Uh I'm not really... I mean it's very close...uh.. to my
face but I have a mirror just here below and uh, trying to think you know if I if I
were to have like a makeup brush-- this is not a joint by the way, it's a blender-- uh
like would that... how do? How do people do this? I have no idea but uhhhh you know we're
just trying to-- oh, this does some strange things to my coloring depending on where
I'm moving but I'm just trying to figure out like if I am here and I have a
makeup brush if I could do this and like where the focal range is really umm just
trying, trying to figure out how to beauty video. Umm I feel like there's lots of videos
on like lighting setups, or people's beauty desk, but no one really shows like
mirror vs. camera angle situation, and I think everyone has those and lenses that
will automatically zoom in on you like when you move in and out, but umm you know I
don't, I don't know how to do that, guys cuz
(Camera shutter closing sound) oh no, the battery died
(TV static sound)
(swirling swooping sound/music)
Time to tidy this room (jazzy music also)
fig. 1 cat
fig. 2 mess
just finished...
didn't finish...
listening to dodie's recent recommendations...
2019 To be Read List
Still need to finish these...
but this one is next
fig 3. x-mas tree candle
better...
fig 4. cedar incense
fig 5. space heater
window cat
fresh sheets
(TV static sound)
I would never snack,
I just wouldn't do it.
Hello there and welcome back to the
closet historian, today we have a side hustling update sort of video for you
Umm just gonna be going over some things about 2018, a little 2018 review if you
will, and then we'll talk about goals for 2019 in the next side hustle and video
which will be coming very shortly.
these were my um goals for this week umm
and we're here on on Wednesday, and sadly... well, it does say go see a movie on here
today and I did do that, but other than that, umm, we're not doing well on this week's
schedule and I think that's partially just because after those-- I tried doing
that two weeks of videos challenge which thank you guys so much for coming along
on that ride, but I didn't quite make it to 14 videos like I had hoped but I
think I still got a lot of fun things-- videos, like fun things up here on the
channel but I did manage to burn myself out a little bit of course because
naturally at the end of the year I think you're supposed to be kind of relaxing
and taking a break and enjoying the holidays and instead I set myself a
two-week video challenge to try and make a video everyday or put up a video every
day because I'm--
well kind of crazy, umm but uh you know that's to be expected if you
know my pattern, which you guys probably don't yet but we'll, we'll get into that
sometime and we'll talk a little bit about perfectionism today because it's
something I need to-- I need to work on-- but today we're just going to wrap up
2018 a little bit talk about how each of my side husselen -- side hustles here at
the end of the year are wrapping up or a little review at the end of the year of
each of my side husselens, husselens? Side hustles, I can't talk you guys I can't
talk anymore.
I've lost the ability to speak. I thought
doing more videos would help with this and instead I just fumble even more now
'cause I'm a little bit out of it honestly umm
(TV static)
So again an update on the
various side hustles here at the end of 2018.
Again the blog, we uh...you know it's
it's not great news looking at the-- in a sign hustling context it's not great
news this is what the graph of the year looks like
for the blog so basically the viewership has stayed the same through all of 2018
I would say about the same, there's a couple of like random days where one
post really well but nothing spectacular usually those are because
someone has re- like shared the post on Facebook, and I am actually no longer on
Facebook I've deactivated my Facebook umm and I'm sure my page for Closet Historian
is still up on Facebook but I'm just not using it right now, umm I feel like it wasn't
adding anything to my life, or even that much to my quote unquote business, so I'm
not currently using Facebook but that was actually the best place for my blog
but it just wasn't enough to actually warrant me staying so, umm, the blog stats for
the year: it stayed the same and they're not great, and it's not growing, so again
this is not an area I should be putting much time into but I feel obligated to
keep blogging because it has been such a constant in my life for the last several
years and I feel proud of having kept up with that consistency or having stuck
with it, so it's hard for me to not blog but I probably will go down to one or
two posts umm-- like a a week in this year. I haven't exactly set those goals in place
yet so we'll talk about those later in the next video when I'm setting goals
this is just a review and basically the review is-- nothing has changed the blog
is well, not Instagram heh, you know.
And as far as sewing goes, or creating my own
sewing patterns which is the ultimate goal here in this sector of the side
hustle, uh again I have no progress on this front but I do want to make a concrete
plan for putting things into place things into action for doing this in
2019 and then I also want to work on sharing my sewing knowledge more here online
umm I...kind of doing the last couple of sewing videos was a little bit of an experiment
to see how... if that content is well received here on YouTube, and so far umm
it definitely does a lot worse than the other things I put up, like let's say a
haul video does like three or four times better than a sewing like
tutorial or video so far that's the general vibe I'm getting but that
doesn't mean necessarily I won't do them because I do think it is important and
for those of you who are interested sewing I would like to share that
information with you, so just because they don't do as well as everything else...
It's just something to be aware of for me when I'm scheduling things in the
future so, sewing, it's an interesting interesting gray area again.
Now as for youtube - here in 2018, umm I did get like 6000 plus
subscribers this year, over the year, which is really awesome, so thank you for
all of you who signed up to see more and hear me ramble on incessan--
incessantly, uh like I'm doing right now in fact, umm but I really do appreciate you guys
subscribing to the channel and kind of clicking that button says to me that you
want to see more of the things I make and that does mean a ton to me, and it's
kind of crazy for me to think that 6000 people --maybe some of them were bots-- uh hit
that button this year, it's something I don't think I would ever-- I can't imagine
losing sight of, it must be strange to have millions of people have hit that
button? I don't know if you (anyone) can really conceptualize that, but like for me I
imagine like 6,000 people in a room, would be a large room, and I would be
very nervous to speak to all of you, so it's uh, you know it, kind of helps me
contextualized why sometimes I'm nervous talking to you even in just in a video
but my goal for this year was to hit 10,000 subscribers and we are around
8,000 nearing 9,000 here on the channel so thank you guys again so so much for
helping me out with that goal, whether you meant to or not. Umm it's-- it seems
strange to boil everything down to numbers, but of course numbers are what
matter when it comes down to like, you know, analytics and boring businessy
stuff but I really, I just want to learn how to share
the things I know with people in the best way I can, and I feel like learning
to do YouTube videos and learning umm how best to get that information across to
people umm is interesting is an interesting challenge and so it's been fun to learn
more about how to do that more about how to do video editing and all kinds of
stuff and I feel like I am a improving my skills, so YouTube was really fun and
something I did a lot better at this year than I did the year before so I'm
looking forward to doing more YouTube content in the future.
And now as far as writing goes I, I do have some things I should be
probably uhh allow myself to be
proud of this year, which is that I wrote an entire book that I really do love. Umm
as previously discussed here on this series I, I really like the book I wrote this
year, so that's good, again I don't-- I try not to feel bad about liking it because
like-- if anyone should it's me. So I wrote a book this year
Uh and I edited it a million times, and I got beta reader feedback, and edited some more and
in my opinion it's ready to go and out into the world, umm, but I will have to still
try and get an, a literary agent and publisher and all that jazz, but I wrote
a book this year so that's, that's quite cool. I also wrote another like sixty
thousand words of another book, and umm I've been having a really good time with that
and I'm looking forward so, so looking forward to working on that umm into 2019 as
well, and then I did make the leap and finally sent my first few query letters,
the only response I've gotten from sending those first letters out is to
get those two rejections I talked about my last video, umm but I still have just not
heard from the other people that I sent query letters to. Whether that is because
they are just not interested, or because they haven't gotten to my letter yet, or
whatever, I don't really know, but it would be nice to get some-- I think not
that I want to you know-- spoiler alert for goals-- but I think my goal would be
to get personalized rejections...that would be a step forward in this umm
it's interesting to consider rejections, like different kinds of rejections, a step
forward but I definitely would like to be rejected more personally this year
which is gonna be painful, but oh well. We'll see, I just-- I am proud of myself for
making the leap and actually sending those letters and putting...
the intention
out there, uh it's something I need to do more of this year, so... yeah and I am of
course, I'm trying to be proud of myself for having written a book and a half
last year, umm, I like to say that I uhh have accomplished nothing, uh it's one of the
problems in my brain-- that I I think that I haven't gotten anywhere, and I haven't
done anything because the one thing I want the most, like moving out and being
financially independent, I haven't achieved and therefore, nothing else can
umm compete with that, but I-- the book is the one thing that I allow myself to be
proud of so... Eh? Gotta hold on to what you can, you know?
When I'm looking back over the past year definitely the biggest thing I learned
was that when my brain
says "hey you need to write today" I need to give in to that, because when I, if I
have a strong impulse to like get writing done like in the morning and
it's a day where I can technically set my own schedule that day, if I have other
things planned, if I was planning on making a video, planning on blogging
planning on whatever, usually if I- I will tell myself, no you can't do any writing
today you have to get your other things that you have planned done, and that's
like good in some ways to be disciplined and like try and stick to your schedule
even though the "muse", or whatever, has you know, contacted you and said please write
today, umm but usually I I feel like on the days when I say-- okay I'm gonna stick to
my schedule stick to my plan I can't write today, I won't even end up getting
the video, or blog post, or whatever else done, because I'll be so distracted by
having wanted to write and like some ideas still swirling around, but like I
can like-- I'm feel the ideas and like the writing juices like evaporating from my
brain and not being used and so like all day I'm distracted by like the fact that
I should have chosen to write, and so I get neither writing nor the other things
on my schedule done, so the biggest lesson is like if I wake up and I need
to write that day, I need to put everything else aside and write that day.
Which is very hard, because I want to get the other things done, I want to make
videos for you guys, I want to do blog posts, I want to sew, I want to other
things --get laundry done-- but I think like when I was at my best this year, when I
was writing like in the thick of writing what I did was say 'that's all that
matters' and let myself give in to the impulse to write instead of anything
else, and that's how I wrote a book this year that I'm really proud of and so I
need to give in to that impulse more so that's definitely something I have
learned in 2018, and that I want to continue to do into 2019 and do even
better at not punishing myself for not getting other tasks done and getting
writing done instead and focusing on writing. I think that is what makes me
happiest is writing, and so giving in to the desire to write...right now that I
don't really have that many-- there's not many reasons for me not to do that only
make believe ones that I make up myself, so there's not really negative thing
like there's no a negative impact of me actually taking the time to sit and
write other than not getting other creative side hustle things done which
is technically bad but only in my own head so
(sigh) just allowing myself the time to
write, something I both learned and need to work on from 2018.
Now something I failed to really work on or fail to
overcome in 2018 was my perfectionism, which is something I have struggled with
for a long time and I think--I mean when I was younger it was much more
physically based, I was-- I had trouble with self-esteem and I would much was
much more holding myself to an imagined perfection version or perfect version of
myself and that version like was a physical thing, like I imagined this
perfect 'thin' version of me that I could be if I just could get my act together
if I could just be disciplined then I could be this like perfect --and I never
like put someone else in this place, like when it came to any of my
self-esteem issues it was always more umm like the imagined version of a perfect
version of me like what would I look like if I were a size 4 and therefore
'beautiful' and perfect, umm it was much less like putting a Victoria Secret model or
someone else in that slot that I wanted to look like, I wanted to look like the
imagined perfect version of me, that was what taunted me back when I had issues
with like body image and that was what I was holding myself to that was the idea
of perfection that I was trying to achieve, umm luckily I broke out of that
place, umm and we are-- I do want to make a video kind of about that process or like
experience as well sometime, because I am really glad that I'm no longer in that
place where I am hating myself over my body and my physical appearance because
like being able to move beyond that has meant I could... you know, torture myself
about being not perfect in other areas. Which is what I'm trying to say here is
that basically that idea of being perfect just migrated from something
physical into something more like mental or work based, where now I feel like if
I'm not perfectly productive all the time or I'm not I'm not achieving
perfection in my work, that is where I'm allowed to beat myself up, and so that's
something I need to work on in 2019 and have learned again is still hanging
around, that's one of the lessons from 2018 that I definitely still do have
problems with negative self-talk especially when it comes to like not
meeting goals --which may or may not be realistic-- for my work...mostly umm and I think
that is tied into like wishing-- still not being financially independent at my age
and like still wishing like up for that above anything else, and so anything
anytime I umm don't hit my goals, or don't or like
waste any time which I would consider relaxing and sleeping and things like
that wasting time, it's not getting me towards
that goal of financial independence and I hate that it's money that's driving me
in that way, or at least driving me to be negative on
myself in that way, but it is so I just something to work on moving forward and
something I definitely noticed about myself in 2018 is that I still I'm
definitely driving for this level of perfection that... is probably not
possible and it's definitely not something I need to be beating myself up
for because like: the world will beat you down, kids, you don't need to beat
yourself down too. So if you have problems with negative self-talk I
really hope that you can kind of confront those and realize that like the
only-- like your best friend that you're gonna be with forever is you, and so like
you are mean to you-- like you would never say-- it's so true like, that what they say
like you would never say these things to a friend and like you would never allow
anyone else to say them to your friends like why do you allow yourself to say
them to yourself and so you just gotta cut it out, but it's not easy so
something else for me to work on moving forward here.
Umm I'll link a video below
from Rosianna Halse Rojas about the sort of self induced burnout that she has
experienced and umm I think-- I related to that video super hardcore, everything she
said I was like "ah yes, me" or like, conversely, also "I feel personally
attacked by this because I agree with everything you're saying" but I'll link
that video below because I really resonated with a lot of what she was
saying because in 2018 I still struggled with a
lot of making myself stressed over deadlines and goals that I had set
myself that were probably unrealistic to start with, umm so I was making myself
extremely stressed out-- umm like my boss was stressing me out, but I was my boss so
it's kind of an odd thing to do to yourself, that if you were working for
yourself to put that much pressure on you as an employee, it's a little bit
rude and something I guess probably all self-employed people have to either deal
with like one side of this where they're quote-unquote boss is working the too
hard or not hard enough umm I think the balance for self-employment
is always like a teeter-totter of needing to be-- needing to be figured out
and balanced, so that's definitely something I have not worked out and I
don't even make any money for myself yet, so goodness, I really need to work
that one out before I start getting even more numbers involved. I wrote a blog
post about the recently where I listed some of the like
true facts about how my brain tends to work which are things like that I think
if I'm not being visibly productive like all the time that I am viewed by others
as lazy and a waste of resources, which check, that's like a millennial check
checkmark --are you a millennial? You probably feel this way sometimes, umm and I
think that like unless I am indeed working constantly on my various site
hustles that I indeed should be considered a lazy waste of space so
that's kind of a, causation situation going on there, check. Umm I think that if I
take or need a break that I must not really "want it" enough, like if you really
want it you'll WORK HARD, and like I need I think my brain needs there to be a
comma...: until you like burn out? Or until you need a rest? Which also helps like I
I-- I just see that if I'm not constantly working very hard, I need to either A
feel guilty about that, or B I must not want it enough, umm but it turns out like
rest and breaks and recharging are probably important, especially in
creative work too, I don't know I still struggle with this one for sure, check.
I do not give myself leeway or praise, I do not celebrate any of my successes, or any
of my accomplishments, or growth-- like I, I see it all as not enough, for sure like
you wrote a book this year? That's not enough, you need to get it published. You,
you know, you grew some of your YouTube channel this year? Well it's not
enough to actually help with your-- pay your student loan, so it's not enough
Umm nothing is ever enough and I worry that even if I were to reach the levels of
success that are my goals now, that it still won't be enough then, and that
nothing will ever be enough, and so I should nip this sort of thinking in the
bud now before, I mean, I even achieve the levels of success that I hopefully...want
I want to get to, but if it's never gonna be enough then, then there's some things
wrong with me --as opposed to the goals in general-- so that's something I will have
to look into, possibly need to hire a professional to help me out with.
Now because I have been really quite busy making lots of videos recently instead
of thinking through 2018 and looking towards 2019 and actually setting any
goals or really reviewing my progress or what kind of things I want to set in
place for this next year I haven't really done a lot of goal
setting, or stratagem, or idea building, or anything like that yet, umm so that is not
gonna be in this video, that will be in the next side husselen video which will
be my 2019 goals hopefully, I will have that video up soon, because you know it
is January you want to have those sort of goal setting resolution sort of
things kind of set in place here at the beginning of the year so I will try and
get that one up soon for you, not that you are waiting for my goals, but it's
important for me in some ways to be diary-ing, diary ing? diarying-- logging
Logging this sort of experience, and I think it helps me to like release these
ideas into the ether, umm even if I am just talking to myself, even though I know you
guys are here, so thank you, it helps me to have these "on paper" as it were, or
like in --in stone, on youtube to kind of force me into doing things that actually
did work quite well when I told myself that I was going to query in the next
side husselen, well I had to-- I had to send out queries, otherwise I was gonna
have to go back on what I said in that video, so sometimes it's good to release
things into the universe, umm, to help you get them done so, hopefully that will work
again and I will have that 2019 goals video out for you guys soon.
Thank you guys, as always, for sticking around and for coming with me on this side husselen
journey hopefully we will have more to report soon and hopefully we'll have
lots of nice 2019 goals that we can reach this year all together here on
site husselen, and thank you for sticking around, I'll see you again real soon
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