The central theme is the painful reality that some adult children no longer care about their parents, often exhibiting a pattern of disregard, control, and emotional abuse disguised as "healing" or "boundary setting," which parents must acknowledge to reclaim their own peace and identity.
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Hey y'all. Bring it on in. I know it's
been a minute, but sometimes I have to
take a little break from all of this
mentally and spiritually, okay, to get
myself together. But today's episode is
centered around being honest and
accepting the hard truths that some of
us are facing and some of us see clear
as day, but still may be in denial. And
that is our kids. Some of them, they do
not care about us. And when they show
you they don't care. And when you see
repeated patterns for them, y'all better
believe them. Some of you may not be
ready to accept this truth. And some of
you are aware, but still, like I said,
may be in denial because it's abnormal
for you as a parent who loves your
children to even consider your children
don't care about you. And again, some of
you are still in denial. It's not an
easy conversation, but as always, you
know, I'm here to say the quiet parts
out loud. authentically and
unapologetically, but it is a
conversation that needs to be had and it
needs to be something that we need to
acknowledge. This has been my personal
observation in this content space and
navigating the other side of a strange
man and speaking up boldly against it
and speaking up against parental abuse.
And it made me have to acknowledge this
truth even myself. But as of recent, I
came across a comment that a mom left on
one of my clips and it confirmed what I
was already thinking. And again, it was
the fact that some of these adult kids
really don't give a damn about their
parents. And I know that may sound crazy
to you or it may even seem dramatic, but
it is the truth and nothing but the
truth. And one thing about me, y'all
know I may tell you a joke, but I won't
ever tell you a lie. The mother that
shared this comment under one of my
clips. She says she was on Tik Tok and
going back and forth with a 20-some year
old about arangement, of course. And
here's what the young lady said to this
mom on Tik Tok in the comments. She
said, "Parents can do and say whatever
they want to about us going no contact.
They can cry, apologize, give us money,
go above and beyond. and they can plead
all of the things, but the truth is we
don't care about our parents anymore at
all. Nothing they say or feel matters to
us. Now, I need y'all to process that
one in three families are dealing with
arangement. That's millions. So, we need
to take note of that. This no contact
epidemic, and I said it's an epidemic
and a trend a long time ago when they
lost their damn minds. It isn't about
healing for them. You know, the healing
and protecting their peace or setting
boundaries that they love to claim. It's
not even about that anymore. In my
opinion, it's about power control. It's
about punishment and the lack of any
emotional responsibility toward the
people who raised them. They have no
empathy. They have no respect. They
don't care about our feelings. And if
everything is not centered solely around
them, they simply do not care. And that
is diabolical. In fact, the
generations after Gen X have decided the
relationships with their parents, you
know, the ones of who sacrifice, show
love, support, and have always showed up
for them. It is optional. Do you hear
me? They think it is optional. Not a
necessity, not what they value, not what
they honor, nor appreciate. We have to
stop being so shocked when our children
show us exactly who they are and
actually who we are, too. We willfully
and emotionally ignore the proof that's
right in our faces every damn day
because we choose to stay in denial, not
them. They're not in denial. They know
exactly what they feel. They know
exactly what they mean. And they're
standing on business while y'all are
sitting around ruminating and crying and
heartbreak considering taking your own
lives. They have shown us exactly who
they are. Don't get me wrong, I get it.
When you've been a good, supportive, and
loving parent, you assume that would be
reciprocated, right? But what happens
when you realize some of your kids
simply do not care? You have to wake up.
So, let's dive into this a little bit
deeper because this isn't just about no
contact anymore. This is about a
cultural shift where adult children feel
they don't need, want, nor care about
their parents. And based on what I'm
seeing now, they don't want them
emotionally, spiritually, or physically.
Parents are now viewed as disposable or
equals and no longer worthy of respect
nor honor. Friend, they say we must earn
their respect now. And this may be
difficult to hear, but it's the sad
reality some parents are faced with
every single day currently. People
around you can always tell you who they
are with their words. And that's the
data that you take in, right? Or the
information that you process. But when
they show you who they are, that's the
real proof. And that's what's hurtful
and disappointing to so many parents,
including myself. The truth, in most
cases, this no contact epidemic and
trend is a power game. Let's keep it
real. And I have said this from day one.
Some of these no contact situations or
this shift in relationship dynamics
between parents and their kids, it has
nothing to do with healing in most
cases. It's about selfishness, a lack of
empathy for the feelings or emotions
parents may have. It's about hurting us,
plain and simple. Heavy on the control,
heavy on the hurting us for whatever
reason. Something I've been saying from
the very beginning since I started this.
What I think they're saying to
themselves now is I can punish you. I
can dispose of you. And in so many
cases, I don't even have to explain why.
And the crulest part, girl, you could
cry, beg, apologize, walk on eggshells,
take accountability. You know that word
they love so much. Capitulate to all of
the things that they are requiring of
you. and they'll watch you suffer and
still feel absolutely
nothing. In fact, I think some of them
get a dopamine high off seeing some of
you constantly suffering, begging, and
chasing them. I know it's hard to hear,
but it's the truth as always. And trust
me, it's not about setting boundaries in
most cases like they love to say. And
please don't think when they do finally
reach out to you that it's about true
healing and reconciliation. It's about
hurting you and in the majority of these
no contact situations, hurting you for
no reason at all. Now, don't get me
wrong, and I've said this countless
times, so let me say this again. There
are absolutely
some valid reasons for no contact. But
that doesn't just go for the adult
child. That also goes for parents who
have chosen no contact. Anything that is
relative to abuse, harm, and real trauma
are valid reasons for no contact,
especially if you feel unsafe. But you
telling your parent they cause you
trauma because you had to do dishes or
do chores as a child, that is not
trauma. Okay? But what I'm seeing
online, and I know some of y'all
listening are seeing too, it's a trend.
It's a trend of labeling parents as
toxic just because we had rules,
expectations, or the audacity to
actually parent you. So, no contact,
it's not always about healing or setting
boundaries. It's a game to most of them.
Now, I want you all to hear me clearly.
So, what do you do when your child says,
"I don't need you. I'm grown." This
younger generation has been sold on a
dangerous lie. And that lie is that
being an adult means you no longer need
guidance and you don't have to respect
your parents. Hell, some of them are
even teaching their kids they don't have
to respect older generations because
respect is earned and not given. They
could be living in your home turn 18 and
somehow now they think they no longer
have to respect you or b obey your rules
and that your job is done. They really
believe that respect becomes optional
once they reach a certain age and in
your house in some cases. And let's talk
about the selfishness and the lack of
empathy. Their way of thinking is I'm
doing what's best for me even if it
means destroying you. And society is
applauding this Everywhere you see
they are applauding this behavior. Some
of these new age parents really think
it's a flex because kids are speaking up
which is really talking back and being
disrespectful and not just tolerating
anything from the older generations and
they are applauding this behavior and
even promoting it. These are the same
kids they're raising that you see
disrespecting teachers and why these
educators are leaving a massive amount.
But here's what's missing in all of
that. Connection and respect. Respect
doesn't disappear with age.
Accountability doesn't end because you
got a therapist who cosigned your trauma
and your pain or manipulated you into
turning against your parents or
abandoning people who really love you.
Being an adult or setting boundaries
doesn't mean you burn the bridge with
the very people who raised you or people
that loved you. you know, the ones that
in most cases will still be there for
you even when you have burnt that
bridge. And I don't think they really
consider that. I think they feel like, I
don't need you right now in this moment.
I can toss you aside. I can abandon you.
I can throw you away. And you're still
going to be there when I decide to come
back to you. And some of them need to be
taught a lesson that you don't build
bridges to have people not be able to
cross them. You build bridges as a
foundation for connection. Listen, I
know some of you all are praying for
reconciliation, and that's perfectly
fine. If you don't want and if you don't
don't want reconciliation, that's
perfectly fine, too. I know some of
y'all are praying for reconciliation,
and that's fine. And then there's some
of you that don't want to reconcile, and
that is fine, too. But let me hit you on
game again. Even if your child decides
to come back to you, never forget how
they left and how they treated you when
they left. Don't forget how they
discarded you, disregarded you,
disrespected you. They had no care in
the world about how it made you feel or
how it would hurt how it would hurt you.
They did this without hesitation. And
I'm not saying this to tell you not to
forgive them, but it means govern
yourself accordingly. You cannot come
back into a relationship with your child
with blind trust. You cannot go into
this relationship overextending yourself
again. You cannot go back into this
relationship walking on those eggshells
and tiptoeing around those landmines to
keep the peace while totally
disregarding your own peace. Because
some adult children return only for
convenience, not conviction, not
accountability, and not for true
connection. So, I want you all to be
fully aware of this. But one of the
coldest, most unnerving things that I've
heard moms say to me or tell me that
their kids tell them to take their own
lives or they don't care if they do.
Like, did you know moms are taking their
own lives or have considered taking
their own lives because arangement and
parental abuse? And I'm not saying these
are the main reasons, but I am saying
they are a caveat as to why some of them
are even considering taking their own
lives or have taken their own lives.
Some of you that may have given taken
your own life, any thought that are
listening right now, there are deeper
issues that would push you to this
level. But yes, this is happening
because parents being aranged and
because parents are being abused and
they have no protection, no support
systems. And some mothers have even
heard their own children say, "I
wouldn't care if you died. Go ahead. Do
whatever you want. I would never come to
your funeral." Like, I really want you
to sit with that for a second. Like, how
cold can you possibly be to tell a
parent that has loved you and a good
parent that you don't care whether they
live or die? But I want you all to know
you deserve to live and you should want
to live even more if nothing else just
to piss them off. We talk a lot about
children's mental health. We talk about
generational trauma. talk. They talk
about narcissistic parents, but we don't
talk about what prolonged rejection,
hostility, and emotional abuse does to a
mother's nervous system or her mental.
We don't talk about the nights that we
lie awake replaying everything we could
have done differently instead of
focusing on all the things we have done
right. We constantly question where did
I go wrong? instead of thinking about,
damn, this is what I got right. We don't
talk about the shame that we feel when
people assume, well, you must have done
something wrong or you failed in some
way with your child. We don't talk about
how the blame is mostly placed on moms
and sometimes dads, too. We don't talk
about the humiliation of being erased by
your own child for those of you that are
aranged by force. And we damn sure don't
talk about what it feels like when your
child makes it clear that your existence
no longer matters to them. That level of
emotional abandonment can destabilize
even the strongest woman, especially
when motherhood was your entire identity
for decades. Okay? That's why I wrote
reclaiming your identity. I wrote it for
some women because you need to figure
out who you are outside of your children
without them being solely centered
around everything as it relates to your
existence. But for some women,
arangement doesn't just break their
heart, it dismantles their sense of
purpose. Some women I realized need to
feel needed by their kids. And in my
opinion, and again, this is my opinion,
that is not healthy. But it's the way we
as mothers have been programmed and
designed. If your child was your entire
world and suddenly you're cut off,
discarded, blamed, or told you're
nothing, in your mind, you go to very
dark places. But let me say this. If so,
understand me when I say this. It is
grief without closure in some cases when
you are an aranged parent. It collapses
your identity. It is prolonged stress
without any type of relief. But it's not
the end. And if a child has ever told
you they wouldn't care if you died, that
is actually emotional cruelty. Full
stop. We can have nuance about family
dynamics. We could disagree. We could
talk about accountability. But telling a
good, supportive, loving parent that
their death wouldn't matter to you, that
crosses into psychological harm. It's
just cold. It's nasty. It's disgusting.
And if anything, it makes the adult
child telling their parent toxic. And I
need every mother listening to this to
hear me and hear me clearly. Your life
is bigger than your child's rejection.
Your value does not disappear because
they refuse to see it. If you are in a
space where you're thinking about
harming yourself, I encourage you to
dial or text 988 for support, okay?
Because your your pain deserves support,
not silence. Speak to someone outside of
your family dynamic, a therapist, a good
therapist, cuz I know we feel a certain
kind of way about certain most of these
therapists. And again, like I said,
reach out to the crisis hotline at 988.
You could text or call them. Talk to a
trusted friend. And I know we have to be
very careful with that because we have
other moms because they're not
experiencing the things that we have or
are experiencing. They don't understand.
They become very judgmental and they're
not supportive. Then they're not your
friends. Okay. Also, make sure you stay
connected with Mom's True Tea or any
community that understands what you're
dealing with. Arangement is survivable.
Okay. But suicide that's permanent. And
there are mothers listening right now
who need to understand you deserve to
live. Fight for that daily. And
your life can no longer be centered
around adult kids who lack empathy,
love, or even compassion for good
nonabusive parents. Okay? I want you all
to understand that very very clearly.
Okay? So let's move on from that and
let's talk about this idea that adult
kids think they're equal to their
parents now because they've become
adults. I don't mean equal in worth
because of course all humans should have
the same value. I'm talking about role
reversals where we're in an era where
adult children think they could talk to
their parents any kind of way. They
think they can gaslight us, disrespect
us, traumatize us, or even shame us. And
that because they are now adults, it's
okay. And that will never sit right
with me. Okay? Somehow they get to tell
us how to act, what to say, and when
we're healed enough to deserve a
relationship again with them. But when
did the parent child dynamic become
debatable? Like what pop culture
therapist, content creator, podcast mom
bashing host, fake grifting ass life
coach or parent hating content creator
come up with that Like where did
it come from? When did it become okay
for kids to weaponize their healing and
disrespect their parents in the same
breath and think they are our equal
simply because they're now adults? Like
when did that happen? Who created that?
And listen, I need to say this for the
ones in the back. Even if reconciliation
ever happens, never forget what they
showed you when they felt like they no
longer needed you. Like I said before,
keep that truth always in the back of
your mind, okay? And govern yourself
accordingly. Because we've confused
proximity to our kids with peace and
with this love. Just because they come
back around doesn't mean they've
changed. And you need to think about
that with logic and not your emotions as
a mom. Protect your heart because what
I've seen and maybe you've seen it too
is that family no longer means anything
to these new generations. In some
situations, I can understand why, but
not on the level in which we're
witnessing now. This is not normal.
It is abnormal as hell. Okay? They don't
show up for you when you need them ever.
I've seen moms say, "I was in the
hospital. I almost died. I had a heart
attack or whatever." and the kids didn't
even show up. I've seen moms lose
parents or other children and the other
child does not show up. They don't show
up for you when you need them ever. They
bear to wish you a happy birthday, happy
holidays, and they damn sure don't show
up for any of it. But they'll be at
every friend's baby shower, holiday
gathering, or birthday dinner like their
lives depended on it. They chase
validation. They chase attention. They
chase social media clout and approval
from friends and strangers. But they no
longer value real love that they receive
from their parents. The kind that
forgives, the kind that sacrifices, the
kind that we gave. And I'm talking about
good and present mothers. I always feel
like I have to repeat that over and
over again because somebody's going to
get in my comments or somebody's going
to get on this post or whatever and or
somebody's going to come under the
episode comments and say, "I was
abused." And that is not who I'm talking
about. Like I said, I'm talking about
good and present parents. But let me
share why I have been compelled to
create this episode, not to break up
anyone from their family, not to hurt
anyone's feelings, but again for you to
acknowledge the truth from a logical
perspective, and also not just think
emotionally. And I'll share my personal
experience as to when I came to the
realization that my younger son did not
care about me or any other adult kids
don't care for that matter because this
is my truth. I realized my own child
didn't care about me, my home, my
protection, my feeling, my emotions, or
my peace. And it changed the way that I
saw him once I started thinking
logically instead of emotionally. And
you and y'all already know I'm not one
to really sugarcoat a lot of It's
harsh. It's heartbreaking, but it is the
reality. And you already know that I
believe truth opens the door to your
healing by acknowledging and learning to
accept it. Period. Because pretending it
couldn't be true or that it'll change,
that they'll wake up one day and value
you again, that keeps you in a land of
delusion. But I had to accept that my
love, my sacrifices, my support, my
presence, none of it mattered to my
younger son. And that was the truth. And
that acceptance of that truth, as
devastating, disappointing, and
heartbreaking as it was or has been, has
set me free. And it put me in this space
to speak boldly and also to heal. It
wasn't one specific incident that showed
me how he really felt about me. It was a
pattern of harmful behaviors. constantly
dumping his chaos on me, jeopardizing my
safety, the safety of my home, the
safety of family with the expectation
that I was just supposed to keep
absorbing it all with a smile. Because
I'm a mom and what has hurt me more than
the chaos was the absence of his
accountability. But remember,
accountability is always required of
parents, but never by our kids. No
apology was ever received or if it was
an apology, the behavior hadn't changed.
And I'm a strong believer of apologies
come with changed behavior. Not these
numerous general apologies just because
you need me, but your behavior hasn't
changed. No ownership is taken. No, no
recognition that I had every right to be
angry, hurt or shaken by things that had
happened or words that were said or
threats that were made or chaos brought
into my life or home undeserved and
unprovoked. Nothing. Instead, my
feelings and emotions have constantly
been minimized. And I know a lot of you
can relate to what I'm saying because
our feelings are always dismissed
constantly. But we always have to
acknowledge and cuddle theirs. I'm also
sure that in times you have felt like
they turned their backs on you. I know I
have. And that's when it hit me. This
isn't about conflict because there was
none. This is about total disregard.
Disregard for my mental health,
disregard for my emotional well-being,
disregard for my financial stability,
even disregard for my safety in some
cases. And even when I had done so much,
given so much, covered him so much, and
still it's never been enough. And that's
the part that many mothers don't want to
admit out loud. Sometimes it's not that
you didn't do enough. Sometimes we did
too damn much. We enabled them. We
cuddled them. We protected them. And
then we get in return this lack of care.
That was the heartbreaking reality that
I had to face a couple years ago. And I
didn't accept it overnight. I really
didn't. I didn't accept this overnight.
I didn't become this voice of strength
overnight. I mourned. I mourned. I
questioned myself like we always do. I
replayed conversations over and over
again. I replayed moments over and over
and over again. But I also lived in
denial far longer than I care to admit.
But eventually something shifted. I
eventually woke the hell up and a piece
came to me that other mothers may not
understand, other people may not
understand. It was a painful piece. It's
still a painful piece, but peace
nonetheless. And when I made the
decision to become estranged for my
younger son, that was for my own damn
protection. Not because I don't love
him, but I had to make a logical
decision and not an emotional one. I had
to acknowledge the truth. And the truth
was this. Loving someone does not
require you to tolerate their chaos
constantly. They shouldn't even want to
bring it to you if they love you. Being
a mother does not require you to
sacrifice yourself forever. And
protecting your peace, that does not
make you heartless. It does not make you
selfish. But I get it. My journey looks
different from other moms. My choice
feels different to other moms, but my
choice is my damn choice and it was
necessary to save my life. And for some
of you that are listening, you may be
standing at the same realization or the
same crossroads as I was. Some of the
kids in these new some of the kids in
these new generations, they simply don't
value family anymore. They don't come to
gatherings. They don't contact you
unless it's transactional to benefit
them. They don't show up when you're
sick or need them. And when I see adult
kids who do, I always acknowledge how
they still honor their parents. But it's
far less of them than the ones who
don't. Most of these new generations,
they value their friends more than their
parents. They're chasing likes and
attention, not legacy and love. They
seek validation over connection. They
want control, not community. And that's
what they value now. And it shows all
over social media. So to all the moms
and the dads who are listening, listen,
you know who you are. You know who you
were as a parent. You know when you gave
love, you know when you sacrificed. You
know when you did nothing but support
them. You know when you continuously
gave them grace. You know when you gave
them everything. So rest in that. And
some of you have been met with silence,
estrangement, disrespect, entitlement,
and heartbreak. We talk about it all the
time. We talk about it to nauseium. It's
time to take your life back. It's time
to take your peace back. It's time to
start thinking logically instead of
emotionally and accept and accept things
for what they are even though they are
abnormal. So listen, they they may not
honor you or even care about us anymore.
And I know that hurts, but today,
honor yourself by accepting and
acknowledging the absolute truth. And
move forward. Moving forward doesn't
mean that you no longer love your child.
I said that countless times. I wrote it
in my book, Moving Forward. We cannot
change how someone feels about us. We
can only change how we feel about
ourselves. If this episode resonated, I
want you to do a few things for me.
Share this episode with a mom or dad who
needs to hear this. Make sure you're
following me on all social media
platforms at Mom's MU True T. Subscribe
to my YouTube channel and leave a
comment. Your words could help another
person know they're not alone. And don't
forget to grab my books, Reclaiming Your
Identity and Moving Forward: Finding
Yourself in Peace With or Without
Reconciliation, available at momsta.com
or on Amazon.
Thank you so much for tuning in. I'm so
blessed to have a community where I can
show up as my most authentic self
because I don't know what else to be.
Don't forget to favorite the show, leave
a review, and subscribe to the podcast
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Follow us on all socials @ mu ms t r u e
t e a and be sure to share and stay
tuned for more thoughtprovoking topics
and real talk on mom's truth tea with
Kendall. Until next time, remember you
need you just as much as anyone else. So
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