all right let's do it let's do it man
man [ __ ] gaga yes that is like the
refrain without the audiobook man
Skolnick popping in with just like after
I mean I thought I knew this story right
and I know a lot of it
right uh there's just so much more there
man so much more man unbelievable
it's all surface man I only had an hour
to talk to people in a podcast yeah I
get the surface version of the the book
goes deep dark into the sewer yeah tells
you everything it's an incredible
accomplishment it's such an unbelievable
document it's gonna inspire and catalyze
a lot of growth and a lot of people man
so first off like congratulations on
getting this thing done
thank you a small thing no sir and
what's amazing about it before we even
get into the content of it is that you
made this decision to self publish this
book yes sir right now it's out like
number two or number three on Amazon of
all books all right all right that just
doesn't happen with a self-published
book and you've been able to do this
without any mainstream media whatsoever
like I did a google search this morning
I wanted to see any hits that you had
like in the last week or in the last day
right you're not on The Today Show
you're not you didn't do any of that
this is all self propelled DIY and to go
from you know that place to the very top
like selling the number of books that
you're selling like right out of the
gate is just insane right there's got to
be a lot of people in publishing looking
at that going what is going on here well
that's been the story of my life I I see
something that's that's quite off quite
not the same and that's what I go for
I've just that this book is exactly who
I am as a person exactly the way I did
this book is Howard um my almost my
entire life as I see what is not the
norm what's impossible with we know what
all the theorists say you shouldn't be
doing this
that's the wrong way to go and I'm like
hmm let me see if I can pull this [ __ ]
off yeah over here maybe second pull
this [ __ ] off was that part of the the
challenge the decision I mean I it seems
to me that the decision is
self-published was generated more by a
desire to really you know own your story
that was that's it 100% it's there was
no driven message with me trying to
prove people wrong or whatever it was a
hundred percent by me wanting to own my
life there's a lot of people I know that
that I speak with right now that have
nice book deals out there and the people
who buy their book we are a publishing
house they can't even talk some of this
stuff you know in like like an speaking
engagements you know I'm like what you
can't even talk your story and some of
these like no like I got to make sure
that they're they're aware of it and I'm
like nah man I want to own a hundred
percent of the suffering I went through
in my life I don't anybody telling me I
gotta you can't say this I would lose my
[ __ ] but you I suffered this this badly
and you you can [ __ ] tell me I can't
say this they're been all kind of
problems with that one so I made sure
that I wanted to own all of can't hurt
me and own all of my own life story so
that's what it really is all about well
you really have ownership not only of
your own story but your ability to tell
it right and you know as as somebody
who's like a member of the ultra
community you know I remember and I
think we talked about this last time you
kind of disappeared for a couple years
there around like I don't know what it
was like 2009-2010 that wasn't 13 you've
had like a website in a blog that would
get updated once in a while and I would
check in and try to see what you were up
to and you just went totally dark ghost
man yeah and I didn't know about the
heart stuff there was something about
like oh there's a hell thing that you're
dealing with right and I thought oh this
guy's just disappeared right but you
were that was the recruiting era right
where you were just on the road telling
her story and putting in the reps right
on how to tell your story so it was the
recruiting error for me when I started
becoming like the the Navy SEALs needed
more blacks in in the SEAL Teams and
that's what we don't understand I like
you know why is it become a recruiter in
the SEAL Teams
I was one of the few black guys you know
and I already done bad water
so I got a little bit you know small bit
of notoriety for doing bad water and so
the Navy SEALs like oh my god you know
like we could use this guy to try to get
the the 1% of the African Americans and
Navy SEALs up to maybe 2% and so I hit
the road start doing that but also hey
I'm not a big guy on social media so I
was actually happy to kind of pull away
from it you know I'm just not big on
that stuff even today I'm just not a big
fan of it man I'm a big introvert I get
a lot of my strength from being
introverted and I'm going out there and
doing what I do is very all this is very
difficult for me man oh yeah it's funny
when you say you're introverted because
you're so good
you know when it comes to sharing your
story and it's so compelling and you
know there's a lot of people out there
like quote their quote unquote like
influencers are like wow like this guy's
got I know what do you have like six
hundred thousand-plus on Instagram yeah
yeah and for somebody who's you're
averse to it you don't like it you hate
it you only post once in a while you
don't really advertise what you're doing
at all but your own this huge following
of people who are super interested in
what you're doing well I think it's
important to do things you don't like
and I am I was very ashamed in my life
story for a long time
IIIi didn't want to go out and tell
anybody [ __ ] about me so that's why I
had to people I you know I create one
david Goggins and one Goggins right and
I didn't want people to know that I had
all these issues but after a while
people start to give you these different
tag lines you know like you're
superhuman you're amazing they start my
[ __ ] don't know anything about me man
I'm this insecure kid I started
realizing there's a lot of people out
here who are going through a lot of
problems that I once tapped into you
know I had a whole bunch of issues
growing up and you know I I felt
compelled to this you know what you got
to start sharing this stuff man cuz
people see where you're at today they
see where you're at today they they see
the man you are they this this hard
rock-hard human being show these people
where you come from right as people as possible
possible
it's funny when you're reading the
like once you get into the later
chapters like six seven or eight you
know all the way to the end you start to
forget chapters one and two that's right
you start thinking this guy is a
superhuman and then you got to remind
yourself like oh man look where he came
from right I actually do it in the
audiobook in the audiobook well while
Adam is reading we have a moment where
we stop because I like six or seven you
know six seven eight where I start doing
all these crazy feats and start going
way beyond human limits for myself and I
tell people why are you hearing this I
know you guys have already forgotten
about how I came up
don't forget the torture I endured
mentally and physically in my own mind
going through all this [ __ ] so no don't
ever forget that so people forget that
so quickly when they get to that seven
eight nine ten chapters so this is yeah
the we should just mention the audio
book I mean the book is amazing but the
audio book is the next level and part of
that is because you guys kind of broke
the paradigm here you made this somewhat
risky decision to have Adam read most of
the book and we can get into the reasons
behind that which I think are well considered
considered
but then after each chapter you and Adam
break it down podcast style like
informally where you just freestyle on
write that chapter was all about and
that just brings brings it to life in
like this Technicolor way which makes it
just such a compelling experience well
everything I do I try to do my very best
and now that I'm out here trying to
share this story with people I want to
be so real so [ __ ] authentic to the
point where it was embarrassing to me
and as I was writing some stuff and I
was giving it to Adam and we were going
back and forth and like man I'll talk to
my fiancee do I really want people to
[ __ ] know this about me but that's
the power and that's the strength you
can summon to be that vulnerable because
that's how people are gonna be able to
emotionally connect exactly when they
look at what you've done in bad water
and all the buds and all that kind of
stuff it becomes difficult for people to
relate to that
right when you have the strength and the
fortitude to share those parts of your
life that do embarrass you or provoke
shame and you that's the that's the like
that's the real [ __ ] I had to show
people I was human
you know people didn't think I was human
they thought I came from outer space man
from some spacecraft and [ __ ] and landed
down here and formed Goggins from the
rocks and the soil of the earth not know
how it is man so I said yeah I'm gonna
I'm gonna share a secret with you all
well in one of the recaps you tell Adam
writing this book was the hardest thing
you've ever done and as somebody who's
done a lot of hard [ __ ] that was a
surprising thing to hear well looking in
the mirror at yourself because I did a
really good job by creating this guy in
now so I could just go by and just live
by this guy here this Who I am do you
think of it as like this because you
refer to yourself in the third person
all this it's like this character that
you're trying to aspire to be that
distinct from you like you you create
this like division how does that work
it's a big division because I do not
talk to people like I see where I'm at
today but I know where I come from and
it's kind of hard to almost separate
that I'm almost not in a way I'm kissing
my own ass but I'm amazed at what a
human being can actually do so I start
talking myself in the third person it
strictly because I know that I literally
made this human being out of out of just
like a whole bunch of scraps mm-hmm and
I wasn't you know I wasn't a mechanic I
wasn't a carpenter so I don't know how
to do anything you know I wasn't trained
and how to build a human being from
nothing you know like my mom didn't
train me my dad didn't train me life in
the training well life blood trail yeah
life did train me correction and I
started putting this scrap metal
together like I want what's the flux
that happened you know the first shot I
do is all [ __ ] up and after I start
learning more and more and more through
pain and suffering start learning normal
just learning so much about stuff before
I knew it man I've built this beautiful
card I'm like how the [ __ ] did I do that
and I knew hunting it and I know how to
do it because I have all the tools do
all the failure I went through trying to
build this person who's Goggins mm-hmm
yeah and that was something I came
across loud and clear which is it's not
like you develop this toolbox and then
everything worked out
no no there's so many ups and downs and
highs and lows you're constantly getting
knocked down again a lot of home depot
shopping from that tool box brother yeah
and I think the real gift that's built
into this whole thing is how you reframe
vulnerability like we tend to think of
vulnerability as a weakness or you know
somebody who's soft and and you embody
it in a completely different structure
to show people that it is it is strength
like if you want to be hard and you want
to be strong
vulnerability and open-mindedness are
the keys to that Kingdom as you said it
perfectly they're the one thing that
made me who I am today
is being vulnerable it's breaking myself
down to the absolute rock bottom and
being able to tell people who I am and
that's how I fixed it literally you know
looks at my in the eyes you know what
man I have a whole bunch of character
problems character flaws I've lied about
this I've cheated here I'm insecure here
this isn't the real me I lied to you
about that I wanted your acceptance in
life all those things happen but the
thing about is that we get judged so
quickly about who we are we don't know
we don't go to the to where it happened
you know life created this person me
life life created me to be this [ __ ]
up person that was back in the day and I
had to realize man that's okay man it's
not my fault now I can go back and fix
this [ __ ] though mm-hmm so a lot of this
isn't your fault while you do some
things you do while you feel the way you
feel but no one's coming back to save
your ass you have to go back to where
this [ __ ] start it wherever that place
is for everybody and have the courage to
go back there and start fixing what
broke you mm-hmm and that's and that's
why I was like hey I'm [ __ ] up I will
go back and fix this stuff you got to be
honest with yourself
I was it percent where you're at I was a
percent on like that oh is ugly yeah it
was funny about is that as you're trying
to fix yourself and dig yourself out of
this deep hole that life Society and you
helped you helped also those people who
you saw down there in that hole who are
there with you who your friends and
people who you counted on because you
the people in the same situation that
you're in in life those people becomes
your friends and second you try to get
out of that situation become better
those people are in that in that grave
and that dozen is yanking at your heels
man say go get no come on back here
[ __ ] yeah you make it make me
feel like [ __ ] right you getting out of
this hole who the [ __ ] do you think you
are so I get it all the time now
people would constantly remind me of who
I used to be back in the day and they
always come out of the Woodworks man
versus man still happening you know what
when you come from a small small town
and you come from place that a lot of
people don't want to come out of it and
get out of it and all you want to do is
become somebody when you have the small
town mentality real mentality you've got
to be able to get out and let your mind
see open-mindedness because a small town
what it does to you is it closes your
mind completely closed your mind not everybody
everybody
this isn't everybody a lot of people you
have to be able to go out there and
create open mindedness you need space
you need space to see the world like a
lot of racism a lot of a lot of
ignorance in the world it comes from
people not being out and seeing other
things seeing other people seeing all
kind of [ __ ] but that's what we judged
so harshly because our minds are so
closed to the reality of of life period
have you been back to Brazil I went back
to Brazil a couple of times and I have
nothing wrong with Brazil because once
again you can't with another thing about
growth is you can't hold on Hey
mm you can't want to hate and see once
you take a different step so I didn't
take a step out of my life because like
what you're not once you're in that hell
that's all you see is what's in front of
you when I stepped out of it I saw
Brazil very differently there were a lot
of great people in Brazil some the best
people I knew were from Brazil but when
you're in hell all you see is a little
patch in front of you of the kids that
are calling you [ __ ] other people that
spray-painted [ __ ] we're gonna kill
you on your car people put that [ __ ] in
your locker people put a [ __ ] on your on
your notebook in Spanish class that's
all you see you didn't see that my god a
lot of people [ __ ] like me here so
once you take a step back and see the
reality of the true ignorance that
you're dealing with from a small group
of people that
you get growth because you know I went
through a phrase in the book I talk
about man I was all about you know I was
all about black and only black when I
was a junior in high school college so
beat down I was the most ignorant I've
ever been in my [ __ ] life when I went
there I totally took everything all the
hurt all the pain this put it in one
[ __ ] filter
I gotta find people who look just like
me it just like me to find acceptance
that one you were doing the crazy
haircuts that's the crazy watch the
Malcolm X video every damn night now at
home is [ __ ] yeah so the last time you
were here we kind of recap your your
story chronologically and I don't want
to I don't want to spend a lot of time
on that but there's a lot of new people
listening so I think it's worthwhile to
kind of you know catch people up on
exactly who is David Goggins and and you
know where you were where you were where
you came from what you endured and how
you arrived at this place is there a way
to do that concisely I can do it pretty
quick I guess you know I was born in
Buffalo my dad was uh almost getting
drinks on bars and he was a very
insecure guy he was an alcoholic he used
to get women for favors so my dad I'm
not seen as a pimp
I always he's a pimp that's how I look
at it my mom said the proper way to say
this is that your dad used to get women
and he would exchange women for favors
so there you go that's pretty much
refused a pimp right he's a [ __ ] pimp
so basically um that's that's my dad he
was he was a guy that didn't care much
about anything but himself but he was
kind of a baller all right new OJ
Simpson big-time knew all the Buffalo
Bills him and Rick James her best
friend's mom so he had two
different-sized it was decided everybody
saw which was the side of its major - so
damn cool man
he's awesome and we lived on Paradise
Road the second that door was shut in
that house it was game on the real him
would come out it was a perfect Jekyll
and Hyde so when you're born into that
at a young kids and like you're getting
beat for no reason you know like you
know I'm not weapons or weapons man but
this guy would beat you for no reason
just because he was drugs because he saw
you do whatever
it's like kind of like an IKE turner
character I turn it probably on on
steroids right so that that's we was and
he was he was a perfect person for
psychological warfare the the beatings
were horrible but the mind torture was
the worst he got so deep in my head as a
young kid and that really [ __ ] up your
foundation you know when when you're
born man there's some there's some
sensitive years in there man
where your brain starts to develop and
it starts to give you self-esteem
courage confidence all those things and
my dad was stripping that away from
everybody and when you see your mom the
worst thing to do is when you see your
mom getting beat senseless at a young
kid that [ __ ] scars you permanently I
mean she was like a prisoner she's the
best time and what you guys had to do to
escape and get away from him is like insane
insane
so she was 19 when she went there and
she was an innocent 19 year old and she
came from a great family and she met
this man and totally just um it just it
was it was brutal it was it was very
sadistic the way the way she was
tortured by him in the way my brother
myself were and that year and that broke
me my brother up my brother loved my
father a lot he saw something very
different than I saw cousin Aaron my mom
and I would get beat my brother I'm not
calling him a coward by any means he
handled it very different than I did he
would go in his room he didn't want to
see the beatings I would protect my
mother so in that I saw a lot more the
violence I was trying to protect her in
me trying to protect her I really got
beat mm-hmm so when you're constantly in
that battle and that struggle and your
brother's going in a different room
because he didn't want any part of this
[ __ ] he hated it and he loved family you
know he loved his family and I became
the person like a man I'm not about it
and you had to shoulder the
responsibility this this idea within you
that you were responsible for making
sure that your mom would be safe and
that was hard for it you're okay because
we moved to that small town of Brazil
Janna I hadn't learned this ability I
was stuttering I was battling so much
[ __ ] that I'd never even told my mom
about because I because she was battling
her own demons so at eight years old I'm
looking for comfort
I'm like hey don't bother your mama's
[ __ ] you another man in the house and I
also become real protective of my mother
at a young age so I said whatever you're
going through man you're on your [ __ ]
home you're not gonna not gonna tell
your mom [ __ ] and she didn't find out
later through the school systems and
through me failing in through me you
know all these issues I went through she
found out a lot but you know I kept as
my self gift from her man and that
really was a hard task for me to to
raise yourself mentally when you're
already in the deepest darkest dungeon
of all time and I think that's where I
started really creating myself I had to
really start creating a certain pattern
a certain process a certain kind of
indestructible toolbox to handle my life
well you were on this trajectory to
nowhere pretty quick but the the kind of
inciting incident that starts to shift
your trajectory is is this Air Force guy
that comes in your life right like you
developing this obsession with the
military right and then you meet this
dude who survived that parachuting right
nuts matter shooting gone very wrong and
I become obsessed with this guy and that
in I mean correct me if I'm wrong but
that seems like the first sort of
glimmer of hope that you might find your
way and it different and it different
you know so now like I talked about a
lot it was it started off with the rocky
Rambo movies right so it was kinda like
my father it's not coming up but then my
fine met this got him Scott Guerin this
guy that felt you know hit a parachute
accident a guy crashed through his
parachute and he fell 13,000 feet pretty
much to his death because his his
parachute collapsed and he was you know
he felt 120 miles an hour to the ground
I mean in picture in the book it's
disgusting right
and so he hit the ground and I met him a
couple years later at this see a piece
of Air Patrol camp and I'm sitting there
and no kid was like amazed by him you
know I was like okay this is a great
story I'm a kid let's go
I'm sinner he comes out and I was amazed
by Rambo like at a you know I got a oh
my god this is the real RAM he came out
he had you know he got his throat cut
open did you know to open up his airway
so so I saw he got traked and
I saw all these different things like my
gun he came out talking all like Clint
Eastwood shared a story is all hardcore
and I started following this guy but he
know I've fallen so for a week long he
did push-ups and flutter kicks and I was
like man that is too real Rambo why do
you think it connected with you and not
with the other kids like what was it
inside of you that was you know
obviously searching for somebody like
that I was looking for strength my
entire life I was I didn't have any I
was a I was a really weak kid my dad
beat the living [ __ ] out of me and took
every I was strong as a young kid but me
protecting my mom for so many years in
that house my dad made me very afraid
because he beat the [ __ ] out of me every
time without mmm so in that I want every
man wants courage every man was strength
at least this one does so I found it in
every way possible if I would see a
strong guys like okay maybe he could
teach me so he didn't know anything
about me so time went on I left school
you know oh and then this guy was in my
mind we had zero money man like we at
one time within the $7 month place
government subsidized apartments not
reliving like a torrent our place
tonight yeah at this time I searched I
went on a $500 phone bill and back then
dude and having no money my mom wanted
to kill me I was in search of Scott
Garrett yeah no Google no good I don't
know there's a randomly calling up Basin
Air Force bases man calling Air Force
bases man hey do you know what Scott
guarantee me I'm like who's Scott gear
I'm like he's a pair of rescue me what
because you know parents mean they know
there's not a lot of them so I started
getting okay there's a PJ base here a
pair rescue base here so I started
tracking down pair rescue bases finally
Key West Florida
he's a scuba instructor down there Key
West Florida I leave a like a message he
calls back he gets ahold of my mom I'm
like I cannot believe this guy call me
back my first question to him was hey
man can I come stay with you for a week
he's like who the [ __ ] are you man he
knows the [ __ ] it was the guy let me
come stay with him for a week and that
was you were senior in high school I was
a I was a junior in high school it was
in my junior year pretty much
it's pretty amazing that he that he was
open to that he was open to it I think
he said about four words to me in the
entire week we we PT together and I need
to hear a word from him he you know he
didn't talk a lot he was an instructor I
would I would go to school or to scuba
school with him he would instruct I sit
on the couch for 10 hours sit in the
lounge on the [ __ ] couch for 10 hours
he come back pick me up we go for a run
you go home we ate fish every [ __ ]
day could we had to go out in the ocean
I don't you know like that guy go
lobster hunting I hate the [ __ ] water
I'm scared to death but this guy went in
so I'm going in and I left there was
just one big thing that's what I want to
be hmm I want to be a guy like that yeah
this this desire within you to find like
a strong positive male you know role
model right life I was looking hard man
yeah but it wasn't easy getting into
getting you know following that path for
you know it was a it was a hardest thing
within my life being a peer rescue man
trying to be a peer rescue man there was
a lot of things I don't know about and
not having a mentor and I haven't you
know Scott was there he really wasn't
you know I met him for a week I saw
maybe a couple times and I started
bucking the [ __ ] off him he was a busy
guy had a family so I was back on my own
and I did the best I could and trying to
be a pair risk and I finally passed the
ASVAB test after you know taking it
several times and you know when you
cheat your whole life in high school in
elementary school had about fourth grade
reading level so I talk about that a lot
in the book and I had to learn so much
school in six months and that's when I
really developed my work ethic people
think it's from running and everything
no it's not from seals not from running
it was from the countless hours teaching
myself how to [ __ ] read and write you
know we you know I had a tutor for one
hour one hour every single week is all
we could afford so for six months I saw
a two to one hour a week all the rest
was on me my mom was working three jobs
she was never home I said there's a
[ __ ] table I'm like I have to get in
the military that became mine so this is
the whole book is really about mindset
oh the whole game and I and I would
agree that people look at you
they want to talk about bad water and
all these races that you've done you
know eight 100 milers and eight weeks
and all this insanity right but really
this is all a product of hardening your
mind calcining your mind to use your
phrase and throughout the book what what
really you know makes it stand out is
that there are lessons throughout like
this is a book in which it would be easy
to think that david Goggins is the hero
but the reader is the hero which is why
you made this decision that's what we're
talking about earlier to have Adam read
it because you wanted the reader to see
themselves in this own journey and you
have these chapters or after every
chapter you have these challenges and
takeaways for for people to you know use
to change their own mindset but even
woven into the narrative you're breaking
away from the story to say look this is
what you got to do this is what I did
this is how you do it right and the
first one of these really is the
accountability mirror right which still
use but what I didn't realize was that
you developed that when you were like a
junior in high school you started doing
that yeah but it's not like oh I did the
accountability mirror and then
everything started working out for me no
I was like it was a it was a fix at all
no it was just it was a starting point
to start holding myself accountable and
how that came to be man my mom got a
letter from school and this is when I
had to reveal myself and all my secrets
the the secret came out man I wasn't
going to school that I had I had flunked
most of my classes I had my report card
in there for everybody to see one of
them and it was reveals enough than that
yeah it was not your pro taught thanks a
lot Richard preciate it
so yeah you put it in there I put it in
there maybe he'll talk about it right
now um it was uh it was it yes and very
very embarrassed report card and she was
like what is this and this was like she
didn't see any report cards in my life
and at this time she was frustrated not
with me well you and dr. that other
report card right how doctors so much
crap but she didn't really see that one
huh but I dotted all my report cards and
did some had to reveal myself and she
was like you know what man you
you
you're gonna flunk out no that was a
conversation no mic hey we gotta do some
[ __ ] you know you gotta fail she had her
own demons her own problems that's why I
went to the into the bathroom and I was
like my god do you like this is a harsh
reality your mom is like you're done
mm-hmm how about you are on your own and
the ass fat was really the first real
challenge where you tried to show up for
something a hundred percent right
that was my first quarto and and what I
love about the book is you know there's
the grand huge challenges and
accomplishments but what I find most
inspiring are just the small little
things like these little details like
when you're when you've left that test
and then you're in the car and then you
go back in yes it's like things like
that that really touched me that was my
that was actually trying to be navy snow
as the day I was a different test right
yeah so that was a that was a very
emotional moment for me and I'm actually
there right now in my head talking to
you I remember that moment like it was
yesterday my I was a fat guy trying to
be a Navy SEAL now and my life had come
to this crossroad so I'm like man you
have to go right and no one was going
right everybody was going let them let
you have to go right and to know that
pain and suffering I was about to endure
by going right the amount of
accountability and failure I'll get the
witness and suffer by myself alone on
this journey it was daunting so when I
finally got to the ASVAB test and I was
taking for my very last time to get into
the SEAL Teams or to try to even try out
they were supposed to tell me my score
and I went back out to my car that took
I was on some computer tests and I know
I used computer I was wigging out about
that [ __ ] because the first time I took
it was like something like notebook we
opened a scantron sheet and you bubble
it in with a number-two pencil and [ __ ]
you turn in
I saw a computer and I was like oh [ __ ]
with this [ __ ] with it oh my god like
it's on the computer so I wigged out
there and I had to get a 50 on
mechanical comprehension and I just like
the third time you taking the test right
this is my second time so I took it
three times for the Air Force and twice
for the neighborhood so this is my
second time for the Navy and they're
like hey this is it man you know you're done
done
you're too old you have a limited amount
of time to lose 106 pounds and you take
his ass Bab again there's so many things
that's crunched down my head and so when
I took the test I knew I had a good
enough score to get in the Navy but to
be a seal had to score high on
mechanical comprehension of 50 so the
first time I got a 44 on mechanical
comprehension so I'm sitting there and I
take the test and I hit Send sentiment
is out in outer space somewhere and but
I knew it popped up at the
administrators desk and he's not
supposed to tell me [ __ ] he tells you
sit down take your test and you leave I
walked out got my car or I was walking
around the car whatever doesn't I got
going to find out man so I went in I
literally sat there everybody's taking
their test now I'm begging this guy he's
tell me I can't tell you [ __ ] it's
against government is guess rules
everything he opened it up it was okay man
man
he said you got a 65 I said no man I
know I got him a chemical comprehension
and he scroll the page down it was
exactly a 50 and I literally like what
came through my body
cuz it's easy to talk about now to you
but no one knew at the time and energy I
put into getting that 50 right it was
pretty amazing yeah I mean what is that
what did that represent for you like the
opportunity for a new life to finally it
was in an opportunity for a new life but
the thing about it is I'm trying to be a
Navy SEAL
at this time I'm still tours and some of
my pounds they have more weight to lose
so think about this I put everything on
David Goggins to be a Navy SEAL it's
like going to the crap table with with
your last thousand dollars you say no
what I'm gonna put everything on this
[ __ ] mile on black and hopefully I
live now I'm broke I put my whole life a
guy that was scared the [ __ ] water a
guy that could [ __ ] tongs I've had a
reader right on being one of the hardest
[ __ ] on the plat think about
that [ __ ] a guy that came from nothing I
put my whole life and I'm gonna go out
here and put everything on David [ __ ]
guys to be a Navy SEAL not to go be a
[ __ ] you know Boy Scout or some [ __ ]
Navy SEAL and III look at that and I did
all this [ __ ] just to get the
opportunity to succeed that's what
that's what people don't [ __ ]
understand man if people see that the
end result I remember that guy say my
god man I can't believe what the [ __ ]
I've just done I put everything ruin
relationships ruin this ruin that put
everything on fact I have to become
someone in this world or I'm no good for anybody
anybody
weird and where does that come from that
where did that compulsion that drive it
comes from a disgusting place of not
being fulfilled in your life of afraid
of dying having never accomplished
anything that's the fear that some
people run away from that people don't
want to face when you have a real fear
of dying and being just another person
that I live to pay the bills I made a
thousand dollars a month this is my life
I spray for cockroaches man if if that
makes you feel good that's great it
didn't make me feel good I wanted to the
first time my life after 26 years as 24
25 wherever I was I wanted to feel good
about myself and that was that was a
ticket yeah I mean you have this huge
reservoir this capacity to leverage pain
and circumstance to drive change within
yourself right to be able to not be a
victim but to look at pain as your
friend as a catalyst for growth and I
think there's a lot of people out there
look if you're in a enough pain that's
gonna move the needle for you there's a
lot of people out there that are in just
enough pain where they're willing to
just settle for what they have because
they're not in enough pain to change and
the fear of change outweighs the pain of
their daily existence you know the one
gift I have with all that being said
what you just said there is I have the
ability to see the end before the
beginning even begins and what that
means is I know that to get to the very
end I can see it right now
so before with the buds and I lose all
[ __ ] away
I saw myself walking across the [ __ ]
stage at 191 [ __ ] pounds guys I had
to get to get into the door I saw myself
six months a year later whatever's gonna
take me to do I saw myself walking
across that stage getting that [ __ ]
certificate of graduation from buds and
I was able to be there at 300 [ __ ]
pounds and that feeling that I was
nowhere near that [ __ ] feeling I was
able to put myself there a million times
every [ __ ] day and that feeling of
like my god that is gonna feel [ __ ]
amazing that's what made me suffer
that's what allowed the pain to be
realistic this is worth it I want to
feel for this [ __ ] next 18 months
every 18 [ __ ] months to find becoming
a v6 if I maybe you know just get
through but 18 months six months took me
18 that's what woke me up every [ __ ]
morning was I'm gonna put myself through
this much [ __ ] pain and suffering for
a few seconds so it is a few seconds of
joy it's so [ __ ] worth it man and so
people don't get so I'm able to put
myself at the finish line you know I
have no finish line but at the finish
line of an event before I even start the
[ __ ] to say how are you gonna
fill it into this well visualization is
one of the challenges and part of that
is not just visualizing success or
living in the reality of achieving what
you're setting out to achieve but also
visualizing how you're going to navigate
all the obstacles that are gonna get
thrown in your path right visualizing
this is my biggest tool of life that's
why I've been able to put myself in
Coldwater put myself in a hundred mile
race millions of times before I've done
it and I'm able to go through the race
and see I'm gonna feel at Mile 50 almost
to the almost to the exact Zac feeling
right so when it comes up it's no
surprise no surprise I've already done
this in many times and that's the one
thing I practice in practice and
practice and practice overnight but also
the most important thing is I practiced
that feeling of accomplishment I'm gonna
have my sauce and done with the crazy
thing about the ass fast
is that in addition to having to pass
this test
and get that 50 you also had to lose a
hundred pounds and like what like 30
days or some creature it was less than
three months right okay three months so
but you compartmentalize these two tasks
and say look the first thing I got to do
is I got to pass this test right because
the weight doesn't matter if I don't get
that 50 and you shelves or put off
losing the weight to focus on the
academic end of it until you you know
completed that hurdle and then you
looked at the weight stuff I'm like that
now that I've done yeah it's like being
focused on one thing at a time I have to
be very present in everything I do like
right now I'm with which role I'm not
thinking about [ __ ] but rich role and
with the fuss coming out of your mouth
right now that's what that's what gives
me a huge advantage in life especially
today in this day and age with so much
[ __ ] going so fast and everybody wants
to keep everything going everything up
and everything I want to be the grace
you know the greatest multitask of all
time not me if I put my hundred percent
into what's in front of me I will
destroy it if I'm out here just
multitasking this [ __ ] I'm gonna
half-ass everything I do so that's it is
the most important thing the world of me
is being focused at the task at hand and
it's getting harder and harder to do
that because there are so many
distractions and it's so easily - it's
so easy to distract yourself yes you
don't ever have to be bored again with
these things in our pockets
no but the one thing I'm most scared of
in the world is losing losing touch with
the the best thing in the world is is
your mind your mindset how you can
picture yourself how you can focus how
you can drive how you can put yourself
in so many situations get out of it
because those headphones were listening
to those those phones that that we
googled to find information there's so
many situations in my life where that's
just not gonna help me it's not gonna
help me and you're able to just turn
that off so fast because I know please
help me none of that stuff is ever help
me mm-hmm
none that stuff Sarah helped me would
has helped me has been me alone getting
my [ __ ] together and being accountable
for who I'm not and who I want to be
stolen has helped me so you get in you
you get the opportunity
to become a Navy Seal and then you end
up going through buds three times it's
like yeah Merry Christmas got lucky man
unbelievable and the stories of what
that entailed are like so vivid man
unbelievable well I was uh I was very
fortunate to go through three times and
not in this a distich way in a life
changing growing way I found out so much
about myself through going through that
training three times and I went through
the hardest part of the training three
times you know after the first so first
phase is a crucible man and that's where
I was at for three times I spent most of
my time and buds in first phase and the
hell week in the hell weeks and being in
that grind and in that grind I got time
to examine myself I caught the live
autopsy and also examine other people
because I was really good about putting
people way above me because I was I
wasn't [ __ ] I was never nobody so for me
to be on the same stage as these great
wannabe Navy SEALs and bus train like my
god you guys are amazing I actually got
here with you all thank you so much for
allowing me into play but as I was there
for so long I got a really good chance
to sit back cuz now the cold waters its
water now it smaller code anymore your
mind starts to change they said get in
the water most people think about it for you
you
it became my life so I started learning
that if you try to change your mindset
versus it being like oh my god this sucks
sucks
I became a professional blood student so
I wasn't gonna leave until I graduated
so I started realizing if this is my
home this is what I am
I had to always reset the bar I had to
reset my new norm there always had to be
a new norm so one thing we don't do is
we don't have a new norm my new norm is
you get up every [ __ ] morning at 4
o'clock and you suffer
this is your new norm that became my new
[ __ ] life most people want to get out
of it I said no I [ __ ] this is
your new life this is who you are you
your new norm is you wake up and you
suffer and I started realizing if that's
my mentality
this should ain't hard anymore
your [ __ ] new normals you wake up
you're getting the [ __ ] cold water
you get a beer - the shit's [ __ ] done
whenever they say you're out you get out
so my new norm so I I do that now today
my new norm now is if I'm doing a toys
in my run your new norm now man is you
[ __ ] or doing two hundred [ __ ]
miles the Roger that mentality that's it
man so at what point during this buds
experience do the instructors start to
take notice of you in a in a way that
separates you from the pack there's a
SBG or these guys that are like they're
starting to go hey man this this this
this dudes cut a little bit differently
SBG noticed it he noticed it in my
second how weak because I really and
this is no lie I'm very open about my
life spoken about this I really started
to enjoy the fact of seeing what the
human mind was capable of and seeing
that what is so horrendous there's so
much joy and glory in this [ __ ] and when
you see other alpha males I can you know
SBG in the book he's all he was one of
the hardest hardest guys in the SEAL
Teams he's looking at you like the [ __ ]
is wrong with you you know like you know
like well they start testing you like
they're like let's play this out right
and there's that story where he makes
you swim Wednesday night and that [ __ ]
me up because I like my knee was you
know it was broken it was it was [ __ ]
up bad it's Wednesday of hell week and
all the boat crews have passed the surf
zone and I just got a tour it all shot
my knee cuz I'm not gonna I'm let's go
ma'am we're going and it's [ __ ] like
it's real late at night and it was
[ __ ] raining and the class has passed
the surf zone and I'm still not big fan
the [ __ ] of water the ocean is very
unforgiving and I had this big life
jacket on and SPG's okay follow me man
sorry running a mile down to the boat
cruise rat I'll pass the surf zone I'm
thinking hey we could wait for him to
come on in he goes hey man get AK in
like you [ __ ] him like put on my hat and
said go out and [ __ ] get him and I
was on my own there was no like there
like swim buddies like it so I can buzz
you for swim buddy yeah and when he said
that to me I said are you in my mom see
this [ __ ] is joking he's got me
Joe commit it's what he must have been
thinking like I'm gonna break this guy
like this is gonna be the moment I think
that's what it was but but we're now
we're you know we're pretty tight now
and he said now that wasn't at all
he said you one of the only people in my
tenure act as a buds instructor that
were ever done that with he said I knew
a person like you would have found this
a challenge and I had to dig deep
because I didn't look at him and say hey
man I'm not doing that [ __ ] even though
I think I could it because there's no
swim buddy you know you don't go out
there Wednesday night after like 80
hours of hell week and you're like
seeing stars and [ __ ] like I'm like I'm
during the day time you see him boasting
are out there I'm here to loosen it all
over the place he sent me out there I
was like okay this is my time to show
him the best [ __ ] in the world
that it's on so I got my [ __ ] man I went
out there and did it and it was a it was
a iid tell it well on the book but it
was a it was a moment that I started
realizing I'm starting to separate
myself now yeah so there's two kind of
themes that emerge from that one is this
idea of taking souls all right this this
this sense that hey I came from nothing
and I'm here amongst the best and then
starting to realize like hey these
people are human right how can I get my
tactical advantage right and you explore
this idea of taking souls which which
essentially is going places no one else
is willing to go track with their heads
I see right yet to get like the upper
hand on that on everybody else when you
grow up weak and you start to master
your mind because my whole thing is
whenever I'm whenever I'm weakest
something wherever I'm scared of
something I master it I was a weak mom
you know a weak-minded person so I
mastered my mind and it mastered in my
mind I mastered the human mind and I
realized why I'm no longer just people
why I don't like to put people in a
pedestal cuz we're all [ __ ] up around
way we all have demons some people hide
them better than other people so I know
we all have them but I mean knowing that
under the most alpha males are very
fragile very fragile they never want to
see another person harder than them
especially in that coming round you go
attach the Eagle altar is strong Eagle
will [ __ ] you up every time
ego is serious so if I can hurt your ego
I got you so by me having such a fragile
ego growing up all this was my event I
was doing a live autopsy on how [ __ ]
up I was I was like hey this [ __ ] me up
I bet it [ __ ] other people up too so I
started using all these different tools
and tactics to get in the structures
heads and taking souls that's what
happened man
we were Wednesday freezing [ __ ] cold
everybody's jackhammer and everybody's
everybody wants to you know everybody's
just want to get through it now
jackhammer ins when you just can't stop
[ __ ] you can't stop shivering you know
you're sitting there this uncontrol be
jackhammering and the instructors take
great pride in watching you suffer they
do we're you know in in a sick way it's
kind of funny you know you know you were
there once as a student now your
instructor but I knew how would I be
thinking if I was in this truck I would
love seeing this sadistic [ __ ] go on but
what went out what wouldn't I like to
see I would hate to see some guys just
looking like this is just another
[ __ ] day on the [ __ ] beach and go
[ __ ] yourself I would hate to see that
so as I don't want to think like that
when they did it they were harder they
were harder yeah everybody's hoarse I
see know what man
it's time you all I can't fight you
you guys can [ __ ] me up all day long
that's your job and I love your job I
love what you guys are doing you guys
making us better but now I want to take
the tactical advantage I'm gonna start
[ __ ] with you so I got my boat crew
Bill Brown I had Chris Kyle on my boat
crew American sniper had a couple of
hardcore [ __ ] and everybody
right now is kind of like in their own
world let's just get through this man I
can't wait til Friday so we can graduate
how we can get going I said let's go
ahead and have some fun I said we're
gonna start [ __ ] with these guys so the
evolution here was we Scott dude with
Matt check you know we're stripped down
to nothing and they're checking us out
making sure we're good you know check in
front of Mon you're checking for [ __ ]
up knees my knees all jacked up but they
give me shots and [ __ ] and I was like
the boat crew leader of boat crew tuned
so I'm gonna front the boat and I tell
our guys this we're going to do the boat
like on our heads salt was we're
supposed to lift the boats up above her
head sorry God dude but when your this week
week
in this fragile this tired their boats
heavy so there's a thing you can do when
you do boat presses so you can get the
boat like this toss it up toss it up and
catch it and that shows like you're
jacked up so everybody's holding the
boat and they're shaking and both
starting to come down their head and all
the boat crews are all lined up and
they're [ __ ] up and I'm looking at
that and I turn around my book I said
guys it's time to [ __ ] take some
Souls anybody what the [ __ ] you talking about
about
I said she always [ __ ] instructors
out here on their [ __ ] jackets and
freakin coffee and laughing a smile and
[ __ ] I want their [ __ ] faces to go
straight up [ __ ] numb so we're gonna
do this we're gonna start boat pressing
this [ __ ] just take my leaf
trust me you'll get energy from it we
start throwing this boat up in the
[ __ ] air cache the toilet for kiss
and without yelling can't her [ __ ]
boat crew - we're yelling our [ __ ]
ass off and we doing it and they make a
stop like what the [ __ ] let me stop I
look at these instructors and their
faces literally look like someone like
just like took their sold-out Cod no
other mines were like they were thinking
about themselves like what the [ __ ] just
happy man I know me almost I could've
done that how they doing it so the rest
of time going through hell week it was
like we just you know we owned it right
boat crew - we won every single race we
were just dominating and it was uh it
was a strong boat crew and that's we're
taking Souls is uh there's a few taking
soil stories but that's one of them yeah
and and part of that is learning how to
be a leader like when you're dealing
with these alpha males and these huge
egos there's this tendency to just try
to outshine the next guy right you tell
an example there's another guy who kind
of proceeds along that path right and he
realizes very quickly that he's not
gonna make it because he doesn't know
how to build camaraderie with the other
guys right right
talk about mr. Dobbs he's a good friend
of mine still to this day and he went
into that place man and I knew where he
was going isn't my throat hell week and
I knew Sean real well but I knew he was
real arrogant he had a serious
shipowners so like I do I still do I got
that controlled every now and then it
got me in a lot of trouble sometimes
but I knew he had it I knew that chip on
your shirt not being controlled it will
it will get you [ __ ] up and it cost
him a lot going through buds and I saw
the look I saw the look because I once
had to look and I was going through
prayer rescue school and something got
so hard and your mind can't process the
hardness you don't know the the the the
right tools to get through something
hard because you've never been
challenged before I could tell he was a
superhuman that nothing ever challenged
them but I knew because I'd been through
hell week a couple of times I knew
[ __ ] don't don't underestimate
that [ __ ] it will it will find a [ __ ]
demon and will bring out some
insecurities in you and it did and I it
was like maybe 30 hours in the hell week
or something like that I'm looking over
at him and I smiled at him we're we're
standing just like this in line and he's
getting his med check and doctors
looking at him and talked it happened
just to be beautiful timing and I'm
sitting there I'm getting meth checked
and I'm looking at him and his eye says
he's a thousand-yard still looking right
through me he's getting mad checked and
I'm looking at him and before this
happened I told him I said don't
underestimate this [ __ ] man he
was I can't ever see myself quitting
[ __ ] Goggins I go watch out I go watch
out I got this [ __ ] we'll get in
your head I go the end is a long way
away so we're sitting there I - I and he
didn't see me I'm right in front of him
and I could tell you thinking he has
that quitting mind starting up now look
at him I go I told you [ __ ] I
told you [ __ ] and next thing I
knew man a car pulls up and he he rolled
out rings a bell he rings to Bill any
quits but uh it was he's a great human
being hard [ __ ] it it doesn't
make you you know when you quit
something like that man it's a huge
lesson learned that I can't go into
anything thinking that there's nothing
that's not going to get in my way you
gotta be prepared for all those
obstacles right well on this theme of
the reader being the hero here like what
is the what is the takeaway on stealing Souls
Souls
thing because that's that's one of the
challenges well
there's tons of takeaways with that one
man it's about finding energy and
strength when you have none like a lot
of times in life like that situation
right there man it's the worst time of
your life there's energy all around us
that we think that we have to have asked
to come externally a lot of times we
have like a TV in front of us watch
somebody listen to a podcast listen to a
great music a lot of times in life is
[ __ ] quiet and those are the times
when you want to run and hide you got to
be able to find energy you got to make
up games makeup tricks makeup whatever
you can to get to the next evolution of
life so taking souls is just another way
it's not about hurting the person you're
against it's about finding the tactical
advantage in every situation you [ __ ]
physically can to get to the next you're
trying to inch further to the goal line
and you don't want to what is that goal
line the goal lines whatever it is for
you for me I want to get through hell
week now I won't get the help with a you
know with my head up high being strong
I don't know what the goal is for
everybody my goal has been very
different for most people but you're
trying to find energy and strength to
stay in the fight
to continue on until you get that second
wind the second win is coming whenever
the second win maybe for you it's coming
but what happens is we get so stressed
out that the end is so far away that we
just can't find another foothold another handhold
handhold
so we jump off the cliff from each fall
there's another one you got to find it
so taking soil is one way to do it
hmm well as you as you progress through
this this journey that you're on and
you're winning these victories along the
way this idea kind of comes comes upon
you which is this drive to be uncommon
amongst the uncommon right you you
mentioned about a few moments earlier
that you started distancing yourself
even from the seals themselves like okay
I've done this I've distinguished myself
amongst these guys like now what's the
next challenge how can I push myself
harder like who
who you know what are the other
circumstances I can put myself in to be
the hardest [ __ ] on planet Earth
which was kind of the driving impulse
Ryder needs all of this right right so
elaborate on that a little bit so for me
that's why I want to become a Navy SEAL
I wanted people to push me outside of my
comfort zone every day you know and I
thought this was gonna be the absolute
best platform to do that these guys the
stories I heard after buds it just gets
harder and I didn't see it that way
because buds is just to become the sea
that's right like my god I can't imagine
what the [ __ ] gonna happen
but what happens to a lot of people not
everybody can't speak figure out not
everybody buds breaks people down to the
point where you don't want to be broken
down again like that to me that was
exactly the exact starting point for my
journey in life that was a starting
point for me for a lot of people it's
the finish line and I didn't see it that
way for me so that's where I started
becoming uncommon among common people is
where I started realizing that you put
people in a pedestal that you shouldn't
that you you got to get in there
yourself and examine people serious
really about yourself so once I got in
there real I say these are this normal people
people
yeah there are a lot better than some
they're able to get to I know a lot of
people who get through Navy SEAL
training but you know there's a lot of
mystique behind behind all that stuff
and as you talk to go through and you
start to break it open a little bit you
know a lot of horror guys but you know I
want it more I want it more and this
this is your strength in certain
respects it's a superpower that you have
but it's also your Achilles heel
big time big time I talk about in the
book a lot - one thing that hurt me a
lot was I thought everybody weren't the
same thing I wanted and everybody wants
the same thing you [ __ ] won everybody
wants to give it four o'clock in the
morning and beat herself and find more
about themselves and she liked that and
I thought the seals did well through it
oh yeah yeah I thought the seal was
death but that's what you know because
every book you read that's what that's
what everybody does so I always hook
line and sinker so that mentality that I
had it kind of put a bad taste off you
know once I realized it not everybody
was like this in the community
and I was like you know what man so then
I started having chips on my shoulder I
had my own little thing I was doing with
a couple guys working out i mon Dieu mon
little thing and when you start doing
that stuff and you start to drive
yourself away from people you know and I
was already different as it was you know
even if I didn't do that I already came
in being very different like I tell
people I was a part of the Navy SEAL
Teams I wonder part of the Brotherhood
right it's not going out and partying
I'm not going out no that's not me I've
never been me though like if I was in
the college if I wasn't a Bigfoot I
couldn't be part of a fraternity man I
would never join a fraternity ever I'm
like a [ __ ] you all Matt got my own [ __ ]
going on over here man
go [ __ ] yourself that's me I don't like
fraternities so just me when you join
the SEAL Teams you're joining a big
fraternity so I was already asked out so
then when you're asked out not wanting
to hang out I wasn't a dick I do [ __ ]
[ __ ]
that's me so I I grew up wanting friends
at a young age and once you get
self-esteem is so you know who you are I
was comfortable you don't liking me but
I'm not hanging out and they need to get
to another step further with this being
hard mentality of if you guys aren't
doing what I'm doing you guys aren't
[ __ ] so I did a lot of things that push
people the wrong way that rub people the
wrong way and in that we're being in the fraternity
fraternity
it's like a big soap opera it's like the
[ __ ] guiding light and you know
people start not liking you for certain
reasons people know who the [ __ ] you are
rumor mills start happening then I have
two heart surgeries people think I don't
want to [ __ ] deploy overseas
well gah girls don't want to fight he
wants to run but I'm not gonna say a two
heart surgeries I couldn't even go fight
so this a lot of things happened and within that it's life yeah so it
within that it's life yeah so it ultimately that hurt your military
ultimately that hurt your military career it didn't hurt it didn't no meet
career it didn't hurt it didn't no meet me looking back on it it I was who I
me looking back on it it I was who I wanted to be I was who I wanted to be so
wanted to be I was who I wanted to be so hurting it I don't think hurting it is
hurting it I don't think hurting it is being an Air Force
being an Air Force what do you see as being a ranger you
what do you see as being a ranger you know my goals were finding the baddest
know my goals were finding the baddest me on the planet working with the
me on the planet working with the baddest guys on the planet and the heart
baddest guys on the planet and the heart surgery's hurt me a little bit but what
surgery's hurt me a little bit but what I realized is I've got a lot of growth
I realized is I've got a lot of growth from examining people you know my my
from examining people you know my my insecurities their insecurities my
insecurities their insecurities my military career was absolutely stellar
military career was absolutely stellar you know not many people have pulled off
you know not many people have pulled off honor man everywhere I went and done the
honor man everywhere I went and done the things I've done
things I've done I didn't deploy as much as I wanted to
I didn't deploy as much as I wanted to yeah I went to Iraq stuff like that but
yeah I went to Iraq stuff like that but I wanted to play a lot more with with
I wanted to play a lot more with with the heart services keeping out of
the heart services keeping out of training for four years that hurt me a
training for four years that hurt me a lot but all in all there's not many
lot but all in all there's not many people who've done some of the things
people who've done some of the things I've done right so not satisfied with
I've done right so not satisfied with just being in the Navy SEALs you decide
just being in the Navy SEALs you decide you want to go to Army Ranger School yes
you want to go to Army Ranger School yes sir and you go and do that yeah and you
sir and you go and do that yeah and you distinguish yourself there so you know
distinguish yourself there so you know when the dust settles you've done Air
when the dust settles you've done Air Force
Force what does it call the tak tak PE air
what does it call the tak tak PE air control party uh
control party uh Navy SEALs buds and then and then Army
Navy SEALs buds and then and then Army Ranger Ranger Delta selection twice
Ranger Ranger Delta selection twice right exactly so what how did that play
right exactly so what how did that play out ultimately so it does selection I
out ultimately so it does selection I went the first time when I was it so
went the first time when I was it so with both time as a Navy SEAL which is
with both time as a Navy SEAL which is very found upon because we have our own
very found upon because we have our own little group there yeah you know DEVGRU
little group there yeah you know DEVGRU so how that even came to be was after my
so how that even came to be was after my second platoon where me and my guys
second platoon where me and my guys didn't get along you know we had a great
didn't get along you know we had a great deployment but we can't get along bottom
deployment but we can't get along bottom line once again it's how life is when
line once again it's how life is when you come back in a fraternity like that
you come back in a fraternity like that rumor mill flat you know goes around and
rumor mill flat you know goes around and maybe Goggins has a badass who don't
maybe Goggins has a badass who don't work with him whatever whatever so I
work with him whatever whatever so I didn't get my orders to go to dev group
didn't get my orders to go to dev group I actually screamed for DEVGRU didn't
I actually screamed for DEVGRU didn't get picked up or I got picked up to go
get picked up or I got picked up to go to the screening process I pass the
to the screening process I pass the screening process was going to Green
screening process was going to Green Team a lot of these [ __ ] things than
Team a lot of these [ __ ] things than we knows about but anyway I didn't get
we knows about but anyway I didn't get my orders to go to dev group so I said
my orders to go to dev group so I said you know what it's a good time to go try
you know what it's a good time to go try out for deputy prefer for Delta Force so
out for deputy prefer for Delta Force so I went there got messed up you know I
I went there got messed up you know I fell down a mountain my lady trapped in
fell down a mountain my lady trapped in Mountain or in some rocks broke my ankle
Mountain or in some rocks broke my ankle mathematical real bad then I had the
mathematical real bad then I had the heart surgeries then I went back to
heart surgeries then I went back to Delta and I was getting ready to get to
Delta and I was getting ready to get to the very last day and what happened
the very last day and what happened there was I was getting real happy I'm
there was I was getting real happy I'm gonna be a delta guy this is the [ __ ] I
gonna be a delta guy this is the [ __ ] I can't believe I'm back in the game and
can't believe I'm back in the game and once you let your mind get unfocused you
once you let your mind get unfocused you get lost out in the woods and out there
get lost out in the woods and out there going through Delta selection it's a lot
going through Delta selection it's a lot of land navigation and if you're not
of land navigation and if you're not paying attention to that map and compass
paying attention to that map and compass and it was my last day before the 40
and it was my last day before the 40 mile er and the 40 mile I was like a big
mile er and the 40 mile I was like a big the big last thing you do and I was
the big last thing you do and I was gonna [ __ ] that 40 mile or up right but
gonna [ __ ] that 40 mile or up right but I was your game that's my game man and
I was your game that's my game man and very one thing you're gonna be a man now
very one thing you're gonna be a man now you put you know you put weight on my
you put you know you put weight on my back and go man I won't hurt you and I
back and go man I won't hurt you and I got literally I was about two hours
got literally I was about two hours ahead of time and I was just going
ahead of time and I was just going through thinking man I'm [ __ ] done
through thinking man I'm [ __ ] done I made this [ __ ] I'm gonna go back in it
I made this [ __ ] I'm gonna go back in it doing my [ __ ] I'm going back out the
doing my [ __ ] I'm going back out the fight man we know with an elite group a
fight man we know with an elite group a Tier one asset I was so stoked my mind
Tier one asset I was so stoked my mind got drifting away and I got lost and I
got drifting away and I got lost and I found myself lost
found myself lost I got a reorient you know I got [ __ ]
I got a reorient you know I got [ __ ] back on track and I went to I thought my
back on track and I went to I thought my last point was I saw another student I
last point was I saw another student I said hey man we only got five points
said hey man we only got five points there's no money we got six and I was
there's no money we got six and I was like 45 minutes from drop dead and I
like 45 minutes from drop dead and I made it by one minute you make about one
made it by one minute you make about one minute after making it about two hours
minute after making it about two hours every day I was getting there two hours
every day I was getting there two hours early every day I don't know what the
early every day I don't know what the standard is at Delta they don't tell you
standard is at Delta they don't tell you [ __ ] and there's two vehicles you get
[ __ ] and there's two vehicles you get into man one vehicle goes to another
into man one vehicle goes to another campground meaning you're still here and
campground meaning you're still here and the other vehicle goes uh goes to some
the other vehicle goes uh goes to some speed bumps back to your racks and
speed bumps back to your racks and you're getting a [ __ ] airplane I went
you're getting a [ __ ] airplane I went that vehicle yeah that was it how many
that vehicle yeah that was it how many soldiers are there though that have gone
soldiers are there though that have gone through all of those programs I can say
through all of those programs I can say honestly I'm the only one you're the
honestly I'm the only one you're the only one for a hundred percent fact I
only one for a hundred percent fact I know for a fact for a fact and I haven't
know for a fact for a fact and I haven't googled it looked at I know there's
googled it looked at I know there's nobody in the world who's willing
nobody in the world who's willing to say let me scream for delta force
to say let me scream for delta force twice let me go to Army Ranger school as
twice let me go to Army Ranger school as a Navy SEAL let me go to Navy SEAL let
a Navy SEAL let me go to Navy SEAL let me go be in three whole weeks let me go
me go be in three whole weeks let me go to Air Force so my military career was
to Air Force so my military career was phenomenal there's uh there's a classic
phenomenal there's uh there's a classic quote look I think it's as I recall I
quote look I think it's as I recall I think it's when you decided you want to
think it's when you decided you want to go to Army Ranger School and one of your
go to Army Ranger School and one of your guys say Goggins you're the kind of guy
guys say Goggins you're the kind of guy who would like to be a POWs just to see
who would like to be a POWs just to see if you could [ __ ] do it
if you could [ __ ] do it he was my oh I see my I actually still
he was my oh I see my I actually still talked him today of my first Platoon I
talked him today of my first Platoon I really respect the guy off a lot what's
really respect the guy off a lot what's like a pop his name by honors permission
like a pop his name by honors permission right now - he was a great leader
right now - he was a great leader because he understood me as a good
because he understood me as a good leader you have to understand everybody
leader you have to understand everybody that works with you he understood the
that works with you he understood the uniqueness that is me and I'm a very
uniqueness that is me and I'm a very different person you got to have a you
different person you got to have a you got to be a real [ __ ] man to
got to be a real [ __ ] man to understand David Goggins and I give him
understand David Goggins and I give him a lot of credit for this let me be me
a lot of credit for this let me be me and I and you know he went to that into
and I and you know he went to that into a DEVGRU but he said that before Ranger
a DEVGRU but he said that before Ranger school cuz I put a chit in a chit is a
school cuz I put a chit in a chit is a special request [ __ ] I put seven special
special request [ __ ] I put seven special request shits in to go to Ranger School
request shits in to go to Ranger School as a new guy in in the SEAL Teams it's
as a new guy in in the SEAL Teams it's like why the [ __ ] are you trying to go
like why the [ __ ] are you trying to go to Ranger School man as a seal and back
to Ranger School man as a seal and back then they were sending some Navy SEALs
then they were sending some Navy SEALs there for punishment you know they send
there for punishment you know they send a few there and I was going because I
a few there and I was going because I was like begging to go I'm like there's
was like begging to go I'm like there's another challenge out there that sucks
another challenge out there that sucks that people don't want to go to that I
that people don't want to go to that I can grow from that can see some more on
can grow from that can see some more on common [ __ ] out there that want
common [ __ ] out there that want to get hard and get after it and I
to get hard and get after it and I always found out one thing when you're
always found out one thing when you're in training that's what you find how
in training that's what you find how people really are I found the best out
people really are I found the best out of people in training that's why I love
of people in training that's why I love buzz that's why I love Ranger school
buzz that's why I love Ranger school because but once you get out training
because but once you get out training very few people keep that same mentality
very few people keep that same mentality it's like hey oh thank God I'm done with
it's like hey oh thank God I'm done with it that's why I always love going back
it that's why I always love going back to scratch mm-hmm yeah and the cool
to scratch mm-hmm yeah and the cool thing about Ranger school is you show up
thing about Ranger school is you show up and they strip you of all of everything
and they strip you of all of everything so you don't know who anybody is
so you don't know who anybody is Frank is there any of that kind of [ __ ]
Frank is there any of that kind of [ __ ] no there's no right now and they
no there's no right now and they purchase presumed that you must have
purchase presumed that you must have gotten in trouble right that's the only
gotten in trouble right that's the only reason you'd be there right so tell me
reason you'd be there right so tell me tell that story about so their words so
tell that story about so their words so before I showed up to Ranger school man
before I showed up to Ranger school man there were a couple of Navy SEALs got
there were a couple of Navy SEALs got sent there for punishment reasons and a
sent there for punishment reasons and a couple of them quit you know like not
couple of them quit you know like not because it was too hard I imagine
because it was too hard I imagine probably cuz you don't [ __ ] you I'm not
probably cuz you don't [ __ ] you I'm not gonna be here for punishment I'm gonna
gonna be here for punishment I'm gonna get my ass kicked again with you Navy
get my ass kicked again with you Navy SEAL training so it just came with the
SEAL training so it just came with the attitude of being there so a couple said
attitude of being there so a couple said I'm out so that gave some of the seals a
I'm out so that gave some of the seals a bad reputation that Ranger school and
bad reputation that Ranger school and then I show up I show up and I'm like
then I show up I show up and I'm like yeah I want to be here next I was just
yeah I want to be here next I was just another guy that got in trouble not
another guy that got in trouble not knowing that I begged to come here and I
knowing that I begged to come here and I beg to get beat on for 69 days and
beg to get beat on for 69 days and starve and lose 56 pounds like I lost so
starve and lose 56 pounds like I lost so it's like day three and they have you
it's like day three and they have you know an army guy raw strip to rank on
know an army guy raw strip to rank on this David you know I'm this Goggins and
this David you know I'm this Goggins and whoever this is just your name I mean
whoever this is just your name I mean you could be a [ __ ] major you could
you could be a [ __ ] major you could be a general and you're just Thomas
be a general and you're just Thomas that's all the [ __ ] you are I mean they
that's all the [ __ ] you are I mean they don't care so I'm hiding out I got my
don't care so I'm hiding out I got my little Navy name tag on so they can tell
little Navy name tag on so they can tell him a navy guy I'm a little Navy hat you
him a navy guy I'm a little Navy hat you know say so you know I'm a Navy guy I
know say so you know I'm a Navy guy I stand out and once it's not many black
stand out and once it's not many black guys in Ranger School so I'm in the back
guys in Ranger School so I'm in the back hiding out and they tell the you know
hiding out and they tell the you know they tell the guy come up here you know
they tell the guy come up here you know you know you're the first sergeant in
you know you're the first sergeant in the First Sergeant usually Ranger creed
the First Sergeant usually Ranger creed so the guy goes up there and he goes uh
so the guy goes up there and he goes uh he [ __ ] it up and then go hey they look
he [ __ ] it up and then go hey they look right at me I know for a fact
right at me I know for a fact oh we seen him back there where the hell
oh we seen him back there where the hell economy doesn't know this [ __ ] I was
economy doesn't know this [ __ ] I was like [ __ ] I've been studying
like [ __ ] I've been studying this range of Cree for a year this what
this range of Cree for a year this what I'm saying in my head I get there man
I'm saying in my head I get there man recognizing that volunteer as a ranger
recognizing that volunteer as a ranger foolin has my chosen profession I was
foolin has my chosen profession I was never told STIs
never told STIs our hospital arrangement see what you're
our hospital arrangement see what you're done I went on it nas in fact there is
done I went on it nas in fact there is more at least he's like what the [ __ ]
more at least he's like what the [ __ ] somebody had said the whole [ __ ]
somebody had said the whole [ __ ] range of Creed next thing I knew you say
range of Creed next thing I knew you say you knew first sergeant that's a [ __ ]
you knew first sergeant that's a [ __ ] now not only am I going through one of
now not only am I going through one of the best leadership school if you have
the best leadership school if you have to be dialed in all day long when I'm
to be dialed in all day long when I'm not out in the field getting graded I'm
not out in the field getting graded I'm now in garrison having to be in charge
now in garrison having to be in charge of all these
of all these [ __ ] guys in Bravo platoon so Bravo
[ __ ] guys in Bravo platoon so Bravo Company sounds like guys it was a I was
Company sounds like guys it was a I was always had to be on the whole time Roger
always had to be on the whole time Roger that Roger dad sounds like [ __ ] man I
that Roger dad sounds like [ __ ] man I guess I'm in charge now the whole time
guess I'm in charge now the whole time but I never got fired you know most guys
but I never got fired you know most guys going through that you know you get
going through that you know you get fired that's what led me to you know
fired that's what led me to you know getting the the honor man award right
getting the the honor man award right one of the things you don't talk a lot
one of the things you don't talk a lot about is your deployments mm-hmm you
about is your deployments mm-hmm you talk about that experience in Malaysia a
talk about that experience in Malaysia a little bit only briefly in the book so
little bit only briefly in the book so I'm just wondering what the rationale
I'm just wondering what the rationale behind like are you not allowed to do
behind like are you not allowed to do you just think that it wasn't relevant
you just think that it wasn't relevant to the story we're trying to tell well
to the story we're trying to tell well the thing about it is is uh I deployed I
the thing about it is is uh I deployed I fought in combat stuff like that first
fought in combat stuff like that first of all it's hard to relate to that
of all it's hard to relate to that second of all I to get all kind of
second of all I to get all kind of [ __ ] approvals from people to get
[ __ ] approvals from people to get that in the book and talk about it and I
that in the book and talk about it and I want to go through that process of hey
want to go through that process of hey can I put you know what I did in Iraq in
can I put you know what I did in Iraq in the book and stuff like that in the book
the book and stuff like that in the book and I want my book to relate to people
and I want my book to relate to people you know there's enough Navy SEAL books
you know there's enough Navy SEAL books out there talking about you know running
out there talking about you know running gun and shooting them up stuff like that
gun and shooting them up stuff like that that's never been I don't want to be
that's never been I don't want to be known as a Navy SEAL you know I talk a
known as a Navy SEAL you know I talk a lot you know people want to ask me about
lot you know people want to ask me about it you know Navy said that was a snippet
it you know Navy said that was a snippet of my life you know I was a snippet of
of my life you know I was a snippet of my life and I want to be known as
my life and I want to be known as somebody much more than that who did a
somebody much more than that who did a lot more than that so my book is about
lot more than that so my book is about helping people and I can't help people
helping people and I can't help people through well I didn't combat mm-hmm I
through well I didn't combat mm-hmm I can help people by what I went through
can help people by what I went through in life life itself and I went out to I
in life life itself and I went out to I mean it was it was intentional to make
mean it was it was intentional to make this book about how can these stories
this book about how can these stories resonate and help people and you know it
resonate and help people and you know it wasn't like a let me kiss my own ass so
wasn't like a let me kiss my own ass so that's why I had to go there and do that
that's why I had to go there and do that so it was it was a that's why yeah
so it was it was a that's why yeah well there's a you know the cover image
well there's a you know the cover image of the book is you in military uniform
of the book is you in military uniform and there are a lot of those other kind
and there are a lot of those other kind of books out there you know Chris Kyle
of books out there you know Chris Kyle and I know you you you're tight with the
and I know you you you're tight with the luttrell brothers those have been huge
luttrell brothers those have been huge books and they become movies and
books and they become movies and cultural you know very culturally
cultural you know very culturally relevant and northing what is that I'm
relevant and northing what is that I'm not
not war hero yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not
war hero yeah I'm not I'm not I'm not I'm not a war hero man like you know
I'm not a war hero man like you know there's a lot of heroes out there and I
there's a lot of heroes out there and I don't have a great story to tell you
don't have a great story to tell you about war what is the climate though
about war what is the climate though when you're in the seals and then
when you're in the seals and then somebody writes a book like my sense was
somebody writes a book like my sense was always that that was kind of frowned
always that that was kind of frowned upon it is found upon this to a lot of
upon it is found upon this to a lot of things are frowned upon the SEAL Teams a
things are frowned upon the SEAL Teams a lot of things are you know that's that's
lot of things are you know that's that's one of them
one of them I don't care what you do you know it's
I don't care what you do you know it's your life and I'm not about judging
your life and I'm not about judging people for that but a lot of a lot of
people for that but a lot of a lot of seals don't like anybody going out doing
seals don't like anybody going out doing anything like that and I don't know if
anything like that and I don't know if it's a lot of jealousy or whatever I
it's a lot of jealousy or whatever I don't care but it is it is found upon
don't care but it is it is found upon for some people do that but I guarantee
for some people do that but I guarantee you some of those guys if they did some
you some of those guys if they did some cool [ __ ] you know a lot of us don't do
cool [ __ ] you know a lot of us don't do cool [ __ ] yeah a lot of us he cometh not
cool [ __ ] yeah a lot of us he cometh not a lot of cool [ __ ] so there really isn't
a lot of cool [ __ ] so there really isn't about it's not it's not some
about it's not it's not some vainglorious snow I'm where you're in
vainglorious snow I'm where you're in bad always telling crazy war stories no
bad always telling crazy war stories no it's not that at all it have to tell so
it's not that at all it have to tell so reader is the hero and and another one
reader is the hero and and another one of the themes that I want to kind of
of the themes that I want to kind of explore with you is this idea of of
explore with you is this idea of of being the only right I'm just like a
being the only right I'm just like a recurring thing in your story right so
recurring thing in your story right so being the only and I actually talked
being the only and I actually talked about with Adam I came up with with the
about with Adam I came up with with the only there's a lot of onlys out there I
only there's a lot of onlys out there I was the only black in lot of situations
was the only black in lot of situations and the only in about of color there's a
and the only in about of color there's a lot of you know there's gays lesbians
lot of you know there's gays lesbians there's people who are white people who
there's people who are white people who just feel like they're not wanted in
just feel like they're not wanted in society that's the only the only is
society that's the only the only is feeling like you're not accepted in any
feeling like you're not accepted in any society that you're in doesn't matter
society that you're in doesn't matter what color creed race gender doesn't
what color creed race gender doesn't matter it's just that you are in this
matter it's just that you are in this situation where you feel like you're
situation where you feel like you're being judged you might be being judged
being judged you might be being judged you feel awkward it's an awkward feeling
you feel awkward it's an awkward feeling when you walk in a room and you're like
when you walk in a room and you're like oh my god like I'm the only and that
oh my god like I'm the only and that comes with a lot of people and that's
comes with a lot of people and that's where the only really came from because
where the only really came from because I don't want to make like a black
I don't want to make like a black situation I want it to be I want this
situation I want it to be I want this this is about people you are you
this is about people you are you hero you are the hero of this book so I
hero you are the hero of this book so I wanted to be what's a word that can make
wanted to be what's a word that can make people feel like this resonates with me
people feel like this resonates with me that's only you know it's not about it
that's only you know it's not about it was about black about white or about
was about black about white or about about being Jewish or Christian or
about being Jewish or Christian or whatever so that's where it comes from
whatever so that's where it comes from man it's about ownership of a lot of
man it's about ownership of a lot of people feel like no one understands what
people feel like no one understands what the [ __ ] I'm going through right now and
the [ __ ] I'm going through right now and that's the only right and that seems to
that's the only right and that seems to be something that you you use you
be something that you you use you leverage to to get stronger
leverage to to get stronger oh yes the only is a very powerful thing
oh yes the only is a very powerful thing for me and there's a lot of times my
for me and there's a lot of times my life that I chose the only on purpose on
life that I chose the only on purpose on purpose just to see how I will come out
purpose just to see how I will come out the other end of it and in the midst of
the other end of it and in the midst of all of that how do I say this
for somebody that's listening to this or they're reading your book and they do
they're reading your book and they do feel apart from they feel alone perhaps
feel apart from they feel alone perhaps they have that victim mentality right
they have that victim mentality right they're just the world's against me I
they're just the world's against me I can't catch a break every time I try to
can't catch a break every time I try to do this this happens it's some narrative
do this this happens it's some narrative that they're spinning about their life
that they're spinning about their life right like what's the first step out of
right like what's the first step out of that well like I've said a million times
that well like I've said a million times before the most important conversation
before the most important conversation is the one you have with yourself you
is the one you have with yourself you wake up with it you walk around with it
wake up with it you walk around with it you go to bed with it eventually you act
you go to bed with it eventually you act on it
on it sometimes you act on it good sometimes
sometimes you act on it good sometimes bad you got to change the internal
bad you got to change the internal dialog that person in your head that's
dialog that person in your head that's talking that [ __ ] to you until you
talking that [ __ ] to you until you change the internal dialogue in your
change the internal dialogue in your head until you callus over the victims
head until you callus over the victims mentality that the world is out to get
mentality that the world is out to get you because of you are the only you got
you because of you are the only you got changed that [ __ ] man yeah but you don't
changed that [ __ ] man yeah but you don't understand my life David yeah I do
understand my life David yeah I do that's the thing about it and that's why
that's the thing about it and that's why I can talk about but yeah I get you're
I can talk about but yeah I get you're saying a lot of folks don't under I get
saying a lot of folks don't under I get that mentality I once had that mentality
that mentality I once had that mentality that no one understands what the [ __ ]
that no one understands what the [ __ ] I'm going through and if you keep that
I'm going through and if you keep that mentality you're gonna stay in the same
mentality you're gonna stay in the same exact spot that you're in that no one
exact spot that you're in that no one understands me there's a whole there's
understands me there's a whole there's millions of people why do you think a
millions of people why do you think a book that I saw published you know is
book that I saw published you know is doing so well
doing so well with the story that's so [ __ ] up
with the story that's so [ __ ] up people Ike I'll never forget what I went
people Ike I'll never forget what I went to a publishing house like who's gonna
to a publishing house like who's gonna resonate with this story no one's gonna
resonate with this story no one's gonna buy this book I'm like are you not in
buy this book I'm like are you not in the world are you not in society you're
the world are you not in society you're never alone everybody's going through
never alone everybody's going through [ __ ] so when people get this mentality
[ __ ] so when people get this mentality of like you understand me you can throw
of like you understand me you can throw a [ __ ] rock to someone that can
a [ __ ] rock to someone that can understand you if they're willing to
understand you if they're willing to break themselves down and stop hiding a
break themselves down and stop hiding a lot of people understand you mm but you
lot of people understand you mm but you got to stop hiding and that's why I tell
got to stop hiding and that's why I tell people a lot of people are going through
people a lot of people are going through [ __ ] they just hide better than you did
[ __ ] they just hide better than you did that's all they did
that's all they did it was hiding better yeah it's easy you
it was hiding better yeah it's easy you know it's easy even even after you've
know it's easy even even after you've accomplished something to not rest on
accomplished something to not rest on your laurels or take a breath like
your laurels or take a breath like you're somebody who's constantly
you're somebody who's constantly constantly moving forward I'd sell it
constantly moving forward I'd sell it but I think one thing that gets lost in
but I think one thing that gets lost in your story is that you are pretty good
your story is that you are pretty good about celebrating the victories along
about celebrating the victories along the way and celebrating yourself I talk
the way and celebrating yourself I talk about with my fiancee every single day I
about with my fiancee every single day I talked about with her two hours today I
talked about with her two hours today I said we are [ __ ] grinding so hard
said we are [ __ ] grinding so hard that we are losing the vantage point of
that we are losing the vantage point of what we have accomplished today we got
what we have accomplished today we got podcast podcast interview flying do this
podcast podcast interview flying do this do that I like to stop stop it's just me
do that I like to stop stop it's just me and you
and you and this mom-and-pop thing that we that
and this mom-and-pop thing that we that we're doing look at what the [ __ ] this
we're doing look at what the [ __ ] this book is that right now it's crazy look
book is that right now it's crazy look how many people were touching shut shut
how many people were touching shut shut up and this [ __ ] think for a second
up and this [ __ ] think for a second that's the stop cuz all we did was talk
that's the stop cuz all we did was talk about this and this really I don't know
about this and this really I don't know enjoy this for a second let's we have to
enjoy this for a second let's we have to take time and rule out what the [ __ ]
take time and rule out what the [ __ ] we've accomplished that's an evolution
we've accomplished that's an evolution for you man huge huge different David
for you man huge huge different David Goggins and even from a couple years ago
Goggins and even from a couple years ago huge because you have to where's all
huge because you have to where's all about I'm gonna keep on grinding that's
about I'm gonna keep on grinding that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying
not what I'm saying what I'm saying though is you have to respect what
though is you have to respect what you've done
you've done take a second not live in it not sit
take a second not live in it not sit around and say I'm good
around and say I'm good sit back and say let me look at the
sit back and say let me look at the vantage point now that I'm at we win
vantage point now that I'm at we win that's why you reset the vantage point
that's why you reset the vantage point get the tactical advantage if you get
get the tactical advantage if you get the tactical advantage too quick
the tactical advantage too quick and start fighting you gotta take a
and start fighting you gotta take a second to take observation that where
second to take observation that where I'm at what have I done I'm on the right
I'm at what have I done I'm on the right spot I'm obviously in the right spot
spot I'm obviously in the right spot right now now we can go back to fighting
right now now we can go back to fighting mm-hmm so that's what we're doing right
mm-hmm so that's what we're doing right now and how did you how did you arrive
now and how did you how did you arrive at that epiphany because I would imagine
at that epiphany because I would imagine there's a different version of you that
there's a different version of you that wouldn't allow yourself to be that
wouldn't allow yourself to be that indulgent it's called you find peace I
indulgent it's called you find peace I never found peace until I got real sick
never found peace until I got real sick and you find peace by clarity and
and you find peace by clarity and there's no clarity when there's noise
there's no clarity when there's noise there's always a schedule in front of
there's always a schedule in front of you to keep grinding at it so my
you to keep grinding at it so my schedule is always there I'm still alive
schedule is always there I'm still alive and I'm still alive I'm gonna grind it
and I'm still alive I'm gonna grind it so I'm dead but in that grinding
so I'm dead but in that grinding schedule you have to have a point in
schedule you have to have a point in there where it's okay at 12 o'clock
there where it's okay at 12 o'clock reset the tactical advantage and look
reset the tactical advantage and look and see where you're at at this new
and see where you're at at this new vantage point stop for a second and
vantage point stop for a second and survey the field because when I was
survey the field because when I was doing well that this big long schedule
doing well that this big long schedule and in this schedule there was no take
and in this schedule there was no take up second see what the [ __ ] you've
up second see what the [ __ ] you've accomplished if I did all that [ __ ] in
accomplished if I did all that [ __ ] in the military after I got on ER man at
the military after I got on ER man at Ranger School and I was a top leader
Ranger School and I was a top leader amongst 300 people when I got back to
amongst 300 people when I got back to that second platoon if I'd taken the
that second platoon if I'd taken the vantage point and said okay my god man
vantage point and said okay my god man you've really grown as a leader I would
you've really grown as a leader I would have attacked the situation that 2nd
have attacked the situation that 2nd platoon was differently when I was like
platoon was differently when I was like oh you guys it's [ __ ] you guys are
oh you guys it's [ __ ] you guys are gonna work out this [ __ ] hard you
gonna work out this [ __ ] hard you ain't you ain't hard like this I want to
ain't you ain't hard like this I want to learn I want to take a step back it's ok
learn I want to take a step back it's ok hang on a second man you learned a lot
hang on a second man you learned a lot that's the tactical advantage you gotta
that's the tactical advantage you gotta take that vantage point and take a
take that vantage point and take a second to breathe and say you learned a
second to breathe and say you learned a lot but when you learn a lot if you just
lot but when you learn a lot if you just go back into the fight you never apply
go back into the fight you never apply what you learn you get that certificate
what you learn you get that certificate of graduation and go get it
of graduation and go get it remember what you learn and use it and
remember what you learn and use it and that's about taking that one second out
that's about taking that one second out get on top of that mountain top looking
get on top of that mountain top looking down so ok how would I have held this
down so ok how would I have held this years ago Wow I would really [ __ ] that
years ago Wow I would really [ __ ] that up this time let's not [ __ ] it up again
up this time let's not [ __ ] it up again right so that that occurred not during
right so that that occurred not during the heart surgeries but afterwards when
the heart surgeries but afterwards when your body was broken and you got into
your body was broken and you got into the stretching broken yeah it was a big
the stretching broken yeah it was a big it's like when you go into my gives you
it's like when you go into my gives you a knot and they tie a lot versus a ton
a knot and they tie a lot versus a ton of knot to tie a lot and they say hey
of knot to tie a lot and they say hey can you undo this that was the inside of
can you undo this that was the inside of my body mm-hmm but it forced you to stop
my body mm-hmm but it forced you to stop it made me stop yeah yeah I can no
it made me stop yeah yeah I can no longer because otherwise you wouldn't
longer because otherwise you wouldn't you wouldn't have stopped I would never
you wouldn't have stopped I would never realize I realize now no yeah I've been
realize I realize now no yeah I've been goals isn't bluffing right okay man we
goals isn't bluffing right okay man we got a bench you because you need to
got a bench you because you need to reflect the body would do that the body
reflect the body would do that the body would do that the body will say hey man
would do that the body will say hey man you've done a good job now we're [ __ ]
you've done a good job now we're [ __ ] done and my body said you're done right
done and my body said you're done right so you you have the heart surgeries you
so you you have the heart surgeries you make this return to ultras ameen dude
make this return to ultras ameen dude we've been talking for like an hour and
we've been talking for like an hour and a half we haven't even talked about any
a half we haven't even talked about any adult stuff but you know we talked about
adult stuff but you know we talked about that last time man you go out you're
that last time man you go out you're crushing it and all these races then you
crushing it and all these races then you have the heart situation you have two
have the heart situation you have two heart surgeries then you're back at it
heart surgeries then you're back at it again and then you hit this wall like
again and then you hit this wall like you you describe this classic
you you describe this classic overtraining situation where you got
overtraining situation where you got back at it and you were training
back at it and you were training SuperDuper hard and then you showed up
SuperDuper hard and then you showed up and you were just flat right yeah I
and you were just flat right yeah I thought it gain and weight overnight my
thought it gain and weight overnight my thyroid my endocrine system starts yeah
thyroid my endocrine system starts yeah [ __ ] just shutting down left and
[ __ ] just shutting down left and right I'm surprised it took that long
right I'm surprised it took that long for you to have and like a severe
for you to have and like a severe overtraining episode and yeah it was a
overtraining episode and yeah it was a severe you know it was probably
severe you know it was probably overtraining mixed in with a lot of [ __ ]
overtraining mixed in with a lot of [ __ ] you know the body was whacked it was
you know the body was whacked it was whack man and it just said you're done
whack man and it just said you're done go ahead hang up your shoes lay in the
go ahead hang up your shoes lay in the bed it's time to die and how long did
bed it's time to die and how long did that go on for it went on about five
that go on for it went on about five years five years yeah so wait what
years five years yeah so wait what period of times us so you're looking at
period of times us so you're looking at it was bad water so before bad water
it was bad water so before bad water 2013 is when it started actually walked
2013 is when it started actually walked a hundred miles of that race to finish
a hundred miles of that race to finish it that was the way I was crewing Dean
it that was the way I was crewing Dean that year yeah you were right on our
that year yeah you were right on our heels like most of the day and if I was
heels like most of the day and if I was I walked that whole thing was on Dean
I walked that whole thing was on Dean he was walking line sales Soho was not a
he was walking line sales Soho was not a good year for I walked that almost whole
good year for I walked that almost whole race I was cramping up so bad look like
race I was cramping up so bad look like an alien was in my quads they were just
an alien was in my quads they were just doing this weird thing I was hydrating
doing this weird thing I was hydrating salt like what the hell's going on my
salt like what the hell's going on my body start shutting down then and then I
body start shutting down then and then I had like a period of time I was like my
had like a period of time I was like my god feeling my best and I crushed this
god feeling my best and I crushed this way it's called frozen otter and I was
way it's called frozen otter and I was like my god man I'm back no I wasn't it
like my god man I'm back no I wasn't it was just my body saying we got one more
was just my body saying we got one more in this man before we give it up so 2013
in this man before we give it up so 2013 is when it really started hitting hard
is when it really started hitting hard man it went off enough all the things
man it went off enough all the things that you had to process that was
that you had to process that was probably one of the hardest being told
probably one of the hardest being told you have to stop it was one of my
you have to stop it was one of my hardest but I have to be honest with you
hardest but I have to be honest with you it was the most eye-opening refreshing
it was the most eye-opening refreshing time my entire life it was like it
time my entire life it was like it really made me reset and it like what it
really made me reset and it like what it said to me was all right man we still
said to me was all right man we still gotta find 100% mm-hmm
gotta find 100% mm-hmm you can't run you can't work out so
you can't run you can't work out so that's why I went to school and I became
that's why I went to school and I became a medic you know stuff like that with
a medic you know stuff like that with you know I started doing awesome
you know I started doing awesome I literally reset so I'm always in
I literally reset so I'm always in constant pursuit of my hundred percent
constant pursuit of my hundred percent whatever that is if I can't run anymore
whatever that is if I can't run anymore I'm gonna see what else I can do so it I
I'm gonna see what else I can do so it I was real proud of how I handled that my
was real proud of how I handled that my whole life got stripped from me and I
whole life got stripped from me and I was at like 20 years in the military and
was at like 20 years in the military and that my life was getting stripped man
that my life was getting stripped man and I couldn't run I couldn't work out
and I couldn't run I couldn't work out country [ __ ] anymore and I didn't lose
country [ __ ] anymore and I didn't lose my [ __ ] all that train I'd gone through
my [ __ ] all that train I'd gone through mental training I'd gone through I was
mental training I'd gone through I was able to utilize it to find a lot of
able to utilize it to find a lot of peace in myself a lot of joy and a lot
peace in myself a lot of joy and a lot of self fulfillment mm-hmm and it was uh
of self fulfillment mm-hmm and it was uh it was actually uh not the best time
it was actually uh not the best time yeah well my favorite chapter in the
yeah well my favorite chapter in the entire book is the final chapter chapter
entire book is the final chapter chapter well I mean I was just so because one of
well I mean I was just so because one of the things I've always sort of thought
the things I've always sort of thought about you or been concerned about with
about you or been concerned about with you is like is this guy gonna just go to
you is like is this guy gonna just go to his grave grinding and just angry and
his grave grinding and just angry and resentful avenging you know against the
resentful avenging you know against the world or is he going to be able to find
world or is he going to be able to find peace
peace gonna be able to be content is he going
gonna be able to be content is he going to be able to find a way
to be able to find a way - - you know find the joy and the
- - you know find the joy and the gratitude for these experiences or are
gratitude for these experiences or are you just going to be fighting all the
you just going to be fighting all the way to the end man and you found that
way to the end man and you found that right like I was so happy you don't like
right like I was so happy you don't like read that yeah I found it but what's
read that yeah I found it but what's great about it is I found it like I
great about it is I found it like I still tap into it yeah do is it was
still tap into it yeah do is it was there a moment of thinking like if I if
there a moment of thinking like if I if I allow myself to experience joy and
I allow myself to experience joy and gratitude that I'm not gonna be able to
gratitude that I'm not gonna be able to be as hard that I'm gonna lose that edge
be as hard that I'm gonna lose that edge that distinguishes me no that's not at
that distinguishes me no that's not at all what it was was um I never felt that
all what it was was um I never felt that my entire life
my entire life you're almost taught that [ __ ] when
you're almost taught that [ __ ] when you're born in a happy home and and
you're born in a happy home and and you're born around happy [ __ ] it kind of
you're born around happy [ __ ] it kind of comes out I never I don't laugh my dad
comes out I never I don't laugh my dad beat the laughter out of me when when
beat the laughter out of me when when you can't read and write and you're
you can't read and write and you're trying to hide out in classes and please
trying to hide out in classes and please don't call on me and [ __ ] and you're
don't call on me and [ __ ] and you're [ __ ] all scared of [ __ ] everywhere
[ __ ] all scared of [ __ ] everywhere you go you're nervous and you're being
you go you're nervous and you're being and you're panicked and you're
and you're panicked and you're stuttering and you know your whole life
stuttering and you know your whole life is that [ __ ] there's not joy in that
is that [ __ ] there's not joy in that [ __ ] that becomes who you are no matter
[ __ ] that becomes who you are no matter how much you change you're scarred so
how much you change you're scarred so people like my god man you never smile
people like my god man you never smile never do this it's my life it's my life
never do this it's my life it's my life so you got to teach yourself how to read
so you got to teach yourself how to read and write and also [ __ ] smile and say
and write and also [ __ ] smile and say it's okay
it's okay a lot of things aren't like you know man
a lot of things aren't like you know man why don't you do this like I don't judge
why don't you do this like I don't judge people that's why I don't judge the
people that's why I don't judge the people man you want smart looks so hard
people man you want smart looks so hard like this read my book and don't forget
like this read my book and don't forget where I came from it's who you are
where I came from it's who you are you have to undo that [ __ ] and no one
you have to undo that [ __ ] and no one came down and trained me on how to be
came down and trained me on how to be happy how to find peace how do this now
happy how to find peace how do this now that's why I'm so glad I found it
that's why I'm so glad I found it through suffering
through suffering the greater the suffer the greater the
the greater the suffer the greater the peace I've found but you have to reflect
peace I've found but you have to reflect on where you came from from the dungeon
on where you came from from the dungeon of Hell that I came from how to reflect
of Hell that I came from how to reflect on that [ __ ] to find final peace and be
on that [ __ ] to find final peace and be able to say WOW [ __ ] if you die
able to say WOW [ __ ] if you die in this bed at 40 years old I'm the
in this bed at 40 years old I'm the happiest [ __ ] in the world
happiest [ __ ] in the world because I did it I piss people off along
because I did it I piss people off along the way some people don't like me Merry
the way some people don't like me Merry Christmas whatever
Christmas whatever but you can finally look in the [ __ ]
but you can finally look in the [ __ ] mirror and you can cuss on damn rich
mirror and you can cuss on damn rich roll [ __ ] and don't care what they say
roll [ __ ] and don't care what they say about you be happy with it
about you be happy with it the non-judgmental part is a lesson that
the non-judgmental part is a lesson that you have to learn the hard way too right
you have to learn the hard way too right big time yeah big time
big time yeah big time I used to hate people not liking me when
I used to hate people not liking me when the hardest thing in the world for me at
the hardest thing in the world for me at a young age was my god I swore to fit in
a young age was my god I swore to fit in I want to fit in I want you to like me
I want to fit in I want you to like me so that's a horrible [ __ ] place to be
so that's a horrible [ __ ] place to be in life because you lose yourself when
in life because you lose yourself when you want to fit in with people so badly
you want to fit in with people so badly normal [ __ ] people know better than
normal [ __ ] people know better than you you do whatever you can to fit in
you you do whatever you can to fit in that's a bad place to be you lose
that's a bad place to be you lose yourself and trying to create a
yourself and trying to create a character that other people will accept
character that other people will accept and the that's what I found a lot of joy
and the that's what I found a lot of joy man this is guy this is me I'm speaking
man this is guy this is me I'm speaking the third personal [ __ ] up I got some
the third personal [ __ ] up I got some [ __ ] going on still working on myself
[ __ ] going on still working on myself take it or leave you don't like me take
take it or leave you don't like me take a number and get in line man and it does
a number and get in line man and it does that involve like a spiritual
that involve like a spiritual perspective like what does that look
perspective like what does that look like for you I am a even though people
like for you I am a even though people may not believe it for that cus mrs.
may not believe it for that cus mrs. hilarious
hilarious I believe in God big time I've had this
I believe in God big time I've had this voice in my head since I was a young kid
voice in my head since I was a young kid so what trained me was that voice and
so what trained me was that voice and I'm not gonna go God on you right now I
I'm not gonna go God on you right now I don't care if people believe in God or
don't care if people believe in God or not that's not my place I'm not here to
not that's not my place I'm not here to judge you you have your own life and
judge you you have your own life and your own things to deal with this voice
your own things to deal with this voice in my head
in my head guided me to a spot where I'm at today
guided me to a spot where I'm at today and if you don't believe that you're
and if you don't believe that you're here for a reason
here for a reason your life will seriously hurt and I
your life will seriously hurt and I started looking at my life and all this
started looking at my life and all this [ __ ] I went through as God put me some
[ __ ] I went through as God put me some God whatever you believe in put me here
God whatever you believe in put me here to go through this and now I see all the
to go through this and now I see all the hundreds of thousands of lives I'm
hundreds of thousands of lives I'm changing by the hell I went through
changing by the hell I went through there's a lot of power in that so my
there's a lot of power in that so my purpose as I started going through this
purpose as I started going through this journey instead of looking like woe is
journey instead of looking like woe is me god man why the [ __ ] man why I so
me god man why the [ __ ] man why I so looking at what's the perfect training
looking at what's the perfect training ground you knew exactly what you were
ground you knew exactly what you were doing you know exactly what the [ __ ] you
doing you know exactly what the [ __ ] you were doing obviously you put me in every
were doing obviously you put me in every situation possible to tell a story that
situation possible to tell a story that needs to be told
needs to be told yeah looking back it's like every domino
yeah looking back it's like every domino is lined up perfectly to create the
is lined up perfectly to create the person that I'm sitting across from
person that I'm sitting across from right now and also you took advantage
right now and also you took advantage you leveraged all of those opportunities
you leveraged all of those opportunities to be that best version of yourself
to be that best version of yourself mm-hmm I did as afraid of that I mean it
mm-hmm I did as afraid of that I mean it was a very scary scary road a guy who
was a very scary scary road a guy who was afraid of a lot of things to then
was afraid of a lot of things to then find power and fear to find power and
find power and fear to find power and overcoming fear and to get time out
overcoming fear and to get time out today where there's very few things I'm
today where there's very few things I'm really afraid of because I know how to
really afraid of because I know how to control it
control it I know how to manage it I'm not to work
I know how to manage it I'm not to work it to my advantage now it's something
it to my advantage now it's something else man so I really challenge people to
else man so I really challenge people to really do a live autopsy on your brain
really do a live autopsy on your brain and the reason why I talk on my
and the reason why I talk on my childhood so much in this cuz I don't
childhood so much in this cuz I don't want you to put a title on me because
want you to put a title on me because once you title me as a freak you now put
once you title me as a freak you now put yourself in a position where you can be
yourself in a position where you can be very comfortable in saying it's just not
very comfortable in saying it's just not possible for me yeah that's so important
possible for me yeah that's so important because you have done so many crazy
because you have done so many crazy things it's very easy to just say well
things it's very easy to just say well he's a crazy outlier that's it that's it
he's a crazy outlier that's it that's it he's that guy he's that special guy nope
he's that guy he's that special guy nope and that's the thing that makes me so
and that's the thing that makes me so pissed off in this world man
pissed off in this world man the one thing that only thing gets me
the one thing that only thing gets me mad nowadays is that so many people die
mad nowadays is that so many people die with untapped potential because they
with untapped potential because they think that someone else is [ __ ]
think that someone else is [ __ ] better than them and they were born you
better than them and they were born you know not with the greatest tools you
know not with the greatest tools you don't need [ __ ] you need the ability to
don't need [ __ ] you need the ability to [ __ ] grind your ass into a fine
[ __ ] grind your ass into a fine [ __ ] powder in that fine powder find
[ __ ] powder in that fine powder find a way to build that [ __ ] back up
a way to build that [ __ ] back up repeatedly that's possible yeah for you
repeatedly that's possible yeah for you what I love is that you go out on these
what I love is that you go out on these crazy training excursions and it's just
crazy training excursions and it's just pair of running shoes and shorts along
pair of running shoes and shorts along is it man you don't have any crazy gear
is it man you don't have any crazy gear nope I'm a sponsored [ __ ] or
nope I'm a sponsored [ __ ] or anything like that no it's just at its
anything like that no it's just at its most purest form I found a lot in that
most purest form I found a lot in that man always it has to be pure man like I
man always it has to be pure man like I don't want people like the reason I'll
don't want people like the reason I'll post a post what you're doing today
post a post what you're doing today no no man this is my time how much you
no no man this is my time how much you [ __ ] know I'm doing today
[ __ ] know I'm doing today this is this is my time this is my
this is this is my time this is my growth factor but I think it creates a
growth factor but I think it creates a lot of demand because when you do drop
lot of demand because when you do drop that bomb once a week or whatever it's
that bomb once a week or whatever it's like she'll look at it I'll be like damn
like she'll look at it I'll be like damn and that like an hour ago
and that like an hour ago hey man unless you mine know what's
hey man unless you mine know what's going on in haha
going on in haha you know it says it's all about giving
you know it says it's all about giving back in training uh-huh but I'm still
back in training uh-huh but I'm still learning I'm still learning I'm not Yoda
learning I'm still learning I'm not Yoda yet what do you what do you still need
yet what do you what do you still need to learn and what are you still afraid
to learn and what are you still afraid of honestly my biggest fear to this day
of honestly my biggest fear to this day is and I say a lot and I say a lot and
is and I say a lot and I say a lot and it's it's going to heaven and being
it's it's going to heaven and being judged by God and you know God has I
judged by God and you know God has I believe that God has this knows
believe that God has this knows everything about you from time you're
everything about you from time you're born when you're gonna be born when
born when you're gonna be born when you're gonna die when you to graduate
you're gonna die when you to graduate buzz whatever's going to happen - he
buzz whatever's going to happen - he knows all this [ __ ] some people never do
knows all this [ __ ] some people never do what God knows you're capable of doing
what God knows you're capable of doing because you keep you know we have
because you keep you know we have choices my biggest fear in life was to
choices my biggest fear in life was to was to get to heaven and God look at me
was to get to heaven and God look at me as I'm being judged and I was some fat
as I'm being judged and I was some fat 300-pound guy like I used to be that
300-pound guy like I used to be that still spray for cockroach it was a car
still spray for cockroach it was a car you know that's that's okay it's what
you know that's that's okay it's what you want to do I didn't wanna do that
you want to do I didn't wanna do that and I made a thousand dollars you know a
and I made a thousand dollars you know a month I got to heaven and God laid out
month I got to heaven and God laid out this chart in front of me and they said
this chart in front of me and they said hey man look at this chart and had my
hey man look at this chart and had my name on top and all this amazing [ __ ]
name on top and all this amazing [ __ ] and I'm like that's not that's not me
and I'm like that's not that's not me man he goes that's who you were supposed
man he goes that's who you were supposed to be my biggest fear in life is that
to be my biggest fear in life is that one day if I ever get judged by
one day if I ever get judged by something someone some some energy force
something someone some some energy force that go up there and I failed the
that go up there and I failed the mission whatever would ever force up
mission whatever would ever force up there thought I was to be some badass
there thought I was to be some badass and I went up there under achieved you
and I went up there under achieved you know I want that force up there that
know I want that force up there that knows everything to be writing as I'm
knows everything to be writing as I'm living and saying I had no [ __ ] idea
living and saying I had no [ __ ] idea he even had this in him so I want to
he even had this in him so I want to just be the best I [ __ ] can and a lot
just be the best I [ __ ] can and a lot people say that I truly mean that and
people say that I truly mean that and what is it that you have to learn
what is it that you have to learn i stuff learned me you know I I still
i stuff learned me you know I I still feel there's you know there's there's
feel there's you know there's there's times where as a human being I'm a human
times where as a human being I'm a human and you you still fall back in these in
and you you still fall back in these in these ruts of life where you think that
these ruts of life where you think that you had a permanent fix cuz I'd done all
you had a permanent fix cuz I'd done all that nothing's a permanent fix man
that nothing's a permanent fix man that's why I grind every day because
that's why I grind every day because nothing is permanent are you training
nothing is permanent are you training for anything right now I'm signed up for
for anything right now I'm signed up for the hurt 100 oh you actually got in it
the hurt 100 oh you actually got in it and my schedule is so [ __ ] packed but
and my schedule is so [ __ ] packed but I'm hoping I have like literally a
I'm hoping I have like literally a one-day literally I can go out to run
one-day literally I can go out to run the race and fly back ah so I - that one
the race and fly back ah so I - that one is a race it is I think the 17th or 18th
is a race it is I think the 17th or 18th or 19th it's in that it is that weekend
or 19th it's in that it is that weekend right in there that's a rare return to a
right in there that's a rare return to a race I mean other than bad water
race I mean other than bad water I've been there three times already yeah
I've been there three times already yeah oh you don't hurt three times on oh you
oh you don't hurt three times on oh you have okay yeah I've done three times and
have okay yeah I've done three times and I haven't done a hundred mile race since
I haven't done a hundred mile race since that bad water 2013 I've done I've done
that bad water 2013 I've done I've done several ultras but 200 mile distant you
several ultras but 200 mile distant you know my bias wasn't just not there it's
know my bias wasn't just not there it's there now but now my schedule is so busy
there now but now my schedule is so busy but I said it's almost time man right
but I said it's almost time man right but I feel like bad waters your [ __ ] it
but I feel like bad waters your [ __ ] it is the one that stands out amongst
is the one that stands out amongst everything as the thing you're always
everything as the thing you're always trying to master it it was funny about
trying to master it it was funny about that I'm just now getting to a point now
that I'm just now getting to a point now where I'm being I'm gonna be real
where I'm being I'm gonna be real dangerous nice to meet you out there
dangerous nice to meet you out there well listen man you're 43 now right 43
well listen man you're 43 now right 43 your prime I am you know this is this
your prime I am you know this is this the problem my life is my problem ultra
the problem my life is my problem ultra life
life 43 it was my best year was it yeah I
43 it was my best year was it yeah I mean it's your your radon uncoil man I
mean it's your your radon uncoil man I think I I believe so I don't want to the
think I I believe so I don't want to the biggest challenge for you now is that
biggest challenge for you now is that your life is so big and that's the thing
your life is so big and that's the thing that I used to be this underground know
that I used to be this underground know and the monk is what gave me my strength
and the monk is what gave me my strength I was underground much quiet so much
I was underground much quiet so much quiet in my life I saw all the noise out
quiet in my life I saw all the noise out you're that guy in the corner with the
you're that guy in the corner with the hoodie on that's me man yeah
hoodie on that's me man yeah that's me that's mirus dangerous
that's me that's mirus dangerous [ __ ] try to man
so so we can expect another bad water appearance oh for sure yeah for sure
appearance oh for sure yeah for sure that is that that
that is that that this will not end this will not end
this will not end this will not end without that [ __ ] right there
without that [ __ ] right there yeah well I want to I want to pivot a
yeah well I want to I want to pivot a little bit and talk about the takeaways
little bit and talk about the takeaways here for for the reader I mean we talked
here for for the reader I mean we talked about the accountability mirror a little
about the accountability mirror a little bit we talked about visualization and
bit we talked about visualization and taking souls but let's talk a little bit
taking souls but let's talk a little bit about how journaling has been
about how journaling has been instrumental in this journey that you've
instrumental in this journey that you've been on yeah so basically I've been
been on yeah so basically I've been journaling now for several years and I
journaling now for several years and I should have bought my journal with me
should have bought my journal with me man I mean I have several of them had
man I mean I have several of them had these little green military notebooks
these little green military notebooks that I've kept actually put a couple in
that I've kept actually put a couple in the in the book they're coming right out
the in the book they're coming right out but I write down my day and what I do is
but I write down my day and what I do is I go back and study that day like
I go back and study that day like sometimes I might I might get sick I
sometimes I might I might get sick I might be over trained I might gain a
might be over trained I might gain a couple pounds here I might feel it
couple pounds here I might feel it whatever that and then I it's like my
whatever that and then I it's like my accountability journal of what I'm doing
accountability journal of what I'm doing with my life physical mental I had
with my life physical mental I had eating journal all this [ __ ] and helped
eating journal all this [ __ ] and helped me go back to once again study I'm a lab
me go back to once again study I'm a lab rat and I study myself I'm like not
rat and I study myself I'm like not feeling [ __ ] up I go okay what I do
feeling [ __ ] up I go okay what I do last week and usually I can find out
last week and usually I can find out where I messed up last week you know how
where I messed up last week you know how much time travel I want some sleep and
much time travel I want some sleep and how much I'm doing all this stuff and
how much I'm doing all this stuff and and through journaling man you can
and through journaling man you can really figure out so much about where
really figure out so much about where you're messing up in life and what you
you're messing up in life and what you need to fix about yourself taking
need to fix about yourself taking constant inventory costing honest about
constant inventory costing honest about that and that's thing about you cannot
that and that's thing about you cannot put [ __ ] in there yeah it's gotta be
put [ __ ] in there yeah it's gotta be a real a real journal about hey today I
a real a real journal about hey today I messed up here today I should have been
messed up here today I should have been a better person here and not just saying
a better person here and not just saying it but actually trying to fix it
it but actually trying to fix it tomorrow do you extend that
tomorrow do you extend that accountability to including like
accountability to including like bringing in like a close circle of
bringing in like a close circle of friends and mentors so they know what's
friends and mentors so they know what's going on or are you just accountable to
going on or are you just accountable to yourself like if somebody's looking at
yourself like if somebody's looking at this and saying well I could do that but
this and saying well I could do that but how do you feel about letting others in
how do you feel about letting others in on your goals and and and having like
on your goals and and and having like external pressure to hold you
external pressure to hold you accountable no there's no external
accountable no there's no external pressure that's that's we don't need it
pressure that's that's we don't need it no you don't I mean but I think other
no you don't I mean but I think other people oh yeah oh yeah
people oh yeah oh yeah it no it's important to have circles
it no it's important to have circles it's important to have like like I
it's important to have like like I talked about man like like that big
talked about man like like that big rabbit hole of bad people that you want
rabbit hole of bad people that you want to get away from like if you're a drunk
to get away from like if you're a drunk you want to stop drinking you gotta get
you want to stop drinking you gotta get away from those people you want to build
away from those people you want to build this nucleus around you of people who
this nucleus around you of people who are saying it's not okay to sleep in
are saying it's not okay to sleep in today
today we gotta get after it hey let me see
we gotta get after it hey let me see your journal you're supposed to be
your journal you're supposed to be running five miles they only ran three
running five miles they only ran three you got to have those people some people
you got to have those people some people need those people hmm
need those people hmm and it's important but you want to get
and it's important but you want to get to the point in your life it's real
to the point in your life it's real important that you hold yourself
important that you hold yourself accountable and those people start to
accountable and those people start to fade away because you now got it you
fade away because you now got it you want to be that person cuz they're not
want to be that person cuz they're not always gonna be there to hold your hand
always gonna be there to hold your hand mm-hmm talk to me about the cookie jar
mm-hmm talk to me about the cookie jar one of the most powerful weapons I have
one of the most powerful weapons I have man as a cookie jar and in times of need
man as a cookie jar and in times of need even the hardest person forgets how
even the hardest person forgets how badass they are so I've been through a
badass they are so I've been through a lot of [ __ ] in my life when you're going
lot of [ __ ] in my life when you're going through a hard time right now you forget
through a hard time right now you forget all the hardship you when doored
all the hardship you when doored so the cookie jar is a reminder that oh
so the cookie jar is a reminder that oh I can get through this hard time right
I can get through this hard time right now but you got to take a second or two
now but you got to take a second or two to reach into the mental cookie jar
to reach into the mental cookie jar let's say it's a fortune cookie
let's say it's a fortune cookie but in my mind my mom is about these
but in my mind my mom is about these cookies knowing the cookie jar and
cookies knowing the cookie jar and there's an Oreo chips or whatever that's
there's an Oreo chips or whatever that's why got the cookie jar from but you got
why got the cookie jar from but you got to open up and say okay man I was in
to open up and say okay man I was in three Hill weeks and I got through two
three Hill weeks and I got through two of them you know I was in Ranger school
of them you know I was in Ranger school I I endured being called [ __ ] I saw
I I endured being called [ __ ] I saw these beatings I you know my mom
these beatings I you know my mom soon-to-be husband got got murdered I
soon-to-be husband got got murdered I saw all these I saw a little kid hair
saw all these I saw a little kid hair get read about all these things aren't
get read about all these things aren't do it alone I had to remind myself of
do it alone I had to remind myself of the strength and the power that I have
the strength and the power that I have that it's in me it's just a reminder of
that it's in me it's just a reminder of how badass you are
how badass you are in hard times because you know we just
in hard times because you know we just forget that that bad time consumes our
forget that that bad time consumes our mind and we forget who we are
mind and we forget who we are torching complacency you have to do that
torching complacency you have to do that every day man a lot of us are very you
every day man a lot of us are very you become complacent you become very
become complacent you become very civilized in life
civilized in life you know the worst thing that can happen
you know the worst thing that can happen to a person you become civilized you get
to a person you become civilized you get to that point where you believe that
to that point where you believe that you've arrived were you my god man I'm
you've arrived were you my god man I'm up there near Michelle Obama on my book
up there near Michelle Obama on my book I've done it man mm-hmm
I've done it man mm-hmm I'm good you can coast I can't I'm good
I'm good you can coast I can't I'm good enough to do her I got played your man
enough to do her I got played your man cards to [ __ ] do out to be a wildland
cards to [ __ ] do out to be a wildland firefighter man I retire for the milk I
firefighter man I retire for the milk I think I could go out there and dig fire
think I could go out there and dig fire line for three miles on 43 mouths done
line for three miles on 43 mouths done it you should just be flying first class
it you should just be flying first class everywhere every blue in speech isn't
everywhere every blue in speech isn't getting paid crazy caffeine in a hotel
getting paid crazy caffeine in a hotel kickin it man and that's exactly when
kickin it man and that's exactly when it's over that mindset right there to
it's over that mindset right there to meet his death I'm not saying you can go
meet his death I'm not saying you can go as hard as you did when you were 20 or
as hard as you did when you were 20 or not 43 but there's a new bar that you
not 43 but there's a new bar that you must always set in your life and once
must always set in your life and once you become complacent and you become
you become complacent and you become civilized you've arrived you no good for
civilized you've arrived you no good for anybody and how do you keep that bar
anybody and how do you keep that bar high when most challenges now I would
high when most challenges now I would imagine seem trivial compared to what
imagine seem trivial compared to what you've endured they are I go back to the
you've endured they are I go back to the sewer in the sewers at $7 a month place
sewer in the sewers at $7 a month place I once lived in as a young kid so even
I once lived in as a young kid so even though mentally mentally mentally and I
though mentally mentally mentally and I always talked about it I'll talk about
always talked about it I'll talk about I'm always paying rent and that $7 month
I'm always paying rent and that $7 month place where I grew up in that nasty
place where I grew up in that nasty little place I grew up in I remember it
little place I grew up in I remember it I remember like it was yesterday and I'm
I remember like it was yesterday and I'm glad I do I never want to forget the
glad I do I never want to forget the dungeon of where I come from even though
dungeon of where I come from even though it's real spooky and scary and there's
it's real spooky and scary and there's no lights on in there there's cobwebs
no lights on in there there's cobwebs and some creepy [ __ ] in there
and some creepy [ __ ] in there some demons all those [ __ ] in
some demons all those [ __ ] in there made me dragons may be Who I am
there made me dragons may be Who I am today that's where the strength came
today that's where the strength came from you got to go back to the beginning
from you got to go back to the beginning to to the fundamentals of life to the
to to the fundamentals of life to the very fundamentals that we're all like
very fundamentals that we're all like playing basketball you gotta go back to
playing basketball you gotta go back to the fundamentals you just know you can't
the fundamentals you just know you can't always just stay up here you got to go
always just stay up here you got to go back to scratch that's a that challenge
back to scratch that's a that challenge becomes staying in tune with that that's
becomes staying in tune with that that's right you know what I mean because
right you know what I mean because life's getting better and easier for you
life's getting better and easier for you and bigger and there's more demands on
and bigger and there's more demands on your time and like people are throwing
your time and like people are throwing really
really cool fun shitty yeah I'm always asked my
cool fun shitty yeah I'm always asked my fiance my conversation on a weekly basis
fiance my conversation on a weekly basis is I cannot get away from who the [ __ ] I
is I cannot get away from who the [ __ ] I am Who I am
am Who I am is who I'm proud of I'm very proud of
is who I'm proud of I'm very proud of the hard-working calloused hands
the hard-working calloused hands calloused mine human being that I
calloused mine human being that I literally made this person with a lot of
literally made this person with a lot of help from above a lot of guidance from
help from above a lot of guidance from saying you're gonna go left and you
saying you're gonna go left and you should go right that horrible voice that
should go right that horrible voice that wouldn't let me get away from myself and
wouldn't let me get away from myself and hide forever I listen to it I listen to
hide forever I listen to it I listen to it and the only way you can set the
it and the only way you can set the example is you have to always be willing
example is you have to always be willing to work
to work I don't follow people who talk about
I don't follow people who talk about what they used to do in life look if
what they used to do in life look if [ __ ] what you used to do I don't care
[ __ ] what you used to do I don't care that you know you used to be the best
that you know you used to be the best mother I don't care what are you doing
mother I don't care what are you doing today you may not be that person now but
today you may not be that person now but what are you still doing - trying to
what are you still doing - trying to excel in life and a lot of people now
excel in life and a lot of people now are talking I hear so much talk I don't
are talking I hear so much talk I don't hear a lot of work I hear like people
hear a lot of work I hear like people telling you what you should be doing how
telling you what you should be doing how you should be doing it how you should be
you should be doing it how you should be [ __ ] living and I look at them and
[ __ ] living and I look at them and you're fat you're out of shape you look
you're fat you're out of shape you look like [ __ ] but you're telling a
like [ __ ] but you're telling a [ __ ] how to live no man I won't
[ __ ] how to live no man I won't listen to you there's so many people
listen to you there's so many people speak in this [ __ ] and that's what
speak in this [ __ ] and that's what bothered me a lot in the military
bothered me a lot in the military there's a lot of people talking [ __ ] I
there's a lot of people talking [ __ ] I don't see the real suffering behind it
don't see the real suffering behind it behind what you're saying
behind what you're saying everybody said man you talk with
everybody said man you talk with someone's past because it's a real
someone's past because it's a real [ __ ] place it sucks to get in the
[ __ ] place it sucks to get in the morning something it was raining like
morning something it was raining like cats and dogs I don't get my shoes on go
cats and dogs I don't get my shoes on go run but guess what I got my [ __ ] on the
run but guess what I got my [ __ ] on the rain yeah got that mother bigquery's
rain yeah got that mother bigquery's like is the vision that's coming into my
like is the vision that's coming into my mind is like is Jake LaMotta at the end
mind is like is Jake LaMotta at the end of raging ball when he's all fat and
of raging ball when he's all fat and he's staring himself in in his own lack
he's staring himself in in his own lack of accountability mirror right right
of accountability mirror right right like drunk and talking about the good
like drunk and talking about the good old days right there are no good old
old days right there are no good old days man no no good old days you got ya
days man no no good old days you got ya go back and use it for strength man but
go back and use it for strength man but it's where you at now I think the most
it's where you at now I think the most one of the most empowering
one of the most empowering takeaways challenges that you pose in
takeaways challenges that you pose in the book
the book is the schedule that in thing man
is the schedule that in thing man because the biggest thing that I hear
because the biggest thing that I hear and I know you must hear constantly
and I know you must hear constantly every single day is like can't I don't
every single day is like can't I don't have time man you don't know my life I
have time man you don't know my life I got this I got that I got this it's just
got this I got that I got this it's just it's not gonna happen for me right which
it's not gonna happen for me right which you don't have is you haven't
you don't have is you haven't prioritized your life correctly we all
prioritized your life correctly we all have time we all have time what you've
have time we all have time what you've done wrong is that you you didn't
done wrong is that you you didn't prioritize yourself you didn't put eyes
prioritize yourself you didn't put eyes that look [ __ ] I gotta get up
that look [ __ ] I gotta get up and win this war today against myself I
and win this war today against myself I need you look better I need you feel
need you look better I need you feel better to eat better I need to
better to eat better I need to prioritize time or I gotta run a hundred
prioritize time or I gotta run a hundred miles on broken feet or you got do
miles on broken feet or you got do whatever it is that's it that's it man
whatever it is that's it that's it man there's a lot of growth from that [ __ ] I
there's a lot of growth from that [ __ ] I like this idea of you know doing taking
like this idea of you know doing taking this inventory tool and applying it to
this inventory tool and applying it to how you're spending your time throughout
how you're spending your time throughout the day you know I talk about this a lot
the day you know I talk about this a lot and you went into detail in this
and you went into detail in this challenge about look man if you if you
challenge about look man if you if you actually write down how you're spending
actually write down how you're spending your time throughout the day over a
your time throughout the day over a seven day period you're gonna mean it's
seven day period you're gonna mean it's crazy cuz I thought I was being pretty
crazy cuz I thought I was being pretty efficient with my time and I've done
efficient with my time and I've done this and it's just amazing how much time
this and it's just amazing how much time is wasted that you're not even
is wasted that you're not even consciously aware of unreal how much
consciously aware of unreal how much time you waste during the day and most
time you waste during the day and most of it is on these [ __ ] computers
of it is on these [ __ ] computers phones you know instagramming back and
phones you know instagramming back and forth whatever the hook eCollege [ __ ]
forth whatever the hook eCollege [ __ ] nowadays tweeting and texting the [ __ ]
nowadays tweeting and texting the [ __ ] we waste so much time on our little
we waste so much time on our little gadgets it's unreal every time but we
gadgets it's unreal every time but we have no time if you really think you
have no time if you really think you have to take your day and write write
have to take your day and write write down this one day everything you do
down this one day everything you do write that down and you like my god I am
write that down and you like my god I am wasting so much time on frivolous
wasting so much time on frivolous [ __ ] not funny I mean it will it
[ __ ] not funny I mean it will it doesn't infuriate you it should because
doesn't infuriate you it should because there's so much time I can't get it in
there's so much time I can't get it in look at your schedule just wasted seven
look at your schedule just wasted seven hours today on [ __ ] I mean you'll
hours today on [ __ ] I mean you'll have an hour a day to try to get
have an hour a day to try to get something in for yourself
something in for yourself I guarantee everybody can find an hour
I guarantee everybody can find an hour then it becomes about willingness yeah
then it becomes about willingness yeah because no just there's harder they're
because no just there's harder they're not willing to get up that early to you
not willing to get up that early to you know make those sacrifices required so
know make those sacrifices required so it's a function of how badly do you want
it's a function of how badly do you want to change your life and what are you
to change your life and what are you willing to endure
willing to endure to craft that life that you aspire to
to craft that life that you aspire to have or do you just want to talk about
have or do you just want to talk about it yeah I mean it's [ __ ] miserable it
it yeah I mean it's [ __ ] miserable it is miserable
is miserable I mean to get up every day or five days
I mean to get up every day or five days a week whatever when it's snowing Shani
a week whatever when it's snowing Shani not not shiny not not comfortable and to
not not shiny not not comfortable and to go into gym and workout when you don't
go into gym and workout when you don't want to go to gym it is not fun well and
want to go to gym it is not fun well and we're in a culture that that is driving
we're in a culture that that is driving everybody towards this idea that
everybody towards this idea that happiness is purchased through luxury
happiness is purchased through luxury comfort and ease how true that could not
comfort and ease how true that could not be you know more different from that
be you know more different from that reality that if you want to find peace
reality that if you want to find peace with yourself self understanding self
with yourself self understanding self knowledge self esteem all of these
knowledge self esteem all of these things are going to be found only
things are going to be found only through sacrifice getting uncomfortable
through sacrifice getting uncomfortable reevaluating what your normal is and and
reevaluating what your normal is and and putting yourself in situations that you
putting yourself in situations that you don't want to [ __ ] do yes and we want
don't want to [ __ ] do yes and we want it very fast if you don't see results in
it very fast if you don't see results in the first two days or the first week I'm
the first two days or the first week I'm done that's the mentality of most people
done that's the mentality of most people their struggle is too real we're not
their struggle is too real we're not patient we like in the world where you
patient we like in the world where you can google the best restaurants around
can google the best restaurants around me right now no one is patient and for
me right now no one is patient and for you to lose weight for you to stop drink
you to lose weight for you to stop drink if you where the hell you're going
if you where the hell you're going through it takes a lot of patience a lot
through it takes a lot of patience a lot of time and a lot of pitfalls a lot of
of time and a lot of pitfalls a lot of plateaus you can hit so many [ __ ]
plateaus you can hit so many [ __ ] plateaus if you don't know how to get
plateaus if you don't know how to get around that plateau it's not gonna
around that plateau it's not gonna happen fast mm-hmm yeah everybody wants
happen fast mm-hmm yeah everybody wants the hack yeah everybody must there is no
the hack yeah everybody must there is no hack man
hack man there's no hack what do you think is the
there's no hack what do you think is the biggest stumbling block that most people
biggest stumbling block that most people face with this kind of journey honestly
face with this kind of journey honestly is they have the well with me mentality
is they have the well with me mentality it's too hard life isn't fair these
it's too hard life isn't fair these things in life are not easy for me you
things in life are not easy for me you you you look to your left you look to
you you look to your left you look to your right and you start to judge
your right and you start to judge yourself off other people like if you're
yourself off other people like if you're a female she's skinny she doesn't work
a female she's skinny she doesn't work out as hard as I do and everything
out as hard as I do and everything starts to corrupt your mind you start to
starts to corrupt your mind you start to look around too much other people what
look around too much other people what they're doing and that starts to corrupt
they're doing and that starts to corrupt your own dialogue we are judging
your own dialogue we are judging ourselves against too many [ __ ]
ourselves against too many [ __ ] people you have to judge yourself
people you have to judge yourself against yourself and that's the one
against yourself and that's the one thing I started learning this in the
thing I started learning this in the race against me and rich roll this
race against me and rich roll this racing is David Goggins and David
racing is David Goggins and David Goggins alone if once you can silence
Goggins alone if once you can silence all that [ __ ] all the outside
all that [ __ ] all the outside interference and things that are
interference and things that are attracting your mind to everything you
attracting your mind to everything you can then start to grow and realize and
can then start to grow and realize and I'm stressed out for no reason this is a
I'm stressed out for no reason this is a whole little race there's no little time
whole little race there's no little time line and this time we run it I think
line and this time we run it I think that so many people are so disconnected
that so many people are so disconnected from themselves they're operating on
from themselves they're operating on autopilot they're reacting to their
autopilot they're reacting to their environment that even when given the
environment that even when given the opportunity to set a goal for themselves
opportunity to set a goal for themselves they generally don't set the right goal
they generally don't set the right goal right because they don't know what the
right because they don't know what the [ __ ] they're doing because they don't
[ __ ] they're doing because they don't even know who they are fundamentally
even know who they are fundamentally that's the big thing man and that's why
that's the big thing man and that's why it was important for me to finally
it was important for me to finally realize stop being all this fake people
realize stop being all this fake people I used to be stop being afraid there was
I used to be stop being afraid there was no growth until I cut myself down to
no growth until I cut myself down to nothing to the person I really was the
nothing to the person I really was the real human being and once I found out
real human being and once I found out who I really was
who I really was that's when I started growing I was
that's when I started growing I was trying to build on top of a lied
trying to build on top of a lied fucked-up foundation you can't build a
fucked-up foundation you can't build a house in the [ __ ] up foundation so I
house in the [ __ ] up foundation so I had to get down to the actual mineral
had to get down to the actual mineral soil of who I was naturally you can
soil of who I was naturally you can start real growth and what is the role
start real growth and what is the role that suffering plays in that or the
that suffering plays in that or the willingness to suffer it starts to peel
willingness to suffer it starts to peel all those layers away all those
all those layers away all those artificial layers away if you're willing
artificial layers away if you're willing to suffer and suffer and go back in the
to suffer and suffer and go back in the grind that internal dialog you have with
grind that internal dialog you have with yourself when you're in misery and
yourself when you're in misery and you're uncomfortable it's a real scary
you're uncomfortable it's a real scary unfiltered no lying dialogue between you
unfiltered no lying dialogue between you and yourself and people know exactly
and yourself and people know exactly what the [ __ ] I'm talking about when
what the [ __ ] I'm talking about when you're in a bad spot in life and your
you're in a bad spot in life and your mind is saying all kind of [ __ ] that's
mind is saying all kind of [ __ ] that's who you really are that's too real you
who you really are that's too real you know Rocky Balboa moments going on up
know Rocky Balboa moments going on up there like hey you know it's around 14
there like hey you know it's around 14 that's come on we got this no
that's come on we got this no like [ __ ] this I'm out here man it's
like [ __ ] this I'm out here man it's crazy that's where the growth happens
crazy that's where the growth happens when you're able to stay in that moment
when you're able to stay in that moment and talk to yourself talking yourself
and talk to yourself talking yourself back into the suck of wherever you're
back into the suck of wherever you're going through and you started stripping
going through and you started stripping those layers away but as you're
those layers away but as you're stripping those layers away you're
stripping those layers away you're building calluses over top of [ __ ] in
building calluses over top of [ __ ] in your mind that's where the growth starts
your mind that's where the growth starts to happen is when you have to force
to happen is when you have to force yourself to stay in it
yourself to stay in it you can't you can't leave it that's why
you can't you can't leave it that's why ultras are such a great vehicle for self
ultras are such a great vehicle for self exploration and that's why you see all
exploration and that's why you see all of these cultures over the millennia
of these cultures over the millennia that you talk about in your book who use
that you talk about in your book who use running as a means of self exploration
running as a means of self exploration and a path to enlightenment because you
and a path to enlightenment because you can't [ __ ] yourself when you're
can't [ __ ] yourself when you're getting it strips you down to who you
getting it strips you down to who you are and you could you are confronted
are and you could you are confronted with the truth of yourself and your
with the truth of yourself and your reality and you're forced to wrestle
reality and you're forced to wrestle with that yes in a way where there's no
with that yes in a way where there's no escape hatch you know like that first
escape hatch you know like that first hundred mile race I've talked about
hundred mile race I've talked about several times where I lost all yeah all
several times where I lost all yeah all every still the hardest physical thing
every still the hardest physical thing you've ever done right yes physically
you've ever done right yes physically mentally because like you just said I
mentally because like you just said I was unprepared for that race no training
was unprepared for that race no training just recap it like zero training there
just recap it like zero training there were 300 miles so that you could impress
were 300 miles so that you could impress Chris Kaufman it's too hard to get in
Chris Kaufman it's too hard to get in the bad water pretty much right and what
the bad water pretty much right and what about impressing that guy fighting me
about impressing that guy fighting me well you needed him to sign I need you
well you needed him to sign I need you to sign off on it and it was like three
to sign off on it and it was like three days later I'm in a hundred mile race no
days later I'm in a hundred mile race no train at all and when you do that it is
train at all and when you do that it is stupid but what it does if you're not
stupid but what it does if you're not gonna quit it like you just talked about
gonna quit it like you just talked about it breaks you down to nothing
it breaks you down to nothing you are suffering so badly mentally and
you are suffering so badly mentally and physically that all of these demons are
physically that all of these demons are coming up and you trying to find answers
coming up and you trying to find answers and you're trying to find answers it it
and you're trying to find answers it it was like live in 19 hours it's like five
was like live in 19 hours it's like five years I put in two 19 hours of highs and
years I put in two 19 hours of highs and lows and pitfalls and and and seeing the
lows and pitfalls and and and seeing the Sun come up and it was like my god I
Sun come up and it was like my god I live five years in 19 hours it was
live five years in 19 hours it was unbelievable
unbelievable it was unbelievable so do you find
it was unbelievable so do you find yourself chasing that now with every
yourself chasing that now with every ultra challenge no because
ultra challenge no because once you realize what you get from ultra
once you realize what you get from ultra which you get from life I can apply that
which you get from life I can apply that now just by sitting here with you
now just by sitting here with you you know those tools now I don't need to
you know those tools now I don't need to go out even though I still do it and go
go out even though I still do it and go out and Hammer the hammering part is
out and Hammer the hammering part is like you know it's like a purging of the
like you know it's like a purging of the soul you go out there and hammer out
soul you go out there and hammer out there you got to do that everyone's
there you got to do that everyone's wrong you got a hammer man you gotta ya
wrong you got a hammer man you gotta ya get after it but now I figured out so
get after it but now I figured out so many different ways and so many
many different ways and so many different tools through all of the
different tools through all of the journeys I've been through through just
journeys I've been through through just growing up man just just be mature you
growing up man just just be mature you know just just being really mature and
know just just being really mature and now holding on hey you know really
now holding on hey you know really really just letting all that [ __ ] go man
really just letting all that [ __ ] go man and it starting from scratch and let's
and it starting from scratch and let's go let's go for how do you let it go I
go let's go for how do you let it go I don't think enough about people that
don't think enough about people that have let that have wronged me or
have let that have wronged me or situations that have wronged me because
situations that have wronged me because once you've ER once you've come to a
once you've ER once you've come to a place where you are really happy with
place where you are really happy with who you are in life no one [ __ ] with
who you are in life no one [ __ ] with you anymore even though they're [ __ ]
you anymore even though they're [ __ ] with you it doesn't [ __ ] what it doesn't
with you it doesn't [ __ ] what it doesn't [ __ ] with you you know like all these
[ __ ] with you you know like all these eyes would be so hurt by everything in
eyes would be so hurt by everything in the military and if someone did
the military and if someone did Somerset's I'm like man I've overcome so
Somerset's I'm like man I've overcome so much [ __ ] there's not like I'm this in
much [ __ ] there's not like I'm this in the really good headspace right now my
the really good headspace right now my headspace I own it a lot of people own
headspace I own it a lot of people own other people's headspace I owe my own
other people's headspace I owe my own [ __ ] now what do you mean oh no like
[ __ ] now what do you mean oh no like that they're just all caught up and what
that they're just all caught up and what other people think about them and
other people think about them and running all these narratives and that's
running all these narratives and that's right there they're more caught up in
right there they're more caught up in what other people think about them then
what other people think about them then how you feel about your own personal
how you feel about your own personal self so a lot of people have their brain
self so a lot of people have their brain in their mind on rent too whole bunch of
in their mind on rent too whole bunch of [ __ ] in world I am paying rent
[ __ ] in world I am paying rent on my own [ __ ] I finally put an ounce
on my own [ __ ] I finally put an ounce downpayment on it and I'm making
downpayment on it and I'm making payments everyday going day on my own
payments everyday going day on my own [ __ ] brain so you own you don't
[ __ ] brain so you own you don't [ __ ] control that [ __ ] anymore man I
[ __ ] control that [ __ ] anymore man I got it so walk me through a day in the
got it so walk me through a day in the life what's it look like right now well
life what's it look like right now well I mean it's got to be crazy right now I
I mean it's got to be crazy right now I leave here and I fly out to Oregon and
leave here and I fly out to Oregon and I'll be an organ with Cameron Haynes
I'll be an organ with Cameron Haynes we'll be getting after for a few days a
we'll be getting after for a few days a lot more podcast lot more interviews but
lot more podcast lot more interviews but every day
every day every morning I get up I still get my
every morning I get up I still get my run in every morning how do you
run in every morning how do you structure the training the training is
structure the training the training is basically structured off of my schedule
basically structured off of my schedule so look at my schedule yeah that's okay
so look at my schedule yeah that's okay Jennifer would we have today we have
Jennifer would we have today we have this at 7 o'clock in the morning Roger
this at 7 o'clock in the morning Roger that that means I gotta be up by 4
that that means I gotta be up by 4 o'clock in the morning to run that's how
o'clock in the morning to run that's how it works that's how all my [ __ ] works
it works that's how all my [ __ ] works so she lays out the schedule of events
so she lays out the schedule of events to out you just you just set it two
to out you just you just set it two hours earlier she says it could take an
hours earlier she says it could take an hour to get to rich rolls let's say we
hour to get to rich rolls let's say we were at 7 o'clock today in the morning
were at 7 o'clock today in the morning it takes an hour to get to rich rolls
it takes an hour to get to rich rolls with no traffic ok that's that's
with no traffic ok that's that's blocking an hour 15 for rich roll okay
blocking an hour 15 for rich roll okay we got that good morning tom I'm gonna
we got that good morning tom I'm gonna run 7 miles this morning I need 52:34
run 7 miles this morning I need 52:34 that Roger that put in [ __ ] shower shave
that Roger that put in [ __ ] shower shave add that in so the schedule dictates but
add that in so the schedule dictates but I have all the [ __ ] back right so that
I have all the [ __ ] back right so that means getting up at 1:30 trust me
means getting up at 1:30 trust me Roger that I've done that several times
Roger that I've done that several times yeah several how much sleep do you
yeah several how much sleep do you usually get I like getting 7 to 8 hours
usually get I like getting 7 to 8 hours of sleep nowadays I can do that but
of sleep nowadays I can do that but there's times where the schedule says
there's times where the schedule says hey man you're getting three hours and
hey man you're getting three hours and if that's the case right Merry Christmas
if that's the case right Merry Christmas one of the things I felt that that maybe
one of the things I felt that that maybe Joe Rogan didn't quite grasp was why you
Joe Rogan didn't quite grasp was why you would go out and become this wildland
would go out and become this wildland fire from this stage in your life right
fire from this stage in your life right yeah yeah yeah I'm looking at face like
yeah yeah yeah I'm looking at face like what the [ __ ] that's once again going
what the [ __ ] that's once again going back to the roots going back to Who I am
back to the roots going back to Who I am who how I became Who I am today and it
who how I became Who I am today and it comes back from hard work it comes back
comes back from hard work it comes back from having that very minimalistic
from having that very minimalistic mindset and when you're out there man
mindset and when you're out there man and you're 43 and I've accomplished a
and you're 43 and I've accomplished a lot of [ __ ] you got there with some 20
lot of [ __ ] you got there with some 20 year old kids and you're nobody again
year old kids and you're nobody again being nobody there's a lot of power and
being nobody there's a lot of power and being nobody there's a lot of power from
being nobody there's a lot of power from going to scratch again and going back
going to scratch again and going back out there picking up a Pulaski and just
out there picking up a Pulaski and just digging fireline you're just another guy
digging fireline you're just another guy on the line digging a fire line and no
on the line digging a fire line and no one you know there's no
one you know there's no text message there's no my god David can
text message there's no my god David can you sign my book
you sign my book no I [ __ ] get your ass out there
no I [ __ ] get your ass out there it's like being in Army Ranger School I
it's like being in Army Ranger School I do where all the titles are removed
do where all the titles are removed removed that's executives man and I take
removed that's executives man and I take a I've always lived that lifestyle I
a I've always lived that lifestyle I always talk about living day one week
always talk about living day one week one I started day one week one of buds
one I started day one week one of buds so many [ __ ] times and when you hear
so many [ __ ] times and when you hear that your heart is crumbling [ __ ] they
that your heart is crumbling [ __ ] they want week one again man I could go
want week one again man I could go through all that [ __ ] again like I said
through all that [ __ ] again like I said it became my new norm and I found so
it became my new norm and I found so much growth in that day one week one
much growth in that day one week one mentality but what I did wrong I tried
mentality but what I did wrong I tried to put that mentality on a lot of people
to put that mentality on a lot of people and they don't want it yeah what do you
and they don't want it yeah what do you think people most misunderstand about
think people most misunderstand about your story I'm not happy um what the
your story I'm not happy um what the biggest thing is they say look at his
biggest thing is they say look at his eyes
eyes look at his eyes man have you seen his
look at his eyes man have you seen his eyes says he has demons in his eyes like
eyes says he has demons in his eyes like someone happy I'm like there's a lot of
someone happy I'm like there's a lot of projection you know and I see something
projection you know and I see something to see I think that the biggest thing is
to see I think that the biggest thing is I'm not happy I'm not I'm not fulfilled
I'm not happy I'm not I'm not fulfilled you know all this [ __ ]
you know all this [ __ ] they're so missing the point man what
they're so missing the point man what they see in me is a very focused driven
they see in me is a very focused driven human being who found a buried [ __ ]
human being who found a buried [ __ ] treasure within himself
treasure within himself now many people found it so the jury I'm
now many people found it so the jury I'm on is very different than most people as
on is very different than most people as well judge people I say that many times
well judge people I say that many times I don't judge people I'm judged a lot
I don't judge people I'm judged a lot about how I look my eyes might not smile
about how I look my eyes might not smile all the time not laughing not joking and
all the time not laughing not joking and that's the big I'm a funny [ __ ]
that's the big I'm a funny [ __ ] big-time but guess what
big-time but guess what right now it's easy to be happy it's
right now it's easy to be happy it's easy to smile those are the good times -
easy to smile those are the good times - good times
good times hmm those times don't need to be trained
hmm those times don't need to be trained you know how to train myself for good
you know how to train myself for good times those times for most people don't
times those times for most people don't need be trained when I'm trying to give
need be trained when I'm trying to give you all is the misery of sometimes we go
you all is the misery of sometimes we go through in life those are times we might
through in life those are times we might want to [ __ ] talk about we want to
want to [ __ ] talk about we want to skip forward to peace that's this
skip forward to peace that's this [ __ ] [ __ ] all this that's a skip all
[ __ ] [ __ ] all this that's a skip all this pain and suffering and misery of
this pain and suffering and misery of real life let's
real life let's it's covered over nice big blanket and
it's covered over nice big blanket and that's fine piece no sorry it's not
that's fine piece no sorry it's not possible
possible got go into that [ __ ] hellhole of
got go into that [ __ ] hellhole of life that you have that [ __ ] you up and
life that you have that [ __ ] you up and fix it and that's what I'm here to do
fix it and that's what I'm here to do you gotta go to war with yourself before
you gotta go to war with yourself before there's peace that's what I say in the
there's peace that's what I say in the bush you say in the book you must go to
bush you say in the book you must go to war yourself before you find peace so
war yourself before you find peace so I'm trying to give you tools on how to
I'm trying to give you tools on how to do that and I'm not gonna sit and smile
do that and I'm not gonna sit and smile and be happy about it it's a hard
and be happy about it it's a hard journey it's a real journey it's a it's
journey it's a real journey it's a it's a journey that's gonna take you way
a journey that's gonna take you way outside of being comfortable you'd be
outside of being comfortable you'd be very very uncomfortable what we're
very very uncomfortable what we're what's what we're here to do very I mean
what's what we're here to do very I mean I love that we'll see that I love that
I love that we'll see that I love that story that you tell about you know
story that you tell about you know showing up at the pearly gates and
showing up at the pearly gates and wanting to be evaluated based upon your
wanting to be evaluated based upon your potential that's right I mean I believe
potential that's right I mean I believe we're here to grow and progress and
we're here to grow and progress and evolve and if you're not committed to
evolve and if you're not committed to that journey then I think you're missing
that journey then I think you're missing the beauty of life and that doesn't mean
the beauty of life and that doesn't mean it's easy cuz of [ __ ] ain't it is the
it's easy cuz of [ __ ] ain't it is the Warriors path truly how'd you percent
Warriors path truly how'd you percent but if you don't acclimate to
but if you don't acclimate to challenging yourself and facing
challenging yourself and facing obstacles and becoming better on a
obstacles and becoming better on a consistent daily basis then what the
consistent daily basis then what the [ __ ] are you doing I was it and
[ __ ] are you doing I was it and sometimes you have to put the obstacle
sometimes you have to put the obstacle in front of you that's why I went to be
in front of you that's why I went to be right so now life's good and easy so you
right so now life's good and easy so you have to create that's alright cuz I have
have to create that's alright cuz I have no office anymore man life is good so
no office anymore man life is good so I'm gonna go up to Montana or Wyoming or
I'm gonna go up to Montana or Wyoming or what's right you go to let go I go to
what's right you go to let go I go to Montana I said here's my obstacle so
Montana I said here's my obstacle so what your life gets easy and everything
what your life gets easy and everything is great it's time to go online and go
is great it's time to go online and go with some obstacles to put like two
with some obstacles to put like two [ __ ] five you and when you look back
[ __ ] five you and when you look back on your childhood and you think about
on your childhood and you think about your dad do you find peace with that do
your dad do you find peace with that do you find gratitude
you find gratitude 100% man for me to start this journey
100% man for me to start this journey that had to start how to go back to
that had to start how to go back to where it started from
where it started from and I I came from that man that man is a
and I I came from that man that man is a part of me I had to accept that had
part of me I had to accept that had accept that a lot of my insecurities by
accept that a lot of my insecurities by that man beaten
that man beaten why that man beat my mom why that man
why that man beat my mom why that man got in my head her bus said he had a
got in my head her bus said he had a [ __ ] up life I had to study him and I
[ __ ] up life I had to study him and I had to realize I had to find peace with
had to realize I had to find peace with all that I had to realize that what he
all that I had to realize that what he did like he hated me mm-hmm
did like he hated me mm-hmm he hate himself and so once you start to
he hate himself and so once you start to grow up and like I say take a different
grow up and like I say take a different vantage point I had to forgive that man
vantage point I had to forgive that man even though I didn't say sorry he never
even though I didn't say sorry he never said sorry we had our last conversation
said sorry we had our last conversation at 22 years old and he died about four
at 22 years old and he died about four or five years ago cause last time I
or five years ago cause last time I talked about 22 years old but he was
talked about 22 years old but he was able to see you become successful from a
able to see you become successful from a distance I think it hurt him I think it
distance I think it hurt him I think it hurt him because he saw me become a man
hurt him because he saw me become a man a man that he was very proud of and he'd
a man that he was very proud of and he'd had much to do with it but once again I
had much to do with it but once again I didn't hate him for he was the fuel
didn't hate him for he was the fuel beneath it all he was a lot of fuel man
beneath it all he was a lot of fuel man but once but I will say this anger was
but once but I will say this anger was never my fuel a lot of people think that
never my fuel a lot of people think that I would think that would be maybe a big
I would think that would be maybe a big misconception about it is it's easy to
misconception about it is it's easy to look at you and that guy's that guy is
look at you and that guy's that guy is lit up and resentment even back in the
lit up and resentment even back in the day so I gotta say I've never seen this
day so I gotta say I've never seen this before I was actually telling my fiancee
before I was actually telling my fiancee this the other day people think anger
this the other day people think anger with my [ __ ] fuel just so yeah anger
with my [ __ ] fuel just so yeah anger can be a fuel anger got me to look into
can be a fuel anger got me to look into things to become better I want to show
things to become better I want to show him but I'll tell you one thing when
him but I'll tell you one thing when you're suffering and your [ __ ] at the
you're suffering and your [ __ ] at the wit's end and you want to [ __ ] quit
wit's end and you want to [ __ ] quit that anger is gone brother
that anger is gone brother well it's also not a sustainable fuel
well it's also not a sustainable fuel lowers your mind is thinking about let's
lowers your mind is thinking about let's get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized
get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized this anger ain't [ __ ] I didn't think
this anger ain't [ __ ] I didn't think about my dad beat me up I need my kids
about my dad beat me up I need my kids coming [ __ ] I think about yeah [ __ ] I
coming [ __ ] I think about yeah [ __ ] I thought my man this [ __ ] water is
thought my man this [ __ ] water is cold as balls now get the [ __ ] out of
cold as balls now get the [ __ ] out of here so I realized anger was no fuel for
here so I realized anger was no fuel for me it may have got me to say I want to
me it may have got me to say I want to be somebody anger got me caught up in
be somebody anger got me caught up in some serious ego chips man yeah and on
some serious ego chips man yeah and on the subject of sustainable fuel sources
the subject of sustainable fuel sources motivations not your favorite motivation
motivations not your favorite motivation is just this Goggins he's so motivation
is just this Goggins he's so motivation motive
motive I'm so inspired and motivation has
I'm so inspired and motivation has killed a man is this killing liking all
killed a man is this killing liking all these fires that happen here in
these fires that happen here in California man so so tragic what
California man so so tragic what happened out here but those fires start
happened out here but those fires start by a little motivation and this if I'm
by a little motivation and this if I'm looking at mass like a like a little
looking at mass like a like a little spark starts these big fires it was so
spark starts these big fires it was so crazy that's why I look at motivation
crazy that's why I look at motivation motivations just a spark but those
motivations just a spark but those little sparks and something light comes
little sparks and something light comes by real quick with some water that fires
by real quick with some water that fires doubt this out but if you come by and
doubt this out but if you come by and that little fire no one touches it and
that little fire no one touches it and that little fire which is motivation
that little fire which is motivation which is kindling and that kindling
which is kindling and that kindling grows off - like they call it when our
grows off - like they call it when our fuels - our fuels 10 our fuels $10,000
fuels - our fuels 10 our fuels $10,000 fuels you want that thing to ball over
fuels you want that thing to ball over and catch a nice big log let's go burn a
and catch a nice big log let's go burn a long time and that big loss starts
long time and that big loss starts catching everything on fire this is your
catching everything on fire this is your soul so motivation a lot of times can be
soul so motivation a lot of times can be [ __ ] just put some water on it puts
[ __ ] just put some water on it puts it out that motivation is to turn into
it out that motivation is to turn into Drive passion obsession - what you want
Drive passion obsession - what you want to become and once they come obsession
to become and once they come obsession or driven it's a [ __ ] Inferno so now
or driven it's a [ __ ] Inferno so now you got calling tons of fire fires and
you got calling tons of fire fires and call them for help for here calling for
call them for help for here calling for help from there and they're not putting
help from there and they're not putting that [ __ ] out don't they can take that
that [ __ ] out don't they can take that thing out it's gotta burn itself out but
thing out it's gotta burn itself out but obsession is self generated you can feel
obsession is self generated you can feel another person to become obsessed though
another person to become obsessed though that has to you know be something that
that has to you know be something that is cultivated deep deep inside yourself
is cultivated deep deep inside yourself deep and most people never experience
deep and most people never experience what it's like to be obsessed and I
what it's like to be obsessed and I think we put a negative label we oh yeah
think we put a negative label we oh yeah on obsession oh yeah he's obsessed no
on obsession oh yeah he's obsessed no it's to me it's a it's a dead gone it's
it's to me it's a it's a dead gone it's a it's a compliment it's a compliment
a it's a compliment it's a compliment mad to be and a lot of times it can [ __ ]
mad to be and a lot of times it can [ __ ] you up it can ruin your life you could
you up it can ruin your life you could be upset but I'll tell you one thing if
be upset but I'll tell you one thing if you want to be great want to be bashed
you want to be great want to be bashed [ __ ] ever at what you do you
[ __ ] ever at what you do you could be misunderstood by everybody
could be misunderstood by everybody because you're gonna be so [ __ ]
because you're gonna be so [ __ ] obsessed and so driven to get there
obsessed and so driven to get there that's what it takes that's the trip
that's what it takes that's the trip takes every second of your [ __ ] life
takes every second of your [ __ ] life if anybody says balance yeah balance is
if anybody says balance yeah balance is important for a lot of [ __ ] people it
important for a lot of [ __ ] people it is but if you want to [ __ ] go to that
is but if you want to [ __ ] go to that edge
edge people do not like you don't understand
people do not like you don't understand you question everything you [ __ ] do
you question everything you [ __ ] do you you've arrived when you are
you you've arrived when you are misunderstood to the point where [ __ ]
misunderstood to the point where [ __ ] people think you're psycho and you're
people think you're psycho and you're nuts and you're this and that why are
nuts and you're this and that why are you in the [ __ ] gym at one o'clock in
you in the [ __ ] gym at one o'clock in the [ __ ] morning you've got through
the [ __ ] morning you've got through doing an OP for [ __ ] 13 14 hours at
doing an OP for [ __ ] 13 14 hours at the Ranger school man
the Ranger school man at the gym what's wrong you will never
at the gym what's wrong you will never understand what is wrong with me and
understand what is wrong with me and that's why I'm so [ __ ] glad you don't
that's why I'm so [ __ ] glad you don't cuz I'm in the right [ __ ] spot when
cuz I'm in the right [ __ ] spot when people don't understand you anymore
people don't understand you anymore you're in that spot of obsession and
you're in that spot of obsession and drive where people have quit the [ __ ] is
drive where people have quit the [ __ ] is wrong with this guy I want to talk to
wrong with this guy I want to talk to you man cuz you're not gonna get it I'm
you man cuz you're not gonna get it I'm not gonna get it
not gonna get it boom I want you to get it yeah don't
boom I want you to get it yeah don't want you to get it yeah that's powerful
want you to get it yeah that's powerful man alright well we got to land the ship
man alright well we got to land the ship but I want to leave people with a couple
but I want to leave people with a couple thoughts this is gonna go up on New
thoughts this is gonna go up on New Year's Day it's the time of year where
Year's Day it's the time of year where everyone's thinking about what they want
everyone's thinking about what they want their 2009 to look like 2019 to look
their 2009 to look like 2019 to look like they should have been thinking
like they should have been thinking about that a long time ago it's the way
about that a long time ago it's the way it works for most people so let's let's
it works for most people so let's let's leave people let's let's get them you
leave people let's let's get them you know set on a good trajectory with a
know set on a good trajectory with a couple things to think about and execute
couple things to think about and execute on as I like lead into January how's
on as I like lead into January how's that man so I bought my set yeah that's
that man so I bought my set yeah that's it man you have to change the dialogue
it man you have to change the dialogue with in your head and one thing I
with in your head and one thing I guarantee you there's some stat out
guarantee you there's some stat out there about January 1 all that kindling
there about January 1 all that kindling that you started or that motivation
that you started or that motivation usually burn out by about 10 to 12 days
usually burn out by about 10 to 12 days later so I see how far you can take that
later so I see how far you can take that [ __ ] I see if you can get a [ __ ]
[ __ ] I see if you can get a [ __ ] there's a challenge from Goggins do you
there's a challenge from Goggins do you usually is 10 to 12 days man people
usually is 10 to 12 days man people always coming man hey I want to work out
always coming man hey I want to work out program I no longer give them anymore
program I no longer give them anymore cuz you go waste my [ __ ] time good I
cuz you go waste my [ __ ] time good I know most people out there once that
know most people out there once that [ __ ] one alarm clock goes off the
[ __ ] one alarm clock goes off the wrong time of the day I'm not going to
wrong time of the day I'm not going to the gym right or they get the workout
the gym right or they get the workout program but then they're like hey they
program but then they're like hey they hit you up again what kind of watch do I
hit you up again what kind of watch do I need to guess right let's not use as
need to guess right let's not use as much just keep coming every
much just keep coming every he goes by without anything going on
he goes by without anything going on keep coming go to the store buy a pair
keep coming go to the store buy a pair of shoes and Merry Christmas have fun
of shoes and Merry Christmas have fun with that [ __ ]
with that [ __ ] call me after you lose some [ __ ]
call me after you lose some [ __ ] weight running your ass in the dirt and
weight running your ass in the dirt and then we'll work on some other [ __ ] right
then we'll work on some other [ __ ] right now get your base on there you go man
now get your base on there you go man all right cool pleasure and an honor my
all right cool pleasure and an honor my friend thank you so much for having me
friend thank you so much for having me on again rich I appreciate you missus
on again rich I appreciate you missus this is amazing
this is amazing I cannot recommend this book more highly
I cannot recommend this book more highly can't hurt me get the audiobook get the
can't hurt me get the audiobook get the hardcover it's available right wherever
hardcover it's available right wherever you buy books I'll put a link in the
you buy books I'll put a link in the show notes to it as well
show notes to it as well this book will [ __ ] change your life
this book will [ __ ] change your life I promise you man and I'm no stranger to
I promise you man and I'm no stranger to these kind of narratives and I thought
these kind of narratives and I thought like I said at the outset of this that I
like I said at the outset of this that I knew the story I did not know the story
knew the story I did not know the story and I was profoundly impacted by it and
and I was profoundly impacted by it and also just so great that that our mutual
also just so great that that our mutual friend Adam is part of this he's a man's
friend Adam is part of this he's a man's man he did a great job of capturing your
man he did a great job of capturing your voice and I know this was you know a
voice and I know this was you know a long journey with the two of you guys
long journey with the two of you guys but it came out on top I went through a
but it came out on top I went through a lot of Ghost Rider's now I didn't come a
lot of Ghost Rider's now I didn't come a ghost right that's the wrong word Ghost
ghost right that's the wrong word Ghost Writer server see that's why the so
Writer server see that's why the so called ghost right was hand in hand
called ghost right was hand in hand right beside me doing the audiobook so
right beside me doing the audiobook so you know he sees a lot morning ghost
you know he sees a lot morning ghost right he was a guy that captured a very
right he was a guy that captured a very [ __ ] up life and he captured that [ __ ]
[ __ ] up life and he captured that [ __ ] just right together we captured some
just right together we captured some good [ __ ] so it's it's a good read yeah
good [ __ ] so it's it's a good read yeah it's gonna be awesome man all right dude
it's gonna be awesome man all right dude until next time Roger Roger that
until next time Roger Roger that [Music]
you [Music]
