merrily to the Crusty Krab said hello to
Old Man Jenkins hi Mr J placed an apple
on Mr crabs' desk
and that's about it oh and these two
dumpster good one guys
W that's it your name tag is in the
[Applause] genius
genius [Music]
huh I salute you oh Majestic jellyfish
your command of the sky is unmatched
floating just out of the reach of my net
but near enough that I can see your Untamed
Untamed [Music]
Beauty if only I could join you there in
the air floating free without a care I
wish I could fly and see things with
a eye I would fly so very high and touch the
the
sky and never have to ask why it is that
I can't
fly wait a minute I'm forgetting the
words of Grandpa SquarePants if we were
meant to fly we'd have propellers on our
heads or jet engines on our backs I'm
going to follow his advice by gum I'll
invent a flying [Music]
[Music]
machine what's that Contraption
SpongeBob that Patrick is a flying [Music]
[Music]
machine what's so funny oh it's like my
grandpa used to say if we were meant to
fly hey I'm not your
grandfather well here I go Patrick I'm
off to fly with the jellyfish ignition
ignition
check landing gear check complimentary
peanuts check aoo ready for [Music]
takeoff you cut a hole in Farmer Jacob's
grade Silo don't remind me I knew no
good would come from city Folk in their
flying machines now
this we better do it says he knows how
to grow
food well it took me all night but here
they are the new blueprints I wasn't
even close with that last one propellers
ruers this one's going to
ready it's working padrick I'm flying
I'm falling [Music]
y this is it Patrick the physics are all
here this time I'm going to fly behold
oh boy a birthday party no Patrick this
is the Square Pants flyer Mark II all
you do is remove the brick or ballast and
huh well back to the drawing board can
we have the cake now happy happy
birthday bir to
you Patrick get ready to say Eureka okay
go it's working I'm
flying hey look at that guy tied to a
kite look why is he doing this why is he
doing this get down get down do not be
afraid Earthbound people I am not a
flying monster I am just one of
excuse me sir but I'd like to return
this kite hey I know you yeah from
today's paper local nutcase tries to fly
I'm a nutcase because I follow my dreams
well they laughed at the guy who
invented light bulbs too no they
didn't you'll
see look Mom it's the Birdman of Bikini
Bottom wow I wonder why he's still using
his legs come on birdman flap your wings and
and
fly hey Birdman going to check on your
eggs maybe he's looking for a statue to poop
on go on and laugh but it is a sad day
in Bikini Bottom when a guy is ridiculed
for having dreams you think you're the
only one with unfulfilled dreams
I was supposed to be a concert pianist
until I realized I didn't have any
fingers we all had dreams what makes you so
so special
special [Music]
dreamer well I can't get any [Music]
[Music]
worse I thought I let that glass of
peanut juice on the table and didn't I
toss that old lamp out yesterday and
since when did I acquire all these
portraits of [Music]
[Music]
ghost I knew it was you guys all right
joke's over take off the
[Music]
boy we really scared
her who's going to be our next victim a
better question would be who
isn't double dark deep sea light diet
cake you will soon be mine [Music]
[Applause] [Music]
ghost ghost ghost ghost ghost toost
ghost it's official we're the greatest
pranksters ever the whole town thinks
we're ghosts yeah there's only one guy
left to scare and will have pranked
everybody in Bikini Bottom Mr
Crab it says he isn't scared of ghosts
that ghosts ha I ain't afraid of no
ghosts every Taylor knows a ghost won't
come near a fella as long as he's
wearing his spotted Neer chip and his
dried up sea leprechaun and a bit of
gold never hurt but to be on the safe
side I'm also wearing me pants in a
Melvin nut got me shivering Timber brace
and the hairs on the back of me neck are
taped down and I'm all wrapped up in a
suit of anti- Ghost Armor and if none of
this stuff works I've got my secret
weapon the spect
deflector so just try and get me you
up
crabs crabs we've come to haunt you stay
back I'm well [Music]
[Music]
[Applause]
a I got to get out of
here you can't escape crabs we've glued
me nice try Krabs but we replaced all
rubber to L crabs we've already clogged
all the toilets
spirits leave me be oh please we got him
good SpongeBob wait Patrick I've got one
more idea you're going to pay crabs no
Spirits please hey
no no don't bur me [Music]
Dollar well well well if it is in
SpongeBob Bob and
Patrick oh I know not these names of
which you speak a SpongeBob SpongeBob
we're visible [Music]
[Music]
again so you two are the Bikini Bottom
ghost we're really sorry Mr Crab please
don't chop us up in the little pieces
and eat them hey come on boys I'm Happ I
pulled my share of pranks when I was
your age had me some laughs that's what
we did tonight right had a good laugh
me uh any particular reason you boys are
naked yeah the invisible paint stains
clothes of course it does well you two
better hurry home before someone sees
you nude yeah I think I'd die of
embarrassment if that happened me too
woo no we wouldn't want that would we
it's getting late now you two pranksters
better get going Mr Krabs thanks for
being such a good sport don't mention it
that Mr Crabs always looking out for me
what a guy yeah the Crusty Crab presents
live nude pranksters starving the Bikini
Bottom ghosts [Applause]
Patrick we should have bought the whoopy cushion
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