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Gary Vee’s Emotional Confession About His Success & Family! | E207

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there's certain things that I'm not

[Music]

Gary vaynerchuk garyvee Gary vaynerchuk

one of the world's leading marketing

experts an entrepreneur investor a New

York Times best-selling author and is

one of the

voices on the internet I've exhausted

the conversation of grinding learning

how to be an entrepreneur in the streets

of New Jersey there was a kid who wrote

a medium piece about me being the face

of hustle I was on a plane I landed and

it was just all this chaos and there was

a lot of things that weren't true there

were some things that really like

triggered me I didn't inherit my dad's

liquor store I built my dad's store for

him I knew at 17 that I was a [ __ ]

guy what's your dark side the only place

I feel like I'm dark is when I'm

competing we did Rock Paper Scissors

tournament with our leadership team I

quickly thought after I lost in the

first five seconds should I fire it

I was incapable of dealing with losing

what is it that makes me want to be like

this and to be very Frank you don't have

to give me the details I'll tell you it's

it's

five years ago when we had a

conversation I asked you what your

biggest fear was I've got these photos here

here

in Russia

how does that make you feel

it's very clear to me

it's been there for a long time in my head

quick one at the start of these episodes

I told you that 74 of people who watch

this channel frequently haven't yet hit

the Subscribe button and I told you that

the bigger the channel gets the better

the guests get and hopefully I've

delivered upon that for you so there's

two things I wanted to tell you the

first is if you've ever enjoyed this

channel could you do me a favor and my

team here a favor which is hit that

subscribe button because it helps this

channel more than you know and as I say

the bigger the channel the better the

guess but also we're approaching 1

million subscribers and when we hit 1

million subscribers

we've been working for many months to do

something very big in which you're all

invited to

I'll reveal that when we hit a million subscribers

subscribers

with age my perspective and my

recollection of my childhood and my

understanding of what was most

significant defining and important has

evolved you've just celebrated your 47th

birthday yes

more energy than ever shall I say but um

what if you as you re recollect on your

your childhood from from that vantage

point now what are the new insights that

you've attained about yourself

probably the most recent one is like

this incredible need to be a superhero

you know I I really took the being the

oldest brother to Heart

you know it's funny my sister and I have

a joke that a lot of people don't know

that she exists because obviously me and

AJ were in business together and I talk

a lot about the Jets and that has AJ but

my relationship with my sister who's

three and a half years younger than me

may be one of the most profound

relationships I have

she undoubtedly was the first person

besides my mother that kind of cheered

for me

you know she looked up to me

my mother is incredibly close to her

brother and so she

spent a lot of time building that

relationship we're Incredibly Close I

feel much more kinship to her when I

think about my childhood than AJ because

I was 11 years older we didn't have the

same childhood we also moved when he was

three so all my childhood memories have

her in it

and I think as I've gotten in the last

two three years I'm like oh I have this

like need to

be admired need you know everything that

works for me is when I feel like I'm

doing it for someone besides myself I'm

doing it to make my parents proud I'm

doing it to show my sister the right way

I'm doing it for my employees even the

way I got into better health and fitness

was I hired a babysitter

but really what I hired was someone to

do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want

to make proud today my scale being 175

versus 176 8 which it was two days

earlier and Mike texting me great job on

the Travel day I did it for him

and so as I'm getting older and so much

of the Gary Venus

I'm realizing is

I'm happy when I'm doing things that

make other people happy or

even at a higher level creating a

framework or a blueprint

that they can interpret into themselves

the thing I you know as I got older with

my sister a lot of things I talked about

was this is my DNA yours DNA is

different but like I just I want you to

be happy it's going to be different for

you know those kind of things and so

you know you know when I do things like

this I always go with the first thing

that came to my mind I think what's

obvious to me is

I've exhausted the conversation of

grinding and having to do it for myself

and learning how to be an entrepreneur

in the streets of New Jersey and

and recently last couple years I've

talked more about Candor when I wrote 12

and a half I'm like this is My

Kryptonite I'm great at Candor in this

format put me on stage put me on a

podcast give me 30 people listening to

me I'm Candor King managing Dustin

one-on-one I just love them too much

like like even you know even this

interview like I went from a company off

site and like I got emotional this

morning speaking to the 35 global

leaders and that was the first time I

got a I got emotional the way I usually

talk about my parents if I'm at a Gala

or something of that nature and it hit

me and I my observation was oh these

people are becoming my family I talk

about Brandon warnicky my best friend

and I tear up I talk about my parents

and my my siblings and I tear up

this was the first time I kind of teared

up for real for real deep deep deep deep

in a setting when I was talking about

those 35 leaders and it was a nice

feeling I'm like oh this is becoming

family and so you know I think I think

that Candor has been a weakness on a

one-to-one basis when it's emotional

that I've started talking about the

newest thing of this moment when you ask

me is what is it that makes me want to

be like this and to be very Frank

it's quite enjoyable

um and it makes me happy and even when I

don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt of

and so I think I'll probably spend the

next half decade trying to finish this

thought and probably produce content

around it because I the thing I always

think about is

if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety

that I see in 99.9 of people I have a

sense of responsibility to over

communicate in case a sentence on a

podcast triggers something for someone

and starts their journey to be happier I

don't know something more noble a human

can do than be on a quest to leave

collateral you know droppings along the

way that may help and will help others

so many directions I want to take that

in I'm going to go with um the first

comment you made and then I'll move on

to the second you said I have a desire

to be admired yes now when I reflect on

that I completely agree I think I lied

to myself for a couple of years and

thought that I was

more noble than I was but what I came to

learn often from doing this podcast was

that some kind of insecurity or some

kind of Shame was really the driving

force at the heart of me and as I sit

here with athletes for Israel adesanya

the UFC champion whoever it is

you uncover these stories which at a

very young age the thing that might have

invalidated them when they were younger

is now the thing they're striving to

seek validation from as an adult well

it's funny I agree with that and now I'm

going to tell you why I walk around

Earth with gratitude and guilt

I everything you just said is one of my

biggest thesis in life that is 100 true

mine is slightly different

I got really fortunate it's like really

hard to talk about even without like

getting weird about it I'm

my circumstances are you know I think

yes in some ways for example

the system

School took such a [ __ ] on me in the 80s

and 90s I've and you know this we've run

in similar circles I'm very good at

fighting the systems of Industries like

it's also why I see things like Netflix

you're gonna win Tesla you're gonna win

because I know they're fighting the thing

thing

and so I recognize it I've been a good

investor I've been a good operator and

I'm definitely a communicator college right

right

I was at a talk yesterday I'm not

speaking that much but I like my dad

taught me you know keep your words so I

had a talk from pre-covered that got

canceled and then canceled and then I

got like and so I I still did it and so

I did it uh yesterday and a couple of

moms came up to me and both of them the

way they talked to me about the content

I'm putting around College was through

love and admiration 12 years ago those

same exact moms were really angry at me

you know and so when you see things you

know you you kind of challenge it and so

yes I think I absolutely the thing that

was an insecurity I get bad grades but

what was different for me is I didn't

believe them

this is this is where self-esteem is an

obsession of mine not delusion

right not delusion because that's what a

lot of modern parenting does you can do

anything Sally no you can't

Sally you were not athletic enough to be

in the WNBA

it wasn't that it was this weird balance

that my mom created between deep

confidence but accountability and truth

I remember trying to make an excuse for

striking out in a baseball game and

trying to use the sun in my eyes as an

excuse and my mom not letting me do it

very subtly

talk about childhood forming you like

this is why I implore everyone to

communicate their truth to their

children to the world through podcaster

content like it's amazing to me

sentences change people's lives

right she didn't let me do it and I

became very accountable because of those

levels of parenting and realities and

that accountability led to so much

happiness but for me when the school

system was saying you're [ __ ] I didn't

believe them and so I watch a lot of

people being driven by hurt

and I can sense that I'm driven by love

I just sense it like for me it's just

like deep self-awareness that

understands how fortunate I've been like

so many things went my way the mom of

the century being able to leave the

Soviet Union in this little window in

the 70s 1917-19 in the 72 years that the

Soviet Union dictated people's life and

to remind everybody this this is

something most Americans and westerners

don't understand the Soviet Union was

like North Korea it wasn't like Iran

Iranians right now are able to leave

Iran and go to you know wherever their

passport is taken they can't go

everywhere but turkey takes their

passport Dubai takes their passport the

Soviet Union that my family grew up in

was North Korea you were not allowed to leave

leave

but this little event in 1970 of eight

Russians trying to hijack a plane to go

to Sweden to escape created a global

story that led to pressure on Russia

where Spain and Israel and America

teamed up and had this little moment

where Russia had spent too much money on

their weapons of war and were starting

to run out of resources and conform to

their anti-Semitism and decided to take

money from the U.S and Israel in

exchange for a couple of hundred

thousand people and I'm one of those

people and I born with insane levels of

Entrepreneurship and Gift of Gab and

offense get to go from the worst place

on Earth at the time and for someone

like me in 1978 to the best place on Earth

Earth

[ __ ] and then getting all love but not

delusion and so by 10 being in the grit

of like studio apartment with tons of

family members and queens like all [ __ ]

but being 10 years old and having little

but being happy as [ __ ] and being loved

insane and now a 10 year old me realizes

that money has no impact on happiness I

was built to win

I was built to win and so I agree with

you I see it in so many of my friends I

always say the two ways to build

something insane is deep deep insecurity

turned into fuel or deep deep levels of

confidence turned into fuel

on that point of confidence you said

your mother gave you your confidence yes

earlier on you said you she gave you

your sense of sort of

self-responsibility yes but I've also

heard you say that she's responsible for

your confidence and then another thing

the market

so yes my mother and so a lot of people

are listening right now and they had

positive reinforcement there's two

things to watch out for for everybody

who's listening parents or youngsters or

just try to get everyone listening and I

by the way this is a good time to say this

this

I consume a lot of

content meaning I consume no content I

consume how people are consuming content

I just want to give you some roses

and really The Listener on the other

side I've really enjoyed

and this is very lightweight this is a

hot take it's not like I've done major

homework on this but I feel like you

have a very thoughtful audience I really

like what's going on with you and your

audience it's and it's really both of

you right it's not just you it's who

self-selects to listen to your guests

and you're doing a great job casting it

and all that but there's something nice

going on here so keep going and everyone

who's listening Kudos on you for

understanding there's value here in a

world of unlimited content here's the

two back to like kind of the respect I

have I told I told you Dustin I said hey

pay attention today I'm going to be a

little bit sharper it's out of my admiration

admiration

here are the two things I want to go

extra level to watch out for in

confidence building too many people go

too far and they go into that eighth

place trophy delusional place and then

kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very

transparent I've already sensed that

with one of my children where they're

calling my bluff on it I'm like [ __ ]

it's true

like you're I played AJ much harder in

every sport than I'm playing Xander

that's the facts and so I'm already

adjusting my damn self Xander's your

child yes

so so one it's don't let it be

delusional the whole you can be anything

you can do anything you want you can be

anything you want you just might not be

the best at it or great at it

you can be a musician it doesn't mean

that you're going to be a financially

successful enough musician to pay for

your household or if you want to be you

can you're just gonna have to live

humbly and live your passion which I

think is going to be the conversation in

100 years I believe the evolution of you

and I and a lot of people listening is a

lot more people making sixty one

thousand dollars a year doing exactly

what has them on fire and living and

living is a big part and living within

the means of that 61 000 but that's a

different conversation for a different

day so number one watch out for delusion

number two you can't be the only source

of positive reinforcement had I never

gone outside and my mother did

everything she did I don't think I am

who I am the other part that made me was

ringing doorbells and having 81 people

say no kid I don't want you to wash my

car and having six of them say yes kid I

do want you to wash my car for five dollars

dollars

I think what also made me was standing

on a lemonade stand

for months in my life you know two days

here three days here five days here

months of my life from six to thirteen

and watching 99.9 of the cars drive by

my stand and not react to my great

Steins and not stop and buy my lemonade

I think what made me was a hundred out

of 105 people said no to shoveling snow

what made me was I had a baseball card

table and I watched a hundred people

walk by and not want to buy anything

from me even though I had good stickers

and good cards and one the market made

me all those no's became enjoyable

it's the yes that acts as the evidence

though so it's the it's the person

coming along in the one in 100 buying

the lemonade that makes uh young Gary or

young me go do you know what I can sell

lemonade 100 and I was I've thought a

lot of over the years because the more I

speak on stage or the more I my brand

has grown I get the same question over

and over again which seems to be at the

very base level of everything I do which

is how does one build confidence you've

talked about your mum's sort of

subjective evidence that you are great

and then you've talked about the

evidence from the 1 in 100 buying

lemonade I came to this hypothesis that

um our self-belief like all our beliefs

is just

um based on false or correct subjective

evidence we have about ourselves so if

that is true if beliefs or beliefs are

just evidence um

what's your view on how someone can

build that self-confidence they're

listening to this now how do they go get

that evidence and do you agree with that

thesis yeah I like a lot of that thesis

I also think one of the things to point

out that might help a lot of people is

my mom

also created positive reinforcement for

me on the right things when I think back

to what she positively reinforced

it was not when I get the occasional B

in history as a dnf student which would

be logical this is the first time I've

ever saying this publicly it's first

time I had a clear thought on it it

would be logical

for a mother who really she she knew how

smart I was she was borderline pissed

she's like can't you get seized to

appease me you're so capable I'm like

these at F's why she didn't positively

reinforce the bees I got in history

which was the one class I paid attention

to uh is actually a very interesting insight

insight

she didn't reaffirm a subjective machine

that wasn't built for me what she

reaffirmed and built confidence in me

was how nice I was to everyone

when I think of my 47 year old self I'm

the byproduct of two energies I'm a

successful entrepreneur which is what

the world taught me

and for the people that know they know

like especially the people that really

know they know how nice I am

like you know this you've been on you

know a lot more about me and subtle

little like what I love about you is

you're smart so I know I can say this

you know yeah I know yeah yeah right and

we've had lots of dealings over this

year right yeah in every subtle way yeah

in every subtle way we've theoretically

competed there's been moments where I

could or couldn't come like what I love

about this is you know and I've always

said that when I go into the grave so

many people are going to know me that as

long as the people that actually know me

feel what I want them to feel I ca you

know there are people who today don't

think I'm a great dude and it's off of

One Clip that somebody wanted to use me

to do a split screen to build themselves

up because they're in the business of

tearing people down to build their building

building

and that doesn't bother me actually it's

one of like I actually have incredible

compassion for that person has it ever

hurt no so I'm going to tell you

something so when I became a dragon on

BBC's Dragons Den I I was exposed to a

new level of public criticism and

misunderstandings of often intentional

misunderstanding so anything you say or

do yes art you know articles and

different sort of sides of the political

Spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship

at times sure doing pieces on me and

then the backlash and then other like

real sort of takedown efforts yes and

there was days where even my walls of

like resilience and toughness something

kept me up at night has that ever

happened for you where yeah we're all

human being I'm not a robot yeah it's

that it's so not sustained

tell me about a time when that happened

you don't have to give me the details

I'll tell you yeah there was a kid who

wrote a medium piece about me being the

face of hustle porn which to this day lingers

lingers

and it was a medium article I was on a

plane I landed and it was just all this

chaos and there was a lot of things that

weren't true like me I didn't inherit my

dad's liquor store I built my dad's

store for him there were some things

that really like trigger me that one

always hurts because I think I did one

of the most noble acts a human with

Talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a

[ __ ] guy

and I decided consciously

that I loved my parents so much that I

was going to dedicate a decade of my

youth Prime [ __ ] years

Pro 20 to 30 is [ __ ] you got time you

got energy you got I gave 10 of my

greatest years they're not my wisdom

years but they're my [ __ ] [ __ ]

years and I gave them gave them to my parents

parents

never made over a hundred twenty

thousand a year built a business from 3

to 65 million left with nothing started

vaynermedia in Mike Lazaro's conference

room at buddy media at 34 years old

because I had no [ __ ] money

I'm proud of that so when you can

imagine when somebody writes a hit piece

and says you can't listen to this guy he inherited

inherited

his dad's liquor store that hurts when

you say hurts what are the symptoms of

that hurt for you oh you're gonna love

this because this is why it's not

sustainable I'm I'm

I'm neutral

neutral

at all times

Gary you're the goat thank you Gary

you're [ __ ] I understand

why does it hurt I know that there is

millions of 15 to 25 year olds 30 to 60

year olds 61 to 90 year olds right now

who've decided not to consume my message

because one person who's hurting decided

to build themselves up by targeting me

because of the platform I'm on and that

disappoints me more than anything as

someone who is deeply deeply deeply

driven by leaving the impact at the

highest levels that he is capable of out

of the guilt and gratitude of winning

the DNA and environment game the

elimination of opportunity to help make

the world more about love

in lieu of someone reinforcing their

beliefs of living the world of dark and hate

hate

is crushing for me philosophically

but the reason it's not sustained Steve

is my number one fan on Earth

outside of my family whoever that is

Sally Pants McGee and my number one

person that hates me the most thinks

that the whole thing is the worst can't

wait till I die

on that day you landed from that plane

you see the no Twitter or whatever's

blowing up and all these people are

saying those things if I was sat next to

you yes what would I have of what would

I have observed uh hey this is too big

to not address in a world where 99.9

things I won't address

I want to at least create clarity

because it's gone too viral in a world

that I admire the readers of medium are

my contemporaries my friends people I admire

admire

and so I just didn't want six or seven

things that weren't true to be the

foundation of a hypothesis especially

when you go read crush it which is my

coming out moment it doesn't talk about

making money and buying a yacht when it

talks about working hard at night it was

under the context of the 2008 recession

people losing their jobs and me saying

hey I don't know if you know this but

the internet's getting mature and if you

go on YouTube and Twitter you might be

able to fix this shortcoming you have

and yes I understand that some of you

are also equally it's not just about

getting a new job or getting a job it's

also oh my God because this was this was

insane to me because I was just coming

out to the world now I was like in My

Little Wine Library bubble I'm like

people don't like their jobs like that

was like I loved it so much even if I

was doing it for my I loved it so much

that I was taken aback by that I was

like well if you don't like being an

accountant and you love Star Trek start

making Star Trek video I mean it's

insane what Tick Tock and Instagram and

YouTube have created you go read crush

it which I wrote in 2008 it's insane how

much of that became true even to me you

know why I'm asking I think I'm asking

this question and I please assisting on

this topic is because I've always seen

the way that you've publicly responded

in those moments and it's always been

with an unbelievable level of gratitude

and empathy and so I as someone who's

been on the receiving end of it it's

hard it's hard so it's just it's just

you know I'm sorry finished I was gonna

say so I've always wondered from afar

yeah someone who's been on the receiving

end of it what goes on as the the first

you know like the first reaction we have

to these things where you're like yeah I

mean the first hundred honestly the

first hundredth of a second reaction is

actually a very weird blend of

you'll see and I can't wait to be

gracious when you come to apologize

and I've I've had moments like that

where the thing the story whatever will

just stay on my mind and it will rattle

over and it might rattle over for like

six seven hours eight hours it might

rattle over at night time that night

might even rattle over the next morning mate

mate

does that happen to you too

it's very rare for it to be able to get

to the second day that next morning very

rare I just go deep into the [ __ ]

Gary Cave of okay this person I admire

just took a [ __ ] on me

this this influencer decided to [ __ ] on me

and I'm not talking about the comedians

who I love the comedian stuff is like

awesome because I'm like oh like I and I

just did Dylan's podcast and I said it

I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by

like actual good comedians forget about

the people that impersonate me and have

built not their careers because they

impersonate others but like a couple of

these characters have really benefited

from impersonating me and that means so

much to me that I brought Vicon was my

crowning event and the first people that

hit stage were impersonators of me

there's no bigger cosine I can give to

like that feels amazing that somebody's

winning the thought that somebody's

winning in their comedic career because

they popped by impersonating me that's

like the most humbling feeling of all time

time

not that not when people take shots at

me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying

for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by it I'm

talking about people that really like

[ __ ] this dude he's bad and and it's so

bad how they do it it's so very out of

I just

it just doesn't register I what you know

I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my

eyes and then the first thing I do when

I close those eyes and the first thing I

do when I open those eyes I say to

myself okay

the world all eight billion people have

decided to go on social media and say

actually I'm a piece of [ __ ]

is that better or worse than my parents

dying in a car crash right now on the

way to the airport

I'd much rather have all 8 billion

people go on social media right now and

say I suck

then that to happen thus I can't be

upset about this in a real way that's

bigger problems there's bigger problems

you referenced something earlier you

said wisdom years I found that really

really compelling because you reference

you know I think you said 20 to 30. I'm

now 30. just turned 30. so I guess I'm

in my wisdom years one of the things I

think this one's the in-between the time

in the 30s like right like just [ __ ]

go ham

um and for everybody listening this is

the years to taste a lot of [ __ ] make a

lot of mistakes have fun try different things

things

like everything eat it all go to the go

to the you know the

the

salad bar and try every single thing

that's in there 30 to 40 is the

refinement of 20 to 30.

especially if you really go at it you're

like okay I remember like 30 30s when

[ __ ] started popping for me February

21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine

Library TV

so I'm 30. I just turned 30. and that is

clear I mean the fact that within

December within three months of my 30th

birthday the very clear public data very

clear indication of the shift in my

career happened three months so that was

interesting and I think those are when I

think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of

things that felt natural 20 to 30. I

refined my craft I started to get to

know myself better when I think about 40

to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of 30

to 40. I'm still refining I'm still

doing but I'm starting to get into a

thought of like okay

I like have real grasp on things I can

do some real damage like I'm scared in

the most positive way of what I'm gonna

accomplish selfish selfish and

selflessly from 50 to 60. scared I think

it's going to be banana [ __ ] I think

everything that is me right now is minor

leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50

to 60 because I now have the context of

40 to 50 which is a more polished

version of the refinement of 30 40 and

so for me 50 to 60 feels like insanity

and then when I look at my 60 to 70 year

old business friends I'm like [ __ ] I get

an entire another decade after that

decade of doing it at a hundred and then

I start debating what happens at 70

right then I'm like 70 to 80 is still a

very clear decade for a certain very

small group to continue to go ham and go

[ __ ] insane I'm curious where I'll be

I notice 70 I'll be exactly the same way

I am right now it's inconceivable I'm not

not

um those 23 years are pretty clear to me

they're going to look like the last 23 years

years

70 to 80 becomes an interesting debate

will I take any foot off the pedal will

I go to a different place I often

fantasize of like going into like a cave

in Peru and whoever wants to find me can

come and we get 30 minutes and I just do

that for the next 30 years of my life I

don't know obviously there's that very

silly but very emotional goal of buying

the Jets for me that's more fun to chase

than like I almost think I the first

time I might feel actual unhappiness or

weirdness or some sort of version of

like uh might be if if I buy the Jets

like I think about that a lot I'm like

if this happens was this such a romantic

Journey this is not 30 and 40 and 20

year old Gary thinking it's cool to say

this this was 12 year old Gary telling

Robbie turnick and Eric Godfrey I'm

gonna buy this [ __ ] team this has

been like a thing like actually like

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the podcast

on that point of those wisdom years yes

one of the things that came out of my

refinement as you call it and my kind of

maybe I meant just at the start of my

wisdom years yes as I look back on my

perspective on exactly what you've

talked about I'm like hustling and like

my own

um Insane luck of being a very

optimistic person in the worst

situations and I wonder I say Steve

is mindset a privilege and if it is

because you described yourself as being

as happy you've always had this this

drive this motivation

is there a risk in us if mindset if our

mindset is a privilege in trying to

advise others when they don't have the same

same

privilege couple things one everything's

a privilege yeah

do you see what I mean there like of

course I got really scared I think it's

two years yeah this is incredibly

powerful first of all as a whole

separate and intriguing conversation

everything is a privilege and everything

is a vulnerability and this is like a

incredibly important subject to talk

about I think mental

content is the ultimate privilege yeah I

think the second one is beauty I'm

fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to

attractive privilege

when I look at men and women navigate

this world there's nothing more clear to

me in the privilege that like like

they're like white male I'm like

attractive privilege makes that [ __ ]

look [ __ ] minor leagues if you look

at the data so let's look at that then

well I'm gonna put I want to go back

because I don't want to lose and I will

use it because I know how we roll

uh uh I have no interest in thinking

that I'm telling anyone what to do or

giving I do not think that I'm giving

advice I really don't and I don't touch

on this enough and I have touched on it

at times and this is a great format to

touch about I have no belief that I'm

right I have no belief that I'm giving

advice I have no belief that anyone

listening to this should do what I'm

saying I am putting info into the system

and I'm hoping that people can extract

something of value for them based on

their own self-awareness of themselves

most people don't have self-awareness

I'm aware which is why I talk about it

so much yeah but there's a reason I talk

about self-awareness so much why I was a

pillar of my last book why it's a big

character in V friends self-aware hair

self-aware hair

Tortoise and the hair yeah

I think people don't one day when I'm

you know I think 47 year old Gary for

cynics and people that were watching

is better than they thought it would be

than 27 year old Gary right like the hot

takes on I'll never forget when I hit

the scene on Twitter

The Whispers at conferences I could hear

them in the back in the green room and I

definitely read it on Twitter because I

was like popping they're like out of

everyone who's popping on Twitter in

2007 the consensus was the only person

that won't be here in a decade is Gary

because it was too hot too fast too much

people literally I'm empathetic when you

have this kind of energy I'm empathetic

to how this story plays out for

different people I get why the person

burns out I get why the person really

does the ultimate bad thing and

disappears off the I get what that but

that's because I'm not on the extreme

insecurity side I'm on this other side

so I always knew so but one of the

things so I get a lot of like joy out of

like knowing that so many people didn't

think I'd be there and I'm at the top of it

same way I feel about the friends

nobody has a clue including my inner

circle of how much thoughtfulness I did

in character development this is my

Disney this is my Sesame Street Big Bird

Mickey Mouse right Optimus Prime Pikachu

like self-awareness is profound

the story of The Tortoise and the hair

is profound to every listener of this

there's not a single listener right this

second that's listening here right now

if they're eight or if they're 88 that

isn't extremely vulnerable to the lack

of patience because they're too

ambitious it's the reason they're listening

listening

so self-aware hair for me is a

phenomenal story I get to tell for the

next 50 years and I can't wait to make

self-aware hair more famous than garyvee

is today because that will be the way I

scale putting positivity into the world

be friends and so I'm excited about that

but back to your point my friend as long

as you come from a place of humility

and understand that ego kills people I

yes we have some luxury of mindset and

communication but for me I don't think

people should listen to me I should I

think people should listen to everything

and try to find positivity and usability

out of everything and they should dismiss

dismiss

what is clearly negative and selfish and

they should triple down on everything

that is selfless and positive and that

is the answer to your question that

started here what should people do they

should be very very focused on trying to

do the following lean in dramatically

more to things that are positive your grandfather

grandfather podcasts

podcasts

upworthy.com lean into positivity then

they should be on the awareness Eyes

Wide Open on is this delusional and

lacks practicality like you know if I

just dream it it will happen no

lean in cut out literally when this

podcast is over step back audit your

entire life

from the people you spend time with your

family your friends look at every person

you follow are they triggering your

insecurities for their own self-interest

are they trying to put love into it so

that you go on and do your thing watch

look for it but whatever you do

back to like working out like you know

protein and you know when I when you

know when Mike vacant is like all right

you did a lift like protein I'm like

really okay and like don't encode I'm

like wait a minute I'm starting to

finally get some muscles oh because I

was doing protein as [ __ ] after lifts

and not after not lifts I was doing it

right here's something right for

everyone cut out one hour of negativity

add one hour of positivity

if you're listening right now and you're

like Ugh social's such a drag it's

because you're in a drag mindset and the

Algos and the people you follow are

following you you know what my social

looks like [ __ ] sunshine

I'm being dead [ __ ] serious you know

my Algos look like [ __ ] sunshine in

the world of the momentum of Darkness

right now sunshine you know why I choose

to fight

for positivity but I refuse to not be

grounded in practicality which is why

I've always thrown curveballs love

everybody it's all awesome [ __ ] eighth

place trophies what Gary what what

eighth place trophies lead to

entitlement and fear of losing and it

[ __ ] up kids

so like it's kind of that juxtaposition

practical positivity is something

everyone needs to add more and so back

to your point we are going to put out

stuff forever because it's how we're

wired the people we're listening right

now for a lot of them they need to

understand where they match with us

and we don't you and I match on a lot of

things there's a lot of things we don't

match on the person on the other side

needs to figure that out you I would

argue watching you from afar we know

each other but not that deep we never we

haven't had those six hours that we need

that we will have in the next 50 years

where it starts to get even closer but

even from afar it's clear to me that

you're understanding more and more what

is right from the messages you've heard

and what's not right for you and you

refine it and you refine it

there's a lot to your point there's a I

I say it all the time please don't be me

the only thing I want people to be like

me is be as happy as me that's an

insular game that's a self-awareness

game that's a process game that's the

only thing I want people to be like with

me like I'm weird I've got a lot of

weird nuances I do a lot of things that

are not scalable I don't maximize for

I'm always worried when people are like

oh I want to learn how you built your

businesses I'm like good it's real

different like you know I don't maximize

for profit I maximize for retention of

relationships if you aren't as confident

as I am when those people leave and

compete with you you become Grudge

oriented and envy oriented instead of

happy oriented like I've got some weird

elements that people can't run my

playbook but I couldn't write run other

people's Playbook so pay attention find

what works for you try [ __ ] try it

multiple times Steve said something you

like try it once didn't work Steve's not

an idiot you don't suck try it again on

this the very Crux of all of this is

that key point which is about self

awareness and as I realized that in my

late 20s that self-awareness was really

the key to

um to most things in life and I remember

writing a quote my Instagram which is

still my favorite quote of all time

where I said um

there's no self-develop um there's no

self-development without self-awareness

you can read as many books as you like

100 but if you can't read yourself

you'll never learn a thing it's why I've

never read a book yeah exactly so like

like to me the only thing I've read is

my feelings so how does how does one

person listening to this now that's been

listening to our content and you know

they really want to be a an entrepreneur

they want to have a big Media Company

whatever it might be

but they don't know they don't have them

like but objectively they don't have

Minerals Well how do they go about

discovering they don't have the minerals

by going in the pool and drowning okay

you know it's not for you and I to judge

because we've been wrong too much yeah

I've been wrong so much it scares the

[ __ ] out of me and I'm gifted with

intuition that when I'm dead I hope they

can test for it because I think I'm all

time and I've been wrong a ton that

makes me believe everyone's wrong

so if you're listening here's a couple

things that are good call out that may

bring value instead of what I just said

asking what you're in it for is humongous

humongous

yeah but this generation I don't think

they know because people think I know

this first of all you're part of this

generation yeah

that's how I know but you know but I

know too but guess what my generation

this I'm so done with this my generation

didn't know either guess what when I was

22 all my friends wanted to hook up too

all my friends wanted a BMW too and by

the way as somebody who observed people

his whole life the people that were

older me the people that were buying

expensive wine for me when I was 20 and

they were 35. they everybody wants stuff

to communicate to others that they're

winning we've been putting on makeup

since we had [ __ ] clubs hitting each

other like it's what humans do we do

things to communicate

yes why to hide we're hiding

we we used to do it with status right

now we've decided to [ __ ] on each other

our current move to hide is by tearing

each other down that status too I want

to be more I want to be the most leftist

I want to be the most on the right I

want you know of course the problem is

unlike buying a BMW and going into debt

when you're doing this one you're

hurting other people's feelings um

it's one thing when you're hurting your

credit score it's another thing when

you're trying to make someone feel bad

about themselves that's why the acts of

us collectively at 8 billion people

right now is completely and utterly

unacceptable which is why I'm

desperately communicating at the highest

levels about the stuff that I want to

put into the world as a counter to

people's us against them girls versus

boys blacks versus Jews Republicans it's

[ __ ] exhausting

like once people understand there's one

team humans let's let's you can be mad

at elephants you could be mad at Falcons

but like being mad at each other is the

most counterproductive thing and we need

to go into tribes my country my sports

team I understand this because I hate

all the other football teams it's the

only place I get those feelings the way

people feel about Republicans and

Democrats or genders and races or

countries the only place I can touch on

it emotionally is American football my

level of actual disdain towards Patriot

fans is real I feel the rage

the fact that I do that for something

silly that's a form of escapism that's a

couple hours a week to like reset and

like enjoy and Escape like people watch

movies or ski or exercise that's silly

that's football that's silly we're doing

this in real life to each other

and it's it's got to stop and I think

it's it starts with people understanding

if you are [ __ ] on others right now

it's a complete reflection to your own

unhappiness and insecurity I had a kid

come up to me and this is why I was

asking the question is after I did a

tool can he said to me as I knelt down

on stage he said I want to he must have

been 18. I want to be a public speaker

too and I'm like why

why is always the right answer and the

answer you'll get from this generate

this my generation is well I wanna I

wanna change the world Gary yeah of

course and then you go what do you want

to change about it they go I in fact

what I came to learn is they want to be

the type of person that's known for

changing the world aspiration that's

right they saw the audience right and

they want that feeling the money the

fame the accolades the blue check the

followers the fun I understand it's the

problem with all the things I just

mentioned is they're a vulnerability to

your own happiness if it's not balanced

there's not by the way sometimes people

get mad at me in the other direction

like [ __ ] Gary with my [ __ ] face

off I can buy a [ __ ] watch or a car

I'm like of course you can the why

if you like love the [ __ ] like I don't

understand sports cars and the feeling

of going that fast that's not me but I

understand buying rare sports cards and

that's enjoyable if you enjoy that

that's phenomenal when I talk about

materialistic things I talk about makeup

for insecurity if you are burning the

midnight oil you know how people burn

out they're working till two in the

morning to buy the expensive car to use

it to close their insecurity to get the

affirmation from the opposite sex or

their friends that's that that system's

broke it won't work I I I mean I don't

know what to tell you like everyone's

like okay Gary but I'd rather have the

[ __ ] money like this whole like I'd

rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a

Toyota or take the bus you say that

do you really want to be in a mental

place where you're on the borderline of

suicide and you have heavy drug usage

even though you make three million

dollars a year 17 million dollars a year

because you know this now Steve you've

worked very hard and you have the

talents and the luck of the draw and you

put in the execution to now run in

circles where you know what I'm about to

say is ungodly true which is the

following an extraordinary amount of

people that have unlimited resources are

desperately lonely insecure unhappy and

borderline depression suicidal that's

just truth

and so like the thought of me talking in

any other direction when I know that to

be true seems like the least authentic

thing I can do but even when you say

that you must know that for a huge

amount of people including myself we

have to have that hypothesis that those

things will give us some kind of

fulfillment or meaning we have to have

that fail us before we learn the lesson

Gary's words versus the insecurity that

was developed from my mother and my

father on the playground hypothetically

one of them you know when I was seven

years old the kid said I'd never be

nothing then my teeth I'm not talking

about myself the teacher comes in and

says you're an [ __ ] I think I think

that's right on one side of the skill

yeah Gary's work I don't think it's

either of those I think it's the macro

conversation of happiness

I believe if the kids getting picked on

you'll never be nothing

and she or he decides I will be content

at 25. I will have peace of mind

I will smile 89.3 percent of my life

instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and

a super yacht

I think [ __ ] gets crazy you're

describing me there so you I I at a very

young age only only black kid in an

all-white area we're also the poorest

family so we understand the value so we

had all the advantages of adversity

exactly yes in the con on the context I

was in I was the Blackberry in a world

full of iPhones so I had that feeling of

like not enoughness I get it that means

that um as I go off into the world I'm

convinced my subjective evidence is if

you get the material success I just have

if you get there then you'll be happy

nothing on one Earth what if you're 17

Heroes on Tick Tock and YouTube we're

talking about something else

hold on yeah yeah no no this is super

duper important

what if your 17 Heroes

how has everything changed in the world

can I say yeah that might not be enough

because those first 10 years as you

learn your childhood psychology the

problem is in those first 10 years you

will have Heroes outside of your family

what if you're seven year old you on

YouTube kids

finds a hero or on ESPN app or something

what if what if Messi your hero at seven

in every other interview

spoke about peace of mind living with it

like what if the conversation changed

because the conversation has changed on

Race on gender on religion on status

tulips used to be the most important

thing in your life The King The King do

you understand in America in 1968 in

1971 in

1971 in America if you were an astronaut

or Pilot you were cooler than an athlete

I want everyone to [ __ ] pay it like

this is a big [ __ ] deal this is what

my [ __ ] mission is in 1971 in [ __ ] America

America

if you were a astronaut or Pilot you

were more famous than everybody but the

top 10 athletes in America that Joe

Namath was more famous love them but you

know you understand yeah do you understand

that Joe Namath is actually a great comp

the Jets quarterback that stunned the

world in Super Bowl three became a sex symbol

symbol

and that started to change he was a

celebrity which was different

you and I are affected by

entrepreneurship now being a celebrity

status something that couldn't have even

crossed my mind when I was 18 years old

maybe even 30 your age right now 30. it

was starting to because you have to

understand do you know who was the

biggest entrepreneur when I was your age

Bill Gates the nerdiest [ __ ] looking

think about how but this this is why

it's fun you're properly speaking in the

framework of our society now my argument

is that communication changes Frameworks

and what if we collectively got on this

boat I I want to so here's what I'm

thinking so if if we manage to get

seven-year-olds absorbing content which

I imagine is probably a lot of your plan

with v friends that is empowering that

is creating new evidence in their mind

purple not red or blue yeah right back

to Republican purple right like like

competitive clown is a [ __ ]

accountable ant kids is the thing like

if you lost you [ __ ] lost I don't

want to over coddle it yeah yeah but in

Gary vaynerchuk seven year old world yes

if his mother was crying on the kitchen

counter every day because of my you've I

mean we started this by talking about

this using Gary vaynerchuk and Steve

yeah and not acknowledging that there is

extraordinary amounts of people that are

bringing joy into the world that had

alcoholic parents yeah depressed mom and

dads bipolar moms and dads lose it my

mother lost her mom at five and her

father ready you know why I have

confidence in this let's talk about

Tamara vaynerchuk not Gary vaynerchuk

tomorrow vaynerchuk was born in the

Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a

[ __ ] draw as one can get she goes on

to get another tough card it's called

her mother dies at five

she goes on to have an even more insane

card which is her father goes to jail

for basically in this environment right

now this will make sense to people

finally for being Jewish in the Soviet

Union and he went to jail for 10 years

she finds herself at 10 with her mom dad

and her dad in jail for a decade and a

stepmom raising her who's a young kid

doesn't know what the [ __ ] just happened

to her either right

all the family's gone because everyone's

like just [ __ ] up all the Dynamics the

mom's side the dad's side you're

following the story

she goes on to become

the person that built me because she is

me and I am her more importantly these

core positive person for any person in

her life from acquaintance that met her

once to clearly her three children

she exists I'm not saying that any early

experience defines which way you're

going to go and I'm trying to say that

any early experience is going to be good

yeah yeah could any experience from you

between age of zero and ten I could be a

major factor right and I've sat here

with these childhood uh psychologists

and therapists like Gabriel May who

studies childhood trauma in that first

10 years of your life if your parents

are constantly I believe in that Crying

by the way just so everybody who's

listening because it might seem the

opposite because I'm kind of going fast

yeah yeah I believe in that comma

there's something I believe in if one

person that lived that cliche life

has gone on to be an incredibly happy

and productive person in now means it's

capable and true I've noticed this in my

guests on this podcast so I'd sit here

with a guest whose father was

um incredibly violent and did domestic

domestic violence on his mother yeah

this person is the kindest person I've

ever met I've sat here with someone

whose father did domestic violence

because of there's a layer between what

happens in their interpretation we

overreact in both directions it's it's

your interpretation and that's what the

childhood psychologist said she said you

couldn't there's what there's someone's

like having a sunglasses on your eyes

Steve there's nothing else you know that

right yeah 100 there is nothing else on

Earth yeah so the point the point here is

um regarding that person who grows up in

a household where they interpret yes

that money is the most important thing

do they then have to have that belief

fail before they can learn that the

Lamborghini isn't good because for me I

just can't imagine a world where that

was so deep inside me that insecurity

and shame I can't imagine a world where

Steve Bartlett doing a quote on

Instagram or doing a podcast would have

been stronger evidence I'm watching my

parents scream at each other every day

my argument is you don't know you just

know the alternative

and I would argue that

that

many people like yourself and I know

weird things because we get unlimited

DMS and emails and you know this about

me because it's where I'm a little weird

I took a six hour flight yesterday and

read a gadrillion DMs I think what I do

that's a hair different than a lot of my

contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy

like I really still see extraordinary

levels of value of being in the trenches

reading those DMS replying to those DMs

like long after I mean I'm watching

people get 10 000 followers and think

there's somebody and get an assistant to

reply like I'm still in it

and in that I see it I I've there's a

reason that people that were deeply

alcoholic have been able to be sober the

rest of their lives after going through

a process there's a reason that therapy

is profound there is a reason that

meditation is profound there's a reason

that exercise is profound to me

everything you just said Is Right

but it is the cliche you get a hand and

then you gotta play it and as someone

who's not good at poker and has won many

hands with three seven off suit because

I'm just a [ __ ] like that I believe in

that in life too there's every version

do I believe that to your point I

believe more than anything that those

first 10 years there's so much going on

it's insane including the environment

you're in right yours was one mine was

one but do I believe that if you then

decide like many do well I got [ __ ]

I got [ __ ] well then if you've decided

back to perspective being everything if

you've decided I got [ __ ] well then

the game's over anyway

the [ __ ] are we doing here if if you've

decided I can't

because I was unlucky my mom this my dad

this my country this my gender that my

income level this well that's over

doesn't matter what I think you think

anyone else thinks it's over I just

refuse to talk to another human being

and believe that to be true because

there's been billions of examples of the

alternative billion Steve yeah there's

been billions of Alternatives of the

exact opposite I agree with you it's

just that point sometimes I Ponder which

is um you'll meet someone and you think

this guy regardless of what I say to

them or this this woman is going to have

to have their current world view fail

them by the way I believe that about

every person yeah I don't believe a

single person that I've inspired or got

through to now wins they have to taste

everything for themselves yeah you said

you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover

Tim Grover who used to train LeBron and um MJ

um MJ

and Kobe

um he said to me that we all have

our Brilliance our greatness and then

often connected to that and responsible

for that is our Dark Side that's the

word he used the thing that

you know

becomes the the Star Wars the difficult

Star Wars what's your dark side

probably my unhealthy

there's a version of me on a competitive

scale that can get dark

I'm incredibly competitive the only

place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing

competing

like it's crazy moments ago a couple

hours ago we did Rock Paper Scissors

tournament with our leadership team as

an exercise

I lost Peter Chun head of platforms the

guy that talks to snap and everything

I quickly thought after I lost in the

first five seconds

of course of course Steve there's a

little ha ha but if I'm being naked an

authentic and transparent to this audience

audience

thank God at 47 the wisdom years uh I

used to punch if Dustin Bingham Joe

minakawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey

can you guys all stand up and go to

social media and tell everybody the

following truth of what happened anytime

I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I

would punch a hole in the wall knowing I

would have to pay a fine with my own

money but I was incapable of dealing

with losing why

because I wanted to win yeah but why uh

because it felt better than losing why

because not because of like the great

place you're going with this path like

it's really funny it's no different to the

the

one of the great lessons I I've gotten

so weird that there's a part of me now

that wants me not to buy the Jets more

than by the Jets I've seen this

Evolution because I want to show the

world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah

McGee who bought it

and this is a brain [ __ ] but I'm

starting I lived my whole life saying if

I can show kids that you can go from not

being able to afford a [ __ ] Jersey to

buying the whole team I can help

now I'm starting to believe when I show

the grace

and happiness for someone else's

accomplishment at the expense of my

lifelong dream and teach people that it was that the

and teach people that it was that the great enjoyment to try it

great enjoyment to try it that I could have a bigger impact than

that I could have a bigger impact than showing that you can do it that's

showing that you can do it that's winning in a different way in a very

winning in a different way in a very different way and that's what happened

different way and that's what happened with me with winning and losing I was I

with me with winning and losing I was I wasn't per se trying to

wasn't per se trying to listen again I'm not a robot everyone's

listen again I'm not a robot everyone's loaded with insecurity I'm insecurity

loaded with insecurity I'm insecurity with girls much more than business like

with girls much more than business like nobody was scary to me to talk to a

nobody was scary to me to talk to a business but Pam Moses in high school

business but Pam Moses in high school like even though there was a clear

like even though there was a clear indication that she had interest that

indication that she had interest that was still like woo whereas I could have

was still like woo whereas I could have had a meeting with Bill Gates next day

had a meeting with Bill Gates next day and be like I'll beat you right so we

and be like I'll beat you right so we all have our places right of insecurity

all have our places right of insecurity things of that nature but like you know

things of that nature but like you know when you're five like there was just

when you're five like there was just such a like I love competition and I'd

such a like I love competition and I'd prefer to win right and I prefer to win

prefer to win right and I prefer to win I did not have a relationship with it

I did not have a relationship with it from three to four to twelve now I one

from three to four to twelve now I one thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of

thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of kids now because I have kids growing up

kids now because I have kids growing up here's where I get interested in

here's where I get interested in tenacity and self-esteem

tenacity and self-esteem I would lose and I liked it

I would lose and I liked it so there's some you want a dark side I

so there's some you want a dark side I like losing

like losing I might have cried and been pissed and

I might have cried and been pissed and wanted to do something about it but I

wanted to do something about it but I wanted to play again

wanted to play again there was almost this weird enjoyment of

there was almost this weird enjoyment of losing more than winning as a matter of

losing more than winning as a matter of fact I cheered for four teams growing up

fact I cheered for four teams growing up as religious as I am about the Jets

as religious as I am about the Jets the New York Yankees the New York

the New York Yankees the New York Rangers the New York Knicks and the New

Rangers the New York Knicks and the New York Jets

York Jets to this day I am so wildly weirded out

to this day I am so wildly weirded out by the fact that I love the New York

by the fact that I love the New York Rangers and the Yankees as much as I

Rangers and the Yankees as much as I like the Jets but the Rangers won the

like the Jets but the Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won

Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the next

the World Series in 1996 and the next day I stopped following them

day I stopped following them for real no [ __ ] I didn't it wasn't

for real no [ __ ] I didn't it wasn't a plan I was 18 years old when the

a plan I was 18 years old when the Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it

Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it as like the thing I wanted to do I

as like the thing I wanted to do I literally woke up that next September

literally woke up that next September October when the hockey season started

October when the hockey season started and I didn't want to watch why uh now at

and I didn't want to watch why uh now at 47 I believe it's my addiction is the

47 I believe it's my addiction is the process and the game not the thing and

process and the game not the thing and where did that you're clearly a unique

where did that you're clearly a unique standout person that loves to win where

standout person that loves to win where did that like it was there an early

did that like it was there an early moment where that was reinforced that

moment where that was reinforced that winning is great Gary no as a matter of

winning is great Gary no as a matter of fact it was like not even like talked

fact it was like not even like talked you know this is why the 80s were epic

you know this is why the 80s were epic and more importantly I'm joking this is

and more importantly I'm joking this is why my mom was that big it wasn't like

why my mom was that big it wasn't like she was like you have like there was no

she was like you have like there was no talk of that it was just pure DNA I'm

talk of that it was just pure DNA I'm massively competitive

massively competitive I like it I like the game My brother has

I like it I like the game My brother has it my dad has it like we're competitive

it my dad has it like we're competitive I think it manifests in different people

I think it manifests in different people but it wasn't reinforced it just was

but it wasn't reinforced it just was like innate

like innate and I really like where I have it now at

and I really like where I have it now at 47 which is like I've learned how to

47 which is like I've learned how to deal with the fact that I'm not the best

deal with the fact that I'm not the best at everything that's what life taught me

at everything that's what life taught me through the years

through the years um but I really like trying like I like

um but I really like trying like I like you know what's one of my favorite

you know what's one of my favorite scenarios this is gonna really by the

scenarios this is gonna really by the way if this resonates with you please

way if this resonates with you please email me at Gary vfriends.com or Gary

email me at Gary vfriends.com or Gary vaynermedia.com because I think this is

vaynermedia.com because I think this is going to resonate with a lot of people

going to resonate with a lot of people I thought about this yesterday on a

I thought about this yesterday on a random thing I must have saw something

random thing I must have saw something on social my favorite thing one of my

on social my favorite thing one of my favorite weird tiny things that I know

favorite weird tiny things that I know is going to resonate with two percent of

is going to resonate with two percent of this audience but please hit me up

this audience but please hit me up because I want to get to know you

because I want to get to know you when I'm on a pickup basketball team of

when I'm on a pickup basketball team of random people like Friends Play pick up

random people like Friends Play pick up basketball five on five College High

basketball five on five College High School your buddies get together when

School your buddies get together when our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the

our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the first game the second that 11th Point

first game the second that 11th Point goes in I get so hyped

goes in I get so hyped when you get smoked 11 nothing 11-1 as

when you get smoked 11 nothing 11-1 as you you know I don't you play basketball

you you know I don't you play basketball at all no we play pick up something I

at all no we play pick up something I know football yeah

know football yeah in basketball and this may resonate in

in basketball and this may resonate in other sports Cricket if you're listening

other sports Cricket if you're listening in India football around the world

in India football around the world when we get smoked where it's very

when we get smoked where it's very obvious to everybody that four of the

obvious to everybody that four of the five best players are on one team and

five best players are on one team and that's why the score was eleven to one

that's why the score was eleven to one everyone's natural inkling is to like

everyone's natural inkling is to like let's reshoot for new teams

let's reshoot for new teams mine is this deep excitement to get the

mine is this deep excitement to get the other four people together looking at

other four people together looking at everybody's face and say guys

everybody's face and say guys we're [ __ ] like immediately I'm like

we're [ __ ] like immediately I'm like we're not [ __ ] shooting for new teams

we're not [ __ ] shooting for new teams let's run it back and then huddle and I

let's run it back and then huddle and I look at everybody's [ __ ] eyes I'm

look at everybody's [ __ ] eyes I'm like my friends we're gonna win this

like my friends we're gonna win this [ __ ] game because we're gonna outwill

[ __ ] game because we're gonna outwill them even though they are dramatically

them even though they are dramatically more talented we're gonna out think them

more talented we're gonna out think them and most importantly we're gonna outwill

and most importantly we're gonna outwill them and when that happens Because by

them and when that happens Because by the way 70 it doesn't happen the talent

the way 70 it doesn't happen the talent is just too great and unfortunately we

is just too great and unfortunately we also found somebody on the other side

also found somebody on the other side who's talented and has will but the

who's talented and has will but the feeling when you know that you are

feeling when you know that you are dramatically inferior and you get a

dramatically inferior and you get a group together and you out accomplish

group together and you out accomplish them predominantly on will with a mix of

them predominantly on will with a mix of strategy there's something there that

strategy there's something there that just gets the hairs on the back of my

just gets the hairs on the back of my neck up is winning associated with your

neck up is winning associated with your own sense of self-esteem definitely not

own sense of self-esteem definitely not one of the things that makes me so happy

one of the things that makes me so happy is here's a great indication I didn't

is here's a great indication I didn't know that until probably the last five

know that until probably the last five years this is the truest statement I

years this is the truest statement I will say on this podcast

will say on this podcast my professional success

my professional success has no currency with my heart and soul

has no currency with my heart and soul this is where my life got really [ __ ]

this is where my life got really [ __ ] crazy you know you know this you're

crazy you know you know this you're going through an introspective moment

going through an introspective moment clearing your late 20s like it's clear

clearing your late 20s like it's clear so this is like fun for me to tell you

so this is like fun for me to tell you I'm like really in the zone I feel like

I'm like really in the zone I feel like we're sitting and just like you know

we're sitting and just like you know having a drink

having a drink when I realized somewhere about five or

when I realized somewhere about five or six years ago oh [ __ ]

six years ago oh [ __ ] none of my professional accolades net

none of my professional accolades net worth

worth exits followers Awards even things like

exits followers Awards even things like being on the board of Charity water and

being on the board of Charity water and pencils like even when I was getting

pencils like even when I was getting admiration for like when I realized none

admiration for like when I realized none none

none of my professional successes make me

of my professional successes make me think it's a reflection of me or is an

think it's a reflection of me or is an indicator for me or is a barometer of

indicator for me or is a barometer of self-worth it [ __ ] took I was already

self-worth it [ __ ] took I was already flying it took me to the [ __ ]

flying it took me to the [ __ ] Stratosphere my entire

Stratosphere my entire self-worth is wrapped up in the middle

self-worth is wrapped up in the middle of this podcast when I looked at you and

of this podcast when I looked at you and said you know

said you know my entire

my entire self-worth is 100 predicated on people

self-worth is 100 predicated on people knowing the truth of how I've interacted

knowing the truth of how I've interacted with them

why does that matter I have a deep love for human beings

I have a deep love for human beings I love them for example back to being a

I love them for example back to being a little transparent I'm a little weird

little transparent I'm a little weird with animals

with animals I have a little bit of a level of

I have a little bit of a level of resentment towards animals this is

resentment towards animals this is something my inner circle knows

something my inner circle knows you know we joke I don't hate dogs

you know we joke I don't hate dogs I do hate that humans default into

I do hate that humans default into loving dogs with all their heart and

loving dogs with all their heart and don't do that to each other

don't do that to each other struggle with that I got so damn lucky

struggle with that I got so damn lucky Steve

Steve I came out the womb my mom talks about

I came out the womb my mom talks about this a lot

this a lot you know who I was in the playground at

you know who I was in the playground at three years old when we first moved to

three years old when we first moved to America like immediately running to all

America like immediately running to all the 80 year olds and schmoozing with

the 80 year olds and schmoozing with them you're [ __ ] four

them you're [ __ ] four you didn't read Malcolm [ __ ] Gladwell

you didn't read Malcolm [ __ ] Gladwell you didn't listen to garyvee you're

you didn't listen to garyvee you're [ __ ] four I'm [ __ ] four years old

[ __ ] four I'm [ __ ] four years old and I'm going out with my Jessica Shaya

and I'm going out with my Jessica Shaya my grandfather Shia and I'm [ __ ]

my grandfather Shia and I'm [ __ ] gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and

gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and like desperately trying to make them

like desperately trying to make them laugh and smile because a lot of them

laugh and smile because a lot of them came from Russia and were sourpussed in

came from Russia and were sourpussed in the last stage of their life America was

the last stage of their life America was [ __ ] up when we all got here it was a

[ __ ] up when we all got here it was a real recession in the Carter years

real recession in the Carter years Queens was [ __ ] Queens back then not

Queens was [ __ ] Queens back then not like in his net like it was [ __ ] and

like in his net like it was [ __ ] and like I had a deep need to make these 85

like I had a deep need to make these 85 year olds smile for a second because

year olds smile for a second because they weren't smiling the rest of the day

they weren't smiling the rest of the day it's who the [ __ ] I am

it's who the [ __ ] I am whenever I've observed you especially in

whenever I've observed you especially in the pre-pandemic times where you were

the pre-pandemic times where you were flying all over the world and talking in

flying all over the world and talking in every corner of the world you were on

every corner of the world you were on some other [ __ ] yeah and I was to

some other [ __ ] yeah and I was to somebody too I remember I lived in New

somebody too I remember I lived in New York but I was traveling 50 weeks a year

York but I was traveling 50 weeks a year yeah but you were on some like other

yeah but you were on some like other other [ __ ] I was looking at you thinking

other [ __ ] I was looking at you thinking [ __ ] that's the only guy that's at work

[ __ ] that's the only guy that's at work in me yeah and I'm thinking this dude

in me yeah and I'm thinking this dude has a family yes I was a single dude

has a family yes I was a single dude living in a studio apartment and you

living in a studio apartment and you know I get that but you were so the

know I get that but you were so the question which I'm sure you've had level

question which I'm sure you've had level at you and ever again is

at you and ever again is what's the cost there there's cost

what's the cost there there's cost there's cost to everything but

there's cost to everything but one thing I did extremely well was

one thing I did extremely well was and I still do this well

and I still do this well um is I over communicate things that I

um is I over communicate things that I think bring value to people and I don't

think bring value to people and I don't communicate things that I don't think

communicate things that I don't think bring value to people or things that are

bring value to people or things that are important to me that can be owned behind

important to me that can be owned behind the door instead of in front of the door

the door instead of in front of the door so I think people would be really

so I think people would be really stunned by how much family time and

stunned by how much family time and personal time I have do you ever regrets

personal time I have do you ever regrets course

course what kind of requests do you have

what kind of requests do you have you know

you know you know there's certain things that I'm

you know there's certain things that I'm not ready to talk about but I think

not ready to talk about but I think people are I'm too public of a figure

people are I'm too public of a figure that people know there's things that

that people know there's things that have happened in my life more recently

have happened in my life more recently and things of that nature so of course I

and things of that nature so of course I regrets I've I also have regrets that I

regrets I've I also have regrets that I think will really help people which is

think will really help people which is that I am ready to talk about which is

that I am ready to talk about which is no [ __ ]

no [ __ ] but I should have went to a couple more

but I should have went to a couple more High School parties no [ __ ] I

High School parties no [ __ ] I shouldn't have come home every weekend

shouldn't have come home every weekend when I was in college and worked in the

when I was in college and worked in the liquor store I should have did a keg

liquor store I should have did a keg stand or two here no [ __ ] like I

stand or two here no [ __ ] like I should have taken more vacations in my

should have taken more vacations in my 20s with my buddies you know like like I

20s with my buddies you know like like I should have had a little more fun the

should have had a little more fun the truth is I'll tell you why that was all

truth is I'll tell you why that was all hard for me to say

hard for me to say their micro micro micro micro micro

their micro micro micro micro micro micro micro regrets

micro micro regrets these are like

these are like yeah they've been like these I have

yeah they've been like these I have nothing in my body including some of the

nothing in my body including some of the stuff I'm not ready to talk about that's

stuff I'm not ready to talk about that's like [ __ ] you know like I'm in pain over

like [ __ ] you know like I'm in pain over this

this they're just like little micro regrets

they're just like little micro regrets and I answer this because I want people

and I answer this because I want people to see a clear picture on the other side

to see a clear picture on the other side like if this was me and you actually

like if this was me and you actually having a drink the answer might have

having a drink the answer might have been no

been no the only reason I think I just said yes

the only reason I think I just said yes is because I think it's important for

is because I think it's important for people to know like nobody's like I'm

people to know like nobody's like I'm just scared that I'm so happy that it

just scared that I'm so happy that it seems almost like [ __ ] but it's just

seems almost like [ __ ] but it's just kind of true because I always go to the

kind of true because I always go to the same place the I'll give you an example

same place the I'll give you an example I think real regret is only grounded in

I think real regret is only grounded in a very small circle of the people you

a very small circle of the people you love

love I I really do and I've put the [ __ ]

I I really do and I've put the [ __ ] work in on the family side it's funny

work in on the family side it's funny actually that was a really interesting

actually that was a really interesting segue the fact that I can say to you no

segue the fact that I can say to you no because I've put in so much deposits on

because I've put in so much deposits on the family side

the family side that actually I'll give you a good one

that actually I'll give you a good one I've got a brewing regret

I've got a brewing regret my best friend in the world is Brandon

my best friend in the world is Brandon warricky I met him the first day of

warricky I met him the first day of freshman year of high school

freshman year of high school within the first six months I'm like

within the first six months I'm like this guy's gonna work with me we did

this guy's gonna work with me we did baseball card shows together I knew I

baseball card shows together I knew I was going to build my dad's business by

was going to build my dad's business by then I wanted him I [ __ ] courted him

then I wanted him I [ __ ] courted him to be in that business from sophomore

to be in that business from sophomore year on

year on and he became my partner in crime along

and he became my partner in crime along with Bobby shiffrin my second cousin and

with Bobby shiffrin my second cousin and my dad and we built Wine Library

my dad and we built Wine Library lately I've been feeling that we have

lately I've been feeling that we have not had enough friend time one-on-one

not had enough friend time one-on-one as we start going and starting to see 50

as we start going and starting to see 50 and it's something I really want to work

and it's something I really want to work on I am I asked this for very as if the

on I am I asked this for very as if the cameras weren't here and the microphones

cameras weren't here and the microphones weren't here I I'm earlier I'm 30 years

weren't here I I'm earlier I'm 30 years old yeah and I want to know the advice

old yeah and I want to know the advice from you someone that I consider to be a

from you someone that I consider to be a mentor and a friend your investor in one

mentor and a friend your investor in one of my companies as well

of my companies as well um

um on that as it relates to that family and

on that as it relates to that family and that personal piece what I might get

that personal piece what I might get wrong

wrong because I know you don't think I don't

because I know you don't think I don't think there's wrong I think somebody

think there's wrong I think somebody watching me might say you're doing this

watching me might say you're doing this wrong I might watch you

wrong I might watch you doing this wrong uh I gave some advice

doing this wrong uh I gave some advice to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in a

to a friend of mine Ryan Harwood in a pool in Miami a couple of years ago that

pool in Miami a couple of years ago that I feel great about I checked in once in

I feel great about I checked in once in the last three years curious if he was

the last three years curious if he was doing it I'm positive I'm right but I'm

doing it I'm positive I'm right but I'm not right because what's so interesting

not right because what's so interesting about being

about being we're all unique but I have a sense of

we're all unique but I have a sense of like how I roll the amount of things

like how I roll the amount of things that people have observed including my

that people have observed including my mom who's the singular person that knows

mom who's the singular person that knows me best we share 83 DNA that's obviously

me best we share 83 DNA that's obviously a subjective number but like I'm trying

a subjective number but like I'm trying to paint a picture of how similar we are

to paint a picture of how similar we are even she is remarkably and she is the I

even she is remarkably and she is the I am so intuitive because of her but

am so intuitive because of her but earlier to this podcast when I'm like I

earlier to this podcast when I'm like I get wrong all the time nobody has the

get wrong all the time nobody has the ability to be more right about me than

ability to be more right about me than my mom and she's wrong about things she

my mom and she's wrong about things she has been wrong she's been proven wrong

has been wrong she's been proven wrong and so what that did for me in the you

and so what that did for me in the you know I put my mom at the highest

know I put my mom at the highest pedestal uh is oh

pedestal uh is oh me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm

me judging Dustin or Steve like like I'm gonna be wrong all the time I know

gonna be wrong all the time I know nothing about them so what you need to

nothing about them so what you need to know is yourself

know is yourself what you need to know is yourself for me

what you need to know is yourself for me regrets are completely grounded and did

regrets are completely grounded and did I spend enough time with the people I

I spend enough time with the people I love did you

love did you I believe that above me I absolutely

I believe that above me I absolutely have

have that my parents today could go and I

that my parents today could go and I used to be skipping both my parents my

used to be skipping both my parents my dad lost his dad at 15. I already told

dad lost his dad at 15. I already told you about my mom I lived in fear you

you about my mom I lived in fear you know actually we didn't get on that that

know actually we didn't get on that that one that one is something I wish I

one that one is something I wish I popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast

popped up 20 minutes ago in this podcast the fear of my parents dying because

the fear of my parents dying because both of them had a parent die at a young

both of them had a parent die at a young age was a profound currency in my life

age was a profound currency in my life in my first 15 years profound

in my first 15 years profound and so I think because I'm on the other

and so I think because I'm on the other side of it there's such heavy levels of

side of it there's such heavy levels of gratitude that I got to keep them that

gratitude that I got to keep them that I'm like pumped about it and I can tell

I'm like pumped about it and I can tell you today as a 47 year old man my

you today as a 47 year old man my parents are young I expect another good

parents are young I expect another good 20 years minimum hopefully 30 they're

20 years minimum hopefully 30 they're like in their late 60s right I'm looking

like in their late 60s right I'm looking for 30. but if God forbid I won that

for 30. but if God forbid I won that game in a way that a lot of people

game in a way that a lot of people haven't I like was with my mom all the

haven't I like was with my mom all the time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35

time as a kid I was with my dad 15 to 35 all the time I've checked that box I

all the time I've checked that box I mentioned Brandon I think about other

mentioned Brandon I think about other people I love like Bobby Schiffer and

people I love like Bobby Schiffer and others that I don't spend enough time

others that I don't spend enough time with and then of course my kids are so

with and then of course my kids are so young that I still want to like milk

young that I still want to like milk that in a significant way but I'm

that in a significant way but I'm sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I

sitting a hell of a lot more pretty I think than a lot of people because a lot

think than a lot of people because a lot of people have also gotten into weird

of people have also gotten into weird places with the people they love they

places with the people they love they fought over money they fought over an

fought over money they fought over an argument they've cut people out of their

argument they've cut people out of their lives that they actually love but it was

lives that they actually love but it was their own hurt so I'm incredibly at

their own hurt so I'm incredibly at peace I'd like to do more and I think

peace I'd like to do more and I think all of us do

all of us do five years ago when we had a

five years ago when we had a conversation I asked you what your

conversation I asked you what your biggest fear was and you responded with

biggest fear was and you responded with with that exact answer which was fear of

with that exact answer which was fear of losing your parents yes

losing your parents yes um

um this profound impact that your mother

this profound impact that your mother has had on you has become and my father

has had on you has become and my father by the way yeah we didn't get there yeah

by the way yeah we didn't get there yeah my dad telling me that word is bond yeah

my dad telling me that word is bond yeah might be the single piece inside of me

might be the single piece inside of me that allowed me not to be the bad

that allowed me not to be the bad version that some people think I am the

version that some people think I am the first time I've seen you get emotional

first time I've seen you get emotional recently as it relates to on stage was

recently as it relates to on stage was that moment where you talked about your

that moment where you talked about your mother and I I was I was going through

mother and I I was I was going through I've got these photos here

I've got these photos here of you as this young man I was going

of you as this young man I was going through all of these pictures and I was

through all of these pictures and I was reading how you've described her

reading how you've described her especially in recent years this was the

especially in recent years this was the my favorite picture here of you you and

my favorite picture here of you you and your in Russia yeah I've never seen you

your in Russia yeah I've never seen you um get emotional on stage before other

um get emotional on stage before other than when you talked about profound

than when you talked about profound influence she's had on you so if this

influence she's had on you so if this were God forbid the last day you had on

were God forbid the last day you had on Earth to send a message to your mother

Earth to send a message to your mother what exactly would you say

she just really wanted to be the best mother because she didn't have one

mother because she didn't have one I would just

I would just she did it

what did she do she made me happy

you know I want to make everybody happy and it's

I want to make everybody happy and it's because I'm aware of that

because I'm aware of that she did a better job making me happy

she did a better job making me happy than anything I've ever seen about

than anything I've ever seen about anybody in anywhere about anything and I

anybody in anywhere about anything and I just feel like

just feel like if I don't do that given that I was

if I don't do that given that I was given the Gift of Gab

given the Gift of Gab if I don't scale that if I don't help

if I don't scale that if I don't help every you know

every you know the biggest thing I could do for her is

the biggest thing I could do for her is scale what she did for me

Gary thank you um thank you I have to you know I sent

um thank you I have to you know I sent you a voice note on your birthday just

you a voice note on your birthday just telling you communicating to you the

telling you communicating to you the influence you've had in my life but I've

influence you've had in my life but I've I'm gonna say at your face you create a

I'm gonna say at your face you create a blueprint

blueprint um which is an evolving blueprint and I

um which is an evolving blueprint and I followed the evolution of that blueprint

followed the evolution of that blueprint as it's become even more centered on

as it's become even more centered on empathy and kindness and how we treat

empathy and kindness and how we treat others clearly that comes from this

others clearly that comes from this wonderful woman here

wonderful woman here um so I thank her for creating a son

um so I thank her for creating a son that's inspired me so much and guided me

that's inspired me so much and guided me there's so much that you've done which

there's so much that you've done which I've literally copied and I think it's

I've literally copied and I think it's important to say that to you because

important to say that to you because sometimes people say it to me I've

sometimes people say it to me I've copied your blueprint and that blueprint

copied your blueprint and that blueprint has changed my life

has changed my life um the thing I wish for you and

um the thing I wish for you and everybody is I'm incredibly aware of

everybody is I'm incredibly aware of that and the fact that that makes me

that and the fact that that makes me happy hmm is the thing I think about

happy hmm is the thing I think about every day because it makes so many of

every day because it makes so many of our contemporaries unhappy

our contemporaries unhappy amen I I really wanted to say that's

amen I I really wanted to say that's your face well I had the chance you have

your face well I had the chance you have a closing tradition on this podcast

a closing tradition on this podcast where the last guest asks a question for

where the last guest asks a question for the next guest

the next guest um I like that yeah

um I like that yeah um

um interesting

interesting I've heard I've heard you talk somewhere

I've heard I've heard you talk somewhere about this before

about this before what do you want

what do you want your Tombstone to read about you

your Tombstone to read about you he gave more than he took

he gave more than he took it's very clear to me it's been there

it's very clear to me it's been there for a long time in my head

for a long time in my head listen I have a lot of dreams and hopes

listen I have a lot of dreams and hopes for myself we need to teach people

for myself we need to teach people that's okay that doesn't make you bad

that's okay that doesn't make you bad that makes you awesome

that makes you awesome but if you can balance that with also

but if you can balance that with also giving just a little bit more in

giving just a little bit more in whatever that means and for me it's

whatever that means and for me it's communication perspective I'll donate

communication perspective I'll donate plenty of money but that's easy a lot of

plenty of money but that's easy a lot of people do that that are lucky enough to

people do that that are lucky enough to be good enough at that

be good enough at that um

um I gave more than I took I believe in

I gave more than I took I believe in that

that you've certainly given me much more than

you've certainly given me much more than you've ever taken so thank you for that

you've ever taken so thank you for that guy I appreciate you and it's the honest

guy I appreciate you and it's the honest to spend some time with you thank you my

to spend some time with you thank you my friend

friend quick word from one of our sponsors I've

quick word from one of our sponsors I've got a tip for all of you that will make

got a tip for all of you that will make your virtual meeting experiences I think

your virtual meeting experiences I think 10 times better

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Jeans by Verizon offers seamless high quality video conferencing but the

quality video conferencing but the reason why I use blue jeans versus other

reason why I use blue jeans versus other video conferencing tools is because of

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events so far called Blue Jean Studio I actually used it the other day I did a

actually used it the other day I did a virtual event using the studio which I

virtual event using the studio which I think about 700 of you came to TV level

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production quality all done by one person with very little technical

person with very little technical experience on a laptop so if you've got

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immersive simple but high quality production virtual events

production virtual events [Music]

oh my God

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