The content describes a manipulative tactic, termed "inverted gaslighting" or "reverse gaslighting," where an individual is simultaneously accused of wrongdoing and praised, creating profound confusion and self-doubt. This tactic is more damaging than traditional gaslighting because it blurs the lines between reality and manipulation by validating positive traits while condemning actions.
Mind Map
Expand करने के लिए click करें
पूरा interactive mind map देखने के लिए click करें
I'm going to talk about something I
don't even know what to call it. I'm
going to call it the reverse gas light,
but I don't even think that's right. The
inverted gas light, the upside down gas
light. This just happened to me and it
was fascinating because I knew it was
happening to me in real time, but it
wasn't a typical gaslight. And yet, it's
an interesting and profoundly
manipulative move that can mess you up
more than a traditional gaslighting
experience, especially if you don't know
what you're dealing with. Again, I can't
even come up with a name for it. It's a
hybrid gaslight, an inverted gaslight, a
reverse gas light. It It's a
manipulative mess. I I'm just not sure
of the name. This experience happened
actually for me in a workplace
relationship, but I could easily see how
it could happen in any kind of
narcissistic or manipulative
relationship, family, partner. In my
case, it was someone who was accusing
me, boldfaced, accusing me of things
that were untrue. I knew they were
untrue, right? They were omitting key
facts and then painting a really
distorted narrative of me as someone who
was disloyal and sherking
responsibilities and being obtuse and
not being open and honest. Okay, the
events the person was talking about were
untrue. These accusations were untrue. I
knew they were untrue and because of
that I was able to be more gaslight
resistant. I knew the other people. It
was a group of people. I knew the other
players in the group and one only one of
them was messaging me and I knew this
person had also been given an untrue
narrative by some of them
untrue or not it still wasn't okay right
I was being accused of someone I was
being accused of something that was
actually patently untrue and then I was
being told things like I wasn't a team
player gaslight in it in its purest form
but here is where it twisted into
something else the person who sent the
message then went went on to say as the
message went on. It's one of those
really really long texts which is always
a sign of but said then went on to say
like you're so great at what you do your
contribution so essential Dr. Romney,
you're so brilliant. You're so essential
to the project and everyone thinks
you're amazing. Pick a lane and go to
hell and double go to hell that you and
your team
who were
actually trying to do a project that was
meant to help survivors of abuse would
do this. It's bad enough when people
behave in these ways. is really bad when
they virtue signal and then shine out
their communal narcissism card of
wanting to be vaunted as such great
rescuers in the world. Right? Remember,
anger is good. Dr. R loves some anger.
Surprise is not good. That showed me I'd
healed a bit because I wasn't at all
surprised this happened. I looked at the
text, not surprised, but then I became
mad as hell. Good. Now, I'm just
generally pissed because this person and
others in this group thought they could
get this inverted,
reverse, call it what you will, gaslight
past me. I mean, in some ways, no
respect, right? In some ways, it was
having no respect for the player. I'll
have to admit some of this anger was
ego. Like, how did you think you were
going to get this past me? But actually,
I had to step back. I was actually
telling a friend about that today and it
said it wasn't ever about me. It just
these are antagonistic people because
they never for a minute would believe
what they did was manipulative, right?
But then I was glad they did because now
look, I get to teach you guys about it.
So there you go. Got to got you got to
turn the toxic lemons into lemonade.
Paying it forward is an important part
of healing. So thank you to those people
who behaved so badly. So
So
why am I calling this a inverted
twisted distorted reverse gaslight?
It was a regular gaslight to start with. Okay.
Okay.
The person denied reality, said
something untrue, doubted reality,
doubted experience, doubted my
perception, and then told me there's
something wrong with me. I mean, there's
a lot wrong with me, okay? A lot. But in
my particular case, disloyal, not
committed, not a team player, not true.
Okay. Now, there's power in this message
because the person who sent the message
actually has a good reputation in the
world at large and has a lot of power.
So, that built in the so-called trust
that a gaslighter requires and had done
a lot of work to build that trust with
me. But the kind of twist, distorted,
reversed part of this gaslight was that
the gas light ultimately landed in a
different place. Hey, yeah, we saw all
these terrible things that you did and
that you're doing and you are kind of
rotten and disloyal and awful, but then
turning around and saying, "Well, you're
actually really great." And a great
person wouldn't do all the terrible
things you did. You see what I'm saying?
You're great. You did terrible things.
So, what does that mean?
It's a skillful maneuver because it
doubles down on the manipulation of
reality and it treats the person being
gaslighted again. You're you're you're
saying there's something wrong with you,
but hey, look, we think you're great and
yet you did terrible things, so what
gives, right?
I happen to know the psychology of this
group of people because I've I've known
them for a while and um and I and I knew
that this was a bit of a manipulative
hailmary path that they were tossing.
So, it sort of firmed up it solidified.
Remember, in these relationships,
everything's data. So, it firmed up what
I'd already suspected, right? I was
already disengaging a little bit. And we
always know that the moments of
disengagement once it's sensed in a
narcissistic relationship is a
precarious time. the manipulations and
the abuses escalate at that time. The
premise being most narcissistic would
people would say like what's wrong with
you? I'm I'm great. Why are you wanting
to step away? But it this is all this
kind of distorted inverted gaslight is
actually a very skillful maneuver
because when this happens to you, you
feel like you're being hit from all
sides. It's like a simultaneous invasion
from air, sea, and land.
You are bad. you are good. You aren't
seeing reality clearly. All these things
are being said to you at the same time.
The manipulator, the gaslighter portrays
themselves as someone who I know you're
great. So, it's shocking that you could
behave like this. So, we need to talk
about this. And why oh why would you
want to disconnect or be angry at
someone who thinks that you're so great?
Only a crazy person would do that,
right? So, you see what it does? It
reinforces that sense that there's
something wrong with you. I think you're
great. Why wouldn't you want to keep
talking to me? After this happens, you
really don't have any good path forward
to talk with someone who does this to
you. There's no sort of repairing it and
navigating it because the entire
conversation with the person has to be
based on a faulty premise. You would
almost have to buy into their version of
reality to redeem the good view they
have of you. But everything they do is a
distortion. So the good view of you has
to be a distortion too, right? You're so
smart and great. So if you're so smart
and great, you must see how badly you're
behaving. Which means if you don't see
how badly you're behaving, then you're
actually a delusional bad person who
does bad things and you're not as smart
and as good as they claim that you are. Right?
Right?
And this kind of smiling and winking and
praising you while they stab you from
behind is actually a pattern that's
quite common in self-righteous
narcissism and communal narcissism.
Those of you in these relationships,
this is where you're more likely to see
this things like, well, aren't they such
wonderful people? Because they see the
good in everyone. They even see the good
in the terrible people who take
advantage of them and stab them in the
heart even though that's not what you did.
did.
repair under these circumstances really
isn't possible because you either have
to cop to something that isn't true,
which is terrible for your soul, or then
they're going to turn around and say, "I
guess you weren't who we thought you
were, but who cares what they thought
you were because it's all distorted,
good or bad."
My version happened to hap happened to
occur at work, right? In an intimate relationship,
relationship,
this could easily be the whole G. They
could do the whole usual gaslighting
sequence and then turn around after the
end of it and say, "You're such an
amazing mother. You take care of our
family so well. How is it that someone
who is as loving as you, someone I love
so much, how are you not able to see the
terrible things you are doing?" And
you're like, "What?"
In a family, this could look like a
narcissistic parent telling you things
like, "You've never appreciated this
family. You've just thrown back in my
face everything that any of us have ever
tried to do for you. You don't express
gratitude. I mean, you're the great hope
of this family. You make all of us so
proud every day. You're so such a
powerhouse. You're so smart. You're the
beating heart of this family. I just
don't know how you can't see how much
damage and disrespect you've engaged in.
I don't understand how you can't see how
much you take advantage of this family
when we all seek your light.
This dynamic is much more pronounced and
can be much more powerful when there is
a trauma bond present because you can
get whiplash from going back and forth
from how bad you are to how good you are
all in one text message and you may
still feel that you want this
relationship to persist or last or to
work. You may blame yourself and well
maybe you're the one who's wrong, right?
because they are seeing the good in you
too. And this isn't all black and white.
So maybe it's you that is seeing all of
this the wrong way. A nice lady I know
wrote a book that's called it's not you.
In my case, I was lucky. In this case, I
was lucky. I am not trauma bonded to
these people. So seeing their kind of
twisty twisty gaslight maneuver, that
was easier for me. There is no major
attachment disruption. if I never saw or
heard from these people again, I would
be fine with it. It wouldn't change my
life. But the message did stick in my
head because that's what manipulative
stuff does. Even if you don't really
care about the person, it's like a heavy
meal that feels really gross in your gut
and you can't wait to crap it out of
you, but it's taking a minute and so it
sort of feels heavy and awful.
this message stuck because it was so manipulative
manipulative
and as a sort of added narcissistic
cherry on top. Like I said, the person
who sent the message is somebody that a
lot of people put on a pedestal. Again,
this is what happens in these
relationships, which also fuels that
sense of injustice, which is the core of
not only what happens to these
relationships, but can impede healing.
Had I not been so my full-time job is
understanding these dynamics. Had that
not been it, the sender's power in the
world and every again everyone adoring
this person would definitely have led to
a lot of self-doubt for me.
On this channel, you'll know that
there's all kinds of videos such as the
anatomy of a narcissistic text message
and tons and tons of videos. We have a
courses about gaslighting.
But this kind of twisty turny
gaslighting takes it to another level
because the good things they are saying
about you may be true.
For example, you're smart or you're
loving or good mom, whatever. Now, these
sorts of twisty turny gaslights often go
a little bit too far and they're a
little heavyhanded with their praise.
You're our great hope and it feels like
fluffing. But that combination of the
deni the denial of reality, the
suggestion that there is something wrong
with you and them then combining it in
the same messaging with how special and
great you are. It's murky.
It is no different than a narcissistic
parent screaming at their child and
saying terrible things and drawing that
child perhaps into a hug and saying,
"Can't you see how much I love you? I
say these things because you are my
everything. I hit you because I love
you. And that and I'm gonna curse
because that's a mind I can't
think of any other word because a when
that happens to a child, the child has
to attach. And the child wants and needs
to believe that you're loved by this
screaming enraged parent. And it means
that very quickly you pair love and
abuse and adoration and cruelty. And as
all of us on this channel know, it
becomes an extremely difficult cycle to
break. Pain and love live too close to
each other in a narcissistic relationship.
relationship.
I have to figure out how to sort of land
this plane and finish this work and all
this with this sort of reverse
gaslighting mess of group of people. And
knowing who they are puts me in a better
position both defensively and offensively.
offensively.
My realistic awareness is very firmed up
as are my realistic expectations. But
all of this though was still stressful.
Praise from a narcissistic person is
always a poison dart. It's always a part
of a larger manipulation. They don't
share the stage. So discernment matters.
You cannot fall for the narcissistic
person's fluff. There's always an
agenda. A compliment from a narcissistic
person is dangerous. Because listen,
people who have it so wrong about us
again and have distorted reality so
badly, we have to remember that their
compliments are distorted, too. There's
always an agenda. It's easier to believe
none of what they're saying and proceed cautiously.
Video के उस moment पर जाने के लिए कोई भी text या timestamp click करें
Share करें:
ज्यादातर transcripts 5 सेकंड से कम में तैयार
एक Click में Copy125+ भाषाएंContent Search करेंTimestamps पर जाएं
YouTube URL Paste करें
कोई भी YouTube video link डालें और पूरा transcript पाएं
Transcript निकालें
ज्यादातर transcripts 5 सेकंड से कम में तैयार
हमारा Chrome Extension लें
YouTube छोड़े बिना transcript तुरंत पाएं। हमारा Chrome extension install करें और watch page पर ही किसी भी video का transcript one-click में access करें।
