you listen to the summary of the book with dad with
good books due to immunity and summary from
English to Vietnamese today
I will read you a
book that is very familiar to everyone That is the
book Men of Mars Women of Venus the
book in English is called Men of
Poor Woman of
This was a bestseller in
the 90s but it is still valuable
today and John Gray's book
is considered a guide to building
intimacy and creating good relationships
very few books have made such a
big splash in popular culture as
Men of Mars Women of Venus in fact
this guide to building feelings revolves
around the story of
extraterrestrials falling in love and one of the
highest rated non-fiction books
of the 90s in many ways the
perception of relationships has
changed since this book was
published but the psychology of men and women
is different no relationship counselor
chan de believes that is true as such but
he also argues that once men and
women learn to understand
each other's communication styles and emotional needs they
can work together in their relationship the
following summary offers practical advice
on how to navigate a relationship
some women may find themselves
more involved in the Mars examples
while some men
may find themselves more in the
Venus examples the author calls this
role reversal furthermore if you
feel a certain concept is
irrelevant the author advises the reader to skip
ahead and continue
in this summary you will learn
How to write a love letter to
your significant other bad the main love needs
of men and women and why men are
like rubber bands while women are
like waves part 1 Men
and women express love in
different ways and love flourishes when
we accept each other's differences
when in relationships sometimes
we expect our spouses to
act the same way we do but of
course they don't this
can leave you feeling turned on and
confused as if our spouses are
from another planet the author for
Wave focuses on heterosexual relationships the
question he asks is how can
a man and a woman
reduce stress and build
intimacy his answer is
they need to learn to respect
each other's differences the main message here is that
men and women express love in
different ways and love will
flourish when we accept
each other's differences let's imagine that
we are all from different planets
as the title suggests men are from
mars and women are from venus now
imagine that martians
discovered venusians
through their telescopes and invented space travel
to visit venusians the latter
venus welcomed the
martian visitors with open hearts
love blossomed martians and
venusians lived
together in harmony until one day They flew
to earth together and suffered from selective amnesia the
astral man and the venus man
completely forgot they were from
different planets and love was
replaced by conflicts so what
happened have you ever heard women say that
men never listen why is that so
when a woman a
venus man feels overwhelmed she will
feel relieved to let out
her feelings so she turns to
her partner expecting to be
listened to and understood however a
man mistakenly thinks his job is to
solve the woman's problems
in return he expects appreciation
and love what happens however
it is very different the woman does not
get the support she is
looking for and the man ends up feeling
rejected so how do you
avoid this as a man
you should just listen to your partner
and give her your undivided attention
unlike venus men
when famous painters are sad they
like to help me about their actions when
faced with problems the consequences of this is that
he may temporarily withdraw from
his relationship however he doesn't want
his partner to feel anxious he
just wants to be alone for a while it's
hard for a woman to respect
this need after all on Venus you
show someone that you love them by
offering ideas or advice like
these Unsolicited advice
can trigger a man's underlying insecurities
however the
Venusian can achieve harmony when
they are used to dealing with each other
's pressures in
fact when a man
listens to him he may even start to come out of his
cave more often and be willing
to help his partner more often
part 2 men and women in power for
each other they understand how to communicate effectively
and how to motivate their partner
before the one came out the other and the one after they
came together they went through a bout of
depression at the same time there were times when it was
really hard but then the
martian caught a glimpse of the martian after the
teleportation they received an invitation to
visit and finally felt
needed so the martians came out
of their depression came out of the
planet built a fleet of spaceships and
traveled to the planet Venus predicted the arrival
of the martians the venusians
felt loved their depression
was reduced and they started preparing him
here on earth things are the
same when a man Feels the
need for his partner he will be
motivated to be the best he
can be he is no longer selfish
instead he acts from a place of caring There is
really no more self interest on the
other hand a woman is motivated
by care and emotional validation when she
feels appreciated by her partner
she will have more love to give the
main message here is that men and
women Empower each other they know
how to talk effectively and how to
motivate their partners
but what if men
and women not meeting
each other's needs they can lose motivation to build
their relationship for men
this happens they no longer
feel trusted women can feel the
same way they give or
help without getting enough in return a
man may not give enough because he is
worried that his partner will not
accept him he is afraid of rejection in reality
he needs to listen to the woman and do
little things that show
how much he appreciates her
this knowledge can help him overcome
his fears on the other hand a woman
can learn to be more forgiving when
she shows appreciation for the
things her partner does
he will be encouraged to give more than
men and women can also learn to
understand each other's communication for example
men can learn not to take a
woman's statements about her feelings
literally a statement like we
never go out together can sound
like a as a man can
react harshly about this i think
his partner is frustrated
with him in reality of course she
just wants to go out and do something
fun together
also women can practice expressing
gratitude for what
their partner is doing for them you should also remember
that it is normal for a man to become
quiet and withdrawn this is
not a sign that he is
no longer interested instead he could
simply be withdrawing and
his actions and he could also be
using the magic word I will come back to
part 3 men and women go through
different intimacy cycles this
affects their ability to give and receive
love conflict between men and
women can be created by something that happens
in cycles these are
their different and natural responses to
intimacy as we have learned men
sometimes need to withdraw from
their relationships instinctively women may
want to reciprocate by moving closer
but by being intimate they can
actually be destructive sometimes it
is completely normal for women to feel depressed
men may think this
indicates a problem and rush to
fix it but problem solving is
not what women need in
those moments the key message
here is that men and women go through
different intimacy cycles this
affects their ability to give and receive love
these feelings men's Withdrawal and
and
women's Ebb and Flow can occur in cycles
a man's intimacy cycle is
like a rubber band he
pulls it out and then lets it snap right back
once a man has fulfilled his desire to
be loved and close they need to feel
independent again in a relationship a
man can lose his sense of
himself by withdrawing he will get
back in touch with himself and
his personal boundaries at this point in
his intimacy cycle men often
appear Smart not to respond to
their partners can be hurt and not
be concerned but women should not
punish men this
instead they should be supportive by respecting
their space when a man
Feels the need to withdraw He can
reassure a woman quite
easily He should just tell her
he needs some alone time that he
will be back and when he is back
he will be there fully a woman's cycle near the knee
also changes Generally more like
a wave when a woman
feels good about herself she will
give and truly appreciate her partner
like a wave can't stay still all the time
when it reaches its peak
it will inevitably crash for women
This is when they go through a period of low self esteem
they can feel
empty vulnerable and need
emotional support a man can mistake
a woman's crashing wave as his fault but
he shouldn't blame himself or tell
her how to fix her problems
Men can support her
by giving her unconditional love
most importantly women and
men who don't then suppress their intimacy cycle
if they do this the man
may feel guilty becoming passive or
becoming too dependent on
his partner while the woman
may have to bury
her emotions both positive and negative part 4
men and women have different emotional needs
and score points in relationships in
different ways at
different times in their lives we all
need different types of love but
do we always realize
which type our partner needs the most 20
relationships become easier when
couples understand
each other's six main love needs the author gives a
list for men these needs
are trust acceptance appreciation admiration approval
and encouragement on
their part women need to be cared for
understanding respect wholeheartedness in
these main love needs will work
together one person encourages the
other for example care caring and
trusting A woman needs a man who
genuinely cares about her feelings
then he does She will
feel that she can trust
him The key message here is that men and
women have different emotional needs and
they score relationship points in
different ways How
can couples ensure that they are meeting
each other's needs men can
start by practicing the art of
listening get frustrated when they can't
solve a woman's problem They can remember
that just paying attention will help
them and a woman can learn to
Empower a man
when they feel self-respect and confidence
this means accepting
his imperfections and not trying to
change him Both men and women
tend to score points for how well
their partner meets their emotional needs but it can be
more difficult Men often believe that it is best for
them to communicate of big things like
paying for a lavish holiday they think
this will give them enough points and they wo
n't have to worry about doing anything
else for a while
but that's not how it
works real women Score both the
little things as well as the big things women need
small expressions of love in their
daily lives simple things
like helping them when they're tired not
planning things and accepting
women's suggestions a woman
can encourage her partner to
continue to do the little things for her
By showing appreciation
whenever he does the
main thing for a man is to feel
appreciated some ways to score points with a
man include not just dying when
he makes a mistake not punishing him he's
disappointed and happy to see him
in the end it all boils down to
showing love But remember
what each gender needs in love
can be very different
in part 5 when negative emotions arise it's
important to communicate
lovingly because
arguments can ruin a relationship
we've all heard of them know for couples who
argue we also know about
couples who go home to their families
but on the outside there is a lot of
tension and feelings of being held back both
extremes can destroy love
the closer we are to someone the more likely we are to
hurt them and the more likely they are to
hurt us So the author recommends
avoiding arguments altogether
But how do we do that
Oh he suggests starting with the
root causes of
arguments the important message here is that
when negative emotions arise it is important to communicate
communicate
lovingly because arguments can
destroy relationships when men often
when to fight by the art of the
woman's perspective 2 They may give
a nonchalant answer to
her concerns like it's no big deal
or don't be
so frantic Why do men say that
This can make women mistakenly feel criticized rejected
unappreciated or even being
treated like a child by your partner the antidote to
this and how a woman can
defuse a man's argument
is simply to make him feel
accepted admired encouraged
and appreciated on the other hand
women often start arguments
by showing their disapproval towards
them the root cause could be that they
feel unsupported judged or
not listened to to lighten the mood But the
author says but women will argue
less when they feel appreciated reassured
respected and above
all listened to another way to
stop an ongoing argument is to
write a love letter grace use
this to describe the specific technique that helps
release negative feelings that
people may be harboring and promotes the
healing process how does it work
first you write a love letter
in which you express your feelings
in 5 parts anger sadness fear
regret and then love write a few
sentences about each you can use
phrases like you feel angry because
or I feel disappointed about and I'm
sorry or I'm sorry then write What the
author calls a response letter It should
describe the kind of loving response you want to
receive from your partner because
our culture tends not to teach
men how to respond to women's feelings so a
response letter can be especially helpful
for men it can help them understand
what their partner needs if you want you can
share both love letters with
your partner however you are not required
to do so this technique can
help you reorganize your thinking the
essential points Before talking
to your partner these love letters
or des are the exact opposite of
avoiding Pain they require you to
look at the problem So remember that
you should only share these letters
with love and with good intentions
and if you are the recipient of
such letters make sure you
make the writer feel safe and respected
respected
part 6 knowing how to ask for help will
help your love you are always fresh do
you remember the metaphor Mars and
Venus From the previous times but on Venus
everyone seeks to support each other
instinctively the latter the more Venus loves someone the
more she wants to support that person the
motto of Venus is to love means
never needing to ask for help on the
other hand Martians do not
automatically help they need to be asked
this can be annoying because if you
do not time
your request correctly you can
turn a man off both men and women do
not usually ask their partners to
help them but
usually women will find asking for
support more difficult than men The
important message here is that knowing how to
ask for support will help your love
stay passionate the author gives
women three steps to ask a man for
support first ask him to do the
little things he has been doing keep it
short and direct
then show a lot of
need and appreciation for him and
then you can start step two
ask him to do things that are new
to him choose situations where you
appreciate the support but where you
can still feel comfortable not getting
it if he says no you will say
ok men generally don't like demands
they feel like you are demanding and expecting them to
fail when they cook knowing that they can
say no without causing resentment they are more
likely to say yes after
practicing Steps 1 and 2 it's time to
do the third step which is to ask or ask
assertively once you have made
your request keep quiet he
may hesitate but don't justify
his request this shows
your confidence in his process of stretching i.e. the
process He is
considering your request if he still
says no accept it he will remember
and how considerate he was and will be more
likely to comply with your request and next time
and finally remember the
closer we get to our partner the more we feel
our repressed negative emotions
can come out in
relationships there is a paradox that you feel
safe around your partner
so your deepest fears and
unresolved issues
come to the surface let's say your partner is
having a bad day and is being extremely
upset normally you might let it go
but today you take it
more seriously because it brings back
memories of being bullied by your parents as a child
you may feel scared or
unsure how to explain your reactions
to your partner in
these cases a psychologist can
help and if you feel that
your partner is dealing with
past traumas never
tell him he is
overreacting instead offer him
gentle acceptance and support unconditional support
a final summary of this book is that
men and women have different emotional needs
men need to feel trusted and
empowered while women need to
feel appreciated and
cherished when men are stressed they
prefer to solve their problems
alone on the other hand women prefer to share
couples should avoid arguing and instead
communicate lovingly love
can flourish when men and women
accept each other's differences and learn to
support each other a piece of advice from
this book is to write chill letters
because when you write them your mood
will be relieved and your thoughts will be
organized here How do you feel about the
points raised in this book do
you agree or have you learned
any lessons then you can leave a
comment below in the comment section And
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