When I was 19 years old I met a holy Franciscan monk and confided to him my difficulties in prayer
he answered me at once
it is Madame because you seek outside what you have within
Accustom yourself to seek God in your heart and you will find him there
On finishing these words, he left me
The next morning he was very greatly astonished when I went to see him
and when I told him the effect his words had produced in my soul
For it is true, they were for me like an arrow that pierced my heart through and through
Oh my Lord you were in my heart and you asked from me only a simple turning inward
to make me feel your presence
Oh infinite goodness you were so near
and I went running here and there to look for you and I did not find you
my life was miserable and my happiness was within me
I was in poverty in the midst of riches
and I was dying of hunger near a table spread and a continual feast
oh Beauty so ancient and new why have I known you so late
alas I was seeking you where you were not and I did not seek you where you were
it was for want of understanding those words of your gospel when you say
the kingdom of God is not here or there
for the kingdom of God is within you
I told this worthy Franciscan father that I did not know what he had done to me
that my heart was quite changed
but God was there
and I had no longer any trouble to find him
for from that moment I was given an experience of his presence in my central depth
not through thought or application of the Mind
but as a thing one possesses really in a very sweet manner
I experienced in my soul and unction which like a soothing balm healed all my wounds
and which even spread itself so powerfully over my senses
that I could hardly open my mouth all my eyes
I did not sleep at all the whole of that night because your love oh my God
was not only for me like a delightful oil but also like a devouring fire
which kindled in my soul such a flame that it seemed bound to devour everything in an instant
I was all of a sudden so changed that I was no longer recognizable either by myself or by others
I no longer found either those faults or those dislikes
all appeared to me consumed like straw in a great fire
nothing was now more easy for me than to pray
hours were to me no more than moments
and I was unable not to do it
love left me not a moment of respite
my prayer was from the moment of which I have spoken void of all forms species and images
nothing of my prayer passed into my head
but it was a prayer of enjoyment and possession in the will
where the Delight of God was so great so pure and so simple that it attracted and absorbed the
other two powers of the Soul reason and memory in profound concentration without act or speech
I had however sometimes freedom to say some words of love to my beloved
but then everything was taken from me
it was a prayer of faith which excluded all distinction
for I had not any viewed Jesus Christ or the Divine attributes
everything was absorbed in a delicious faith
where all distinctions were lost to give love room for loving with more expansion
without motives or reasons for loving
true ravishment and perfect ecstasy are operated by total annihilation
with a soul losing all selfhood passes into God without effort
and without violence as into the place which is proper and natural to her
for God is the center of the Soul
and when Once the soul is disengaged from the selfhood which arrested her in herself
or in other creatures she infallibly passes into God where she dwells hidden with Jesus Christ
but this ecstasy is operated only by simple faith
Death to All Things created even to the gifts of God which being creatures
hinder the soul from falling into the one uncreated
it is of great importance to make her pass beyond all his gifts however Sublime they may appear
because as long as a soul dwells in them
she does not veritably renounce herself and so never passes into God himself
although she may be in those gifts in a very Sublime manner
but resting thus in the gifts she loses the real enjoyment of The Giver
which is an inestimable loss
through an inconceivable goodness oh my God
you introduced me into a state very pure very firm and very solid
you took possession of my will
and you there established your throne
and in order that I should not let myself aim at those gifts and withdraw myself from your love
you put me at once into a union of the powers
and in a continual adherence to you
I was unable to do anything else but to love you with the love as profound as it was tranquil
this love was so continual and always occupied me and so powerful I could not think of anything else
to hear your name mentioned All Your Love was enough to throw me into profound prayer thank you
I gave up all Society
I renounced forever games and amusement the dance and all useless promenades
my only diversion was to snatch moments to be alone with you oh my only love
through a Time my soul was placed in an immense freedom
I recognize the difference between The Graces which had preceded that state
and those which have succeeded it
previously everything was collected and concentrated Within
and I possess God in my Center and in the in most of my soul
but afterwards I was possessed of him in a manner so vast so pure and so immense
that nothing can equal it
formally God was as it were enclosed in me and I was United to him in my Center
but afterwards I was submerged in the sea itself
before the thoughts and Views were lost but in a way perceived though very slightly
the soul let them go sometimes which is yet an act
but afterwards they had as it were entirely disappeared in a manner so bare so pure so lost
the soul had no action of her own however simple and delicate
in a manner so bare so pure so lost
that the soul had no action of her own however simple and delicate
which could rise into consciousness
powers and the senses are purified in a wonderful manner
the mind is of a surprising limpidity
I was sometimes astonished that not a thought appeared in it
that imagination once so troublesome gives no longer any trouble whatsoever
there is no longer embarrassment
nor disturbance nor occupation of the memory
everything is naked and limpeted
and God makes the soul know and think
whatever he pleases without irrelevant species any longer inconveniencing the mind
this is a very great purity
it is the same the case of the will
which being totally dead to all its spiritual appetites
has no longer any taste leaning or tendency
it remains empty of all human inclination natural or spiritual
it is this which enables God to bend it where he pleases and how he pleases
this vastness which is not bounded by anything whatever however simple increases day by day
so that it seems that this soul in sharing the qualities of her spouse
shares especially his immensity
formally one was as it were drawn and shut up within
afterwards I experienced it a hand far more powerful than the first drew me out of myself
and plunged me without View or knowledge in God in a way which ravished me
my soul was an entire self-surrender and very great contentment in the midst of violent Tempest
she could do nothing but continue in her former indifference
Desiring nothing even of God with a Grace or disgrace sweetness or cross
a soul in this state has no sweetness nor spiritual relish
she remains such as she is in her nothingness to herself
and in the all as to God without reference to or reflection on herself
she knows not if she has virtues gifts and Graces in him who is the author of all that
she does not think of it and can Will nothing
and everything that concerns her is as it were foreign
she has not even the desire of procuring the glory of God
leaving to God the care of procuring it for himself
and she is in regard to it as pleases him
in this state God sometimes sets her to pray for some soul
but this is done without Choice all premeditation
in peace without desire for success
what does his soul do then one will ask
she lets herself be led by providences and by creatures without resistance
who are outside life is quite common
and as for Within she sees nothing there
she has no assurance either internal or external
and yet she never was more assured
the more hopeless everything the more is her Central depth tranquil
in spite of the ravage of the senses and of creatures
at the commencement of the way of faith the soul profits from her defects
being by them humiliated through reflection simple peaceful tranquil
loving the objectness which she reaps from them
at last there is no longer a question of this
at last the soul remains motionless and unshaken
bearing without movement the trouble her fault causes her without any action whatsoever
it is what God requires from the soul from the time she's completely passive
for this reason she knows not what to choose
neither State nor condition however perfect they may be
she is content with everything she has
she keeps herself at peace wherever she is placed high or low
in one country or in another
all that she has is all that is needed for her to be fully content
but what is it which makes this Soul so perfectly content
she knows not
she is content without knowing the subject of her contentment
and without wishing to know it
but content in a way that is vast immense and independent of external events
okay let your soul have within it a continual yes
when the heart is in Union with God there is no nay
it is yes
be it so
which reverberates through the soul
leave yourself in the hands of love
love is always the same inwardly
although it causes you often to outwardly change your position or circumstances
one who prefers one state to another who loves abundance more than scarcity
when God orders otherwise loves the gifts of God more than God himself
God loves you
let this thought equalize all states
let him do with us as with the waves of the sea
and whether he takes us to his bosom or cast us upon the sand
that is leaves us to our own barrenness
all is well
for myself I am pleased with all the Lord orders for me
I hold myself ready to suffer not only imprisonment but death
all is good in him to whom I am United
forever
