This content explores the concept of self-control, specifically focusing on emotional self-control as a critical component of managing oneself effectively. It emphasizes that while emotions are natural and provide valuable data, the ability to identify, feel, and express them healthily is crucial for positive relationships and personal well-being.
so in this category we were in the first
quadrant where we were looking at
self-awareness and now we've moved into
the second quad quadrant of self-control
you'll actually see we talked a little
bit about number two already right
Integrity so Integrity is that crossover
between self- knowledge and then how we
manage ourselves I want to get to the
number one there emotional
self-control I'm sure that before all
this started we could have thought of
examples of people who lost it
right maybe you know the person who
normally is calm and collected and just
snaps sometime and maybe you even have
people I know some of you have talked
about this in the past certain people on
the job sites that are just real short
triggers and get angry really easily or
are super intimidating or withdraw
really easily right so um we all can
think of people who normally are good
but then something happens and they've
kind of lost control of their emotions
for a variety of reasons right
it happens to the best of us you know
that I'm looking at that middle picture
like occasionally something can cause
someone to snap but even just a one-time
snap can do a lot of damage can do a lot
of damage to relationships it's not it's
not always something you can recover
from certainly harassment sexual
harassment or bullying in the workplace
is another example of someone not having
self-control because they're putting
their own needs ahead of the the
boundaries and the respect of another
person they're they're ignoring and
harming the boundaries in respect of
another person and even micromanagement
is an example of not having self-control
like there's a moment of awareness when
you realize oh I'm I'm never giving
anyone any level of autonomy I want to
control everything okay that's a moment
of awareness but after that if you still
can't res resist the urge to get in
everyone's business all the time
micromanagement is a self-control issue
because you're not able to step back
you're not able to stop doing it so
self-control is really important
and there's three ways we we get at it
so we're going to go into one of these
today we're going to talk about managing
emotions let me just first start off to
say there are no bad
emotions rage is a perfectly appropriate
emotion incredible sadness is a
perfectly appropriate amount emotion
there is no there are no bad emotions
they're all good they're all data
they're all part of how we are wired
biologically however it's our
relationship to managing those emotions
that could generally use with some
improvement so here when we're talking
about managing emotions we're talking
about kind of a three-step process can
you identify them you know some of us
are really good at kind of checking in
going huh what am I feeling oh I'm
feeling this right and others are like
huh I don't even know what that is is
that anger or is that hunger I'm not
sure right it's where hangry come came
from the second step is to feel that
emotion give yourself permission to feel
it and some people don't let themselves
feel certain emotions they immediately
distract or numb themselves from that
emotion and then the third is finding
healthy ways to express them so rage is
perfectly appropriate however there's
inappropriate ways to express that so if
you're feeling rage and you pick up a
chair and throw it through the window
not so good but if you use therapy or
you go and punch the punching bag or
take a baseball bat and beat the crap
out of your bed for two minutes while
screaming that's actually a pretty
healthy way to manage rage right you're
not hurting anybody so really for all of
us these are the three things we want to
work on and some of us are better at
these than others but we can get better
at all of them so that's what we want to
spend a little time doing now I want to
talk about emotions you know what
emotion am I feeling some of us are
really good at that and others of us
aren't and I would say I want to speak
to gender here just a little bit in at
least in the United States in Western
Society we definitely social ize men and
women differently around emotions women
are encouraged to kind of explore the
broad range of emotions and generally
we're given permission to talk about
sadness to cry to to do some of those
things uh some emotions were not given
as much permission for right but men in
general in this Society have a much more
narrow window of acceptable emotions and
and which ones they can feel or which
ones they can talk about we've made
great progress in the last two
generations but there's still more to do
so you know do we even know what we're
feeling some of us at a young age were
given words and tools for doing that and
some of us were never given that right
and then you know can we find ways to
express them so I'm going to start with
this uh this little review of kind of
the core emotions if you have not yet
seen the movie Inside Out it's your
homework it is a great movie because it
really does a good job of looking at how
the motions work and particular ly how
we develop through childhood um but
these are the five core emotions you've
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